by M. Malone
As far as ORUS was concerned, everything was locked tight. And it should be. I’d built their system. I’d set up the firewalls. There was a chance that ORUS had changed the security protocols since I was last on site, but there was a chance they hadn’t, and I was banking on that. Until it was go-time, ORUS generally liked to leave things unmanned.
As far as anyone else knew, it was just a warehouse, locked tight. There were electrically charged fences around it, and there were cameras everywhere. Lucky for me, I knew how to exploit those.
Standing in one of the blind spots of the cameras behind the building, I opened my laptop and got to work. The first step was recording a loop of the surrounding area and letting it run for ten minutes. Then it was time to do the real work.
It never ceased to amaze me, the buzz I got from hacking into something. What was that? Oh, you know, just my sociopathic tendencies coming out to play. There was an electrical charge to knowing I was going somewhere I wasn’t supposed to. And what do you know? ORUS hadn’t changed anything. There were passwords, of course, but ones with encryption protocols. It would take me less than a minute to get in because I’d set them up. It was hard to believe that Ian hadn’t gotten the shit sorted and reorganized. If I were in charge of their security, I would change out all these protocols.
Anyone could have access to their whole system. Not that anyone would even dare. And anyone who tried would end up dead.
But, you know, just saying, change the protocols already.
In less than five minutes, I was in. Perfect. Then I inserted the loop into the video and turned off those damn cameras. In another thirty seconds, I was ready to go. I walked straight to the gate, pressed in the code, and I was in.
Once in the hangar, I helped myself to a little thing called a plane.
No one would miss it. A JSTAR. Lucky for me, I’d flown one before. If ORUS had changed out the plane, or used something else, it would have been a little bit more complicated. But it was almost as if Ian knew I’d need this plane eventually.
Once I performed all the safety checks, I checked my time. I still had minutes to spare. With the hangar door open, I said a silent prayer to a God I believed in and then started to taxi.
As the plane’s wheels lifted off the ground, I rubbed at the ache in my chest. Ever since I’d woken up that morning, I’d had that yearning, the worry, and the panic. Was Noah okay? Was Gemma? What had Rafe done to her?
It’s not your concern. She lied, remember?
Yes, she lied. I had to remember that, but I did care about her. And there was a part of me that worried about her still, because maybe she hadn’t meant to get into any of this. Maybe, like me, she’d gotten caught up as a byproduct of her association with the Family. Whether she would have or could have, the reality is you’re here now. It was over, because at the end of the day, I’d hurt Noah. There was no going back from that.
What I was doing was best for everyone. Even if Noah had survived and Rafe hadn’t killed Gemma, even if time magically rewound to three days ago before I discovered all her secrets, I was still dangerous.
My monster was out now, and there was no shoving him back in the cage. The searing pain in my skull when I thought about going back to help them had dulled significantly. Maybe with time, it would go away. But still, I understood what it meant. Whatever protocols I’d put in charge of my psychopathic monster, those were done. There was no going home again when my switch had been flipped to kill, kill, kill all the time.
I had to protect everyone from that.
As much as Noah had tried to save me from myself, as much as Lucia and JJ and Diana had helped softened my edges, and as much as I’d learned to form friendships with people like Oskar, the truth of it was, I was a killer. Always a killer.
There was no changing me. I had to put as much distance between me and them as humanly possible. It was for their own good. If I had to protect them from me, then I would, because at the end of the day, they were my family. And after what I’d done, I didn’t trust myself with them. Never mind how they felt about it. This was in the best interest of everyone.
Are you sure about that?
4
Gemma
The medical bay was just as boring and uncomfortable as the last time I was there. There was nothing but a bed and various types of medical equipment. No television. No magazines.
Definitely nothing I could use as a weapon.
“Ugh, I have to get out of here.” I was going to go crazy locked in this room when I should be out there helping them find Matthias.
