by Unknown
(Enter professor and lucy.)
PROFESSOR (in garden). Doctor, this is my wife.
(LUCY whispers to him.)
Ah — ah — not yet.
COSENS. I congratulate you both heartily.
LUCY. But how about his illness, Doctor? Hadn’t you better prescribe something for him? Quinine, for instance?
MISS GOODWILLIE. She had you there.
COSENS. She always has me.
(PROFESSOR and LUCY come out of gate.)
Where are you going, Tom?
PROFESSOR. We think — I thought — I thought — that is —
LUCY. He means — I mean — we — we mean —
Miss goodwillie. They are going out for a walk.
COSENS (slyly). Good — I’ll come with you.
PROFESSOR. But — but — we — ah —
LUCY. I — he — we thought —
COSENS. Oh, I am not tired.
PROFESSOR. Dick, I won’t let you come.
MISS GOODWILLIE. Off you go.
COSENS. You must put on your frock-coat, Tom.
LUCY. I like him best in the old coat.
COSENS. Put up her parasol to keep the sun off her, Tom.
(professor is doing so when he remembers there is no sun.)
MISS GOODWILLÏE. Take him away, Lucy.
COSENS. Hie! Hadn’t you better both come back and have an hour at the book?
PROFESSOR. What book?
COSENS. Your great book.
(PROFESSOR snaps his fingers, cosens laughs, lucy and professor go off effie and henders pass in solemn ecstasy, he with his arm round her waist. They don’t see cosens and miss goodwillie who have gone in at gate, cosens looks up to trees and whistles like a bird to its mate. An unseen bird replies, cosens and miss goodwillie smile to each other, but the bird goes on.)
THE LITTLE MINISTER
Produced at the Haymarket Theatre on November 6, 1897, with the following cast:
Earl of Rintoul...W. G. Elliot
Rev. Gavin Dishart...Cyril Maude
Captain Halliwell...C.M. Hallard
Thomas Whamond...Brandon Thomas
Snecky Hobart...Mark Kinghorne
Silva Tosh...F. H. Tyler
ANDREW MEALMAKER...E. Holman Clark
Rob Dow...Sydney Valentine
Micha Dow...Sydney Fairbrother
Joe Cruickshanks...Eardley Turner
Sergeant Davidson...Clarence Blakiston
Thwaites...H. H. Welch
Nanny Webster...Mrs. E. H. Brooke
Felice...Nina Cadiz. Jean...Mary Mackenzie
Lady Babbie...Winifred Emery
The play ran for 320 performances. Revivals: Duke of York’s, September 3, 1914 (131 performances); Queen’s, November 7, 1923 (133 performances).
CONTENTS
ACT I
ACT II
SCENE I
SCENE II
ACT III
ACT IV
ACT I
Scene: Caddam Wood on a moonlight evening in May. Time: about 1830. A wood fire is burning on the ground. At the fire sits Tammas Whamond and Snecky Hobart asleep. Bob Dow patrols, carrying a pike, on rocks. They wear corduroy and weavers’ nightcaps, etc. At back is seen the further part of the town of Thrums. The wood rises at back to suggest that the nearer part of the town lies in hollow below. All the lights of the town are out except in five windows. As Dow patrols he shivers with cold. Joe Cruickshanks, another weaver, descends tree. When near the ground he jumps. Dow, startled, runs at him with raised pike.
DOW. Wha is that?
CRUICKSHANKS (drawing back). Lay down your pike. It’s only me.
DOW. As sure as death, Joe Cruickshanks, I thought it was the red-coats. (Grounds pike.) Is all quiet?
CRUICKSHANKS (going to fire). The whole countryside lies as still as salt. And not a red-coat to be seen for miles around. Rob, if I had been a red-coat, what would you have done?
DOW (fiercely). Brained you!
CRUICKSHANKS. My certie, Rob Dow, for a religious man, you’re a fierce character.
DOW (threateningly). Do you say I’m no a RELIGIOUS MAN?
