by Mari Carr
She’d actually thought to herself What was the worst that could happen?
It didn’t take Ivy long to discover the answer to that question.
The worst was, James had wormed his way into her heart, making her not only want him sexually—and sweet Jesus, did she burn for him—but as a friend. God, as a best friend.
A few days earlier, it had been on the tip of her tongue to tell him about Jem. She actually would have if he hadn’t been called back to base because of a fire.
It was ironic that fire singed everyone but her. One mention of the word and she turned to ice, a bone-deep freezing sensation that left her numb and exhausted.
James had excused himself and Bill had appeared, asking her out. She’d said yes without a single thought or hesitation. And she hadn’t seen James since.
“What’s Jamie think about you and Bill?”
And now Dad was getting to the heart of the matter. He’d asked about her lunch dates with James a couple of weeks ago. She’d assured him they were just friends, and he had let the subject drop. Ivy had foolishly believed she’d convinced him.
“Why would I care what he thinks about it? We’re not dating.”
Dad’s gaze fell to the frame on his desk. “Maybe you should be.”
She narrowed her eyes, her temper piquing. “Oh, that’s rich. Tell you what, Dad. I’ll date James when you hang up that picture.”
Dad sucked in a deep breath, her words striking hard.
“Forget it,” she hastened to add. “Forget all of this.” She walked to the door as she spoke.
“Scout,” her father called out, but she wasn’t stopping, wasn’t spending one more minute in that office. Dad didn’t follow her. Not that she’d expected him to. If there was one thing Wagners excelled at, it was quick jabs followed by unhindered escapes.
Her mother had been the first to master both, blaming Dad for Jem’s death before filing for divorce and running off to her sister’s house on the East Coast. Dad had let her go without a word—not in defense of himself or to beg her to stay.
Since then, she and Dad had waged the same skirmishes. They’d play nice until the thread grew too tight and one of them blew. That was when she packed her bags and headed back to school, and he buried himself in work.
She knew on the surface, even to the people who knew them best, they looked like the adoring father-and-daughter duo. If only that were true. It used to be. Before…
Ivy had almost made the perfect escape, but luck clearly wasn’t on her side today.
“Hey, Ivy.”
She didn’t have to turn around to recognize James’s voice. The deep timbre never failed to set the jittery butterflies in her stomach free.
Turning around, she fought to gird her loins, so to speak. She was on shaky ground after the confrontation with her dad and feeling way too vulnerable to face James.
“I’m late for work.”
James didn’t take offense at her sharp tone. “I only need five minutes.”
She blew out an annoyed breath that should have warned him she was in no mood to talk. Problem was, James appeared to have reached the limit of…something…as well.
He reached for her hand, tugging her away from the base office, toward a storage shed on the other side of the parking lot.
She tried to pull her hand out of his grip, but James wasn’t letting go. Ivy didn’t bother to stop walking because it was obvious he’d drag her there willingly or unwillingly, and getting there over his shoulder with her ass in the air would be more humiliation than she could stand for one day.
When they reached the shed, he opened the door and shoved her into the dim space. There was one small window near the back that let in a bit of sunshine, but large boxes blocked most of it out. Even so, he didn’t bother to turn on a light.
“Listen, James. I don’t appreciate—”
That was as much as she got out before he kissed her. Hard.
His hands gripped her face in an impenetrable hold that told her he would only let go when he was good and ready. And given the way his tongue was exploring her mouth, she feared—oh, fuck that, she hoped—it would be years from now.
Ivy lifted her hands to his chest, pretending to herself for all of three seconds that she was going to push him away. That plan vanished the second she touched his rock-hard pecs. Jesus. He felt even better than he looked.
James slowly moved her backwards two steps until she was pressed against the wall. As he shifted their location, Ivy made a move of her own, untucking his shirt so that she could shove her hands beneath the soft cotton.
James groaned against her lips when her fingers found and stroked his nipples. He pulled his mouth away only an inch or so, his breath hot on her face. “You go out with that dick Bill again, and I swear to God, I won’t be held responsible for my actions.”
She was tempted to press him on that, to ask exactly what he’d do. While she suspected he meant he’d punch Bill’s lights out, she would prefer he punish her in some dirty, kinky, sexually mind-blowing way.
Ivy imagined James pulling her over his lap and spanking her, and she threw caution to the wind. “You don’t get to tell me who I date.”
“You’re wrong. From this point on, you’re dating me. Only me.”
Before she could deny that bold proclamation, he kissed her again. And this time, it was her tongue in his mouth. His hands found her breasts, cupping them, and she wished he’d follow her lead and dive beneath the material.
In fact…
Her fingers drifted lower, until they reached the waistband of his jeans. She slipped the button loose. Part of her expected James to stop her, but he didn’t. He was too focused on her mouth and her breasts. Or at least he was until she slipped the zipper down.
He lifted his head, his eyes locked on her face as she reached inside his boxers and wrapped her hand around his erection.
Fuck. He was thick and long and so ready to go. She hadn’t had sex in nearly two years, her drought due to a grueling work and school schedule.
