by Orr Kelly
Tank rounds began to explode near us. The Iraqis had seen us, and their rounds were getting closer. Tony swerved left and right, dodging explosions as the flying dirt splattered against the windshield. It was exactly like a scene from a war movie I had seen: total chaos and danger. But somehow we were escaping. I was breathing so hard my lungs stung from the rush of cold air that I kept sucking in. We stopped at an army safe house a few miles south of our bunker to warn them of the attack, but they had seen the one-sided firefight and were already evacuating. Tony kept the speedometer pegged until we reached the first Saudi checkpoint, about five miles south of the border. We warned the wide-eyed Saudi guards of the Iraqi assault headed their way, then drove further south to our base.
The entire base was mobilizing for a quick evacuation if the Iraqis decided to continue south. We left our gear packed while Wayne briefed the skipper on what had just happened. We finally got word to stand down, so my buddies and I headed back to the barracks for a couple hours’ sleep.
I still had a surplus of adrenaline running through my body as I lay on my rack and stared at the ceiling, recalling what had become a blur of memory. As the adrenaline diluted itself, I began to question our actions. Maybe we should have held up behind a sand dune and attempted to destroy a tank or two. We might have been able to stop the entire assault.
But we knew the loss of our hole-in-the-ground bunker would not turn the tide of the war, and we also knew we had no immediate air support. I guess that was our rationale for the actions we took, but I still wondered if we did the right thing.
I began to think about war in general. It was so different from what we consider a normal experience, but it was made up of many incidents that are very normal and only a few that are not. War became more of a complicated job to me than an adventure. Slowly reliving the experience kept me up the rest of the night.
The Iraqi forces were repelled the next day by U.S. armor and air support, while my buddies and I readied ourselves for future operations. It was reported to us that more than ten tanks and multiple armored personnel carriers had rolled right through our position. Good thing we left when we did. Still pondering what had happened the night before, I inspected my gear for the next mission.
CHAPTER
48
Letting Go
Mike Bennett served in both UDT and SEAL units and remained in the teams until 1990. And then, thousands of miles and twoscore years from Vietnam, he had a strange experience. He tells what happened:
This was in 1990 or 1991. It wasn’t long after I had retired in March 1990.
My wife, Nina, and I went in this art store in Washington and I saw this painting—Reflections in the Wall. It’s a picture of a fellow at the wall at the Vietnam Memorial. He’s leaning against the wall with one hand and, instead of seeing names, you see the faces of people looking out from the wall.
But the reflections, the faces in it, were not looking at him. They were looking straight out at me. And they were mad! The faces looked mad. I recognized a couple of them. They were mad because we haven’t let them go.
All the guys in the teams that got killed, in our minds, we just put them on another cruise. When we were in country, they were back stateside. When we would go back stateside, they were in country. We never really let them go.
And the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t take my eyes off it. I broke out in a sweat and then I had to get out of the store. And I walked out.
They were telling me to let them go.
And then I finally decided, that’s what I’ve got to do and that’s what they’re telling me to do. I said, okay. And I thought about all the guys in the teams that I knew that had died and were killed in Vietnam.
And I said, okay, they’re dead. They’re gone. It’s over. And that’s when the faces turned around and looked back at the guy in the picture. And that, I believe, was a real turning point for me, just turning it all loose.
I could breathe and it was like a huge weight, the whole world, came off of my shoulders.
Had you been to the wall itself before this?
Yeah.
And you hadn’t had this kind of reaction looking at the names of your friends?
Right. Because the reflections—the faces—weren’t there. Later on, after I had come to terms with it, Nina bought the painting for me. It’s hanging in the upstairs family room. I look at it every once in a while and it’s a relief. It’s a relief.
Isn’t it strange that a picture would trigger that kind of reaction when the wall itself didn’t?
We all have to have our triggers, somewhere. A lot of these guys just haven’t found theirs yet. And they hang on and hang on until they die. They never really get over it. I’m not sure why that happens. I’m not sure whether it’s because they’re weak or maybe it’s because they were in too deep.
