Love Is Everything (Maya & Hudson)

by Abby Brooks

  The words hit me like an adrenaline shot to the heart. Like warm honey and fireworks and sun on your skin. It’s everything. Those words are everything to me.

  “I love you, too.” And I’m smiling and he’s smiling and he kisses me and tears threaten but they’re beautiful, not painful and I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this good in my whole entire life.

  “And for the record, I can’t imagine a life without you in it, either. That should scare me to death, but it doesn’t.”

  I shake my head. “Ditto.” I’m pretty much silenced by the roar of emotion in my head and heart. I’m overwhelmed and full to the brim and I just want more, more, more.

  So I kiss him and shiver as he runs his hands up my body, squeezing my breast and pushing me down onto my back. He pulls off my shirt almost reverently and then slides my panties down my legs before pushing my thighs apart and drawing his tongue across my clit.

  “I love the way you taste,” he says before his mouth drives me crazy. I am a writhing mess in his bed, moaning and groaning and filled with him. His fingers inside me. His tongue teasing me. His love warming my heart and soul. I come and it’s everything until his cock presses against my opening.

  His eyes claim mine, hooded and feral and filled with emotion, as he sheathes himself inside me. “I love the way you feel,” he says, rolling his hips.

  He leans down and kisses me, taking my bottom lip between his teeth, his dick so deep inside me I can’t imagine ever being empty again. We move together, two bodies joined, a union of pleasure and yearning, an admission of love.

  The next orgasm overtakes me without warning. I cry out and he leans down to whisper in my ear. “I love you, Maya.”

  “Oh, Hudson!” I clench around him, my heart pressing against my chest, my love for him filling the room. “I love you, too!” I barely manage the words, my breath stolen by emotion and feeling and physical pleasure so intense I can’t believe I have the ability to speak at all. Hudson comes inside me and it’s a pleasure I can’t even begin to explain. Intimate. Personal. I love it more than I ever thought I would.

  He collapses at my side. “I hereby request that is now our official way to start the day.”

  “Done,” I say and press a kiss to his sweaty forehead. “And gladly.”

  Beside me, my phone buzzes on the bedside table. A phone call. I never get calls. Confusion creasing my brow, I pluck it up and find my mom’s face smiling at me on the caller ID.

  “Maya?” she asks when I answer the phone. She’s keyed up, anxious. Her voice clipped and tight.

  “Yeah. What’s wrong?” There’s no question in my mind that something is wrong.

  “We’re at the hospital. Chelsea’s in labor. Can you get here?”

  “Yeah. Of course.” I’m already sitting up and climbing out of bed. “Where?” Mom gives me the name of the hospital and I hang up, staring at Hudson.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks, sliding his feet off the edge of the bed to the floor.

  “I’m sorry, I’ve got to go. Chelsea’s in labor.”

  Hudson’s eyes go wide. “Already? Isn’t it early?”

  “By over a month.” I nod and search for my clothes. Chelsea has had so many good things happen to her lately, so many reasons to be happy and this baby is supposed to be the icing on the cake. Oh shit, I really hope she hasn’t used up all her good Karma.

  Hudson is up with me, helping me find my clothes. After I’m dressed, he pulls me into his arms and I melt into his strength. I don’t want to leave him. Not at all.

  “Would you come with me?” I ask, barely even stopping to think about what I’m asking.

  “To the hospital?”

  I nod. “Yeah. I don’t want to be without you.”

  “Won’t your family think it’s weird that I’m there?”

  He has a point there. My parents don’t even know I’m seeing anyone, let alone someone who’s important enough to me to bring to something that constitutes a family emergency.

  I shrug. “Probably. But this isn’t about them. I need you.”

  Hudson smiles. “Well in that case, I’d be honored.” He hugs me and presses a kiss into the top of my head before going to get dressed. My parents are going to lose their minds when they see him, and maybe it’s selfish of me to bring him. Maybe it’s selfish of me to introduce him to my family at a time like this. But the fact of the matter is that I’m tired of doing things for my parents. I need Hudson and that’s what matters. They’re just going to have to get used to him being around.

