by Sienna Mynx
Shae lifted her head from his chest. “My past?”
“You mention things you’ve survived, but you never talk about it. Tell me,” he said.
“Are you serious?” she chuckled.
“I want to know about the woman I love.”
“There you go using that word again, Carlo.”
“It’s how I feel,” he said.
Shae smiled. “Me too. I feel it too.”
“Shae? Tell me, please, cara, I want to know.”
“My mom was a teenager when she had me. Too young.”
“How young?” he asked.
"Fourteen. When I was two, she left me with my drug dealing father and ran away with another boy. We never heard from her again,” Shae said.
“Oh?”
“My father started abusing me immediately. For as far back as I can remember. The state took me when I was four and put me in foster care. It was worse in foster care than with my father. A little brown girl with no mother or father is invisible in this world. When I was ten, I ran away. The system didn't care. They never looked for me. I hooked up with a guy who was nineteen. I was with him until I was twelve.”
Carlo listened to the horrors of her life and struggled to digest it. But he didn’t interrupt her. “Then I met a lady, a grocery store clerk. She knew the boy I was with wasn’t my brother. She called and reported him to the police. They put me in custody. The woman took me in. From twelve to fourteen she made me feel loved. I never had anything close to stability in my entire life. I was a troubled kid. Really screwed up in the head. Confused about my body because of the abuse. I developed my curves early, and it was a curse. I felt like it was my fault men treated me that way. I had no idea that my father and that nineteen-year-old were the perverted bastards. But she taught me the truth. She worked with me. She listened to me. Held me while I cried. Took me to church,” Shae gave a bitter chuckle. “Taught me about what was healthy and what wasn’t. Helped me understand that I wasn’t garbage.”
“What’s her name?” Carlo asked.
“Gladys Mayfield. Isn’t that something? I loved her. I still do.”
“Loved?”
"She was killed in a car accident on her way home from church. By the time I got off the bus from school, there were police and social workers at our house. I knew Gladys was dead. So I ran. I kept running. But this time it was different. This time, I wasn't going to let anybody treat me like trash. Gladys taught me to love myself. And I did. I lied about my age and started dancing at a strip club. In a year I had enough money saved to move out of my motel and into an apartment with a fake ID. And by sixteen I was running my own business. Helping girls like me hustle to survive and avoid violent boyfriends and pimps. That’s how I met Marietta. She was a survivor, too.”
Carlo nodded.
“I guess I am a whore Carlo. But I don’t call myself one. I was dealt shitty cards in life and I just to play to win.”
“You are no whore to me Shae. You are as much of a lady as the Donna and her sister. I will treat you like one always.”
“What about you? What happened to you?” she smiled and snuggled him.
“Me? I’m a whore,” he said.
She slapped his chest playfully. “Seriously. Tell me about you.”
“I had a mother and father. No. I had a mother. My father was in and out of my life before I learned to crawl. He was a fisherman. So he had to be away.”
“Oh? Was he a good man?”
Carlo chuckled. He laughed as if tickled. He shook his head smiling. “For as long as I could remember when my father was home he beat me. It happened so much I thought all fathers did. Sometimes it was so bad I’d run away and sleep in the basement of Nico’s house, or Lorenzo would hide me at the Battaglias.”
“How old were you?”
“When I started running and hiding from my Pops? Four, maybe five. And then I got used to it. Started to box the old man at ten to learn to be strong. He would still beat me pretty bad, but I got tougher and stronger, and I learned to like pain. A lot. By the time I was fourteen my dad didn’t hit me anymore. He didn’t like how hard I hit back.”
“And then when you were fifteen you went to jail?”
“I went to jail. A girl lied on me. Said I raped her. I was in jail until I was seventeen. And then I went back a few months later and was released again at nineteen. By then the old man was missing. My younger sister had died. My older sister was a widower. I had to protect my family. I started working for Giovanni’s father as a thief. Used to snatch purses from tourists or anything I could get my hands on. I had a lot of anger in me. Especially toward women. Misplaced anger. One day another I caught another earner in our clan stealing from the Battaglias. I carved him and his family up. The Battaglias thought I did it to defend the honor of the brotherhood.”
