by John O'Brien
Looking back at the carbine between her knees, she admires the shape of the plastic and metal. Before, she enjoyed shooting, but a gun was just a gun. Now it is something much more. It is a part of her. She feels anxious if she doesn’t have her M-4 with her or at least nearby. Staring at the suppressor opening, it still amazes her that this is the only thing that has kept them alive when they’ve ventured into the dark buildings that house night runners.
She reaches down to one of her mags and pulls it out. Her gloved fingers grip the hard plastic housing the rounds. The feel also brings a measure of security within her. Turning it over, she eyes the bright rounds set firmly inside. They seem so small to her and the amazed feeling returns; amazed that bullets so small can cause such damage. Returning the mag to her pouch, she thinks, Without this weapon, they would have been run over many times. Or overrun. She is still getting used to the lingo of the soldiers she has become enmeshed with.
She looks at Gonzalez sitting directly across from her and smiles. It appears that Gonzalez is actually napping. Bri knows though that Gonzalez will be instantly alert should anything happen. Even though they are far from home and on a mission to a place they don’t know much about, she feels secure with those around her. The confidence she has been building since this whole thing began has become stronger in the time she has been with Red Team, especially hanging around with Gonzalez.
She knows her dad is nervous about her being out with them and has noticed his worried look whenever she has caught him glancing her way. However, and this amazes her even more, he has allowed her to remain on Red Team and go with them. He has witnessed her in action and perhaps this is why he allows it. Thinking back to the fight in Madigan, she relives what she remembers but most is still a blur. She reacted but really isn’t quite sure what that reaction was. The stories told by the others in Red Team, and in particular Robert and Gonzalez, speak well but, as hard as she tries, she really doesn’t remember anything more than a series of snapshot images. At least it did answer a question that worried her endlessly and that was how she would react. She was so worried that she would freeze and therefore let down the team and her dad.
The increase in Robert’s confidence has also rubbed off on her. He always had that quiet confidence in himself, but she knows that he is constantly second-guessing himself. That’s a trait he inherited from their dad. And she has also noticed that, like their dad, Robert has pushed that second-guessing to the side and reacts with more and more confidence. She wants to become like that but always has these nagging doubts riding around inside of her as to her ability. Deep down, she knows that time and experience will dampen those down some but it’s getting that experience that makes her nervous. Of course, there was that night out on the top of the aircraft. There wasn’t any fear that time, but she also knew that there was little chance the night runners could get to her.
She has watched and absorbed every bit of knowledge she can, immersing herself in the training. Bri knows that she is like her dad in that you never know what will be helpful down the road, so she continues to soak up everything she can. Her dad has brought her with him when dealing with others in order that she might gain experience by watching. She had been allowed to sit in on the group meetings for the same reason. Sifting through her limited knowledge base continually, she runs scenario after scenario in her mind just as her dad instructed her to. She is eager to learn and can’t seem to get enough training. To her, the runs and team training in the mornings seem to end far too quickly. Her fear remains that she’ll let the others down. She knows in her heart that she can handle herself well but also knows that the feeling is based on a very limited amount of experience.
Her thoughts drift from image to image as she relives moments from the past. Memories from her cheerleading days and the events she attended flash through her mind. She recalls times with her school friends, chuckling silently at some; but with those, a sadness forms that she won’t see them again. The recollections make her realize just how far she has come in the last few months and how different she is now — the changes in her priorities and how she thinks. Changes that are continuing to evolve.
She thinks about the first day when her dad came to get her and the sadness that enveloped her whole mind, body, and soul, thinking that she had lost her mom. And the overwhelming joy at finding her again, even in such a dismal place as they were. With that, an image of Nic surfaces. It’s not so much an image but a feeling. She feels a hole in her heart and again feels the tearing pain that she felt on the day Nic died. Distress comes that she can’t remember a perfect image of Nic’s face. She doesn’t want to forget what Nic looked like even though she knows she’ll never forget her spirit. She misses Nic so much. The hurt she feels every time she remembers hasn’t eased with time like the saying goes. The only thing that has changed is Bri’s resolve to keep Nic’s memory alive and to avenge her whenever she has the chance. A perfect image of Nic’s smile does come, and with it, tears well in Bri’s eyes.
She is thrown to the side as the Stryker lurches to a stop with a squeal of brakes.
* * *
Robert rocks from side to side as the Stryker rolls across the bumpy road. The M-4 held between his legs and the movement is barely noticed as he is locked in his own thoughts. The world before, the one where he went to his classes and hung out with his friends, seems like the dreamlike one rather than the strange one he finds himself in now. He’s become used to the way things are, although even that seems to be changing.
They haven’t had to fight night runners, at least as far as in darkened buildings in a while. The times he’s been in firefights within those buildings were tension-filled ones and he’d rather not have to do that again. Although, he has to admit to himself that, after the fact, there was kind of a rush. No, the times are now about engagements with marauders and others like them. Truth be told, he’d rather face the night runners.
