Knockout

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Knockout Page 15

by Tracey Ward


  “You should always tell me everything.”

  “I don’t want to…”

  “You don’t want to what?” he demanded.

  I threw my hands in the air. “I don’t want to break your brain! You’ve been in a coma for three weeks and you were speaking French to me like I was your mom and asking for ice cream and we didn’t know if you’d know us when you woke up, if you woke up at all so I’m a little scared of what to say because what if it sends you back to sleep or something?”

  Kellen stared at me blankly. I should have filtered myself better. I was too tired to know that though. I was too tired to be sure this wasn’t a hallucination either and I wavered slightly on my feet as I waited for him to respond.

  He continued to frown at me. “I don’t even like ice cream.”

  I could have both slapped him and kissed him then.

  “Yeah, you do,” I told him impatiently. “You don’t like frozen yogurt. Or gelato.”

  “Gelato and ice cream are the same thing.”

  “Clearly not ‘cause you hate the hell out of one and you love the other.”

  “Are you fucking with me?”

  “Are you fucking me me? How do you not know your own likes and dislikes? How is it that I have to know these things for you?”

  He looked around the room again. His eyes were edgy. He was getting that caged look.

  “Is it just you?” he asked quietly.

  “No. Mom is here. She’s getting coffee. Laney is at the hotel sleeping. She caught a cold and can’t come in to see you until she’s over it.”

  His eyes met mine briefly. “She’s okay then?”

  “Yeah. She’s perfect.”

  “The driver?”

  “Both fine, though one is in jail. You got the worst of it.”

  He didn’t respond. His eyes roamed around the room almost aimlessly. They fell anywhere but on me.

  “I should really ring for the nurse.”

  “Wait,” he said quickly, his eyes snapping to mine as his right hand reached out for me. He frowned at the clumsy cast covering his arm when it bumped against my side. “How bad is that?”

  I tried not to grimace. “Pretty bad. They’re hoping for the best but they think you’ll still have some sensitivity.”

  “It’ll ache when it rains?”

  “Or burn like fire when you hit someone.”

  He chuckled darkly, dropping his broken arm onto the bed. It felt like he was tossing it aside. Counting it worthless.

  “Well, it’s a good thing I don’t do that anymore, isn’t it?”

  “I don’t know about that,” I muttered.

  I didn’t like it. There, that was what I knew. I thought it was stupid, mean and selfish to ask Kellen to give up on something he loved. On something that I knew for a fact he needed because I felt the same way about drawing, painting and tattooing. It’s what made me… me. Call me crazy or jealous, but in my opinion if you feel like you have to rip the core from someone to love them, you never should have been with them in the first place.

  “What were you reading to me?”

  I could feel his eyes on me again. The weight, the heavy feel of them pressing on my skin. To avoid meeting that stare, I knelt down and picked up my discarded phone. It looked like it had survived.

  “Nothing.”

  “It wasn’t nothing. I heard you reading before you fell asleep. What was it?”

  “A comic.”

  “A comic book?” he asked, his voice surprised.

  I shrugged, finally looking at him. My eyes were hard, ready for a fight. “A graphic novel, but yeah.”

  “What one?”

  “V for Vendetta.”

  “Sit down. Keep reading.”

  I shook my head, setting the phone on the nightstand. “I need to get the nurse. I should have done it already.”

  “God, Jenna, please don’t,” he groaned, rubbing his face. I froze watching him. When he dropped his hand to look at me again his face was pinched. “I need a minute, okay? It’s a lot to take in finding out you’ve been out of the game for weeks. The last thing I remember is…” He swallowed before taking a deep breath. “I remember the night of the accident. It’s shattered and weird, but it’s the last thing I remember. A lot of crazy, loud noises, a whole lot of fuckin’ pain and then you sitting here in a silent room reading to me. I’m getting some serious whiplash here so please, give me a minute before you call in nurses and doctors. Especially before your mom and Laney.”

  “Do you want me to go? To give you a minute alone?”

