“That’s my specialty.”
“Of course you’re going to be my maid of honor.”
“I can’t believe all of this is happening. It doesn’t even seem real,” Evan said.
“What do you mean?” Jasper asked.
“I always figured you two would end up together, but your situation is perfect. So is mine. We were all so far apart before, and I barely even knew Sadie. Somehow we’re together now, though, and I think we’re all happy. I am at least. Things are starting to come together for everyone.”
“He’s right. I don’t say it often enough, but I’m happy for you and Emma, Jasper,” Paul said.
The friends decided to abandon their game and head out to the pool. The rest of the day was fairly ordinary on the surface, but it was anything but that to them. They were five friends who were just starting their lives, but things were going in such a great direction. Over the next few months, Emma and Jasper would plan out their wedding. It was the traditional wedding Emma had always dreamed of. Meanwhile, Paul went home and reconnected with Lily. Against all odds, she forgave him, and for the first time, he was serious about someone. Evan and Sadie continued to grow, too. They took everything slow, and for the first two months of dating, she never called him more than her friend. Something changed in that time, though. They grew closer than either of them would admit. It was simple and pure, but Evan and Sadie were moving toward something very similar to what Jasper and Emma had. All that was left was the rest of their lives, and for two of them, that began on a beautiful December day in front of their friends and family.
Chapter 25
Running Away
It was December 12th, which just happened to be the day before Jasper and Emma’s wedding. All the celebrations and receptions were over, and all that was left was the reality in front of Emma. The next day, she was going to be Emma Ellis. She was literally giving away her name - her identity. That didn’t seem like a problem before, but now it was actually happening. Jasper was a great guy, and there was no one more worthy of her, but she was still freaking out. As she sat in her bedroom that night, she started to wonder if this was more than just pre-wedding jitters. What if she felt this way for a reason? They were awfully young. Was she crazy for going through with this? Were her parents crazy for letting her? There were so many parts of Emma’s mind screaming for her to run away. That was exactly what she did on that night. Without even thinking about where she was going, Emma walked out of her room and passed Jasper in the kitchen. Then she walked out the door, got into her car, and drove away.
Jasper thought that was extremely strange. He tried to catch her before she left, but Emma drove away before he could. He had noticed that she was acting strangely, but this definitely threw up some red flags. Was she leaving him the night before their wedding? Jasper tried to call her over and over again, but it did no good.
As Emma sat out on the beach that night and completely ignored her phone, she cried. This should have been a happy night. What was wrong with her? Jasper was everything she wanted in a guy, but had it come too soon? In a way, she thought so. There was still so much she didn’t know about herself. She didn’t even think she deserved this kind of love. Jasper saw her in this amazing light, but that wasn’t how Emma felt inside. She felt broken. Over the last year, she had gone through something traumatizing, and then she finally got back together with the most amazing guy she had ever known. Life was good, but it seemed like someone else’s life. Things never went this well for her, and now Emma was about to throw it all away. That sounded like the proper ending to her story, at least in her mind. What goes up must come down. That had been her story. It wasn’t a question of if she messed things up. It was when.
She sat out there for hours. At a quarter past midnight, she heard a car door slam and turned to see her dad walking up. This was a spot no one but him would know about. Nathan and his best friend used to come out there on each other’s birthdays and have a late night drink. He had told her about it before. Only a few people knew it existed, so she figured it was a good spot to hide. Then again, her dad knew it was there. In a way, Emma wanted him to be the one to find her. She was so grown up, yet still a child. In her worst moment, all she really wanted was her dad, but she didn’t even have the courage to go to him herself.
“Hey, what are we doing out here?” Nathan asked.
“How did you find me?”
“I looked everywhere else that made sense, and then I thought about where I would go if I wanted to get away from everyone. This was the spot. Are you all right?”
“I don’t know. Am I making a mistake, Dad?”
“I can’t tell you that for sure. It’s the night before your wedding, and you’re out here, though, so you must think so. Can I ask why? Did Jasper do something?”
“It has nothing to do with him. This is all on me.”
“Let me in. I want to know what’s going on.”
“Okay, but I need you to just listen for a while. Two summers ago, I moved out. Everyone assumed that was such an easy transition for me because so much of it was paid for by my parents, but I left the only life I knew for something completely new. It was exciting to be on my own, but at the same time, I missed waking up to breakfast with you guys. I know I could’ve just walked a few houses over and joined you, but for some reason, I felt like it was time to grow up and start some traditions of my own. It was hard, but I did just that. I invited the best friend I had ever known to live with me, and we started our life. During that time, I was dating a horrible guy. Actually, I think the only type of guys I dated before Jasper were horrible. It took a long time for me to see how he was, but when I did, I broke it off. Then something horrible happened to me. I had no control over it, and it was proof that I had no idea what I was doing on my own. I let myself be put in that situation, and I had to find my way out of it with the help of Jasper. During that time, I definitely didn’t feel grown up. I just felt like a kid having to rely on everyone else. Since then, Jasper’s been my rock, and that’s not okay on some level. I don’t know if I ever really grew up, and honestly, I don’t think I’m what he needs. I’m still messed up. I just don’t show that side to him. I don’t show it to anyone. Besides that, I don’t think this will last. I hope it will, but I’ve messed up so many things in my life. I don’t know how I’m going to keep from messing this one up, too. I’m sorry. I just realized tonight that I’m a college kid getting married before I even know who I am. How can I make him happy when I’m not even the person I’m going to be? I mean, I don’t even know if I’m happy. I know I like having Jasper around, and I do love him, but happy isn’t a word I would use to describe myself. Messed up and clinging to someone is the better way to put it.”