“Did you?”
Carlo gave her a sly smile. “Doesn’t matter my motives. I was brought in to do the jobs others didn’t want to do. Earned a reputation. They called me the Butcher. It stuck.”
“You were a monster?”
“I’m not much different than Tahvo or Spyder if you were to compare our track records. Never had to be.”
“You are different, Carlo. That’s what they never want you to know. That you can be different. I feel like the Battaglias use your demons to make you a killer. But you’re more than that. I see it. I feel it. I love you.” She kissed his lips. “I forgive you.”
“I don’t want forgiveness,” Carlo chuckled. “I have no problem with what I am.”
“Then what do you want?” she asked.
He sighed. He closed his eyes. “A family.”
“Really?”
“I found my brother by accident. Carmine. A petty thief in Palermo. His uncle came to me and told me he was my fathers’ bastard. So I pulled him in. Took care of him. Taught him where to put his energy and made him a man.”
“Carmine died?”
“Carmine died,” Carlo said. “I went looking for my father. Everyone thinks he’s dead. He isn’t. I found him. A drunk. A worthless drunk. I’d rather my sister think he’s dead than see what he has become. Told him about Carmine and he didn’t care. He told me he had more sons and didn’t care. Laughed in my face. That’s when I decided to look for my brothers. Make them better men than me and the old man. Ciro... things were supposed to be different with Ciro. I had learned my mistakes with Carmine. I was going to give Ciro the options I never had. I’ve failed.”
“We make some pair don’t we?”
Carlo chuckled. “We’re a perfect match.”
“Are we?” she turned to her side and looked at him. “You want a family. I don’t.”
“Bullshit. I say bullshit, cara, you want a family. Why else take these girls in? Teach them to be strong? I do the same thing at home. We take them in because it’s lonely in this world without family. And family can be anything we want it to be.”
“Even if that’s true, I can’t have a family. I can’t make a baby. No lady parts, remember?”
“So what? We don’t need kids.”
“Carlo? You’ve been trying to be a father since you lost yours. You want to be a father. I want you to be. I can’t give you that. Ever.”
“I’ve been trying to find love. The kind that’s unconditional. The kind I didn’t get from my father. Hoped to get with my brothers, and didn’t. Never thought I could trust a woman in my life. That is until I met you. Look at who I am now. I am going to have to pay for my sins. I have no doubt of it. But you, Shae, you make my time in life worthwhile.”
“I hate myself for not being able to have children,” she said.
He pulled her closer to him. “No, cara, it’s not in the cards for some of us. That doesn’t mean we can’t have what we deserve. Never hate yourself.”
She hugged him and cried against his chest until she went to sleep.
***
A knock on the door woke them both. Shae pulled the covers over her nudity and his. “C
ome in.”
“Shae! Sweetie’s missing!” Tasha came rushing inside.
“What?” Shae looked to Carlo who sat up. “That’s not possible.”
“She didn’t show up to rehearsal. I checked her room. Her purse is in there. So I went to the lobby. I asked security if they saw her. Mikey at the door said she was being walked out with two men. She looked upset.”
“They let the men take her!” Shae tossed the cover aside and got out of the bed.
“Mikey said they looked professional. Sweetie didn’t resist. I think they must have threatened her kid or something, Shae. She wouldn’t just leave.”
“We’re calling the police!” Shae reached for the phone.
“Wait. When did they say she was taken?”
"Two hours ago," Tasha said.
“In broad daylight! How can they do that?” Shae demanded.
“Fear. It makes people do crazy things.” Carlo reached for the phone and dialed. “Dino? It goes down now. I have another girl missing. Where and when?”
Carlo hung up the phone. “I’m going to get dressed, and go pick up something. Then we will go and get the girls.”
“You know where they are?” Tasha asked.