  “No,” he said irritably. “I want you to sit your ass down and read me that damn book.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. I was surprised by his tone but I wasn’t about to bow to it. I didn’t care if he just woke from a coma. I didn’t care if he just came back from the dead and wanted to tell me all about the river Styx and how he crotch punched the devil in the balls to break free. He wasn’t talking to me like that and getting away with it.

  “Say the magic word or you can suck it, Kellen Coulter,” I told him sternly.

  He looked at me for a long time, sizing me up. I don’t know what I expected. More growling, more groaning, complete silence.

  I collapsed inside when he smiled. God had forever damned that man’s mouth because it brought me nothing but sheer joy, aching longing and the misery of knowing it would never be mine.

  "S'il vous plait, Nonpareil."

  I grinned reluctantly as I sat down, picking up my phone. “Oh, we’re bringing out the big guns now?”

  “I know what works.”

  “You’re the worst. How many women have you called that?”

  His smile disappeared. “How many have I called Nonpareil?”

  “Yeah.”

  “One.”

  “Just one, huh?”

  “Just one,” he confirmed with a slow nod, his endless eyes holding mine. “You’re the only one. You’re beyond compare.”

  I shook my head, chuckling and trying to shake off this feeling he was giving me. It wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair. Not to anyone. No matter how much I liked it.

  “You’re so full of shit.”

  “What? You’re too tough to take a compliment now?”

  “I’m too wise to you to fall for your tricks. I’ve seen you in action. I know what this is.”

  “What is it?”

  “Flattery. Very, very good flattery, especially with those eyes and that smile,” I said, willing myself to look at him impassively. “Even five minutes out of a coma and you’ve got skills. It’s impressive but it’s empty. It’s just what you do.”

  “Not with you,” he said, his voice low.

  “Oh really?”

  “Yeah, really,” he replied seriously. “Never with you.”

  I struggled to maintain eye contact and breathe evenly. This was stupid. It was dangerous and cruel.

  “Do you want to hear this book or not?” I asked as harshly as I could.

  He nodded, letting his head fall back on the pillow. “Let’s do this.”

  “Don’t go to sleep.”

  He chuckled softly. “I’m wide awake, Jenna.”

  Five minutes passed while I read to him. Five minutes of Kellen and I and solitude. Five minutes that felt for the first time like the old days before the world turned on us and made everything so big and full and complicated. We both relaxed. We shared three hundred whole seconds of peace.

  “Oh my God!”

  And then it was gone.

  I glanced over to see my mom standing in the doorway, her face stricken. She looked at me with desperate eyes.

  “Jenna, is…”

  “He’s awake,” I said, standing slowly.

  She took a hesitant step inside, staring at Kellen in amazement. He looked back with a small grin on his face.

  “Morning,” he said.

  “Oh my God!” she cried again, running to him and hugging him hard. I saw Kellen’s mouth move beside her head as h
e spoke to her softly, her body shaking with sobs against him. It was then I realized that I hadn’t touched him. I hadn’t hugged him or even held his hand.

  Eventually my mom composed herself and stood up, wiping at her eyes. Tears were still streaming down her face but she was smiling from ear to ear.

  “What did Laney say when she found out?” she asked shakily. “Is she on her way? Can she come in even with her cold? Where are the doctors? What have they said?”

  Kellen and I shared an uneasy glance. I was going to pay for this. For giving him what he wanted.

  “I just woke up,” he lied easily. “Just seconds before you walked in. Jenna hasn’t had a chance to call the doctors yet.”

  “Or Laney,” I added.

  He nodded vaguely. “Or Laney.”

  Mom made a disgusted sound as she reached for the call button. “Jenna, that’s reckless and thoughtless of you. What if he’d gone under again? He still might!”

  “Mom, he’s sitting right here.”

  “And he knows I’m right,” she said angrily.

  “I’m sorry,” I muttered.

  “Don’t be sorry,” she snapped. “Be smart about things. How hard is that?!”

