"So, that's the girls club," Bethany concluded, exhaling like it took a lot of effort to explain it all, then moving past me to drop down into one of the chairs.
"We didn't mean to ambush you," Mina said, giving me an understanding smile, like she was picking up on my discomfort. Being a profiler, I guess that made sense. "We were just all curious. And once one or two of us get something in our heads, we all kind of just tag along too. Though I did tell them to call you ahead of time and let you know," she said, giving Janie a look.
"What? It totally just slipped my mind."
"Yeah, sure it did," Maze said, rolling her eyes. "So, we hear you are expanding, and that this place is going to be friggen amazing in just a couple months. I think you will have to get used to all of us gracing your chairs from time to time. Except Janie," she added before said woman could interrupt, "who abhors all things girly and dies her own hair from a box."
"It's not a cheap thing," Janie insisted. "It's a 'I don't have the time to sit in a chair and be fawned over' thing."
"Okay, I have to ask," the pretty, petite, blonde who had been introduced as Penny, one of the normal girls, asked, "Pagan? How... I mean, seriously, how? He seemed, next to Cy, the least likely to ever settle down."
"I honestly don't even know," I admitted, shaking my head. "And we actually haven't even, um, discussed how 'serious' we are or anything yet."
"Not to air dirty laundry," Lo said, giving me a smile. "But I don't think it is any secret, least of all to you, that Pagan has enjoyed a, well, variety of women."
"And quite a number of them," I agreed, feeling nothing about that because it meant nothing.
"Let's forget this building for a minute. Him bringing you to his house, flaunting you around his brothers... that shows how serious he is, whether even he realized it right at first or not. We wouldn't be here if we didn't think he was serious. We are a pretty exclusive club," he said with a warm smile. "We don't let just any random fuck-buddy in."
Somehow, that felt good to hear. I knew enough of the girls club to know that they were a pretty big force to be reckoned with. They were all smart and capable and strong in their own ways. So they weren't the type to throw things around unless they meant it, to welcome me into their fold unless they were sure about me.
"So this girls club. Is this a cis-ters only thing, or can a sister join up too?" Benny asked, making me turn a little guiltily for not introducing him already.
"Ladies, this is Benny. He is amazing," I said, as I always did when I introduced him.
Then, well, it was a whirlwind of conversation as I tried really hard (and mostly succeeded) in keeping everyone and their significant other straight.
An apt Benny and I were told all the various stories about how each woman came to be with each man, each story just as sweet (and at turns, tragic) as the last.
Almost all of them came from such tragedy, overcame so many obstacles, had to endure so much before they finally stood on their own feet, took their lives back, built themselves from the shambles.
Suddenly, I felt almost obnoxiously unworthy even to be considered a member of the girls club.
"Deep breaths," Elsie, the tall, blonde, insanely attractive woman who apparently made a lot of money said, coming up beside me as Janie and Alex seemed to get into a debate over some thing or another, which they apparently did often, being best friends and all. "I think I have a pretty good idea how you are feeling now. It's so easy to feel like an outsider when this club has a leader of a paramilitary organization, a bomb expert, a profiler, and a hacker, and that all the others have extensive self-defense training in some form or another. I mean, I was like you when they pulled me into the fold. I was just... normal."
"Was?" I asked, picking up on something.
"Yeah, well, you can't be a member of the girls club without learning how to take down a man twice your size. Apparently that is some part of the deal when you sign up- you have to learn Krav Maga and LINE."
"Krav Maga and LINE?" I repeated, already feeling lost.
"Israeli military fighting and the stuff they teach in the Marines."
"You do Israeli military fighting?" I asked, looking at her, seeing nothing but a softness and incredible fashion sense.
"Twice a week, every week. Janie will be knocking down my door if I don't show."