No, strike that, he thinks, remembering several terrifying moments. That’s not true at all.
He’s not as nervous about being in those types of situations, although there is still plenty of fear. His confidence has grown from being around the others with more experience and he’s proud to be a member of Red Team. Each and every one of them carries an aura of self-assuredness. It’s like a cloak they all wear when together. Just being around them inspires confidence.
Part of his feeling more confident comes from his dad letting up on him a little. He understands the why of it but is thankful nonetheless — as he is thankful for the extra training both he and Bri have had with him. He knows his dad includes both of them in their briefings and dealings with other groups so that they’ll learn from the interaction. He doesn’t agree with everything his dad says or does though, and would have done some things differently.
For instance, he thinks, he wouldn’t be as trusting of the group they ran into at the bridge. There are surely some in that group that harbor grudges over what happened. He would not just merrily have accepted them into their group.
Sometimes dad is just a little too trusting, he thinks as they bounce over another bump in the road. Not often, but sometimes.
He looks around at the others crammed in the tight compartment. Bri is examining one of her mags and the others are lost in their own thoughts. Gonzalez, sitting next to him, appears to be sleeping. He smiles and wishes he could do that. He returns to the thoughts circling in his head.
Thoughts of being captured and finding his mom float to the surface — the joy of seeing her when Bri pointed her out at the lunch tables. He is curious as to how she changed back as he is quite sure that she was the night runner who had trapped them in the basement. That’s another thing he disagrees with his dad about. Well, disagree isn’t the right word but more of a different priority. How did she change back? He knows they don’t have a lab or any physicist to look at that but, as far as he knows, they haven’t even talked about it. It’s not like he wants to use his mom as a guinea pig, but surely an ans
wer lies there somewhere. He thinks that they should explore the research labs in the University of Washington. Seattle isn’t the best place to go with their limited numbers, but perhaps they could find something there that would be helpful.
He’s thought about that a lot and pondered long into the night about how the night runners were changed — running scenario after scenario through his mind as to the specifics of how that could come about. And, how to change it back. It’s obvious that it can happen. His mom and that other guy they found at the gate prove that. He’s thought of finding the cure and then using dart guns at the zoos and other places like the Department of Natural Resources to administer it. Even aerial spraying has come to mind. Everyone just seems to accept that the night runners are what they are and that’s it.
And maybe that’s so, he thinks.
He also knows that, even if they can change the night runners back, the world would not be what it once was. No, it won’t be the same but it will at least eliminate a certain threat. The thought of actually conducting such a research project is overwhelming but that doesn’t stop him from pondering it from time to time. He’ll bring it up with his dad at some point.
Leaving those thoughts behind, he looks over at his dad standing with Greg by the open cupola. They have a map spread between them and are conversing with a lot of pointing. Of course, when those two get together, there is a lot of smiling as they constantly seem to be poking at one another. All in good fun of course. Robert is still amazed that his dad has been able to bring the group together and lead them. Then again, maybe he’s not. He knows his dad doesn’t really want to be the overall leader — that his dad would rather just take a team and be content with that.
“Too much headache,” his dad would say. “It’s easier just being the leader of your own little part of the situation.” Of course, he also knows his dad feels responsible for the survivors and wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
Here they are about to head into an unknown and the both of them, Greg and his dad, are standing near the front with a map in hand, laughing. He wishes he could develop that kind of casual attitude. For him, although he feels confident, there is also a nervous tension inside. He just wants to perform well and not let anyone down. His worst fear is that he will mess up and endanger the team. He wants to learn and gain experience so he’ll know instinctively what to do at the right moment. That’s one of the things that has caused the few arguments between him and Michelle — his going out with the teams constantly. She wants him to stay at the base with her and not, as she so delicately put it, “go gallivanting off with your dad all the time.”
He wrestles with that to a certain extent. He wants to stay with her but feels the need to be able to protect her. The only way he is going to be able to do that is to gain experience. Plus, he feels a bond with Red Team as well and feels he would be letting them down if he didn’t go with them. After all, someone has to go out and why should someone take his place. If he stayed at the compound, someone else would be put in danger because of his decision and he doesn’t want that.
He and Michelle have talked about raising a family. They were just boyfriend and girlfriend before all of this went down, but that has grown into something much more. They share quarters and are, for all intents and purposes, living together. He’s only seventeen, but that number seems meaningless to him now. The events of the last few months have aged him beyond his short number of years. Although, the thought of raising a family scares him even more than a building full of night runners.
Glancing quickly over at Bri, who has tears forming, he knows she is thinking about Nic. There isn’t a day that goes by that he doesn’t think about Nic and is saddened by the memory of her. They may not have been as close as Bri and her, but they were close. He misses Nic a lot and her memory is a constant reminder that anything can happen in this new world. His wish is that he had been there that night. He feels that if he was, he could have changed the outcome.
He is tossed to the side as the Stryker slows and stops.
