“Alex,” Sam repeated.
I tried to offer some response. “I need to kill the Witherer.”
Sam didn’t answer. Instead, she scooted closer and we sat in silence.
I had no idea how long we sat there but the woods and the ground had gone cold around us by the time I got my shit together enough to come out of it.
“Thanks,” I said quietly.
Sam straightened from where she’d been leaning against the trunk of a tree. “For what?”
“For sitting with me.”
She grimaced. “I’m also the one who had to tell you. I’m so sorry for that. For all of it.”
I wasn’t sure if there was more to tell or if I was ready to hear it, but we didn’t have time for me to ease in. Not with the merge coming up and the equinox after that. And if Sushna left those images for Sam, it meant something. Something important. So I had to ask. “I have magic then.”
Sam nodded solemnly.
“Do you know what it is?”
“I know it has to do with your blood,” she said, her fingers twisting nervously. “Safar and Jin told me that much. But they wouldn’t tell me more.”
“Well, they’re going to tell me,” I said, the anger rising again now that I had someone to aim it at.
Sam shook her head, her brows knitting. “I don’t think they know. Jin can only read your past. Your magic is in your future, I think.”
“Then the only one that leaves with answers is Sushna.”
Sam bit her lip. “Yes.”
“You aren’t going to talk me out of it?”
“I think … Remember when Koby mentioned knowing what I need to do next?” I nodded and then my eyes narrowed as I realized what she meant.
“Shit. We have to go see her. For something other than murdering her.”
Sam winced. “Preferably yes. I think she can help us.”
“The question is how much will it cost.”
Sam didn’t answer and a shuffling of leaves farther out caught my attention. I pressed my finger to my lips and jumped silently to my feet. More leaves shuffled and then a very human grunt broke the silence. I squinted into the darkness as shuffling footsteps wandered closer. My entire body tensed, ready to spring—wanting to. If only I had someone to take this all out on—but then the figure appeared, and I relaxed.
Sam stood beside me, craning to see into the darkness.
“Harold,” she called in relief when he got closer.
He peered through the darkness and sighed. “Oh, thank you for waiting. That took a little longer than we expected.” His shirt was torn underneath a new-looking jacket with fur around the collar, and he wore a pair of sandals with pink tulips decorating the straps.
“What happened?” I asked.
“Apparently, the elevation is higher than we thought. We had to blink back out again and run into Camping World for supplies. Then I stayed to help Breck pitch a tent and make camp. We’re all set now.”
“You ‘blinked’ to Camping World?” Sam repeated.
Harold shrugged and we all fell into step together as we headed home. “Seems an appropriate name. You get there in a blink. I guess I could call it snapping instead.”
Sam gave him a wry smile. “Blinking works. Very clever.”
“Anyway, Breck says to tell the boss he’ll check in every twenty-four hours.”
Sam eyed me. “I guess that means you.”
I shook my head, remembering too late that I’d meant to use this time alone to talk to her about that very thing. Obviously, we’d gotten a little derailed. “Not me,” I said, handing her the cell Breck would use to check in on. He’d given me another one for my own use. This one was Sam’s. “You.”
“Me?”
“You’re the leader, Sam.”
“Since when? I mean, says who?”
“Me. Breck. Everyone.”
Sam finally took the phone, holding it like she was afraid it was going to bite her. Any other day, it might have been funny, but I couldn’t shake the dark cloud left by Sam’s vision.
“Uh, are we sure that’s wise?” she asked.
I tugged on her hand, nodding at Harold. “We’ll see you at the house in a few.”
He shrugged. “Works for me. I need a few minutes to look in on my mushroom crop.” He hurried off and veered left, disappearing around the back of the house.
I decided not to ask what the hell a mushroom crop was.
“Sam, listen, I know you’re freaked out, but it’s what we’re already doing. You’ve already been calling the shots all along. We’re just following your lead. This only makes it official.”
She shook her head. “But those shots being called leave us all at the mercy of a goddess I can’t control. What if she takes me over? Who is in charge then?”
I grabbed her face in my hands, staring intently into her brown eyes and summoning all of the feelings I felt for her as I held her there. “You won’t lose yourself. I won’t let you. I will always call you back to me.”
“You promise?” she whispered, and I nodded, wiping a tear as it slid down her cheek.
“I swear it. You tell me what to do, who to kill, where to go, and I’ll do it. For you, I will always fight. You’re our leader, but you’re not alone. You will always have me.”
“And you will always have me, too,” she echoed, offering a watery smile. “I don’t want to screw up your plans of bachelorhood or an eternity of grouchiness or anything, but I do love you Alex Channing.”
I grinned, the darkness that had been shadowing me suddenly evaporating, at least for the moment. Right now, in this forest, with this girl in my arms, everything in the world felt right. “I love you too, Samantha Autumn Knight.”
Her lips curved against mine.
“Is that really your name? I meant to ask you—”
“Alex,” Sam said between kisses. Her voice held a warning.
“It’s adorable, really. And it really answers the question of conception.”