(CRUICKSHANKS draws back in fear, then moves a step. DOW’S expression changes.)
Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, Ruth —
CRUICKSHANKS (following him, puzzled). What’s that?
DOW (turning slowly to cruickshanks). I promised him if I was in a fury to repeat these names and then he said my passion would have passed away. (Humbly) Joe, I’m ashamed o’ mysel’.
(Gazes at town.)
CRUICKSHANKS (looking after him, amazed at his sincerity). This beats cockfighting.
(The unseen town clock begins to strike ten.)
(At third strike) Ten o’clock, my watching is ended. (Heaps sticks on fire.)
(While the clock strikes, sergeant DAVIDson and another Soldier enter stealthily on rocks. At sight of watchers, DAVIDson signs to Soldier to retire. Soldier and DAVIDson retire. Clock stops.)
CRUICKSHANKS. Wake up, Snecky — Tammas, wake up!
(Shaking them.)
WHAMOND (a very stern tall man). Is all quiet?
CRUICKSHANKS. All’s quiet. We need have no fear o’ the red-coats coming this night.
WHAMOND. Whaur is Rob Dow?
CRUICKSHANKS. There he stands, watching the lights o’ the town go out. Rob Dow, the bonny swearer that was, and now not so much as one lonely damn on him!
WHAMOND (sternly). Joe Cruickshanks, swear not at all.
DOW (who had taken his cap off while clock was striking and has it now in his hand). I wasna watching the lights o’ the toon go out; I was watching one light that winna go out for hours.
WHAMOND (seated at fire and not looking round). Ay, the red light — that’s Mr. Dishart’s window. There he sits studying far into the night — a beacon, yes, a shining light to us all.
SNECKY (who is an echo of WHAMOND). A beacon, ay, it’s well said.
CRUICKSHANKS. It fair amazes me! The Little Minister — that insignificant man — hasna been in Thrums a month — and yet see what he has made o’ Rob Dow — roaring, drunken, cussin’ Rob Dow! How did he manage it, Rob?
DOW. I’ll tell you. It was the very first day he preached here. I was in the kirk making sport of him, when all at once he flung out his arm at me like this, and says he sternly, ‘Come forward.’ And when I wouldna budge, the little critter loupit out o’ the pulpit and grippit me by the neck: ‘Thou hulking man of sin,’ he roared, as if it were the Day of Judgment, ‘sit down on the stair and listen to me or I’ll run you out of the house of God!’ Then he shook me like a rat! It was grand.
WHAMOND. And ever since that day Rob Dow has been as one born again.
SNECKY. He has — oh ay. Drink is a terrible snare, except maybe on solemn occasions.
WHAMOND. I say unto you, drink not at all. But if I did touch this thing, it would need a mighty skite of drink to move me, something far beyond the possibilities of the likes of you.
SNECKY. Oh yes, it would, oh yes.
DOW. But I have a hard tussle wi’ mysel’ yet, when the craving for drink is on me. ‘Send your laddie, send little Micah for me at any hour of the day or night,’ he said,’ and I’ll come to you straight and sit wi’ you the long night through’ — and by God, he has kept his word. So now you see what that red light is to me.
WHAMOND. And to all of us. For it means that no temptation that is of the earth earthly, will draw Gavin Dishart from his heavenly studies.
(RED LIGHT SUDDENLY GOES OUT.)
CRUICKSHANKS. The light’s out!
(All are taken aback.)
SNECKY (rising). Losh, Tammas, what think you does this mean?
WHAMOND (pulling snecky down again). It only means that he has been called away on some errand of mercy.
CRUICKSHANKS (coming down from rocks). Dinna be so sure; what would you say if it meant he had gone out to meet the temptation that is of the earth earthly? Does that
mean a woman, Tammas?
WHAMOND. Peace, thou blasphemer!