  We take Hudson’s car to the hospital and find my parents in the waiting room. Their eyes go wide when they see him, but they don’t say anything, thank God. They exchange introductions and Hudson flashes them the dimples while my parents size him up.

  “Is Chelsea okay?” I ask.

  Mom nods and then shrugs as she shakes her head. “I think so, considering.”

  And then, as if summoned by my arrival with Hudson, Chelsea's husband Max joins us in the waiting room.

  My parents rush to him. My mom looks up into his face, her fear and worry for her daughter painted across her tight features.

  “Is she okay?”

  Max beams. “She's fine. You should be so proud of your daughter.” Looking at his face, there's no doubt that’s he's proud of his wife.

  “And the baby?” asks Mom.

  Max actually laughs, a huge ‘proud father’ look stretching across his face. “Beautiful,” he says. “That's the only word for it.”

  “When can I see her?” asks mom.

  “We,” says Dad giving Mom a pointed look. “When can we see her?”

  “They're ready for you now,” says Max. He looks at me, glancing to Hudson and then back to me with an approving look. “You guys ready?”

  Max leads us to Chelsea’s room. My parents burst in while Hudson lingers near the door.

  “Come on,” I say, gesturing into the room, eager to meet my new niece or nephew.

  “Don’t you think it’s kind of personal? And I shouldn’t be in there?”

  I shake my head. “You’re important to me and that means you should be with me. Besides, you know Chelsea.”

  “For you, doll face. I’ll go in for you.”

  I grin and take his hand, lead him into the room and stop beside my shocked parents. Chelsea beams at us from her hospital bed, looking exhausted, but happier than ever, holding this tiny little bundle in her arms. Beside her, Max is smiling just as wide as she is, also holding a tiny little bundle.

  “Twins?” asks mom, tears gleaming in her eyes. “You had twins?”

  Chelsea nods. “We wanted to keep it a surprise.” Her gaze lands on Hudson and she lifts her eyebrows. “Well, hello,” she says to him. He waves his fingers at her while shoving his other hand into his pants pocket.

  “Meet Kayla and Lucas,” says Max.

  “Twins.” Mom looks at Dad, overwhelmed with happiness. “Can I hold one?” She rushes to Chelsea’s side and claims baby Kayla without waiting for an answer.

  Max hands Lucas to me and I smile down at the tiny little face, all crinkled up and tired. “He looks like an angry gnome,” I say to Hudson before looking back at my nephew. He’s so beautiful, his eyebrows dark like his dad’s . He yawns and opens his eyes and they are the same color as my sister’s. A rush of emotion sweeps through me, followed by the worst possible thought I could ever have.

  I want a baby.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I’m even busier than usual, as I’ve added a stop at Chelsea’s every day to check in and make sure she’s had time to sleep. I pretend it’s for my sister, and really, it is. But only partly. It’s also very much because I can’t help but cuddle little Lucas and Kayla. I crave their smell. The way they feel in my arms.

  If Kayla and Lucas are sleeping, I spend some time with Chelsea’s adopted son Charlie if he’s home from school. I never spent much time one on one with him before and he’s actually a really cool kid. We talk about his
friends and how school’s going and gradually, as I spend time with my sister’s children, this realization settles over me.

  My passion is kids. That’s why I wanted to work in pediatric surgery. I wanted to be around the children. I wanted a chance to help them grow into healthy adults. I can’t believe that it’s taken me this long to see it.

  Today, I’m spending my lunch break at Chelsea’s, changing diapers and cuddling crying babies, and I have never in my life been more fulfilled. Between my evenings with Hudson and my afternoons with the twins, I’m almost constantly smiling. There’s a pep to my step and a smile on my face.

  Max walks in, cradling Lucas, while I’m changing Kayla’s diaper, singing a little song to her as I do. “Motherhood suits you,” he says.

