by Harley Wylde
I just hoped I hadn’t figured all that out too late.
Chapter Five
Josie
Jackal being here with me was a little surreal. When I’d found out I was pregnant, I’d wanted to call him several times, wanted him by my side, holding my hand. I’d convinced myself he’d never want me or our daughter, and so I’d thought I was doing the right thing and left him alone. He’d made it abundantly clear he didn’t want kids, and I hadn’t wanted him to feel trapped and obligated to hang out and spend time with us. Maybe I’d been wrong, though. If I’d told him, at least he’d have had a choice about being part of our lives.
It was nearly three in the morning and he was passed out in the other recliner, even though he cracked his eyes open every time a nurse came in to check on Allegra. Her fever was down some, but it still hadn’t broken. I worried that something else was going on, something they hadn’t discovered yet. It should have dropped more, shouldn’t it?
I quietly got up and went into the adjoining bathroom and shut the door. Then I sagged against the wall in the shower area and started crying. The stress of Jackal being back, of Allegra being sick, it was all too much for me. I wanted to believe that he was here to stay, that he meant what he said, but I was scared and angry. The way he’d walked out the first time and never called had hurt, even though he’d been clear up front it wasn’t anything long-term, and then he’d taken off when he found out about Allegra had infuriated me. I wanted to strangle him, scream at him, throw things. But I was so damn tired. Emotionally and mentally drained from fighting for so long on my own.
I had Tank, and I was grateful for him, but it wasn’t the same. Your brother holding your hand while you were pregnant, or hovering in the waiting room while you gave birth, wasn’t the same as the father of your child holding your hand and being with you through it. And all Allegra’s illnesses had taken their toll on me. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep going on my own like this. Jackal was here, and I wanted to reach out and grab onto him, hold on and never let go, but at the same time I was terrified he’d change his mind and take off again. He’d proven that he was a runner.
The door opened and Jackal stepped inside, his eyes cloudy with concern as he shut the door behind him. He moved toward me, not stopping until we were toe to toe. Gently, he reached up and wiped the tears from my cheeks. I stared up at him, wanting to melt against him, to beg him not to leave again, but refusing to be that damn weak. When his head lowered, I braced myself for that jolt I always felt when he kissed me, like lightning had reached out to stroke me. His lips brushed against mine and something inside me broke. I didn’t want to face anything alone anymore, didn’t want Allegra to not know her father. I wanted Jackal, needed him. Not just for my daughter, but for me too. I gripped his biceps and clung to him as he deepened the kiss, his hands squeezing my waist and pulling me closer.
I hadn’t been with a man since Jackal left, and my body was starved for attention. My nipples hardened, and I felt my panties grow damp. Tightening my grip on him, I pressed closer, rubbing against him like a cat in heat. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d had an orgasm. I sometimes snuck a waterproof toy into the shower with me, but it wasn’t the same as being with a man. Jackal began unfastening my pants and my heart started to pound.
My body was different from the last time he’d seen it. My hips were wider, my breasts were bigger, and I had stretch marks across my belly, breasts, and thighs. I was nervous about him seeing me, but I wanted him too much to push him away. My hands trembled as I clutched at him, but he pried me off him and slowly lifted my shirt over my head. When it hit the tiled floor, I forced myself to watch his reaction. Heat flared in his eyes as he reached up to cup my breasts, his thumbs rubbing across my hard nipples.
“Fuck, Josie. You’re so damn beautiful.”
I tried to hide the marks across my stomach, but he pulled my hands away.
“There isn’t a part of you that I don’t want to worship with my tongue. These marks,” he said, caressing them softly. “They’re part of you. Your battle scars from carrying my kid. You think seeing them is going to turn me off?”
“Maybe,” I said. “No one’s seen them. They’re ugly.”
Jackal dropped to his knees and pressed a kiss to my belly, right across the silvery stretch marks. “They’re not ugly, Josie. No part of you could ever be ugly. You’re beautiful inside and out.”
