Chapter Six
I barely made it through work, I was so wound up with the anticipation of seeing Billy again. Anna wolf whistled when she saw me. “Yowza. Look at you. No ponytail today? And, are you wearing mascara? And those skinny jeans. Girl, I didn’t realize you had such a figure. Why do you hide it in track suits every day?”
“They’re more comfortable when you’re sitting on the floor with clingy kids, don’t you think? And yes, I’m wearing mascara.”
“What’s the occasion?”
“Well…”
I was about to answer when one of my girls, Carly, came up to me and tugged on my sweater sleeve. “Sorry, duty calls,” I mouthed to Anna.
“Wait,” she said as I walked away. “What’s going on?”
I turned back for a moment. “I’m meeting Billy. Who’s now Blake Lincoln. I had no idea. That’s why I couldn’t find him. His whole online presence is under his pen name,” I said as I crossed the room.
I heard her squeal from the other side. “Blake Lincoln? Holy guacamole! He’s gorgeous! He’s your high school sweetheart?”
I nodded as Anna crossed the room and sat at the small round table with me and Carly. “I did not know you dated celebrities.”
“He wasn’t a celebrity when I dated him. He was just Billy. I can’t believe that a novelist—especially a kids’ novelist—is even a celebrity. It’s hard to wrap my mind around. Who knew?”
“Look at J.K. Rowling. And, believe me, his books appeal to more than kids. Plus, he’s just yummy.” Anna sighed.
“How do you know so much about Billy? Sorry, I mean Blake.”
“I read all his books and saw the movies. I bought one for my niece and started thumbing through it. I got hooked.”
“I think his last one was about me,” I confided as I helped Carly cut out a heart for the Valentine’s Day card she was making.
“No way,” Anna breathed.
“I mean, it makes sense. The girl went to California. Her dad was abusive. The dad stands for my ex—I just know it. He was old enough to be my dad. I stayed up until after 4:00 a.m. reading it. It was really good.”
“That’s amazing.” Carly looked up, grinning and Anna added, “Yes, baby girl—your heart is amazing!”
“It is,” I added and turned to Anna. “I’m going to meet him at the little ice cream place we always went to when we were teenagers.”
“It’s a bit cold for ice cream, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, but that was the last place I saw him, so it’s fitting we meet there again.”
“I want to hear all about it,” Anna whispered as I cleaned up the bits of paper and glitter Carly left strewn across the table. I glanced at my watch and headed to the little cubby where I left my bag and jacket. It was 12:23 already. I had to get over to meet Billy. I was supposed to get out at 12:15.
“Gotta run.” I bolted out the door to punch my card and brave the frigid, gray afternoon.
I arrived at the ice cream stand a few minutes late and found our favorite table, the one with our initials carved in it. I was the only customer, not surprisingly. The wind whipped around the small shack-like building. It was still way too chilly for ice cream outside. I didn’t care one bit. I glanced around looking for Billy and panicked for a moment that he stood me up. But there he was, exiting the door with two cones in his hand—bubblegum for me, fudge brownie for him. One glance and I knew I was home. He remembered.
He sat on the bench next to me, and handed me my cone. A crescent of yellow peeked out from the top. I extracted it then licked the bubble gum ice cream off of it, and my fingertips, as Billy watched. “You & Me,” I read in a whisper.
“For me, it’s always been you and me. You’ve inspired everything I’ve done and it killed me to stay away from you, but back then I knew I had to. You were under that guy’s spell and it wasn’t my place to break it.”
“I’m sorry,” I said softly. “He was a horrible person. I wasted so many years with him. Years I could have been with you. The only good thing I got out of him was our daughter. She’s amazing, but she hates me.” I sighed. “She loves you though. She’s read every one of your books. I can’t believe I never realized you’re Blake Lincoln.” I licked my ice cream cone as Billy watched, maybe a bit longingly, for a moment before he spoke.