  “Well, I get to skip the part where I’m exhausted and never get any time to myself and go straight to the parts that everyone loves.”

  Max crinkles his nose. “I think only a very special person would love changing a diaper.” He puts Lucas in his crib before scooping up Kayla and staring down into her face adoringly.

  “How’s Chelsea?” I ask, fighting a surge of jealousy I don’t understand.

  “Sleeping. It was a long night. If one was sleeping, the other was awake and as soon as one went down, the other woke up.” He shakes his head. “I think we’d be losing our minds if it wasn’t for you and your mom. You guys have been so much help.”

  “It’s been my pleasure, really.” I kiss both the babies on the head and ask Max to give Chelsea and Charlie a squeeze for me before I head back to the hospital. The desire to have a baby of my own is so strong, so all encompassing, it lifts my spirits and crushes them all in the same instant.

  The idea of having a little person who looks like me and the man I love, a little person who is the combination of both of us, a physical manifestation of our commitment to each other, it’s just so beautiful. I could mold this person, guide her, help her to become the best version of herself and the more I think about it, the more I know that this is my purpose in life.

  Sure, it’s simple and it’s not the most popular thing for a woman to admit in this day and age. We’re supposed to want careers and money. We’re supposed to want to be strong and push forward to succeed while leaving motherhood as almost an afterthought. But I’m beginning to realize that what I really want is to stay at home and take care of my family.

  And that’s where I end up crushed. Because I don’t have a family.

  I’m nowhere near having a family. I’m falling farther and farther in love with Hudson with every day that passes, but I’m not sure marriage is in his future. And babies? I’d be a fool to even think about bringing that up when our relationship is still so new. The one thing I know about men is that they are quite afraid of words like commitment and forever. And what better way to bring up both commitment and forever than by admitting I want to have a baby?

  And since I can’t seem to think about anything other than wanting a baby, I find it hard to initiate conversation with Hudson at all. I know he’s noticed it, but I keep playing it off like I’m distracted by work. As much as I want to tell him that I’ve discovered what I really want to do with my life, I know I can’t do it without chasing him away. So I wait for him to bring up topics and reply with as much enthusiasm as I can, but I never start a conversation because I’m afraid the moment I open my mouth, the word baby will fall out.

  My shift at the hospital passes without any major trauma until I go to the bathroom. My period should have started yesterday. I started the placebo pills in my birth control pack three days ago. This weird jolt of excitement and anxiety races through me.

  Two thoughts hit me at the same time:

  Holy shit I’m pregnant!

  And:

  Hudson’s going to be so completely pissed!

  At this point, my rational mind is trying to point out just how dumb it is to be worrying about a pregnancy at this point. It’s totally possible that I’m just late. The pills aren’t an exact science. Lots of women skip periods completely.

  Never mind the fact that I’ve never been late.

  Never mind the fact that I always start the second day after starting the orange pills.

  Never mind the fact that my body is busy telling me that yes, I am indeed pregnant.

  I gather my things and leave the hospital in a daze. I’m meeting Hudson tonight and I don’t know if I can sit there, knowing what I think I know, and not say anything about it. But I also don’t think I can say anything and not completely ruin what we have.

  He’s a professional athlete for fuck’s sake and he’s made it more than clear that Cincinnati is just a pit stop for him. He’s got his sights set on bigger and better places. The last thing he wants to hear is that I think I’m pregnant.

  So, of course, the best thing for me to do is find out if I am or if I’m not. I stop at a drugstore on my way and then, rather than asking if I could use their bathroom and drawing attention to the fact that I’m desperate to know, I drive to a gas station and head to the women’s room there, the test crammed into my purse.

  I swear, the crinkling of the package is deafening in the tiny space. This is a first for me. I’ve never had a pregnancy scare in all of my twenty-eight years. I read the directions fully and even though the box says it can take as long as five minutes for results to show in the window I know in about a minute what I already knew to be true.

  I’m pregnant.