Image Gallery
Underwater Demolition Team (UDT) members watch American planes strafe the beach as they prepare to go ashore in the Balikpanan operation in Borneo on 3 July 1945. Photo by Lt. (jg) C. F. Waterman from the National Archives.
UDT members plan an operation during the Korean War. National Archives.
UDT team comes ashore in Korea. Note the bulky dry suits in use at that time. National Archives.
Getting ready to destroy the North Korean fishing net. National Archives.
A captured net is hung out to dry. National Archives.
Lt. Martin Every takes an awkward tumble during recovery of the Gemini IV spacecraft after the first American walk in space. NASA photo.
The Gemini capsule is stabilized with a flotation collar. NASA photo.
Every and Petty Officers Neil G. Dow and Everett W. Owl prepare the Gemini capsule for pickup by an aircraft carrier. NASA photo.
Navy frogmen assist Gemini VIII astronauts David Scott, left, and Neil Armstrong after their landing some five hundred miles east of Okinawa. Armstrong later became the first man to walk on the moon. NASA photo.
Lt. (jg) Chris Bent clings to the side of an unmanned Apollo spacecraft, preparing it to be hoisted aboard the USS Boxer. Photo courtesy Chris Bent.
Members of UDT Thirteen prepare to help the Apollo 13 astronauts emerge from the spacecraft after their harrowing trip around the moon. NASA photo.
Members of UDT Thirteen take pictures and assist Apollo 13 astronauts. John L. Swigert Jr. (back to camera) was the command module pilot. Fred W. Haise Jr., stepping into the life raft, was the lunar module pilot. James A. Lovell Jr., the spacecraft commander, is emerging from the capsule. NASA photo.
Command module pilot Swigert waves to a UDT Thirteen member photographing the recovery from the water. NASA photo.
Swigert, left, and Lovell, center, wait for a helicopter to carry them to the USS Iwo Jima.Haise has already been picked up. A member of the UDT recovery team is at right. NASA photo.
Norman Olson, an avid parachutist and founder of two SEAL parachute demonstration teams in a free fall over San Diego. Photo courtesy of Norman Olson.
Members of an underwater demolition team prepare explosive hose for use during an operation in Vietnam. US Navy photo.
Putting explosive hose in place is heavy work for UDT frogmen. US Navy photo.
Two UDT frogmen stand guard as another team member prepares to blow up a bunker in Vietnam. US Navy photo.
A UDT member sets an explosive charge in preparation for the destruction of a Viet Cong bunker. US Navy photo.
SEALs climb aboard a landing craft after an operation in the Rung Sat Special Zone it Vietnam. US Navy photo.
SEALs fire on an enemy position in Vietnam. US Navy photo.
His face showing the tension of the situation, a SEAL moves through a suspected enemy structure. US Navy photo.
Two SEALs armed with M16 rifles prepare to move forward during an operation in Vietnam. US Navy photo.
Part of the U.S. riverine navy that worked closely with SEALs during operations in the delta formed by the Meko
ng and Bassac Rivers in South Vietnam. US Navy photo.
EM3 William Langley, a member of SEAL Team ONE, applies grease paint to his face before an operation along the Bassac River in Vietnam in the fall of 1967. US Navy photo.
Two SEALs pause briefly before moving in on an enemy position during Operation Crimson Tide in South Vietnam’s VinhBinh province in December of 1967. US Navy photo.
SEAL Frank Scolise and friend in Vietnam. US Navy photo.
A navy Sea Wolf helicopter pilot and a SEAL plan an operation in Vietnam in the fall of 1969. US Navy photo.
Would-be SEALs in training crawl under a barbed wire entanglement as explosives are set off nearby. US Navy photo.
Men in training at the Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL course in Coronado, California, paddle through the Pacific breakers. US Navy photo.