A vision flashed across my eyes of Ethan grabbing at me, overpowering me, and I decided maybe some Krav Maga and LINE would be a good thing. Sure, I had Pagan. But we weren't attached at the hip. He couldn't protect me all the time. I needed to learn to take care of myself. Though, I was pretty sure the threat of a woman belonging to a member of The Henchmen MC was enough of a reason for many to stay away from me in the first place. It would just be nice for my peace of mind.
And, I had to admit, the idea of maybe expanding my circle, making some female friends finally, really intrigued me. I had just never had time to make friends in the past, being so busy with work.
The fact that they were all part of The Henchmen circle made it even easier to forge deep bonds, seeing as I spent so much time at the compound to begin with.
"So," Elsie said, looking back at me. "These highlights of mine are costing me seven-hundred a month..."
I smiled at her. "I think I can fit you in for a friends and family discount. And it's already about two-hundred cheaper anyway. Whoever is doing your hair is gouging you."
"A box of dye is ten bucks," Janie cut in, giving us a smile. "And you can work on your gun-assembling skills while it sets."
"Right, because that's something I totally do every month- assemble guns," Elsie shot back.
"So," Maze said, moving toward us. "Word has gotten around that Pagan has a sweet house right on the beach."
"He does," I agreed, smiling. "He took me there right after that first fight at Hex. Has a pool and a hot tub and water views from the whole front. Oh, and two balconies facing the water."
"Why aren't you staying there instead of the compound?"
"We spent time there occasionally, on weekend nights or if my first clients were scheduled late the next morning. It would be less of an issue if I could just take off and let him sleep in, the night owl he is. But I'm still carless. Once we had all the equipment in for the salon, I will start looking for a used one."
"Repo will go with you," Maze said casually, like I should have known Repo would go with me, like he wouldn't even hesitate. "He can make sure everything is working right and do any necessary tune-ups. Free labor, I might add. That's one major perk to having a mechanic in the family."
Family.
I realized right then that that was exactly what it was too. It wasn't just an MC club. It wasn't just a brotherhood. It went deeper than that. In fact, it seemed even to go deeper than many actual blood bonds often did. Maybe it had to do with the lifestyle, the risk, the worry involved, that made them all bond so much deeper.
And for me, to go from having a mom who only made time for me on holidays, to having a group of a dozen women and even more men who had my back, who I could lean on, who would be there for me if I needed anything... that was such a strange and wonderful feeling that I actually had to blink the sting of tears out of my eyes as I stood there.
"Just saying," I caught Benny saying right then, "I can pull off leather and growl at people like all those yummy men do. Though, the riding on a bike thing might not be my style. Who would put a helmet over hair this good?"
"Oh," Alex, the hacker, said suddenly. "Yeah, I forgot to tell you that we're not supposed to tell you..."
"Alex!" Penny said, big-eyeing her.
"What? If he didn't want me to tell her, he shouldn't have told me. Everyone knows I don't keep shit from my girls. Anyway, you're not supposed to be told, though I don't know how he thought he would pull this off since you two always see each other after work, that Pagan isn't going to be around tonight."
There was a sinking then in my stomach that I tried not to name, but absolutely knew immediately
as disappointment. Which was silly, really. I knew that. We hadn't been together that long. There was no way I should have been disappointed about one night away from him. That was just a bit too co-dependent for my liking. Besides, I hadn't been back to my room in so long, I was worried there might be someone else moved into it.
"Oh, alright. Thanks for letting me know so I didn't wait around for him like an idiot."
"See?" Alex said, raising a brow at her friends. "I told you she would appreciate knowing."
"You're still welcome to crash at the compound," Summer invited and, I guess since she was married to the president, that really was her place to say. "Actually, Pagan would probably insist on it since he isn't going to be around."
"He's a little paranoid. I mean, I haven't even seen Ethan since..." I trailed off, seeing each and every set of eyes fall on me, sensing a heaviness there, a knowledge that I wasn't privy to. "What?" I directed that mostly to Alex seeing as she was the one who seemed more inclined to be forthcoming with information. Maybe that had to do with being a hacker, seeing everyone's dirty little secrets all the time, and likely knowing that the world would be a better place if people didn't keep quite so many of them.