“Jamie,” she whispered. This was going way too fast and too far, considering they were standing in a storage shed a hundred yards away from her dad’s office.
James placed one of his hands over hers on his cock, then he cupped her face with the other. “As much as I like the feeling of your hand on me, this isn’t why I brought you here.”
She tried to pull her hand free, but James tightened his grip.
“Next time you touch me like this, we’re going to be naked in bed together. And we’re going to have all night to do it right.”
Ivy started to shake her head, but it would be pretty fucking stupid to keep up her refusals. All James had done was kiss her and she’d taken it twenty steps further.
“I want you, Ivy. You know that. I know there’s something holding you back, and I hope at some point you’ll trust me enough to tell me what that is. But until then, you can’t go out with Bill—or any other guy. It makes me crazy jealous.”
They’d only known each other a month and they were nothing more than friends. The idea that he would feel so possessive, so jealous of other guys, seemed premature and irrational. A wise woman would tell him to take a flying leap.
Then she considered seeing James with another woman.
She’d hate it. Completely.
“I understand. But I get the same promise. No other women.”
“There’s no one else.” Then he gave her a lopsided grin that felt out of place after such a passionate moment. He glanced down at his hand, still wrapped around hers on his cock.
“Third base,” he murmured.
She laughed lightly. “That’s third base?”
“I’m going to have to draw up a diagram for you and Austin.”
“Your cousin?” She was confused, but amused nonetheless as she slipped her hand free from his pants. James was a master when it came to finding a way to lighten the moment, to make her laugh. She’d always been far too serious—in scho
ol, at home and at work. James brought out a silliness in her she didn’t know even existed.
His features softened. Her mind hadn’t registered the intensity in his eyes when he’d pushed her against the door for that incredible kiss. Probably because she’d been so totally blinded by lust.
“So no more dates with other guys?” he asked, obviously needing confirmation.
“No more dates. But, James, I still can’t date—”
“Tell me why,” he pressed. “Please.”
Ivy felt the walls closing in on her, her vision going fuzzy and gray around the edges. The pain of her confrontation with her dad combined with the stress of trying to fight something she couldn’t defeat.
She didn’t say the words. She never had.
Not even when her dad shoved her in therapy for a year after Jem’s death. She’d simply sat in the psychiatrist’s office week after week, insisting she was fine, that she was moving on and healing. When she turned seventeen, she convinced her dad she’d had enough and he let her stop going.
God. Now that she thought about it, she’d never heard Dad say the words out loud either.
Neither of them had ever found the ability to say, Jem was a smokejumper, and he died in a fire when he was twenty-three years old.
She recalled her father’s face when she’d asked where the picture was. The healing had to start somewhere, but even now, when she opened her mouth, trying to find a way to form the words into sound, nothing came. Her chest was tight and her hands started to shake. She clasped them together behind her back, but not before James noticed.
“God. Ivy.” He paused, confused and concerned about her sudden distress. “Stop.” His hands cupped her face.
She’d suffered a decade’s worth of panic attacks, so she knew one when it hit.
James, however, looked spooked. “It’s okay, Ivy. Breathe.”
She drew in the deepest breath she could manage, then she tried again. And again. It took her a few minutes, but she managed to regain enough control to say a few words. “I want to…”
The rest clogged up in her throat.
James gave her a friendly kiss on the cheek. “You’ll tell me when you’re ready. Until then, we stay the course.”
She frowned, confused, until he clarified.
“Lunch.”
Ivy nodded slowly, forcing a weak smile.
Lunch she could do.
For now.
Until he added, “And no dates with other people.”
This wasn’t going to end well. And yet she couldn’t stop it. James was a force of nature and her heart wanted him. Desperately.
Chapter Five
James dodged the hand smacking his when he tried to steal yet another one of Ivy’s French fries. They were on their thirteenth “not a date” lunch at the diner, sitting in their booth by the front window. He’d been back in West Yellowstone for this year’s rotation a full two months, and very few days since that initial lunch had gone by without him at least talking to Ivy, if not actually seeing her.
Just like his boss, the daughter was stubborn as a mule. She continued to insist they maintain the “just friends” status, and he’d taken that deal because he loved Ivy’s company, loved spending time with and talking to her.
But he didn’t want to kiss his “friends” goodbye every time they parted, the way he did Ivy. He wasn’t sure why she was so resistant to the boyfriend/girlfriend concept, but at some point, he was going to have to push the issue. However, after their brief interlude in the storage shed, he had been afraid to bring it up again. Something bad was rambling around in her head, and he didn’t have a clue how to assuage her fears.
The sight of it had given him the strength to dial things back for a couple of weeks.
But only a couple of weeks.
Now that willpower was shot. The attraction between them sparked, sizzled, and singed. He was on fire, and starting to wonder if the fresh calluses on his hand were due to getting back into the swing of work around the base, or from jerking off in the shower every morning after another night of dreaming about her.