Sam groaned. “I don’t want to think about that right now.”
“When we have kids, we’ll have to stop at three, though. Spring, Summer, and Winter are all we have left—”
“Alex,” she said again.
“Right. No more talking,” I agreed.
Sam laughed softly.
I bent low, pressing my mouth to hers and kissing her until she moaned. When her knees buckled, I scooped her into my arms and marched us right back into the woods. “One of these days, we’ll end up in a real bed,” I said.
Sam laughed and reached up to nip at my neck. “Where would the fun in that be?”
At the sound of my alarm, I rolled over, surprised to find the space beside me already empty. After a couple of stolen hours in the woods, Sam and I had snuck back into the house late last night—or early this morning—and passed out. I hadn’t moved once while I slept, but now, I checked my phone again for any more updates on the messages I’d sent out last night. Nothing yet from Edie. But according to the time, if we didn’t move soon, Sam was going to be late for her first day back to class. I hauled myself out of bed, wincing at the pull in my shoulder as I shoved my legs into my pants. It was already much better than it had been but it still ached like hell when I moved it wrong.
I buttoned my pants and straightened, opening the door—and stopped short. Sam stood before me, dressed and waiting with keys in hand. I exhaled like I’d been punched in the stomach at the sight of her, so completely beautiful—and by some miracle, she was mine. She smiled at me, and I wondered what the hell kind of backward karma had decided to smile down on me in bringing this girl into my life.
“Ready?” she asked.
“Yeah … I thought we were going to be late.”
“Nope. I’ve been up for an hour talking to Koby.” She leaned in and whispered, “I think he knows what we did last night. You know, reading my aura and all…”
“Wait. Did you say aura or aural?” I frowned. “Because if he read your oral,
I’m not sure how I feel about that—”
I dodged her hand as it shot out toward my ribs. She laughed and then straightened. “Coffee?”
She held out a to-go mug, and I took it, grateful, but then narrowed my eyes. “How and why are you up before me? That never happens. Was it the outdoor sex? Because we can go back to sleeping on the roof—”
Sam shook her head and spun on her heel. “Come on, Channing. Time to go to school.”
She started for the door and I followed, careful to keep my footsteps quiet in a houseful of sleeping people.
Outside, Sam stopped to wait for me, finally answering my question. “Safar warded me so that I won’t attract feral werewolves, and my mother can’t bother me as long as I’m in class. It might be the most normal day I’ve had in almost a year, and I desperately need that if we’re going to possibly kill an ancient witch who rules over a magical forest later. Come on.”
I pulled on my sweatshirt, gulped more coffee, and followed without a word; I wasn’t going to rain on her parade. But I knew that with Sam, no day was ever going to be normal.
By the end of Sam’s school day, I was already losing my shit. Edie still hadn’t called me back. Breck had checked in with Sam with apparently nothing useful to report—RJ was napping of all things—and I’d missed lunch when I’d gone to take a leak in the five minutes the hot dog cart had apparently rolled by the quad where I was sitting with a clear view of Sam’s classroom. This college bull shit was not my favorite recon.
By the time Sam emerged from the building, I’d talked myself into and out of about sixteen different plans regarding how to make Sushna pay for whatever she’d done to my mom. The moment I saw her, I put all of it aside and watched her. She crossed the grass, a smile on her face and a spring in her step and my chest ached to realize just how far she’d fallen with the stress and heartbreak of this whole situation. And even though I knew deep down this wasn’t really my fault, I couldn’t help the guilt that pressed in around my chest for all that she’d missed between the memory wipe and the mad goddess inside her.
“Hey,” she said, coming to a stop in front of the bench where I sat.
“Hey, yourself.”
“How was your morning?”
“Long. How was yours?”
She rolled her eyes but she was still smiling as she said, “Obedient.” She sat next to me and sipped from a bottle of water.
“Obedient is good. Can I ask you something?”
“Shoot.”
I gestured to the space around us. “What is all this for?”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean why are you here fulfilling the terms of this probation anyway? What does school mean to you? What are you getting from it?”
She frowned. “I don’t know. I mean, I made a commitment. My scholarship…”
“Right, but if your scholarship didn’t go away, I mean, is school what you really want?”
She bit her lip. “I don’t know. School was what I had. It was my life before … well, everything else.”
“And now?”
“Now.” She set the water bottle aside and slid her hand into mine. “Now, the magic, Brittany, Breck, you ... You’re my life.”
I kissed her, wondering if she knew just how right that answer was.
“What about you?” she asked. “If you didn’t have CHAS. I mean—if they invite you back in, after the interrogation and everything else … will you go?”
“I don’t know,” I said, trying to picture a life that involved killing werewolves while loving a girl who healed them. My chest tightened.
“They’ve become a lot more progressive under the new leadership but …”
“But not if they’re torturing their own people,” she said softly.
I nodded, fury working its way toward the surface at the memory. I shoved it back, promising myself that someday I’d face Brooks for that shit. Make him answer. But for now, we had bigger problems. “And then, of course, there’s their stance on witches.”