“I’m honored that she’s read all my books. Do you think she’d be okay with—I don’t know, maybe spending some time together, the three of us? I’d love to get to know her.”
“I think she’d be more than okay with that, I think she’d be thrilled.”
“I’d love to spend some time with you first. When does she get home from school?”
I checked my watch. “Not for another two hours. She stays late every day. I think she just doesn’t want to come home.” I glanced back at Billy as he licked his brownie fudge cone. Now it was my turn to gaze at him longingly. I remembered that tongue was magic. It gave me my very first orgasm ever. I looked away, before I started drooling on my ice cream.
“Don’t take it too hard. Most teenagers hate their parents. I didn’t tell you this before, but I have a daughter too—she’s fifteen. Her mom doesn’t let me see her much.” Billy shook his head dejectedly. “It was a very brief relationship. Pretty much just sex. We were co-workers and both of us needed an escape from our lives. But, we were completely incompatible. When I found out she was pregnant, I asked her to marry me—she said, No. Emphatically.” Billy laughed a bit ruefully. “We would have had a disastrous relationship, so it was for the best. I’ve paid her child support ever since and have tried to have a relationship with my daughter.” Billy paused, his eyes sad. “But, she took her and moved to Atlanta. She made me feel like a sperm donor, to tell you the truth. I think she wanted a baby and I was a willing participant.”
“That’s so awful! I know you must be a great dad.”
“Thanks, that means a lot. I brought it up, not only because I think you should know my past, but because she spends the entire time she’s with me complaining about her mom.”
“Well, honestly, her mother sounds awful. Taking her daughter away from her father.” Billy just looked at me and then looked down.
“Oh, I guess I did the same thing. I mean, you’re nothing like Trent. Nothing. But, Josie doesn’t see Trent as the monster I do. I tried to hide all the really bad stuff from her. I mean, he wasn’t very nice to her; he was always picking on her weight, her grades, anything that was less than perfect. I thought I was protecting her by leaving him, but maybe she sees it differently. Though, I think at this point she realizes what he was like.”
“You were protecting her. He was a bad guy and you did the right thing, but just realize that she might resent you for it, even though you acted in her best interest. I have a feeling she loves my books, because she sees herself in them.”
“She told me that. You know, when she found out that you were my high school sweetheart, she couldn’t believe I was ever cool enough to date someone like you.” Billy’s cheeks flushed in that unbelievably endearing way I remembered. “You still blush,” I said, which only made the redness creep up his cheeks more.
“I do. It’s embarrassing.”
“It’s adorable.”
“I’m forty years old. I kind of doubt I’m adorable.” Billy grinned and I realized he’d just gotten better with age. The crinkles around those dark chocolate eyes, the silver sprinkling the stubble covering his strong jaw, even the threads of silver at his temples—it all made him even yummier, like Anna said. I seriously wanted to jump him.
“Hey, how’d you like to go back to my house for a little while? It’s getting a little cold here, especially eating ice cream.” The February wind whipping around us wasn’t the only reason I wanted to go home.
“I’d very much like to warm up a bit,” he paused, our eyes locking. I knew that “with you” likely would have followed that statement if he knew for sure I felt the same way.
I took another long lick of my ice
cream, never breaking eye contact. Billy gazed at me hungrily. His cone melted onto the white paper circling it and crept toward his hand. He jumped up tossed his cone in the trash then grabbed my hand and pulled me up. “Let’s go,” he practically growled.
I threw my cone in the trash and followed him to the parking lot. “Follow me.” I lived only two minutes from the ice cream stand, but it seemed like the longest two minutes of my life. I was throbbing in places I didn’t think I could throb in any more.
As soon as we were in the door our coats were on the floor and so were we. We didn’t even make it to the couch. Billy kissed my neck while I writhed under him. The heat between us was just as explosive—we warmed up all right.
“Do you want to move to the couch? Or my bed,” I gasped.