“Go, just go. Call the other girls and tell them no one works tonight, and no one leaves their rooms. Period.” Shae ushered Tasha out. Carlo got out of bed and walked around it to pull her close. He hugged her. “Be dressed when I get back.”
“Okay.”
Carlo went into the shower. Shae began to pick up their clothes from the floor. She put them all in the hamper to be sent out to be cleaned. Carlo was a slob. It was just who he was. Whatever he had or didn’t want, he dropped on the floor as he went. She kept putting his things back in his suitcase for him to pull it out and toss it around again. She looked at his open suitcase and frowned. Shae sat on the bed and her frown slowly lifted. The truth was she loved his chaos. She loved his brutish ways. And she loved him. He may be a monster to many people, but he was her hero. Carlo came out of the shower naked and dripping. He dried himself and tossed the towel to her bedroom floor. She shook her head.
“How long will you be gone?” she asked.
“Two hours max,” he said. “I wouldn’t take you with me on a job like this, but you know your girls. I don’t.”
“Are you sure we shouldn’t call the police? The hotel has to have security footage of Sera. We could do this the right way.”
“It may be too late for Sweetie if we do it the right way. They can hide her, and you'll never see her again. Trust me, cara, I know what I’m doing.” He walked over and kissed her brow. “I’ll take care of it.”
“Okay, baby." She hugged him and walked him out. He left, and her heart swelled with internal conflict. He was walking into danger for her, or for the love of the danger? With Carlo, it was hard to tell. She heard sniffing behind her and looked back. She saw Tasha on the sofa with the phone. She was crying. Shae waited for her to end the call.
“I called Sweetie’s older sister. Her baby girl is safe, for now. Sweetie is so innocent. She wouldn’t hurt anyone. What’s happening?”
Shae looked over to Marissa’s room. “Has Marissa been back?”
“No. Some of the girls are thinking of quitting, Shae. They are talking about going back to Chicago or L.A. And there’s rumors there’s a serial killer on the loose too. What’s happened to Candy happened to Sweetie right here. We aren’t safe.”
“It’s okay. Hey,” Shae went to her friend and sat on the sofa. “If you want to go back to Chicago I’ll buy you a ticket and give you a few dollars. Okay? Tell the girls.”
“What about you? What happens if we leave?”
“I’ll figure it out. I always do.”
“That Italian. You in love, huh?”
“Don’t let him hear you call him Italian. He’s Sicilian, and yes I’m in love. But it’s not about him. This city may not be for us. I hear that there is good work for girls in the entertainment business in Alaska. Those oil boys pay big money to knock off the boredom.”
“No way! Who is going to cold ass Alaska to dance for Eskimos?”
Shae roared with laughter. Tasha laughed, too. They laughed until they cried. She hugged her and cried. “We’ll find them, Tasha. I promise.”
“Okay.”
Tasha got up and went to her room. Shae sighed. She picked up the cordless phone and walked back into the bedroom. She sat on her bed and then flopped back. She dialed another friend.
“Ciao, may I speak to Marietta?” Shae asked. “Tell her Shae is calling.”
Shae waited for Marietta to come to the line.
“Shae!” her friend laughed. “Girl, what’s up?”
“Nothing. Not much,” Shae smiled. “How are you feeling?”
“Fat, pregnant. I can’t wait to get this thing out of me! Girl, you’re lucky you can’t have kids. This is just gross. I fart all the time, and my thighs are rubbing together. Gross!”
Shae tried not to take the dig personally. She wished Marietta wouldn’t refer to her baby as a thing. She should be more grateful to be pregnant. Especially if she gets a kick out of rubbing it in Shae’s face.
“So, how’s Carlo?” Marietta asked.
“He’s great. He said you convinced him to come to Vegas. Is that true?”
“I only told him that he needed to get off his ass and get out of Italy. He’s been so depressed since you left and with Ciro dying. I thought the trip would help him. Help you both.”
“Yeah, it did. I... we’ve gotten closer.”
“How close?” Marietta asked.
“Closer than I thought possible. He’s like, I dunno. Maybe the one for me.”