He tugged at my jeans, stopping to remove my shoes, then peeling the denim off me. My bra and panties didn’t match, and were far from sexy. My bra was just a plain black satin, but the panties were pink-and-black-striped cotton. I called them my mom panties because there was no way they were going to make any man want to rip the clothes off me. Not compared to the sexy things I used to wear.
Jackal ran his hands up and down my thighs, then leaned in close and breathed me in. He tugged at my panties until they fell to my ankles, then I stepped out of them. He gripped one of my legs and placed it over his shoulder, opening me up. My breath caught as he moved in closer, his tongue lapping at my pussy. I moaned and bit my lip, trying to stay quiet since our daughter was asleep in the other room.
“You taste as good as I remember,” he said. “Maybe better.”
“Jackal…”
He drew away and gave me a heated look. “What did I tell you?”
“Eric,” I said softly.
He winked, then went back to tasting me, teasing me with that wicked tongue of his. The tip circled my clit before brushing across it and I nearly screamed as my knees buckled. Oh yeah, a flesh-and-blood man was way better than my toy. Or maybe it was just this man in particular. The first time I’d seen him I’d wanted him with a hunger I’d never felt before, and after all our time apart, that hadn’t diminished even a little. I still craved him like a woman with PMS craves chocolate.
Eric held me open as he feasted on my pussy with his lips and tongue, his teeth occasionally grazing my clit, making stars burst across my vision. He kept me on edge, getting right there and then not letting me fall. I wanted to come so bad, and I was seriously close to begging. When he pulled away and stood up, I wanted to cry in frustration, but I was quickly silenced by his mouth as he kissed me hard and deep. I heard his belt buckle and the rasp of his zipper. Before I could even process what was happening, he had my legs around his waist and he was balls deep inside me.
I cried out, my head tipping back as he drove into me over and over. He curled an arm around my waist, holding me tight as he took what he wanted from me. I was more than fine with it since I hadn’t experienced pleasure this incredible since the last time we were together. It felt like Eric was consuming me, and our passion burned so hot, I worried it would scorch us.
His thumb brushed across my clit, and it was enough to set off the best orgasm I’d had in years. My toes curled and I nearly blacked out. I felt the hot splash of his cum inside me and my eyes went wide.
“Eric! We forgot protection.”
He smirked, his cock still pulsing inside me. “Didn’t forget. I wanted to feel you bare again. Never been bare with anyone but you.”
My heart nearly broke because I knew there had been women after me. I’d been celibate since he left, but a guy like Eric? Yeah, no way he’d not been with other women. He must have noticed the look on my face because he kissed me softly and nuzzled my ear.
“I haven’t been with a woman in about two years, Josie. And there were very few since you. None could compare after I’d had a taste of you. If I could do things over, I would. I’d have stayed, or taken you with me,” he said.
“That doesn’t change the fact you could have just gotten me pregnant,” I said.
“I’m okay with that, if you are,” he said. “I’m sorry, Josie. I’m sorry I fucked up, more than once. But I want you and Allegra in my life, want to take you home with me, be a real family. If other kids come along, then I’m all right with that too.”
“What if another baby is just as si
ckly as Allegra? What if it’s born too early, or I have a miscarriage?” I asked, fear taking over.
“Hey.” He smoothed my hair back from my face and forced me to focus on him. “Whatever happens, we can face it together. I’m not leaving this time. Even if you pushed me away right now, I’d just come back.”
Tears gathered in my eyes and he slid from my body, gathering me close and holding me tight. I cried against his chest as his hand rubbed my back and he murmured comforting words in my ear. When I was finished, I sniffled and wiped my eyes.
“Get cleaned up and sit with Allegra. I’m going to head down and see if the cafeteria is still open. You should probably eat something. You’ve barely picked at your food today,” he said.
“All right. A sandwich from the vending machine would be fine, though.”
Eric kissed me again. “You need better food than that. If I have to leave and hit a twenty-four-hour place, then that’s what I’ll do, but you need a hot meal.”