  I’ve been diligent about my pills. I am nothing if not methodical. I take them every day at lunch, come rain or shine. Sure, sometimes lunch is a moving target, but only ever by a few hours. That shouldn’t be enough to render the pills totally ineffective. I’ve never forgotten a dose. Not once, not ever.

  How in the hell did this happen?

  And why in God’s name am I so excited about it?

  I drive to Hudson’s in a total daze. Terror spins in my stomach, but I can’t stop smiling Who in their right mind gets excited about an accidental pregnancy when neither parent is ready to be a parent?

  Me. That’s who.

  I take the elevator up to Hudson’s apartment, fingernail tapping a steady rhythm on the metal handrail affixed to the wall. When I didn’t know if I was pregnant or not, I was totally against mentioning it to Hudson. But now that I know? It seems irresponsible not to tell him. He’s not going to like it. I’m not fooling myself into believing that this will be an easy conversation. But Hudson deserves to know. And he’s a rational person. I’m sure he’ll help me make sense of what to do next.

  Oh, shit. What will I do next?

  Even though he told me weeks ago that I didn’t have to knock anymore, I stop in front of his door with my fist raised. I pause. Place the palm of my hand against the door and rest my forehead against the wall. Take a deep breath and consider leaving. Calling him from my car and telling him I don’t feel well.

  Which would only be halfway lying. My stomach is doing the jitterbug.

  But, I’ve spent too much time running from Hudson. He’s proven over and over again that he’s got me. That he loves me. That he’s here for me when I need him.

  Well, hell. Looks like I really need him now.

  I push through the door and close it behind me.

  “Hey, doll face!” Hudson stands up from his place on the sofa and heads my way. “I was getting worried about you.”

  I try to smile, but I’m sure it’s way more grimace than grin. I can feel the tension in my eyes. “Hey.” I sound anything but natural.

  Hudson freezes. “Oh no,” he says taking my hands in his. “Another bad day at work?”

  I shake my head. “No. Work was fine.” And yet, I’m obviously being weird and he can clearly see it so I’m going to have to get this out in the open now rather than later.

  Funny thing is, for as certain as I am that he needs to know, I can’t seem to get my mouth to work now that he’s standing in front of me.

  “What is it then?” Hudson drops my ha
nds and touches my face. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  I laugh and it’s tight and hollow and surely gives him all the more reason to worry. There’s no going back now. I either need to tell him or come up with a lie to hide why I’m acting so strange. I go through a number of possible things to tell him as I lead him to the dinner table.

  I could tell him something’s wrong with Chelsea or the twins.

  I could tell him I’m tired and not feeling well.

  I could say that work actually was awful and I just didn’t want to complain about it again when he asked.

  But when I sit him down and stare into his handsome face, his eyebrows pulled tight with worry, love and concern for me shining in his eyes, I know that he deserves better than a lie. Besides, this isn’t my fault. We did this together and we should find a way out of it together.

  I take a breath and hold it for a second. “Hudson?” My heart thunders away, roaring in my ears.

  “Yeah?” There’s fear in his voice and I hate it.

  I wipe a hand across my mouth, press it to my lips and close my eyes. The lies dance on my tongue, ready for me to give the go ahead. All I have to do is open my mouth and let one fall out. It would be that easy.

  I open my eyes and drop my hand to the table, flex my fingers against the hard surface. There’s a moment of silence and then I say it, the words shattering the tension between us.

  “I’m pregnant.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Hudson doesn’t say anything for several long moments. His nostrils flare and his jaw pulses and he swallows several times, his mouth a hard line. His face doesn’t hold tension well and the silence makes me feel like I want to puke. I want to scream at him.

  Say something!

  I want to stand up and pace. I want to grab my things and race down the hallway and straight into the elevator. Run away and never come back. Because that’s always been my answer. Run away.

  But Hudson deserves better than that. He deserves a chance to digest the news. He deserves a rational conversation. Which means that I have to stay rational.