What if he was hurt somewhere and needed me? He’d been completely out of control before, definitely not in his right mind. What the hell was Noah thinking keeping me locked up while they all sat around twiddling their thumbs? Didn’t they want to find their friend?
“Hello! Open up!” I banged my fist against the metal door. The sound was obnoxious to my own ears, so I could only imagine how it sounded carrying through the rest of the penthouse.
After a few minutes, I got tired and pressed my face against the glass square in the door. Wait, what was that? Movement? I started banging again until Noah’s distinctive frame appeared at the end of the hallway. Silhouetted in the shadows, he looked like some kind of dark angel come to take me to either heaven or hell. Probably hell.
Too late. I’m already there.
“Open up!” Before I could hit my fist against the metal door again, Noah pressed his palm to the scanner and the lock clicked open. He pushed the door open so fast, I had to jump out of the way to avoid getting clocked in the face.
“What the hell is the problem now? People are trying to sleep. Some of us got stabbed tonight.” He looked down pointedly at where his T-shirt bulged from the bandages underneath.
Guilt crawled beneath my skin. People sometimes got hurt in the course of carrying out missions. This was an unfortunate side effect of working as an agent. But I’d never allowed that to influence my decision-making. To do this job effectively, you had to be logical, tactical, and efficient. There was no room in that mix for guilt or regret, so it was an uncomfortable and unfamiliar emotion for me in the first place. However, there was no way I could view this job like any other.
It was Matt. My Matthias out there, hurt and alone and possibly getting himself into even worse trouble. Did he know the Family was after him? Oh hell… maybe that was the real reason he’d left. To draw the trouble away from his friends and take it all on alone. That was exactly the kind of thing he’d do. The selfless young man who’d once risked his life to get me to safety was still in there, no matter what Matthias believed.
“I know you don’t want to hear this from me, but I am sorry. For the way things went down tonight. For everything. But Matthias is out there, and I can’t just sit here while he might need my help. What if he gets hurt while we’re waiting around? Can you live with that? With knowing that we were wasting time when he needed us?”
Noah’s eyes bored into mine with such intensity I felt like he was examining my brain waves. Jeez, these guys were all intense. And that was saying something since I didn’t exactly hang out with choirboys.
“Hold on.” Noah let the door close again and walked back down the hall.
I watched until I couldn’t see him anymore and then went back to pacing the room. Finally, I sat on the edge of the bed. About five minutes later, Noah came back.
He held out my phone. I took it tentatively.
“Call the Family. Tell them you completed your mission, but the target is in the wind.” He paused. “Keep it on speaker.”
Of course. Because it wasn’t like he trusted me or anything. “I’m not sure how they’re going to react. If I don’t deliver Matthias to them, they’re going to hurt my friend.”
Noah regarded me with dispassionate eyes. “It’s your job to convince them not to do that. ORUS agents are skilled negotiators. Believe me, I know.”
I heaved a sigh but hit the button to call my contact. The same
robotic voice answered.
“You have the target?”
I glanced over at Noah as I replied. “I delivered the message to the target. He became violent. There was no way to subdue him.”
There was a pause. “Where is the target now?”
“No one knows. He’s off-grid.”
“This is a mission failure.”
I bit my lip. “I was sent in with incomplete information. Target was highly skilled and would have been impossible for anyone to subdue. I can track him, but I need more time.”
“Time is of the essence.”
“I understand. That’s why I’ve been tracking him the past few hours,” I lied. “He’s heading west. I should be able to catch up to him if I leave now.”
Another pause. “Do not fail again.”
“Wait! Where is Sabine? Can I talk to her?”
The line went dead. I almost threw the phone against the wall. Every day that passed, the likelihood that Sabine would be okay diminished. And the fact that they wouldn’t allow any contact was a bad sign. What if my friend was already dead? Suddenly it all hit me at once, and I was overwhelmed with fatigue.
The door opened and Rafe walked in. But it was the man who walked in behind him that had me standing at attention.