He zipped up his pants and left me to clean up. When I got back to Allegra’s bedside, he was gone and our daughter was awake. She blinked at me, then smiled softly, reaching for my hand. I wished she could talk to me, tell me what she was thinking, how she felt about meeting her father. Now that her eyes were open and she seemed alert, she’d get to officially meet Jackal for the first time. She’d seen him at our house when he’d found out he was a dad, but I hoped she didn’t remember the words that had spewed from his mouth that day.
“Baby girl, there’s someone I want you to meet if you can stay awake long enough, okay?” I said.
She nodded, the smile never leaving her face. I hoped, for her sake, that what Jackal had said was true, that he was here for the long haul. That he really wanted us, wanted a family. If he broke her heart, I didn’t think there was a force on Earth that would save him from me. I’d tear him apart one piece at a time with my bare hands. I just hoped that putting my trust in him wouldn’t backfire.
He returned a half hour later with a fast food bag in his hand. When he saw Allegra was awake, his smile was nearly blinding. Jackal handed the food to me, then knelt at his daughter’s bedside and reached for her hand. She gave him a look before turning to me, a question in her eyes.
“Allegra, sweetheart, I’d like you to meet Jackal. He’s your daddy.”
Her little eyes went wide, and then she turned to look at him again. She reached for his beard, tugging on it before exploring his face with her fingers. Jackal reached up and pressed her hand to his cheek before kissing her palm.
“Hey, sweet girl. I’m so glad I finally get to meet you,” he said. “I wish I could have been here sooner.”
She just stared, seeming fascinated by him.
“When you’re better and able to go home, we’ll sit down with your mom and have a talk. I bought a house for us where I live in Florida. I think you’ll like it. There’s a playset out back and you have a room with toys. It’s a pretty pink like your room at your Uncle Tank’s house,” he said.
My lips twitched. “She doesn’t call him Tank.”
Jackal glanced at me. “Then what does she call him?”
“She doesn’t call him anything since she can’t talk, but I always refer to him as Uncle Zach. And she loves her Uncle Zach, don’t you, angel?” I asked.
Allegra nodded slowly, her gaze still locked on her father.
My heart squeezed at the look in her eyes. I hadn’t realized until this moment just how much she’d wanted to know her father, and I felt horrible for not having reached out to Jackal. I don’t know that she understood enough to really wonder about Jackal all that much, but I could tell she’d noticed the other kids had both a mom and dad when we went out places. Jackal should have known about Allegra. If he didn’t want her, then it would have been his choice. When she asked why he hadn’t been in her life the first two years, I’d have to admit that I’d kept her from him, and I didn’t know how she’d handle it. We had a lot of years before that happened, or so I hoped. It would give me time to figure out exactly what to say. She didn’t need to know that I’d thought he didn’t want either of us. No child ever needed to hear that their parent didn’t want them.
“Eat your food,” Jackal said, tossing me a glance before looking back at our daughter. He seemed just as mesmerized by Allegra as she was by him.
I dug through the sack and pulled out a grilled chicken sandwich with a side salad. I didn’t know how he’d guessed that I liked honey mustard dressing, though. I held it up and looked at him, my eyebrow raised.
“Tank. I called to see what you liked to order from that place. He suggested the salad with honey mustard. And I thought the chicken would be better for you than a greasy burger.”
“Thank you,” I said. “Aren’t you going to eat?”
He shook his head. “I ate earlier when you were picking at your food. I’ll be fine until breakfast. Besides, I’m pretty good at living off coffee.”
I snorted. Yeah, coffee and probably a heavy dose of alcohol if he was anything like the Reapers. I loved my brother and his club, but they could drink an Irishman under the table. Jackal spoke softly to our daughter, telling her about his home and a little about himself. I smiled as he talked about the antics he’d gotten up to as a little boy, and tears misted my eyes when he talked about losing his family.