DOW (looking at his pike, considering whether he shall strike CRUICKSHANKS with it or not, then flinging it down he comes down to CRUICKSHANKS and takes him by the throat). You leering mole-catcher — (hurling him to ground and threatening.)
CRUICKSHANKS (dragging himself away, warningly). Genesis, Exodus, Joshua —
DOW. Eh? (succumbs.)
WHAMOND. I say to thee also, Rob Dow, peace — make not an idol of any man.
DOW (going towards WHAMOND). You mak’ an idol o’ him yoursel’.
WHAMOND (to SNECKY, ashamed). It’s true!
SNECKY (ashamed). I canna help it.
CRUICKSHANKS. Ay, ay, lads, you have A terrible faith in him, but it doesna keep you frae deceiving him —— —
OMNES. Eh?
CRUICKSHANKS. Yes, deceiving him, every one o’ you.
(All are angry.)
OMNES. Eh?
CRUICKSHANKS. What would he say, think you, if he was to find out that night after night when his window is a beacon — (Mimicking WHAMOND) — yea, a shining light to you all, you are up here, breaking the law?
(All are shamefaced.)
WHAMOND. Man’s law!
DOW and SNECKY. Ay, man’s law!
(DOW sits by fire.)
CRUICKSHANKS. Ay, and ready to break men’s heads. This is a simple-looking horn, but what would he say if he kent that three blasts on it is to be the signal to the town that the red-coats are coming? Some night when all is as still as the grave he’ll hear this horn blow three times, and then he’ll see that sleeping town waken into life and his holy congregation gathering to defy the sojers of the King.
OMNES. Ay, to defy them!
CRUICKSHANKS. What will he say to that — you religious critturs?
(By this time all the lights in the town are out.)
DOW (starting up). Whisht! (Moves on to rocks.)
WHAMOND. Did you hear anything?
(WHAMOND and SNECKY rise.)
CRUICKSHANKS. Quick! Quick!
(All seize weapons, micah dow, a boy, runs on excitedly up rocks.)
MICAH (running to dow). Father!
DOW. Is it the red-coats? Joe, the horn!
(CRUICKSHANKS picks up horn and is about to blow.)
MICAH. No, it’s Mr. Dishart.
WHAMOND. The Minister!
MICAH. NOW you’ll catch it, Tammas.
WHAMOND (PICKS UP HIS PIKE AND HELPS WITH FIRE). Down wi’ the horn!
(CRUICKSHANKS THROWS HORN DOWN AGAIN.)
Hide your pikes!
(MICAH CLIMBS TREE, CRUICKSHANKS HIDES HORN IN MOUND OF LEAVES, CROSSES TO FIRE, HELPS TO TRAMPLE IT OUT, THEN GETS UP ON ROCKS, WHAMOND TAKES PIKE, SNECKY DOES LIKEWISE, DOW ASSISTS WITH PUTTING OUT OF FIRE.)
SNECKY. If he prays, we ‘re done for.
(Enter gavin sternly.)
GAVIN (on rocks). Tammas Whamond, all of you — what do you here at this hour?
WHAMOND (slyly). We just dandered up, Mr. Dishart, to have a look at — at — (To snecky) What is it strangers come up here to gape at?
SNECKY. The view.
WHAMOND. Ay, at the view. We saw your light go out, sir. Have you come here to look at — at —
GAVIN. No, I have not come here to look at the view. My light went out when the news reached me that members of my congregation were in this wood — armed — and for an illegal purpose.
SNECKY (slyly). Keep’S A’! I wonder if it can be Jeems Mealmaker and Ekky Curr? You mind we saw them in the wood, Rob?
DOW. Ay, we did!
GAVIN (reproachfully). Even you, Rob Dow — even Dow!
(dow is in anguish.)
(Speaks sternly) Liars all! Stand forward!
(WHAMOND, SNECKY, AND DOW DO SO SULLENLY BUT OBEDIENT.)
Now, the truth!