“I understand how you feel. Let me talk now, though. I love you just the way you are, and I think you’re as close to perfect as any person could be. I’m your dad, so maybe I’m biased, but trust me when I say there’s nothing wrong with you. A part of me would love to tell you that you’re right because that would mean me getting my little girl back. I could tell you that you feeling lonely on your own is a sign of childishness or that you’re too messed up because of what happened. I could also tell you that you’re a kid who’s too young to marry Jasper. I’m not going to say any of that, though. You felt lonely because everyone who leaves home for the first time feels that way. I did. I moved back in with my parents after the first time I moved out. We all feel that way. It’s not a sign of weakness. It’s just part of becoming an adult. We miss the traditions we had at home, so we make new ones. As for the guys you chose and what happened to you, you’ve got to know that none of it was your fault. Think back to the guys who were options for you. Were any of them good? I think you’ll find that the only good guy you’ve ever had the chance to know was Jasper. I know you feel messed up. Anyone would with what happened to you, but you don’t get to let this define you. I won’t let you. My daughter is the smartest, most caring, funniest, and most beautiful girl
in the world. You can’t pretend those things aren’t true and let depression take over when you’ve still got so much to give and receive. You’re safe with Jasper, and I hear you when you say you don’t want him to just be someone you rely on, but you don’t know what marriage really is yet. It’s not what you read in books or see in movies. It’s a partnership where all you do is rely on each other for everything emotionally and materially. There’s nothing wrong with him being what kept you going during your worst moment.”
“But, Dad, I haven’t done anything for him. He’s been there for me and sacrificed everything for us.”
“Emma, you don’t get to decide what you’ve done for him. You might think you’ve done nothing because you’re only seeing things from your point of view, but he obviously doesn’t feel that way. You gave him a place to live, a job, and a best friend before you even started dating again. After that, you gave him someone he loved so much that he asked you to marry him. If you don’t feel grown up enough to get married, I’ll understand and support you in any way possible. If you want to leave all of this behind and just move back in with me and your mom, I’ll be overjoyed, but I don’t want to see you do any of that because of fear. You’re good enough for this guy, and you’re strong enough to make it without him or me. You just don’t have to. A really good thing is staring you right in the face, and all you have to do is take it. I love you more than anyone in this world, but I think Jasper loves you in a way that’s really special, too. Love like that only comes once in a lifetime. Trust me.”
“What if it’s a mistake, though?”
“Then you can get out of the mistake later. Do you think that’s what this is?”
“No. I know he loves me, and I don’t think that’ll change. I’m just worried. A lot of things have changed over the last year and a half, and I’m overwhelmed. Most of it’s been good, but it still feels so surreal. It’s like I’m living someone else’s life all the time. I guess it happened so fast that it doesn’t feel real.”
“Let me tell you something that you can never tell your mom. From the first time we saw each other, I knew she was going to be really special to me. It felt like from that point on our relationship developed so quickly. It was wonderful and chaotic at the same time. It was everything I always wanted, but it was too fast. I had doubts, and to be honest, I had never been more scared of anything than I was of making a mistake with her.”
“How did you get over it?”
“I didn’t. I was scared when we got married, and when you came along, I was even more afraid. I thought I would mess something up, but I finally realized something before we got married. I asked myself what my worst fear was. It was losing the life Sam and I were building together. Even if it felt fast and I thought I wasn’t good enough for any of it, I had to try. I had to know I gave my best chance at happiness a shot. It turns out that Sam decided to keep me around. I think I’m a good husband, and I know I’m an even better father. My doubts were in my head. Now, I’m going to ask you a question. What do you fear the most?”
“Losing the people I love, and that includes Jasper. I want this. I’m just afraid.”
“Then know this. There’s nothing you could ever do to lose me, and Jasper is within reach. You just need to have a little faith in yourself and him. I know it’s not easy, and I can’t guarantee that your relationship will work out. That’s the thing you’re never told about marriage. It lasts a lifetime, and a lot of things change over the years. It’s easy to drift apart and become different people, but it’s also possible to grow together and find that you love the person you’re with a little more every day. That’s what I want for you, and if you even think you have a chance of having that with Jasper, then you’ve got to take a shot at it.”
“Thanks, Daddy. He probably hates me for just leaving like that. I wonder what he’s thinking.”
“It’s not possible for that kid to hate you. He called me worried because he couldn’t find you. Even if you called the wedding off, Jasper would still love you. We can do whatever you want here. What is that?”