She shook her head though, looking away for a minute. "This is one that is going to need to come from your man, I'm afraid."
"Should I be worried?"
"I think this is a more of a 'prepare yourself for some news' kind of thing," Benny said, watching the women with drawn-together brows, seeming like he was able to read more into them than I was.
"Okay, that's enough of all this heaviness," Lo declared, clapping her hands. "How about you show us the new space? I've been bugging them to let me in, but Reeve is being all 'it's a construction zone and not safe' on me. You know, because what I do for a living is all fluffy puppies and hot chocolate."
"He made Benny and I wear helmets. Like the roof was going to fall on our heads or something."
"I still can't get a read on that one," Mina declared, sounding irritated about it. And, being that her job was being able to read people, I guess that made sense.
"Let's just say that he has reasons to be so secretive. And protective," Bethany said a little cryptically, making it clear that while Reeve was an enigma to all the rest of us, he must have opened up to her at some point.
After a couple more minutes of bullshit, we went and checked out the progress next door. Which, thanks to the aforementioned over-protectiveness of Reeve, I hadn't seen myself in two days. But it was really coming along. Actually, it looked like they had already painted the ceiling and the trim. So they would likely be getting to my walls pretty soon.
I really needed to order my supplies.
After that, Benny reminding me that we still had some evening clients, the girls shuffled off with promises to drag me along the next time they went training up at Hailstorm or hit She's Bean Around for some coffee.
Benny and I went to work, and by the time we were finished cleaning up for the day, there was a chime behind me. And my immediate reaction? Hope. That it was Pagan. That he got back from wherever he was early. That he would take me back to the compound and we could get hot and sweaty for an hour before we had a meal and, well, a good long talk about whatever the girls were being so secretive about.
And while I did turn to find a biker, it wasn't Pagan.
"Hey, mami," Roderick said, giving me one of his trademark charming, dimple-laden smiles, all white teeth and infectiousness.
"Hey there, Mr. Tall, Dark, and Spanish," Benny crooned at him, giving him a lazy grin.
"'Sup, Benny?" he asked, giving him a smile the same wattage as the one he gave me.
"What are you doing here, Roderick?" I asked, drying my hands with paper towels.
"I am under strict orders to pick your pretty little ass up and deliver you to the compound. I am also to feed you. I think he might have also said something about giving you a nice massage that might lead to more..."
"Think you might have fantasized that part," I said with a laugh. Roderick, while his flirtation was borderline inappropriate, didn't mean a word of it, which was maybe where most of his charm came from. He just did it to get a rise out of you, to make you smile, to make you laugh. Harmless, really.
Though I bet he got loads of tail on the nights when Cyrus would take all the other probates out on the town with him since I 'neutered the best wingman he ever had.'
"Don't get me wrong, I love my man," Benny said, grabbing his bag of stuff to take home with him. "But he doesn't offer me a backup man to take care of my needs when he's out of town. Does she get foot massages too? Wait, don't tell me. I'm jealous enough. Goodnight, Kenny. I'll see you in the morning," he said, giving me a one-armed hug, then heading out the door.
"You about done, or you need some help finishing up?"
Seriously, I really did hit the jackpot.
I went from being all but alone in the world and stressed out every waking (and let's be real, every sleeping) moment, to being surrounded by awesome people, with a business that was soon to be thriving.
I wasn't down in that hole anymore, praying to some day see the light again. I was back on solid ground with the sun shining down on me all the time.
"Nope, we're all set," I said, giving him a smile as I grabbed my stuff. "So, will you tell me where Pagan went today?"
"Sorry, mami, I don't think it's a good idea to get on the bad side of any of the patched members right now."
"So I guess you're also not going to tell me what this big secret is that everyone else seems to be in on but me?"