“I really need to start looking for another job,” Ivy said. James had learned somewhere around “not a date” number three that Ivy was merely filling in at the clinic for the regular vet, Barbara Anderson, who had been dealing with some medical issues. Dr. Anderson planned to return to work in a day or two, and while she wanted Ivy to stay on permanently, Ivy was champing at the bit to find her dream job.
If she found it, she’d most likely be relocating and moving away. James hated the idea of her vanishing before they’d had a chance to really give this budding relationship a chance, but Ivy was growing more and more bored with life in a pet clinic.
“So you keep saying. I’m not sure what’s wrong with the clinic. Everyone loves you there, and you can stay close to your dad.”
“Dad managed to do okay on his own without me all those years I was away at school. Besides, I’m not talking about an East Coast job, even though Mom has sent me no less than twelve options in North Carolina.”
“You’d hate the East Coast.”
“I know. That’s one of the reasons I didn’t move with her after the divorce.”
James had become fairly astute when it came to Ivy’s forbidden topics. His job and the details surrounding her parents’ split were the top two. So he was surprised when she opened the door to the subject.
“One of the reasons?”
She hesitated for just a moment. “Mom moved in with her sister and her family right after the divorce. She was going to have plenty of support to get through,” she paused, “to get through the breakup. Dad didn’t have anybody, so I stayed with him.”
James couldn’t help but feel like there were more reasons, but that was the only one she offered. “I know he was glad you stayed here. I really haven’t understated it when I say the guy talks about you all the time.”
Ivy gave him a ghost of a smile that didn’t feel quite genuine. She was quieter today than usual. She’d even tried to bail on the standing date when he’d stopped by to pick her up. Something she hadn’t done in weeks.
“You okay?” he asked when the silence at the table drifted a few moments too long.
She nodded half-heartedly and he noticed the dark circles under her eyes.
“You’re not sick, are you?”
His continual questions appeared to break through whatever was bothering her. And in typical Ivy fashion, she flashed hot with an annoyance that lasted about three seconds. “I’m fine, Jamie,” she snapped.
It never took her long to regret her tone, which meant her reply was instantly followed by a long sigh. “I’m sorry. I warned you at the clinic I wasn’t going to be good company today.”
She had. But she was wrong. Even when she was in a bad mood, James would rather be with her than without. The idea wasn’t as unsettling as he might have thought. His cousins and brother had gotten a kick out of learning that he was smitten. And he could hear Jake making some comment about it being time he grew up and stopped thinking with his dick.
Not that his dick wasn’t smitten too. It was just that, for the first time, his primary objective with a woman wasn’t getting her naked.
“I won’t keep pushing,” he said. “If you want to talk about it, I’m here. Otherwise, you’re going to have to listen to me list again all the reasons why we should stop pretending we’re not hot for each other.”
Ivy rubbed her forehead wearily. “That is sort of the problem.”
James reached across the table and took her hand in his, giving it a squeeze. “Why?”
Her gaze met his, and James could swear he actually saw some sort of veil being lifted. One second, her eyes were troubled, the next her face cleared.
“I want to have sex with you.”
Of all the things he’d expected to hear from her at that moment, that probably wouldn’t have even made the list. He gave her a shit-eating grin that didn’t piss her off like he’d
anticipated.
“So what you’re really saying is, I’ve worn you down. I’ve won.”
She shook her head. “I was on the track team in high school. Hurdles. Did I tell you that?”
“No.” James pictured her lifting her legs, gracefully straddling the bar mid-stride. He’d give anything to have been able to see her in action.
“I used to stand at the starting line and count the hurdles, then the pistol would fire, and I’d do a mental countdown as I put more and more of the hurdles behind me. I’m sitting here, staring down this track you and I are on, and I’m counting the hurdles, Jamie. There are a lot of them.”
“Let’s start counting them down.”
Ivy glanced out the window, but it was obvious she wasn’t seeing anything beyond the glass. “They aren’t all equal height. Some of them are insurmountable.”
“I refuse to believe that.”
She rolled her eyes. “You know, the more we’re together, the more I’m convinced that not enough people have said no to you in your life. Everything’s come too easy.”
He laughed, but he was hard-pressed to disagree. He had lived a fairly privileged life with two doting parents, a protective older sister, a brother who was a best friend, a huge, supportive extended family and, while life on a ranch was hard work, Compass Ranch was prosperous, so he’d never been hungry or cold or had to fight for much of anything. “Are you calling me spoiled?”
She grinned. “Yes.”
He figured Ivy’s life, while devoid of the hunger and cold aspects, had probably been more difficult. Her parents had split up when she was just sixteen, her mother moving clear across the country. And while he’d worked on the ranch to earn his allowance, there had been money there for him to go to college if he’d chosen that path. Ivy had worked her way through college, but she was still starting life with a fair amount of debt, thanks to school loans.
“I just want the chance to date you. I’m not asking for any big lifetime commitment. We have fun together, and I think this chemistry between us is pretty much off the charts. What do you say we just take a stab at jumping the first hurdle?”