“I want to take my best shot at the kind of life you described. I want to love someone a little more every day.”
“Good. Can I take you home?”
“I’ll be fine to drive. Besides, I probably need to go home alone. It’s time for me to talk to Jasper, if he’s going to be my husband.”
“I think that’s a good idea, but before you go, I want you to know this. You’re my little girl, and I’ll always love you more than words can describe. If you ever need someone to talk to, you don’t have to hide out here and wait for me to find you. I’m a phone call away, and we can meet wherever you want.”
“I love you, too, Daddy. I know you’re always there for me. Thanks. I don’t know where I would be without you.”
“You would figure it all out. You’re a lot smarter and stronger than you give yourself credit for. Now, let’s get out of here,” Nathan said and pulled her up.
They exchanged a hug before Emma headed home. When she walked inside, Jasper immediately wrapped his arms around her.
“I was so worried. You just disappeared, and then I couldn’t get in touch with you. Your dad seemed to think that you might be getting cold feet. If that’s the case, then I get it. I don’t want some fancy ceremony. I just want you. We can live however you . . .”
“Jasper, hold on. I want that ceremony, and I want your last name. I just had some things to work through. I didn’t feel good enough because I’m still messed up from before. To be honest, a part of me might always be. I feel young and stupid, too. Sometimes I wonder if I’m mature enough for marriage. Talking to my dad tonight made me realize something, though. It’s okay for me to be messed up or immature because you love every part of me. I feel the same way about you, too. We’ll mature together, and any hurt that we have will fade away, as long as we stay close. At least that’s what I think.”
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this? I could’ve talked you through everything.”
“I know, and I’m telling you now. I’m not the perfect girlfriend, and I won’t be the perfect wife. I’m not even the person I’m supposed to be yet. Can you accept me for the flawed person I am and promise to love me, no matter how much I change?”
“You know I can, and to me, you’re not flawed at all. I love you.”
“I love you, too. I can’t believe we’re getting married tomorrow. It feels like a dream.”
“A good dream I hope.”
“Of course. By tomorrow evening we’ll be married, and the next day we’ll be on our honeymoon. What could be bad about that? We’re starting our lives, and that scares me to death, but not starting it with you scares me even more. I want you as the most important person in my life, and I can’t let fear hold me back from making that a reality.”
“I should really ask your dad to talk to you more often,” Jasper joked.
“He has a way with words, but he didn’t tell me anything I didn’t know already. It’s late, and we’ve got to get up early tomorrow to prepare. We should go to bed, but I don’t want to sleep alone. What do you say to one more night in my room as just my boyfriend? After that, I think we’re going to have to start calling it our room.”
“We might as well now. It’s where I always end up. Let’s go. I don’t care what you call me tonight. I just want you beside me. I thought I was going to lose you.”
“Never,” Emma said and kissed him.
That night, they slept peacefully in each other’s arms. For Emma, it was the first time she had felt at peace in weeks. For so long, she had worried about making a mistake, but now Emma knew the only mistake she ever made was doubting what they had. All that was left to do was make it official. The next day, Emma and Jasper were getting married.
Chapter 26
A White Wedding
It was minutes before the wedding began, and Evan was waiting to see his sister get married. Everything had gone perfectly so far, and that got him th
inking. Was this his future? Sure, it was perfect, and it was definitely right for Emma, but it scared him to death. He hadn’t even turned nineteen yet. He was really hoping that Sadie wasn’t getting any ideas.
“What’s wrong?” Sadie whispered.
“What are you talking about?”
“You can’t sit still. Are you that nervous for her?”
“It’s not that at all. I think this is the right call for Emma, and it seems like it’s been everything she dreamed of so far.”
“What’s the problem then?”
“For a split second, I wondered if this was my future.”
“Now I get it. Scary,” she said.
“Wait a minute. I thought you would be offended that I was freaked out by all this wedding business.”
“Why would I? I’ve always hated weddings. I’m not anywhere near ready to commit myself to someone for the rest of my life, even if it was you. That’s not a bad thing either. Besides, the main reason I was drawn to you was because I didn’t feel like there would ever be any pressure on me to get serious before I wanted to.”
“That’s an odd thing to think about. My girlfriend is with me because I don’t want to marry her. I don’t know how to feel about that,” he teased.
“Come on. You don’t want this either.”
“Not anytime soon.”
“Anytime soon? Does that mean you do want it at some point in the future?”
“I guess. Well, I don’t know. Maybe in five years.”
“Five years sounds a little soon.”
“In ten then. Why are we even talking about this?” he asked nervously.
“To watch you stumble over your words. It’s fun for me,” Sadie joked.
“That’s pretty mean, you know.”
“Okay, then let’s get serious for a minute. I don’t want to commit to anyone this deeply, but if I ever do, it won’t be like this. The standard white wedding isn’t for me. I don’t need a big show. I just want whoever I’m with and our immediate family there. As long as that’s so, then all that’ll matter is the rest of our lives.”
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