The USS Grayback, a missile-firing diesel submarine converted for use by SEALs. It carried SEALs and UDT members on Operation Thunderhead, a daring effort to rescue Americans from a North Vietnamese prison. US Navy photo.
Philip “Moki” Martin is sworn in as a navy warrant officer by Comdr. John Chamberlain, skipper of the Grayback, in June 1962 as the submarine approached the North Vietnamese coast. Lieutenant Melvin Spence Dry, left, was killed a few days later. Photo courtesy of Philip Martin.
GLOSSARY
AC-47: A twin-engine gunship, based on the DC-3 commercial plane, used in Vietnam. Nicknamed Spooky or Puff the Magic Dragon.
AFF: Accelerated free fall, a technique in which an instructor holds on to a trainee and instructs him as they fall from high altitude before opening their parachutes.
AK-47: Infantry rifle, comparable to the American M16, developed by the Soviet Union and originally used by communist forces, including the Viet Cong and North Vietnamese. Now in wide use throughout the world.
AO: Area of operations of a military unit.
APC: Armored personnel carrier.
APD: A destroyer converted for use as a small troop carrier.
Apollo: The U.S. moon-landing program and the spacecraft used.
AR-15: Early version of the M16 rifle used by U.S. forces.
ASW: Antisubmarine warfare.
AWOL: Absent without leave.
B-40: Rocket launcher.
Barndance card: A report on operations kept by SEAL platoons in Vietnam.
Black Ponies: OV-10 Bronco fixed-wing planes used in Vietnam.
BOQ: Bachelor officers’ quarters.
Boston Whaler: A small, high-speed boat used in Vietnam and later in the Grenada operation. Still in limited use today.
Bright Light: Code name for SEAL efforts to free American prisoners in Vietnam.
Bullfrog: The longest-serving SEAL.
C4: Plastic explosive.
Can Tho: City in the far south of the Vietnamese delta where SEALs often operated.
capewells: Parachute quick-release fasteners.
cast and recovery: The procedure for dropping a SEAL into the water from a helicopter or boat and picking him up again.
CCT: Combat control team, an air force unit that controls air traffic under combat conditions.
claymore: A directional mine that can be detonated by a soldier some distance away. It sprays a fan-shaped area with projectiles with a lethal range of more than fifty yards.
Cobra: Helicopter gunship.
Combat Talon: MC-130 combat transport plane used to insert, resupply, and retrieve SEALs and other special operations forces.
CTF-116: Commander Task Force 116. In Vietnam, a unit responsible for enforcing curfews on the water, interdicting Viet Cong infiltration, preventing taxation of waterborne traffic by the Viet Cong, and countering enemy movements and supply efforts on inland waters. TF 116.1 was assigned duties in the Mekong Delta. TF 116.2 was responsible for the Rung Sat Special Zone.
DevGru: Naval Special Warfare Development Group. A major SEAL command that provides centralized management for the test, evaluation, and development of technology applicable to naval special warfare forces.
DMZ: Demilitarized zone between North and South Vietnam.
Dong Tam: Army base near My Tho in the Vietnamese delta, from which SEALs operated.
Draeger: German-made underwater breathing apparatus, also known as a rebreather, in which carbon dioxide is passed through a canister of lime and cleansed. This, plus an oxygen cylinder, provides a fresh supply of oxygen to a swimmer.
driver: In a two-man swim team, the driver memorizes the course and uses a compass to chart the course underwater.
E&E: Acronym for escape and evasion.
Flintlock: Name for annual special operations exercises in Europe.
Fulton sky hook: System in which one or more persons attach themselves to a line that is lifted by a balloon and snagged by an airplane, which then lifts the men from the ground to the plane. It is named for Robert E. Fulton, its inventor.
Gemini: Second phase of the man-on-the-moon program and the space capsule used.
Grayback: USS Grayback, a diesel-powered submarine converted for use by frogmen. On its deck were two large hangars originally designed to carry the Regulus missile.
HAHO: High altitude, high opening parachute jump.