Marietta laughed.
Shae frowned. “What’s funny?”
“Girl, c’mon. Even if you wanted to settle down it wouldn’t be with Carlo. He ain’t the settle and be normal type, Shae. The man is a hound dog. And a killer.”
“So is your husband,” Shae shot back.
Marietta went silent. Shae held her temper back. Things only got tense between her and Marietta when they talked of Carlo. Before then they were always the best of friends.
“Look. I know him, Shae. He might be saying all the right things, but he’s got a stash of women here. I’ve seen them. Besides, you deserve better."
“What if I don’t want better? What if I want him?” Shae asked.
“For what? To marry? You coming to Italy? I can guarantee you he’s not going to live in America for you. And then you get here and what? You going to sit around and play housewife like me? Girl, please. You live for the action. It’s who you are.”
“I’m tired of the action,” Shae mumbled.
"No, you're not. You may be tired of the drama, but not the action. Shae, Carlo needs to settle down with a woman who can give him a family. Take care of him the way Mafia wives do. He’s too much of a bull in a china shop to be domesticated. Don’t sign on board for something you won’t want in the long run. It’ll hurt you both.”
“Go to hell, Marietta. Okay? Carlo isn’t some junkyard dog for you and Lorenzo to keep chained in your backyard. He’s his own man. A good man. And we don’t need kids. Family is what you make it and...”
“A good man? Girl, please. He gets paid to torture and murder people! He has a room full of knives he keeps in his house...”
“He’s my man!” Shae yelled over her. “And I say he’s more than his past mistakes. I love him. He already said he loves me. If you were a friend you would just wish me happiness.”
“Fine,” Marietta sighed. “I won’t say I told you so when it’s over.”
Marietta hung up.
Shae closed her eyes. Every wound on her heart that had barely healed in life opened up. She sucked in a deep breath to push down on her pain and insecurities. She got up and wiped her tears. She went through the motions of showering, tending to her new piercing, and putting on a dress instead of jeans to give her vagina room to breathe. She then cleaned
up her room. When she got to his open suitcase, she felt exhausted. Cleaning up after Carlo would definitely be in her future. She didn’t care about Marietta’s doubts. She knew him. She loved him. And he loved her. Shae started folding and repacking his clothes. It was then she found a package. She removed it from the bottom of his suitcase. She pulled it out of the bag. It was a bottle of lotion. Shalimar. Confused, Shae looked to the bottle he gave her for her birthday gift. Every night after she showered she put on the lotion. He wouldn’t let her in bed if she forgot. And then he would sleep against her breast. Why would he buy two bottles? Who was the other bottle for? Devastated, Shae dropped the perfume lotion. She stared at it. She gave up on her hope for her and Carlo and walked away.
***
Shae sat on the sofa with her arms crossed. She’d been sitting there for over two hours. The phone rang. She picked it up. "Hello, this is the valet. Mr. Giordano is waiting for you downstairs."
“I’m on my way.”
“Shae?” Tasha said.
“Call the girls. After tonight’s show, I want you all to stay here in my suite. Don't you let each other out of each other’s sight.”
“Where are you going?” Tasha asked.
“To find out what happened to our friends. To bring them home.”
Tasha walked over and hugged her. Shae’s depressed mood lifted. She hugged her back. “I know it’s scary, but trust me, I will find our girls and stop them. No matter what.”
“I do believe you, Shae. You’re like a big sister and mother all rolled into one. We all love you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for us. For me. No matter what happens I will never forget that, or you.”
Shae let her go. The girls stared at each other for a moment and smiled. Tasha’s past was similar to Shae’s. A runaway at a very young age. Thrown into a foster care system where she suffered more abuse. A survivor. There were so many girls out there lost and surviving. Shae wished she could help them all. Getting them jobs as dancers and escorts wasn’t the way, she knew that now. There had to be a better option to leave the violence and abuse behind.
“Bye,” Shae said. She picked up her purse and started for the door. She glanced back at Tasha one last time and then left.