Dragon Apocalypse (The Berserker and the Pedant Book 2)

by Josh Powell

The dragon’s cave was immense. The entrance was an enormous hole in the ground, big enough for the dragon to fly in. The dragon glided into the opening as Gurken, Pellonia, Maximina, and the unicorn walked into the cave.

  “If the dragon doesn’t eat maidens, why do you keep taking them from the town?” Pellonia asked.

  “Have to keep up appearances,” said the unicorn. “People wouldn’t be afraid of the dragon if they thought she was soft and sweet, would they? No, it would be “Let’s go get the dragon” and “Let’s kill the beast.” Then we really would have to kill the villagers when they came to the cave and attacked. As it is now, we only have to kill the occasional knight coming to rescue a maiden.”

  As they descended into the cave, darkness engulfed them. Maximina’s eyes began to glow, a soft green luminescence.

  “Why do your eyes do that?” Pellonia asked.

  “What, glow?” Maximina said, pointing at one eye. Maximina smiled. “It lets me see in the dark. Quite the advantage, wouldn’t you say?”

  “Dwarves can see in the dark. Our eyes don’t glow,” Gurken said.

  Maximina chuckled and shook her head. “Dwarves can see in low light situations; Under Elves can see in the dark. Our eyes provide all the light we need. Vastly superior.”

  Gurken shot her an impatient look. He raised his axe and growled, “I’d be happy to settle this in a battle to your death.” He furled his brow. “I believe we have some unfinished business to discuss, and your puppies don’t seem to be about to protect you.” He grinned and bent his knees slightly, assuming a fighting stance.

  The greenish glow of Maximina’s eyes changed to orange. She scowled at him and reached both of her hands over her shoulders, pulling something off her back and snapping her arms back down in front of her. On each arm she bore a shield ringed with spikes around the edge and covering its face.

  “Two spiked shields?” Gurken asked, confused.

  “Oh, yeah. Two spiked shields. You will never get through my defense, and though they don’t do much damage, I’ll wear you down.” She shuffled her feet and bobbed back and forth, moving the shields in a defensive pattern. Gurken watched her, following her with his eyes without moving his head, looking for an opening.

  “Gurken! Maximina!” Pellonia said. “Stop it this instant. We’ve got to work together.”

  They ignored her and began to circle.

  “While this has been amusing,” said the unicorn, “I’m going down into the cave. Feel free to follow when you’ve sorted things out.” With that, the unicorn turned and walked down the path. Pellonia followed.

  “Yield?” Maximina asked.

  “I accept,” Gurken said, lowering his axe.

  Maximina lowered her shields. “That’s not what I mea-“ But Gurken had already walked down the path after Pellonia. She hurried after them, shouting, “That’s not what I meant. I wasn’t yielding! I was asking if you yielded. Come back, let’s finish the fight! Please!”

  They entered a large chamber in the dragon’s lair. The dragon lay on the ground, coiled up like a snake, scales reflecting the low light of Maximina’s eyes. The dragon watched them with one enormous eye.

  “Care for a cup of tea?” the unicorn asked.

  Maximina looked around. “Where’s your treasure?” she asked.

  “Smooth,” said the unicorn. “Starting right in on the treasure, then? How about asking about our day first? It was a pretty good day, thanks for asking.”

  “And the other maidens?” Pellonia asked.

  “You three should have been a knight. You want to get right to it, just like a knight. Where’s the treasure? Where’s the maidens? Follow me, then.” The unicorn walked around the dragon and down another tunnel. They came to a door and the unicorn lifted a hoof and knocked. The door opened and a young woman with red hair and freckles stood in the doorway.

  “So nice to see you. Is this the new maiden? Three of them?” the young woman asked.

  Gurken scowled and opened his mouth to speak.

  “Oh. I’m no maiden,” Maximina said. Gurken glared at her.

  “Neither is he,” Maximina said. Gurken growled and his leather gauntlets creaked against the wooden shaft of his axe. Maximina shrugged.

  The young woman put a hand to her mouth and tittered. “My apologies, sir dwarf, your women have beards as well. It’s difficult for me to tell the difference. I certainly wasn’t expecting a man down here.”