  “Hey,” Kellen said, his voice angry.

  “I’m gonna go,” I said as nurses began pouring into the room. I stepped quickly out of the way, inching along the wall to stay clear. “I’ll go meet Laney in the waiting room.”

  No one answered me. No one said a word as I left and the chaos Kellen was dreading erupted around him. But I felt the weight on my back. The weight of his eyes and his words and something else. Something I hadn’t thought of in years. Something like Sublime and sweets and a song I couldn’t forget.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Laney blew past me in the waiting room with barely a glance. I didn't blame her. She tore through that hospital like a blonde blur, a nurse recognizing her, nabbing her and securing a mask to her face as they broke through the swinging doors. I wasn't really sure what I had thought my part to play was out there. She knew the way to his room and I didn't know any more than mom had told her on the phone. I was pretty ineffective at the moment and that's exactly how I felt.

  I also felt weird leaving now that he was awake, but I went outside. I stepped into the damp sunlight, breathed the fresh air and wondered what would happen now. How long would it be before we could take him home? Now that he didn't need a translator did I even have a place here? A right? It felt like I had been pushed away but by who I wasn't sure. It definitely hadn't been Kellen. Was it me? Was I running? He was awake and alive, I should have been thrilled. I should have been shouting in the streets and dancing on air. I should have hugged him. So if that's what I was supposed to do, why was I out here in the rapidly cooling air shaking like a leaf in the wind about to welcome the Fall?

  "Shit," I muttered to myself.

  I needed to sleep. I couldn't keep going half awake, half dead like this and expect to think straight.

  As I walked down the busy New York street toward our hotel, I decided to call my dad. I didn't know if my mom would have called him already but once I thought about talking to him, I couldn’t shake the desire to do it.

  "Hey, Jen," he said happily, answering on the second ring. "How is everyone?"

  "Awake," I told him, though when I heard my voice I realized I sounded half asleep.

  Dad hesitated. "Kellen is awake?"

  "Yeah. He just woke up this morning. Mom and Laney are with him now."

  "Where are you? Sounds like you're outside."

  "I'm heading to the hotel to sleep. I was just coming off watch with him when he woke up."

  "Did you talk to him? Did he remember you?" he asked anxiously.

  "Yep. He knew me immediately." I grinned, remembering. "The first thing he said was my name."

  Dad hooted loudly with excitement. It hurt my ear but my grin grew to a smile. I listened as he shouted for another couple of moments, I think I heard a 'booyah!' in there somewhere, then he was back.

  "That is such a relief," he said breathlessly. I could hear the smile in his voice. "When can he come home? What do the doctors say?"

  My smile faded. "I don't know exactly. Mom and Laney are talking to the doctors with him now."

  "Why did you leave?" he asked, becoming lawyer alert.

  "I was tired."

  "Which one did it?"

  "What?"

  "Which one of the girls upset you?"

  "What are you talking about?"

  "Kellen is awake but you left. Just like that. You're tired, I believe that, but you're also his closest friend. You wouldn't have just up and left him. He didn't upset you enough to leave, men don't intimidate you, but women do."

  "They do not!" I cried indignantly.

  "They do," he countered firmly. "It's because you don't understand them. You're better with men. You get them. You can handle yourself with them. Women, especially women like Laney and your mother, they don't make sense to you and they get under your skin. So I'll ask you one more time, which one was it that upset you enough to make you leave that room?"

  I glared at the ground wishing it was him, wishing he wasn’t right. "Mom."

  "Uh huh."

  "She thinks I'm stupid."

  "And irresponsible."

  "Thank you,” I said sarcastically. “I'd almost forgotten."

  "She's wrong, you know."

  "Want to tell her that?"

  "You think I haven't? You're brilliant, I know that. You know that. Laney and Kellen know it. But your mom can't see past the tattoos and the hair."

  "My hair is almost completely natural!” I exclaimed, tugging gently at the strand of brilliant blue mixed in with my natural black. “She's not a real blond. Who is she to judge?"