“Right here is just fine. I waited over two decades for this. I’m not wasting another second.” He pulled my shirt over my head and quickly liberated my breasts from the minimizer bra I always wore. Sprung free, he covered one with his mouth, while gently cupping the other, as best he could. “Still more than a handful,” he whispered.
I laughed. “I think they’re even bigger than back then. I don’t weigh what I did at twenty and at least some of that weight ended up on my boobs, thankfully.”
“I’m glad you don’t weigh what you did back then. I like you better with a little meat on your bones.”
“Is that so?”
“Yup. More cushion for the pushin’.”
“You wanna do some pushin’?”
“I would love nothing more, Alex. I’ve missed you. You know, you weren’t just my girlfriend, you were my best friend. Every time something good happened, I wanted to call you. Every time something bad happened, I wanted to call you.”
“You should have. You must have heard I left Trent years ago. You knew I came back. I’m sure you knew I returned alone. This town isn’t that big. I’m sure your mom knew that I returned, disgraced.”
Billy propped himself on one elbow and gazed down at me. His eyes were just so kind that it was easy to forget the failings of the past. “My mom told me you were back, but she certainly didn’t say you were disgraced. She just told me she’d heard you were going through a tough time.”
“I guess I could have contacted her when I couldn’t find you. I just figured she hated me. After everything I did—after I broke your heart.”
“She loved you. Always will. But, can we please stop talking about my mom? I kind of want to ravage you. You know with you sitting there half-naked and all.”
“That sounds like an excellent idea.”
As Billy unzipped my jeans, I tried to remember the last time they were unzipped by anyone other than me. It had been five long years. And then I realized that before that, the last person I slept with was Billy. I had dated a few guys in college, but nothing serious, and I never slept with them. I was forty years old and had been with two men in my life. And, they were light years apart. I was pretty sure Billy had been with plenty of women, in addition to his baby mama, since we were last together. “I might be a little rusty,” I whispered. “It’s been longer than I care to admit since I’ve been with anyone.”
“I don’t care. As far as I’m concerned, I haven’t been with anyone either. My daughter was an immaculate conception. The past is erased.”
Billy tossed my jeans behind him and kissed my ankles—first one and then the other. I was so glad I had worn just flats to meet him, instead of thick fleece socks and boots, like the weather warranted. From my ankles he moved to my calves, stroking and massaging them in between the softest kisses. Up to my thighs, his tongue flicked so lightly over me, it was practically dancing on my skin. Every molecule of me was vibrating with want. Just as Billy was about to get to the really good part, a key rattled in the door.
I grabbed my clothes and hightailed it into the bathroom, muttering under my breath, “The one time Josie fucking comes home early.” Thankfully, Billy’s Levis were still on his body and not the carpet.
As I was pulling on my clothes, I heard a scream. I buttoned up and rushed out. “What’s wrong, Josie? This is just my friend, Billy. Were you scared to find someone in the living room? Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting you home yet and I was in the bathroom.”
I glanced at Josie. She didn’t look scared at all. She had her hand over her mouth and from what I could tell she was hyperventilating and about to faint from the sheer joy of seeing her idol in person.
“I know who he is.” She shot me a please don’t embarrass me look. “I just can’t believe he’s in our house.” She tentatively moved a little closer.
Billy slid over on the couch and gestured to the cushion next to him. “Why don’t you sit, Josie? It’s really nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“You’ve heard about me?”
“Your mom and I go way back.
We’ve been catching up. I have a daughter just a little younger than you are.”
“Lucky,” she breathed, her eyes wide. “I’ve read all your books and seen the movies. You’re just…” She put her hand over her heart and sighed. “So amazing.”
The color crept up Billy’s cheeks. He looked down so disarmingly, I swooned. “Thank you so much,” he said. “That means a lot.”
“No problem. I mean—Austin…” She sighed, conveying exactly how she felt about the character in Crazy for You.
“I’m glad you liked him.”
“I wish there were guys like that in my school. They’re all losers. All they care about are their cars and sports.”