Sam patted my knee. “Maybe we’ll change their minds. When we win.”
“Breck said they’ve blocked witches from entering the capital office at all now.”
“Ugh. The whole thing pisses me off. What I don’t get is why? Their resistance to magic doesn’t make any sense. There are a lot of Hunters who have their own magic. What’s the difference?”
“The difference is that Hunters are—in their mind—the balancing act between humans and werewolves. We are chosen, so to speak. Witches are … relics,” I said and Sam winced. “Left over from the age of the gods who created us.”
“We’re unnecessary. Like overkill,” she said, and I hated watching the hurt and anger play out as my words sunk in.
I didn’t answer.
“What does that mean for us?” she asked. “I’ve been thinking about what happens when all this is over. After the equinox, where does that leave us?”
I’d been thinking about it too. And I had some ideas, but now, I said only, “I don’t know if I can go back to CHAS.”
“I don’t know if I could stand it if you did.”
But I don’t know how to do anything else. The words stuck in my throat and I remained silent, unable to voice my real fears. It was ironic and funny in that not-funny-at-all kind of way. Here we were up against gods and monsters, and what I was really afraid of was myself.
I reached for her hand and wove our fingers together. Neither of us spoke. I sat with her, watching the students hurrying from one class to the next. The hot dog cart rolled by again, but my appetite was gone now.
Finally, I looked over at Sam. She was lost in some thought, staring blankly ahead. For a second, I felt panic rise up at the idea that she might even be lost inside herself. Inside Hina.
But then she blinked and turned, offering me a forced smile when she caught my eye. Something in my chest cracked, and I lost my patience with this entire fucking thing.
“This whole thing feels like a waste,” I blurted.
“What thing?” Sam asked.
I sighed. “College. Escorting you to class.”
She nodded slowly and I was surprised she didn’t argue. “I was thinking that too. For every moment I’m warded against the wolves, they’re out there … hurting someone else. I can’t keep that up. But if I don’t, my parents will stop paying for it. I’ll have to go home.”
“Why?” I challenged. “You’re an adult. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
“That’s the thing. I don’t know what I want to do. But until I do, I can’t let more people down. I’ve done that too much already.”
I bit my tongue as I realized she might only doing this to keep from hurting people—and I had no right to lecture her over it. We fell silent again, watching pedestrians coming and going. “Spring Break is coming,” I said finally.
She nodded, smiling wryly. “The equinox has good timing at least.”
“We can’t wait much longer before we make our next move,” I said. We both knew what move I referred to.
“I know. I have to take my mom to the airport tonight, but we could go tomorrow after school.”
“Are you sure you’re up for this? I mean, shouldn’t you be getting ready for the merge?”
“Sushna knows about your magic and she clearly has something more to tell us about it. We have to go.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
She offered a faint smile. “I know.” And then after a beat, she added, “I’ll be fine as long as you’re with me. As for the merge, I’ve done all I can do. Safar has walked me through it a dozen times already. I can’t do anything else except embrace Hina when the time comes. Until then, Sushna is our best next step.”
It was exactly what I’d wanted to do last night. Run off and see—maybe kill—the Witherer. But now, in the light of day, and with Sam at my side, I wasn’t so sure I trusted myself. I’d promised to protect her—and that protection included con
trolling my rage when it put her in danger. Could I do that when faced with Sushna? Or worse, with her daughter?
“We could find out another way,” I said.
“I know, but the visions were more like an invitation, I think. She wants us to come—to ask her about your magic. And if my vision was true, she was there when it began. She should be the one to tell us.”
I sighed. Sam was right, of course. The question was whether any of us would live long enough to hear her tell it.
Chapter Nineteen
Sam
I watched as Alex pulled my mother’s bags from the trunk and set them on the sidewalk of the crowded curb. In the backseat of Brittany’s car, Koby waited, watching me closely for a signal that he was needed. I’d brought him entirely for selfish reasons. His gifts helped keep the temperature of the moods in the small car regulated during our drive over. Apparently, there was no shortage of negative energy considering Koby’s pinched expression. I owed him an apology later, but I couldn’t have imagined the drive without him now.
With traffic, it had taken over an hour to get here, and I wasn’t completely sorry I’d used Koby during that time because my mom was definitely beginning to get suspicious. More than once, she’d asked what had made me come back out of my shell so much since she’d last seen me. Side glances were thrown at Alex, but I kept my answers vague. Now, we were finally here and the interrogation was almost over.
My mother laid her hand on my shoulder, and I looked back at her, forcing a smile. She wore one of her trademark suits and her hair had been perfectly styled, despite the full day of travelling that was before her. I would never, ever be my mother’s daughter, that was for sure.
“I know I’ve said it already, but you really are stunning, Sam. California suits you.” She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and leaned in close, a conspiratorial smile on her lips. “Or maybe it’s the boy.”
“Mom,” I said, knowing full well Alex could hear every word with his Hunter hearing. I glanced over in time to see a small smile curving his mouth before he turned away again to mess with the bags.
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