"You're going to have to ask your man that one."
"When he gets back from who-knows-where doing God-knows-what?"
"See?" he asked, dimple on display again. "Now you're getting it."
EIGHTEEN
Pagan
It wasn't that I was keeping it a secret.
Not really.
I guess it was more that I wanted to be able to go into it without a bunch of noise in my head, a bunch of other peoples' opinions coming in and pushing out my own.
Well, I didn't really have much of an opinion on it to be honest.
All I knew was a couple days after I took that money out of my trust, I got a letter to the beach house. Will, my house sitter, found it and thought it looked important, so he called me.
Of course it looked important; it was on stationary that cost more per sheet than a latte at Starbucks. I didn't even have to open it to know who sent it... or why.
To "Pagan" Richard Scott,
I was starting to think you would never touch that money again, until the accountant called me to tell me you acquired, and then sold, a building which was half-abandoned and the other half a beauty salon.
It doesn't take much thought to come to the conclusion that a woman was involved. Especially after hearing it was sold to a lovely young lady named Kennedy for five dollars.
Also, I hear you are a Henchmen now.
When you aimed to fall far from the tree, you didn't seem to mind rolling all the way into a minefield.
I wish you nothing but the best.
With regards,
Richard Scott, Sr.
If you asked, and when I finally came clean to Reign, Cash, Wolf, Repo, Duke, and Renny about my past, they had, I couldn't really tell you what my sudden compulsion was to visit him.
Maybe it was as simple as growing the fuck up, losing some of the resentment which, while not unfounded, certainly got blown out of proportion thanks to too much testosterone and not enough good sense.
And, to be perfectly fucking honest, maybe it all had something to do with Kennedy. Maybe she had, whether I realized it at first or not, whether I even wanted it or not, started to put ideas in my head. Ideas about futures and families and traditions.
We never talked about it of course. It was too soon. Things were too new. But that didn't stop my brain from wondering since she was the only woman I didn't feel 'done' with after one fuck. She was the onl
y woman who had ever managed to pop into my head in quiet moments with enough of an impact for me to realize I was smiling like some fucking sap.
My first impression about her in the coffeeshop had been right; she looked like possibilities.
I just didn't realize at the time that those possibilities could mean a future for me. With her.
Then, as it often happened, when I thought enough about the future, it had me mulling on the past.
Once I did that for long enough, I felt something sneak in that was so foreign that I almost didn't recognize it at first. It was a swirling sensation in my stomach, a bitter taste in my mouth.
Guilt. Or regret. Or a cocktail of the two.
Because, at the end of the day, my Gramps sending letters, that was his very old school way of trying to reach out, trying to tell me I was still important to him. The poor fuck had no one left- a smattering of great-nieces and great-nephews and a full staff of people to cater to him. But no one close. No one who gave a shit.
Maybe being with The Henchmen, being surrounded by people who gave a shit, often whether they wanted to or not, had created a shift in my mindset. I saw for perhaps the first time how fucking nice that was. Didn't matter what I needed, someone always had my back.
Gramps probably only had that because he paid for people to give that to him.
It had to have been a lonely goddamn life.
His wife was long dead; his son was gone. I was all he had left.
Fact of the matter was, the guy was knocking at death's door. I was pretty sure there was a part of me that wouldn't ever feel right about letting him meet his maker without having cleared the air with me first.
Not necessarily for my peace of mind, but his own.
All things said and done, you had to understand the man came from a different generation. Men were supposed to go out and work, provide for their families. The wives, in turn, took care of the house and children. He, for all intents and purposes, did his job and did it phenomenally in his lifetime. I couldn't blame him for the lack of interest my father took in me. I couldn't even blame him for the estrangement of my mother who was pushed away, I was sure, by my grandmother. Just like my own father, Gramps was never home enough even to know what his wife was up to.
Pagan (The Henchmen MC Book 8) Page 20