HALO: High altitude, low opening parachute jump.
HSSC: Heavy SEAL support craft used in Vietnam.
Hell Week: An intensive period of physical and mental testing during SEAL training.
HH-60: Blackhawk troop-carrying helicopter.
Huey: UH-1 helicopter used in Vietnam, and since, as a troop carrier and gunship.
I Corps: Pronounced “Eye Corps.” The northernmost of the four military regions into which the U.S. divided its Vietnam operations. SEALs operated primarily in the far south of the country in IV Corps, the south-central area in III Corps, and in I Corps near the border with North Vietnam and Laos.
IBS: Inflatable boat, small. A rubber boat capable of carrying seven men. Propelled by paddle or a small outboard engine.
Jackstay: Name for the operation in which SEAL and UDT units first operated with other military forces in a major operation in Vietnam. It was held between 26 March and 7 April 1966.
K-bar: A combat knife used by SEALs.
Kampf swimmers: German frogmen.
Khmer Rouge: Communist rebels in Cambodia.
Kit Carson scouts: Units in Vietnam made up of former Viet Cong.
LAAW: Light antiarmor weapon.
lai day Vietnamese for “come over here,” used by SEALs to stop and question suspects.
LCM: Landing craft, medium, also known as a Mike boat, used for river operations and beach assaults.
LCPL: Landing craft, personnel, light.
LDNN: Lien Doc Nguoi Nhia, Vietnamese for “soldiers who fight under the sea,” the Vietnamese counterpart of the SEALs.
Lock out: To put a diver on a submarine into an antechamber that is then flooded before the diver leaves the ship.
LPD: Landing platform, dock.
LSSC: Light SEAL support craft.
LOLEX: Low-level extraction, a tactic in which cargo is dropped from an open hatch as the plane flies on.
LST: Landing ship, tank.
LZ: Helicopter landing zone. A hot LZ is a landing zone under enemy fire.
M80: A small explosive device like a cherry bomb, used for signaling swimmers underwater.
M16: Rifle used by American forces.
M60: Light man-portable machine gun. Designed to be fired from a tripod or pintel, it can be fired from the hip.
M79: Grenade launcher.
MACSOG: Military Assistance Command Studies and Observation Group, the unit that carried on covert operations in Southeast Asia during the Vietnam conflict. SEALs were often involved in secret operations under MACSOG command.
MACV: Military Assistance Command Vietnam, the American command.
MC-130: See Combat Talon.
McGuire rig: An emergency procedure in which one or more persons are attached to a line dangling from a helicopter and tra
nsported while hanging below the craft.
Mercury: The first phase of the man-on-the-moon program and the space capsule used.
Midrats: Midnight rations. A meal served in the middle of the night.
Mike boat: Landing craft, medium.
MSSC: Thirty-six-foot medium SEAL support craft used in Vietnam.
My Tho: City in the central Vietnamese delta, an area where SEALs often operated.
NCDU: Naval combat demolition units, originally trained during World War II to clear the way for landings in Europe. Many of the NCDU men later became members of underwater demolition teams in the Pacific but one small unit, operating in the South Pacific, retained the NCDU designation.
NVA: Acronym for the North Vietnamese Army.
O2 table: A table that tells a diver how long he can safely remain at various depths while breathing pure oxygen.
OAS: Obstacle avoidance sonar, part of the navigation system in a SEAL delivery vehicle.
OINC: Officer in charge.
Operation Thunderhead: Code name for an unsuccessful effort to free American captives in North Vietnam in June 1972.
OpSec: Operational security.
PBR: Patrol boat, river.
PLF: Parachute landing fall. The technique used by parachutists to spread the shock upon landing.
Puff the Magic Dragon: Nickname for the AC-47 gunship used in Vietnam.
Regulus: Submarine-launched cruise missile developed in the 1960s. When it was phased out, the USS Grayback, a diesel submarine designed to carry the missile, was converted for use by the frogmen.