“Wait until you go to college,” Billy said. “You’ll meet a great guy, I’m sure.”
Josie nodded her head, eyes still wide.
“Would you guys like to go out to lunch? Have you eaten anything, Josie?”
“Nah, I always eat when I come home. I have lunch at 9:30, so I get a bagel or a frozen yogurt or something.”
“They have frozen yogurt at the high school now?” Billy asked, awe lacing his voice.
“They have different stations,” I explained. “Chopped salads, a frozen yogurt bar, wraps, a grill.”
“Wow. Your choice was slop with meat or slop without meat when we went. I’d love to go back and visit someday.”
“You should. You should come in and speak to my writing class! I take creative writing and they’d love to meet you. We all love your books.”
“That’s so kind of you to ask me.” Billy paused, and then added, “But, I’m not sure if I’m quite ready for people to know that Blake Lincoln is really Billy Leibowitz. More importantly, I don’t know if my editor and agent want anyone to know that I’m just a small town boy from Long Island, not a sophisticated city guy, even if I live on the Island now.”
“I happen to really like that small town Long Island guy,” I said. “I’d like to reacquaint myself with him.”
Josie rolled her eyes, but Billy grinned, his whole face lighting up. I missed that megawatt smile so.
“I’d like that,” he said. “So, you guys hungry? How about pizza? Maybe ice cream after—we didn’t really have much ice cream before, did we?”
“Pizza would be awesome,” Josie practically squealed. I couldn’t believe my sullen girl was suddenly so sunny. She seemed lighter and brighter than she had in ages, almost giddy. If for nothing else, I wanted to keep Billy around for the way he made Josie feel.
I had to admit the way Billy made me feel was pretty great too and when Josie asked if I could drop her at a friend’s house after lunch to work on a project, I probably said, “Yes” a bit too enthusiastically.
Chapter Seven
When Billy and I were finally alone, he said, “Let’s talk. I want to get to know the grown-up you.”
“That’s so great. But, here’s the thing. I haven’t had sex in five years. I’m staring at you and all I want to do is kiss you. Lick you. Rip off all your clothes,” I countered.
Something about Billy just always made me honest. Tell it like it is. He stare
d at me, not saying anything. “Um, okay. If none of those things sound good to you, we can absolutely just talk,” I said. The heat crept up my cheeks. The things that made teenage Billy go crazy obviously didn’t work for grown-up Billy, or Blake, or whoever he was at this point. I wished I could take it all back as the silence between us lingered.
“You think that doesn’t sound good to me?” Billy asked.
“I don’t know,” I stammered. Maybe I came on too strong. “I don’t know. We’re not careless teenagers any more. We’re grown-ups with responsibilities. Each of us has a child to think of. Maybe we should just talk.”
“Nah, talking is overrated. I was just silent, because I couldn’t believe that it’s like we still share a brain. Remember how we’d always seem to know what the other was thinking? I was thinking the same exact thing—all the stuff I’d like to do to you, but I was trying to be a gentleman. You know?”
“Well, I appreciate that very much. But, you don’t need to be a gentleman with me. I’d like you to be a little bit animal. Gently, of course.”
“I’ll be gentle. You know, I always thought of you as this delicate treasure I had to take care of, even if you were far from delicate.” Billy sighed and shook his head angrily for a moment before adding, “When I think about the abuse you endured, I seriously want to kill your ex.”
“It wasn’t physical,” I whispered.
“I know,” Billy answered. “But, that doesn’t mean it hurt any less. It just meant that you didn’t have the scars on your body—just on your psyche.”
I leaned forward and kissed him, gently at first and then hungrily, biting his lip. He tangled his hand in my hair. Billy got me. He just did. He understood me like no one else has or ever will. When I was with Trent, I often found myself wondering, no one can see the marks that are left, so are they really there? But Billy knew they were still there. He understood how bad it was. I was certain at that moment that I needed to hang onto him, no matter what.
You & Me Page 4