  There was some excited murmuring from inside the room.

  “A man?”

  “Is he handsome?”

  “Bring him in! Let’s see him.”

  Pellonia rolled her eyes. The unicorn snorted. Gurken blushed.

  The young woman moved aside and they entered the room. It was another large chamber, separated into different sections by the furniture. Shafts of light descended from holes in the ceiling, illuminating the room.

  There was a large bed on the other side of the room, chairs ringing a small fire in a chimney, and desks. One group of older maidens sat in the chairs, sewing. Another sat at the desks, scribbling at some papers. Some were resting on the bed. Directly in front of them was a pool of water surrounded by decorative tiles.

  “What, no one’s bathing?” Maximina asked. Pellonia and Gurken looked at her.

  “We were expecting company,” the young woman explained.

  “This is not what I was expecting when I heard about the dragon kidnapping maidens,” Pellonia said. “What are they doing?”

  “Well,” the unicorn explained, “the maidens sitting in the chairs are currently sewing coats of arms for the new nobility. When one becomes rich, one needs the coat of arms to go with it, and in the floating city of Arendal there are always new nobility. The maidens at the desks are doing their accounting. New nobility are terrible with money.”

  The younger maidens got up and surrounded the new arrivals. They rubbed at Gurken’s hair and beard, gently pulled at his ears and poked his bulbous nose.

  “Back, young harlots! Back, I say!” said a gruff female voice. The young maidens were shoved roughly aside, and a short stout dwarven maiden with a full blonde beard came through the crowd. She looked Gurken over, up and down. “You’ll do,” she said. “Everyone out!” She pushed the other maidens toward the door and the everyone else got up and left the room with them.

  “Well,” said Pellonia. “What do you think she wants?”

  “Let’s go,” Maximina said, smiling, and traipsed out the door.

  Outside the room, the maidens stood around, mingling. Giggling could be heard from the younger ones, while the older maidens mumbled to each other. Pellonia and Maximina stood around feeling uncomfortable.

  The female dwarf walked around Gurken, looking him up and down, and said, “Well now, what have we here?”

  “My name is Gurken Stonebiter,” Gurken said. “Templerager of the Stonebiter clan and avatar to Durstin Firebeard. Who might you be?”

  “Davina Bloodhammer, keeper of the books of the Bloodhammer clan. Well met.”

  Gurken set down his axe and started to remove his boots, a grin on his face.

  “What are you doing?” Davina asked.

  Gurken froze mid-boot removal and looked up at Davina. “Um. What do you mean?”

  “Why are you taking your boots off?”

  “Oho! Boots on, eh? As you like.” Gurken smiled and walked towards her.

  Davina held out a hand.

  “Stop,” she said. “I think you’re mistaking my motivation.”

  “I don’t know. It seems pretty clear to me.”

  “Gurken Stonebiter, we need help that only you can provide.”

  Gurken smiled.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  The Berserker and the Dragon

  “SO, YOU NEED my help,” Gurken said.

  “Yes, some of the other maidens and I are tired of living here. It’s quite nice, don’t get me wrong. Ohm is quite friendly.”

  “Ohm?”

  “That’s what we
call the dragon. Her full name, Omumborombonga, is quite a mouthful. Ohm protects us and provides food and shelter, and in exchange we make embroidery and track the money of nobles in Arendal.”

  “Where’s Arendal?”

  “It’s a city about a week’s travel to the north. Floating, in the air. We intend to go there, continue our business, and make our own way.”

  Gurken smiled. “And you want me to rescue you.”

  There was a pause, then Davina said, “Let’s just say you’re pivotal to our escape plan.”

  Perhaps we should have taken the time to come up with a better plan, Gurken thought as he sailed upwards through the air, clad in the plate armor of a knight and wielding a sword. As he reached the summit of his ascent, he looked down and saw the maidens sneaking out of the cave, climbing over the rocks. He reversed direction and plummeted towards the dragon’s gaping maw.

  “Roooaaarrrgggghhhhhh!” He shouted a battle cry as he fell, swinging his sword at Ohm’s waiting jaws.

  Gurken fell into the dragon’s open mouth. Ohm closed her mouth around the dwarf and started to chew.