“Orion. Sir.”
Ian stared at me, but I wasn’t sure if it was a greeting or a warning. No doubt, he wasn’t happy with how much I’d already revealed about my mission.
I nodded at him and then glanced at Noah.
“Ian is willing to work with us. We both agree that having a possibly unstable Matthias out there in the world is a bad idea.”
“So what do we do?” I asked. Clearly Noah wasn’t going to allow me to track Matthias on my own, not that I even could. He wasn’t the typical target.
“An agent just reported that a plane is missing from one of our hangars. We now have a rogue ex-ORUS agent on a plane to Canada.” Ian’s expression was full of piss and vinegar.
Noah seemed surprisingly calm about it. When he noticed my stare, he shrugged. “It’s Matthias. I figured he would be out of the country by now. We’re lucky he only went to Canada.”
“What’s in Canada?” Rafe asked.
“Hell if I know,” Noah replied. “But you can bet your ass that if Matthias went there, it’s for a reason. So we follow.”
Matthias
I hiked my backpack higher on my shoulder and jumped over a fallen log. I’d been on the move for an hour and had just passed the landmark for the halfway point to my cabin.
I’d originally bought the place with no intentions of keeping it as a safe house. It was too close to the United States and ideally, I’d have preferred a warmer climate than Canada. But once I’d seen it in person, I’d decided to keep it. Something about the stark landscape and simple, rustic nature of the place called to me. And I was damn glad I’d kept it now. After what I’d been through over the past twelve hours, I wasn’t sure I could have handled a long flight to some far-flung country.
What did happen back there? Now that I was on the move and the imminent danger had passed, I could allow myself to relax enough to reflect. Although maybe I just hadn’t wanted to think of it before now. The flashes of memory were more than enough to turn my stomach.
You tried to hurt Gemma.
I shook my head, unable to deal with that part first. Maybe once I wrapped my head around the idea that I’d attacked my friends, I could go there. But I’d fought like a cornered animal. I’d stabbed Noah. My chest burned with shame and also worry. Was he okay? Would anyone even attempt to let me know if he wasn’t? I didn’t blame them if they’d already cut off all thoughts of me. It was my worst nightmare come true.
I truly was a danger to everyone I loved.
That depressing thought stayed with me as I hiked the next two miles. The cabin came into view between the trees and I sped up, eager to check things out and start securing the place. I didn’t plan to be there long, just until I could arrange my next stop. I’d just been anxious to get out of New York. Noah had too many contacts there, and it would have been nearly impossible to hide even when I was operating at my top form.
Which I clearly wasn’t.
I bypassed the front door and went directly to the shed in the back. Inside, there was a small lockbox that appeared to be for tools. I keyed in the combination and then slid out the drawer. An old-fashioned silver key was nestled amongst a bunch of tools. Even though I’d had electronic locks installed on all of the cabin’s exterior doors, I liked to keep things old school and used manual locks as well.
I smiled at what Rafe would say to hear me call a metal lock ’old school.’ Then my smile fell when I remembered that Rafe was likely going to kill me the next time we met up. My life was no longer my own. My friends were no longer my friends.
I was on my own.
Determined not to get distracted, I palmed the key and walked back out of the shed, my boots crunching through the snow as I crossed to the back door. I entered the electronic code and then used the key to unlock the deadbolt. As soon as I entered, I could tell that the woman I’d hired to look after the place had done her job. It smelled clean, and there were bags on the kitchen counter. When I’d sent her the message that I was on my way, I hadn’t been sure she’d get it in time to stock the place.
I shucked off my heavy coat and boots, leaving them in a heap by the door. First thing, I headed to the refrigerator and found some bottled water. After guzzling the whole thing, I stood staring out of the window into the backyard.
What the fuck was I supposed to do now?
This wasn’t like me. I always had a plan. But then again, I’d always had control of my own mind. Clearly, I wasn’t the one in control now. I had no idea what had happened back at the penthouse other than I’d suddenly been filled with rage and attacked my friends.