  "For my sake please never mention that to her. The point is, as much as women don't make sense to you, you don't make sense to her. It's not that she doesn't love you, honey, it's that you freak her out. She doesn't get you."

  "What's to get? I’m simple. Stupid."

  "Do you get the manicures? The pedicures? The facials? The designer dresses, shoes and purses? The parties? Cocktails?"

  "I like cocktails."

  "You like Corona,” he corrected. “And whiskey."

  "Tell me you don't."

  "I'm a guy. In your mom's eyes I'm allowed. You get what I'm saying, though. You don't get her any more than she gets you and it makes things tough for you guys. She and Laney are two peas in a pod. They can relate. Just like you can relate to Kellen and I."

  I leaned back against the rough brick exterior of our hotel, unwilling to go inside even though I was exhausted. I closed my eyes as I took a shaky breath.

  "It was so good to look at him and have him look back," I whispered.

  "I can only imagine,” dad said gently.

  "He was weird."

  "Weird how?"

  "I don't know. He was almost... angry."

  "Hmm.” Dad did his famous thoughtful pause. "He was probably confused. I can't imagine waking up from something like that is easy. Is his hand still casted?"

  "Yeah. He was annoyed by that."

  "No surprise there."

  "Did you know he'd stopped boxing?"

  "Yeah," dad said reluctantly. "He told me. I was shocked."

  "Me too. It's not like him to give up on something like that."

  "He did it for Laney and love," he sang. It sounded flippant. I didn't ask, but I knew he wasn't convinced it was for the best. He wasn't alone.

  "I think I should come home," I said suddenly, surprising us both. "He's awake and speaking English. I have school and work waiting for me."

  "Jenna," dad began.

  "He doesn't need me. He has mom and Laney here."

  "Yeah, exactly."

  "What does that mean?"

  Dad sighed heavily. "Okay, look, never repeat this but if I were Kellen and I needed to rely on someone, I'm not sure I'd want it to be those two."

  "
Why?"

  "Because they need comfort more than they give it. Did your mom cry when he woke up?"

  "Yes."

  "Did you?"

  "No. I probably should have."

  "There is no 'should have'. Either you did or you didn't, that's you. And you didn't cry. That's what he needs. He's a rock but he's wounded. He needs another rock he can count on. I guarantee you that your mom will call me soon and ask me to come out to organize everything for getting you all home. But do you think you can handle that?"

  "Of course I can. It's plane tickets and cabs."

  "You see? Rock. Don't you leave him."

  "Fine," I grumbled. "Can I go to sleep though?"

  "Of course. He's not leaving today. Get some rest. Get ready."

  "For what?"

  Dad chuckled softly. "The whirlwind."

  ***

  He wasn't kidding.

  It took another week and a lot of tests, a lot of time, but they finally released Kellen to go home. I was put in charge of prescriptions and schedules, making appointments with specialists back in California and arranging our flight back home. Dad was right. Mom begged him to come take care of it all and help us get home, but he handed it off to me. I got mom's credit card and the reigns. What I didn't get was any complaint from her, something I was sure I needed to thank dad for later.

  I was never alone with Kellen during that time. Laney or mom were always there in the room, usually all of us at once, and I could see it wearing on Kellen. That cranky, angry feel he had to him when he woke up didn't go away. He was snappier than usual. Not mean or cruel, but his patience wore thin easily.

  “What do you want to wear on the plane?” Laney asked him as she rummaged through his suitcase.

  We were leaving today. I had checked us out of the hotel and all of our bags, all except Kellen’s, were waiting in a car outside that would take us to the airport. Mom was waiting with them to make sure no one stole them which meant she was making sure the cab driver didn’t drive off with her Prada. I told her she was being paranoid. She told me that if I ever stopped shopping at the Gap I’d understand the value of things. I walked away, mostly because I was insulted at the idea that I’d ever buy anything from the fucking Gap.

 

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