* * *
Gonzalez opens her eyes as the Stryker slows to a halt. She still lives by the axiom she grew up in the Army with — get whatever rest you can when you can as you don’t know when you’ll be able to again. That’s something she’s learned in her many years and deployments. Whenever they had some down time, whether being transported or during the many hurry up and wait moments, that’s what she did. She could always be found by her ruck with her eyes closed. That didn’t mean she was asleep or any less alert, she was just resting.
The stop interrupted her thoughts of her family. Joy filled her as she thought of her sister being found alive, but she was also deeply saddened by the loss of her parents — her dad in particular. She so wanted to be able to fulfill his dreams…well, her dream if truth be known, of getting out of that neighborhood. Knowing the feelings of sorrow over losing one’s family members, she wants to be a part of finding the other soldiers’ families and is glad they are out searching for them. She and McCafferty have talked at length over how finding even one family member alive can ease the mental strain of the constant stress. It gives them something to live and fight for. Within the team, they have relied on each other and would lay down their lives for each other, but having a family member around makes it easier to cope. For the soldiers whose families they have searched for and haven’t found, there is at least some comfort in having that knowledge. Even though painful, it’s easier than not knowing.
She appreciates her position and, while not liking this new world one bit, she is thankful she has a good team around her. There is no one she would rather be with at a time like this. They have bonded tightly and she is convinced that if anyone can see it through this disaster of a world, it’s them. Once again, Jack enters her mind and her gratitude extends to him as well. He is one of those commanders that actually cares for those around them and is a part of the team. She’s had a few of those types in the past and can recognize them immediately. He’s one of the team and, in talking with the others of Red Team, she knows they will follow him anywhere. Even if his antics are, well, rather amusing. He’s their commander and she enjoys ribbing him, but he can also sit down with any of them, soldier to soldier, and talk as if there isn’t any rank between them.
Unlike many of the others, she really doesn’t mind being on the road. It’s the close camaraderie of being in the field with her team mates that she enjoys. It’s not that she doesn’t appreciate warm meals and a comfy bed to sleep in, but there is a freedom associated with being out.
She’s good at what she does. That doesn’t mean she likes shooting at others, the adrenaline rush, or any of the other facets of being in action. To her, it’s more a matter of being there for her comrades. If her actions can save or help any of her team mates, that’s what she is there for. Although a cliché, she’d take a bullet for any one of them. Her preference though, is to put a round in those against them first.
She’s never been terribly afraid after the first few times she saw combat. Having grown up in the gang-controlled streets, she became used to gunshots at an early age. It’s not that she doesn’t feel nervous or fearful, it’s just that she isn’t afraid to die. That fear left a long time ago, and overcoming it is freeing. It doesn’t make her reckless or that the lack of fear is replaced with stupidity — she’s seen that one a lot in her career — it just means that she isn’t stymied in her actions by that fear. She is more afraid for her teammates than she is for herself.
Her thoughts wander around to her team. She and McCafferty have bonded well, they are sisters-in-arms. They’ve talked at length about a myriad of things, sharing a few secrets here and there, and have become very close. At first glance, McCafferty seems like one of those sweet girls who are most comfortable as the princess of a fair or giggling with friends over boys. Her cute looks and diminutive stature belie the toughness within. Her hundred and ten pounds soaking-wet-weight houses the heart of a lion. Gonzalez has seen her in co
mbat many times fighting off hordes of night runners; holding her own and fearless, without a hint of fleeing. Yeah, Gonzalez trusts her implicitly and knows that McCafferty has her back at any time.
Henderson and Denton are both the quiet types. They hang with the rest of the team but don’t really say much. Henderson is the boy next door type, neither handsome nor ugly. He is a little more vocal and jokes around when it’s just the team together but is silent when others are around. The silence has nothing to do with his competency though and Gonzalez is glad to have him on the team. Both he and Denton are sharp shots with the M-110, to the point that she almost feels sorry for anyone that happens to fall in their crosshairs.
Why is it that the silent ones always seem to be the best shots?
Denton is more like the surfer type, but without the outgoing aspect. He’s laid back and easy going with a ready smile when someone cracks a joke but doesn’t speak up much. He seems content to just be part of the group. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t take it all in though. He and Henderson seem to have hit it off pretty well and maybe it’s different when it’s just the two of them. Many times when they are hanging out as a team, Denton is usually taking his M-4 or M-110 apart and cleaning them. Not in a spooky or sinister way, but Gonzalez gets the impression that he’s a perfectionist.
Robert is a chip off of Jack. She sees the gears always turning in his head and knows he is a natural leader if he can only gain the confidence. He has matured a lot in the past few months but he second-guesses himself too much. His fear is that he will make the wrong decision and let the others down. Once he has confidence in his decision-making ability, he will be one of those that others follow. He just needs experience. Of his courage, there is no doubt. He has been in some of the fiercest firefights Gonzalez has ever seen and, with little to no training, he’s stayed right in there. And being able to fly an aircraft at his age? Yeah, he has a lot of abilities.