WHAMOND (moving forward a step). This, then, is the truth. You must have heard o’ the riot that took place afore you came to Thrums. The manufacturers suddenly lowered the price o’ the web, and what did that mean to a town o’ weavers? It meant starvation.
GAVIN (sadly). I know. I have had sad proof of it.
WHAMOND. Was it likely we were to sit dumb under it? We rose against them —
DOW (EXULTING). We made a bonfire o’ their doors and windows! (SEES GAVIN LOOKING AT HIM AND BECOMES ABJECT.)
WHAMOND. The constables frae Glamis came crawling into the town. Lord Rintoul was wi’ them. You ken wha I mean?
GAVIN. I know he has a great house a few miles from here. That is all I know. Is he Scotch?
WHAMOND. No, he just English. The man is hardly ever here. His hame is in England, but happening to be here the now, he maun mix himsel’ up in our affairs, and he cam’ into the town to read the Riot Act because he is our Baron Bailie; but he had got no farther than ‘George, by the grace of God, King of England,’ when a clod of earth drove the Riot Act down his throat. You ‘re a good shot, Rob!
(dow is chuckling “when he again sees gavin looking at him.)
As for what happened after that we’d better no tell.
MICAH. I’ll tell! (Sees DOW signing to him.) No, I winna.
WHAMOND. I will. They had brought a cart wi’ them to carry the ringleaders back to Glamis tied hand and foot. But we filled it wi’ constables tied hand and foot instead, and we carted them back to within a mile of Glamis whaur we tumbled them into a field.
CRUICKSHANKS (pointing to DOW). And there’s the religious man that drove the cart! (Laughs.)
(GAVIN sits by fire.)
WHAMOND (moving over to GAVIN). Is it likely, Mr. Dishart, they will let that go unpunished? No! Rintoul, we ken, is greedy for revenge. And, what’s waur, Captain Halliwell at the Glamis Barracks is hand and glove wi’ him, because he wants to marry Rintoul’s daughter — the Lady Barbara.
SNECKY. Ay, that’s the reason!
WHAMOND. We have sure word that when next the constables come, Halliwell and his red-coats will come wi’ them, and that’s what we ‘re watching for here, night after night.
GAVIN (rising). Madmen, would you resist trained soldiers?
OMNES. Ay, ay!
WHAMOND. No, no.
SNECKY. No, no.
WHAMOND. We would just rouse the town so that the men wanted may slip quietly out OF it. That would prevent resistance, you see — so we are really here in the cause of law and order.
SNECKY. So we are! (Surprised.)
GAVIN. You children. And for every one wanted now, there will be a score brought to justice presently. (With a gesture) Home, every one of you!
(They are sullen.)
Thomas Whamond, you are my chief elder — lead the way!
WHAMOND. No!
(gavin signs for him to go whamond hesitates a little, then gets up followed by snecky.)
GAVIN. Rob Dow, are you the man I was so proud of?
(DOW in passion of remorse goes up on to rocks, GAVIN again signs to them to go. They move a step back.)
WHAMOND (comes down a step — with emphasis). Mr. Dishart, it’s much you expect, and we do it — but dinna forget this, the more you expect of us, the more shall we expect of you. Mind that!
(Exit whamond followed by snecky cruickshanks follows, threatened by dow gavin sits down moodily on tree trunk, dow stands by tree on rocks.)
MICAH (gets off tree and goes timidly). Are you angry wi’ my father?
GAVIN (gently). No, Micah — but he must not fight, you know.
MICAH (proudly). He hasna been drunk FOR three weeks.
(Very boastfully) That’s a father.
GAVIN (putting arm round him). Poor boy!
DOW. You ‘re pitying him — no wonder.
GAVIN (sighing). No, Rob, I was not pitying Micah. I was half wishing, Micah, that I could be a boy again like you. I used to play marbles.
MICAH (amazed). You!
GAVIN. There is a devil in all of us. Only yesterday, Micah, I caught myself going up the Manse stairs two steps at a t
ime.