  “Stop it!” yelled Pellonia.

  The dragon stopped, one cheek bulging outward like a chipmunk hiding a nut, and looked down at the girl.

  “Hmmm?” she asked, mouth full of Gurken.

  Pellonia climbed out of the cave entrance and walked over to Ohm. “That’s not a knight, that’s Gurken. Spit him out!”

  Ohm spit the dwarf out. He rolled fifty feet and came to a stop, covered in sticky dragon spittle. Gurken wiped the spittle from his face and eyes with the back of his hands.

  Pellonia walked over to Gurken. “Whatever do you think you’re doing?”

  “Rescuing maidens.”

  “By getting yourself killed?”

  “No.” Gurken shrugged. “By slaying the dragon.”

  Maximina walked up to Gurken and Pellonia. “How did you get it into your head to do that?” she asked.

  “What do you mean? That’s what we’re here for… dragon slaying. I saw an opportunity, so I took it.”

  “And where did you get the plate mail armor?” Maximina asked.

  “What, this? Davina, the dwarfen maiden, gave it to me to aid me in my quest, but I assure you, the idea was mine own. She also gave me this handsome sword,” said Gurken, holding up a sword. The long, narrow blade shimmered in the sunlight. It had a golden handle, sculpted into the shape of a dragon.

  “I see,” said Maximina.

  “It’s a sword for slaying dragons.”

  “I’ve heard of these,” Maximina said. “They’re cursed. They compel the wielder of the sword to seek out and slay dragons. Don’t touch it, Pellonia. Gurken, put it down.”

  “I think not. It’s a fine blade.”

  “Gurken, just put the blade down,” Pellonia said.

  Gurken shook his head, clutching the sword protectively. Pellonia held a cloth in her hands and reached out to take the blade, but Gurken held it up over his head.

  “Gurken, just hand it over.” Pellonia reached for it, but Gurken turned around protectively.

  “Help me slay the dragon first, and then I’ll hand over the blade.”

  “The powerful cursed items prevent the wielder from putting them down willingly,” Maximina said.

  “Then, we’ll have to take it from him,” Pellonia said.

  Maximina nodded and pulled two spike shields from her back. “Give back the sword, Gurken. There’s a good dwarf.”

  Gurken snarled at Maximina. “I’d like to see you try it, elf. You won’t be the first elf I’ve killed.”

  Maximina crouched into a defensive position, shields held in front of her towards Gurken. “Perhaps not, but I’m not an elf. I’m an Under Elf.”

  “Under what?” Gurken asked, trying to sheath his sword in order to remove his axe, but finding his hand unwilling to unclench from the sword’s grip.

  “As in under the ground. We’re also known as dark elves, but I prefer Under Elf.”

  “I thought the elves abandoned this world to the Phage. What are you doing here?” Gurken asked.

  “I’m only half-elven. I wasn’t invited.”

  Urged on by the cursed sword, Gurken lunged at Maximina, thrusting for her eye. Maximina lifted a shield to deflect the blow, but Gurken spun and dropped lower, slicing at her legs. Maximina brought the other shield down, intercepting the blade.

  Gurken grabbed one of the spikes and yanked, pulling Maximina off balance. She leaned back to steady herself and Gurken let go of the shield. Off balance, she sat down. Hard.

  Gurken raised the sword to skewer her when he was struck on the head from behind. Pellonia dropped a rock and used her handkerchief to remove the sword from Gurken’s unconscious body. She retrieved the sheath from Gurken and slid the sword inside. She removed her cloak and wrapped the sword inside of it, fastening it together with Gurken’s belt.

  “Well that was exciting,” Pellonia said. “Well done, Maximina.”

  “Well done? He nearly had me! The spiked shields have got to go.”

  Back in the cave, Pellonia, Maximina, and Gurken sat at a table enjoying a cup of tea. The unicorn stood off to the side next to Ohm, whose body filled most of the rest of the cavern.

  “I wish to apologize once more for my actions, Ohm,” Gurken said. “The maidens had requested my aid in slaying you to free them, and how could I not oblige them?”

  “Seems quite easy to not oblige them to me,” mumbled the unicorn.