And Gemma. Don’t forget her.
I hung my head then walked down the dark hallway that led to the single bedroom. A heavy blue comforter was on the bed, and the light on the nightstand was on. A simple kindness but it gave me the sudden urge to cry. How long since anyone had thought to leave a light on for me? To care if I was in the dark? The only person who’d ever gone to bat for me was Noah, and I’d repaid that kindness with a knife.
I winced as pain lanced through my temples again. I’d had these random pains off and on for the past few hours, and each time it had been so sharp I’d feared I would pass out. The first time had been while running away from the penthouse. I’d almost gotten hit by a cab. It had been a godsend that I’d had the plane on autopilot when it happened the second time.
I curled up on top of the comforter, tucking my hands beneath my chin like a child. Sleep snatched me quickly, and I was back at the scene of the crime, watching it all happen again.
“No. Please no,” I muttered. Part of me was aware I was dreaming, but I still couldn’t wake up.
Then the scene switched, and it was the day before. I was with Gemma and she was smiling at me in that way that made me feel like I could do anything. She grabbed my hand and held it to her cheek. She was so soft.
I dipped my head and kissed her, the brush of her tongue against mine igniting a ferocious need. My hands tunneled into her hair, grasping the long locks like a vise. I was desperate for her, for more of her, and there was an urgency behind it, like I’d better take it all before it was gone. Scared that I was hurting her, I pulled back, but Gemma’s fingers dug into my arms, her nails breaking the skin. “No, don’t stop. Never stop.”
I relished the pain of her holding me so tightly, and we kissed like we were devouring each other. Lips sliding over skin, hands moving over flesh, we both were ravenous and untamed. The heat built as we fell onto a bed. I couldn’t even be sure where we were, and I didn’t care. At that moment, the only thing I cared about was that I was in her arms.
“Don’t hurt me, Matt!” Gemma’s hands clawed at my arms, leaving bright slashes of blood where her nails broke the sk
in.
I reared back in alarm. In just seconds the scene had gone from dream to nightmare. My hands were wrapped around Gemma’s throat, choking her.
“Oh God. I’m so sorry. So sorry, Gemma.” I threw myself away from her, and the shock of hitting the floor woke me up. I gasped, taking in huge gulps of air as I surveyed the unfamiliar surroundings. It was dark, save for a soft glow coming from a lamp a few feet away. After a few seconds of disorientation, it all came back. I was at the cabin. Alone.
“Fuck. What have I done?” I grasped my head as the pains returned. But in that moment, I didn’t even want to get rid of the pain. I’d take it.
I deserved it.
5
Gemma
To say it was tense on the airplane was an understatement.
Noah and Rafe kept eyeballing Ian. Ian, not one to be cowered, glared back. I mostly just sat at the window and tried not to twitch as my nerves ate at me. Oh no, it wasn’t the fact that I was locked into a flying sardine tin with killers who were currently armed to the teeth. Nope, that wasn’t it. I was worried about Matthias. I was terrified of what he might do.
I knew him well enough to know he wasn’t himself. But there was a part of him that had hesitated with me back there, a part of him that I could still reach. I just had to get close enough. Yeah, but where is he?
Matthias was slick. He hadn’t left many clues. If Noah and Rafe hadn’t been looking for charter flights, they might never have even considered an ORUS plane. Matthias’s operation had been so slick Ian hadn’t even known a plane was missing until his pilots went to take off for their mission. He’d been that quiet. Silent. And the fact that he’d gone so far as not killing anyone spoke volumes.
Yeah, but he doesn’t want to get caught.
No. He’d avoided it deliberately. I knew him, even if he didn’t know himself. He was capable of love and compassion. I didn’t care about what Rafe said, or about what Ian said. Noah, while concerned, was more along the lines of my thinking. He believed in Matthias. He believed that all we had to do was reach him.