Allegra eventually fell asleep, but I could tell she was fighting it. I smoothed her hair back and kissed her brow.
“Rest, my little angel. Your daddy will still be here tomorrow,” I told her. Before, I would have worried about making such a promise, but the way Jackal was watching his daughter, I knew he wasn’t going anywhere. Not by choice.
Jackal moved his recliner closer to mine and reached for my hand. It felt nice, sitting with him and just holding hands. Comforting. I’d always associated Jackal with being wild and only thinking about sex, but it seemed there was another side to him that I’d never seen before. Of course, maybe if we’d spent our time together somewhere other than a motel room, I’d have seen this other side. I had a feeling that getting to know Jackal would be worth it. I’d written him off as another oversexed biker, but maybe I was wrong. Not that he’d done anything before to dissuade me from that idea.
“What are you thinking?” he asked, rubbing my hand with his thumb.
“I’m thinking that there’s more to you than I realized,” I admitted.
“We have a lifetime to figure each other out, Josie. All you have to do is say yes to moving to Devil’s Boneyard territory.”
“What would this move entail, exactly?” I asked. I had a feeling it was more involved than just moving to his house. He’d said something about wanting to keep us, be a family, but I hadn’t been thinking clearly at the time.
“You’ll be mine. My old lady. Mother of my children,” he said.
“So, I’m good enough for a patch you can rip off, and good enough to fuck, but not good enough to marry?” I asked, unable to resist teasing him a little. Watching men squirm when the M word was mentioned was always entertaining.
“Married?”
I bit the inside of my lip so I wouldn’t smile at the slightly panicked look on his face. He let go of my hand and rubbed his palms up and down his denim-clad thighs. He glanced from me to Allegra a few times before looking around the room. I could almost see the urge to bolt, but he stayed put. I had to give him points for that. The Jackal I’d come to know would have run in terror by now, and probably headed straight for home.
Jackal ran a hand through his hair. “You want to get married? Like stand before a priest and say vows?”
“Well, I’m not Catholic so a priest wouldn’t be necessary.”
He was so twitchy that it was hard not to laugh, but I decided to stop being mean and put him out of his misery.
“Eric,” I said softly, drawing his attention back to me. “We don’t have to get married. But if I’m not living with Tank, then I’m going to need to figure out health insurance for our daughter. Sh
e’s on the state insurance here, but you don’t live in the state, so…”
“I hadn’t thought about that,” he said softly. “The Devils have healthcare, but I don’t think I can add the two of you to mine.”
“Unless we’re married,” I said, waiting for that panic to cross his face again, but instead I saw… resolve?
“Okay,” he said. “Let’s do it.”
“Um, what?” I asked, knowing I had to have misheard. “We don’t even know each other and you want to marry me? Seriously? What if I move in with you and we can’t stand each other? I was just teasing about getting married.”
“Maybe you were, but I need to make sure Allegra is taken care of. Cross all the t’s and dot all the i’s. That sort of thing.”
“And marrying me will do that?” I asked.
“I want to know that both of you will be taken care of. The future is uncertain, especially with the shit that seems to rain down on my club, but I don’t want anyone to question whether or not you’re entitled to keep the house, any vehicles we get, and my life insurance money. And no, I don’t have a policy right now, but I’m going to get one.”
“Eric, slow down,” I said, smiling slightly. “We’ll move with you, when they clear Allegra. I’m not taking any chances with her health, though, so you’ll have to wait. Even when they discharge her from the hospital, we should probably stay a little bit to make sure she’s really in the clear.”
“You’re good at this,” he said, waving a hand toward our daughter. “Being a mom. I never saw you in this role, but I can tell she loves you and that you’ve taken good care of her. It’s obvious she comes first for you.”
“I’ve had nearly two years to practice. I was scared shitless when I found out I was pregnant. Thankfully, Tank let me live with him so I didn’t have to deal with my mother. If it weren’t for him and the Reapers, I’d be married off to the highest bidder and our daughter would likely have been adopted out to someone.”