  “He’s rather cordial for a templerager,” said Maximina. “Where’s the rage? Where’s the angst?”

  “Yes,” said Pellonia. “He’s been like this ever since he befriended the goblins and the elves left.”

  “Befriended the goblins?” Maximina sat up, suddenly paying much closer attention. “I could use some goblin friends.” She leaned against the table on one arm and tapped at her lip with a forefinger.

  “Yes, I’m afraid I haven’t been much use since then. Can’t get a good rage up.”

  “Nonsense, Gurken,” Pellonia said. “You’ve performed admirably, you just need more practice fighting without going into a rage. With Maximina along, I’m sure there will be plenty of opportunities.” The unicorn snorted.

  “Well, what do we do now?” Maximina asked. “Return to the village?”

  “I’m afraid not,” Gurken said. “We can’t just leave Ohm here, killing knights and abducting maidens from the village.”

  “Why are you doing that, anyway?” Pellonia asked. “You seem like such a nice dragon.”

  Ohm sat up, her immense neck uncoiling as she moved her head directly beside them, looking at them with one eye. “Kill I did not, but to save.”

  Ohm shifted her body out of the way, revealing a large circular door. She reached down one claw, caught the latch, and opened it. Pellonia, Maximina, and Gurken stood and walked over to the door. Inside was a pile of gold and jewels. Sitting on top of the pile of wealth was a golden egg the size of Gurken’s head.

  “I will not leave until it hatches, and I cannot move it to take with me. The knights kept attacking me, so I arranged to take some maidens captive.”

  “It was my idea, really,” the unicorn said.

  “Aren’t unicorns supposed to be pure and nice?” Maximina asked.

  “Aren’t drow supposed to be creepy and evil?” the unicorn retorted.

  Maximina’s eyebrows furled, her eyes glowing green. “What did you call me?”

  “I-uh, creepy and evil? I see you’re terribly offended. I do apologize.”

  “A DROW,” Maximina said. “How dare you call me a drow? I should kill you where you stand. It’s unicorn steaks for dinner tonight!”

  Pellonia stuck out her tongue in disgust and Gurken curled his top lip and said, “Yuck.” Ohm licked her lips without thinking about it, then noticed and quickly sucked her tongue back in her mouth and glowered at Maximina.

  The unicorn sat down on its hindquarters and cocked its head to one
side. “What should I call you?”

  “I am an Under Elf, and you would do well to remember that.”

  A large cracking sound came from inside the room with the egg, interjecting what was sure to be a momentous battle. Everyone peeked their heads around the edges of the doorway and looked inside. A small dragon’s head popped out of a hole in the egg. The creature reached its hands through the opening, stretched and pulled itself out. It was no bigger than a gerbil.

  “Rrrrrooooowwwwwwh,” the young dragon said, stretching its arms and legs. It looked around at the gold and gems and let loose an enormous gout of flame at them. Some of the gold melted and the dragon began to lick up the golden slag.

  “Awwww,” said Ohm.

  “The gold!” exclaimed Maximina. Everyone looked at Maximina, then back at the newborn dragon. The dragon continued to melt the gold and lap it up. As it ate, it increased in size. After it was done consuming the gold, it began swallowing the precious gems.

  “The gems!” Maximina proclaimed, but everyone ignored her. As the dragon ate the gems, its eyes and claws took on a gemlike quality, shimmering with reflected light.

  When it finished, the dragon was the size of a large cat. It crawled over to the doorway and looked up at its mother. It crouched like a cat ready to pounce onto its prey and jumped, spreading its wings and gliding onto its mother’s snout. It crawled up and onto her back and curled up for a nap.

  “Let’s call it Kitty!” Pellonia said.

  The dragon gave her a look conveying the monumental stupidity of that suggestion, and said, “His name is Apocalypse. He is the harbinger of the end times. His hatching heralds a time of reckoning, when the world’s fate shall be decided for all time.”

  Pellonia gulped. “I like Kitty better.”

  “Me too,” Maximina and Gurken agreed together, nodding.

  “Has anyone seen my axe?” Gurken asked. “I’m sure I had it on me earlier, but I can’t find it.”

  “Did you check your other armor?” Pellonia asked.

  “I did, it’s not there.”