"I believe you will discover that I know many things about you, Miss Elizabeth," he stated with conviction.
She arched her brow again and smiled, walking to a chair near the secretary and sat down to face the fire, still deep in thought. They both knew they needed to get beyond this very awkward situation.
Darcy walked to her, placed the cup on an end table to her left, and placed his own to the left of hers. Before sitting himself, he turned and asked, "Miss Elizabeth, do you mind?" He directed his hand towards the chair.
"Oh, Mr. Darcy, how rude of me. Please do sit down. I fear I am not yet myself."
"Please, Miss Elizabeth, do not make yourself uncomfortable. I am perfectly willing for you to take as much time as you need to calm yourself." With this he paused. "I…ah…I take it you were not expecting your previous guest to join you?" He had a small, friendly, open smile on his face. He wanted her to know that he was more than willing to hear her speak of whatever she wished. He also thought it might help her to speak of the lingering ghost of the toad in the room.
Elizabeth dropped her head into her hands before removing them to look over at Darcy. He intently watched her as she sighed before she started. "Mr. Darcy, I wish I could say I was completely unaware of the possibility of such an interview. I knew there was a slight possibility, particularly after Mr. Collins procured my first set at the ball. But I certainly never contemplated it happening in this fashion. I am perhaps more embarrassed than I have ever been in my entire life; and still full of ire at the gall of that man for considering that I would be happy as ‘the companion of his future life,’ as he so inelegantly stated.
“Mr. Darcy, you may not know this, but Mr. Collins came to Longbourn a week ago. At the direction of your aunt Lady Catherine de Bourgh, of whom he speaks incessantly, he came to offer us an ‘olive branch’ he says. Longbourn is entailed away from the female line, and as I have no brothers. It appears that Mr. Collins will inherit, should my father pass away prior to him. He came to choose one of us -- let me remember how he said it -- to honour one of Mr. Bennet’s daughters by taking her as my bride, allowing her to rejoice for a lifetime in the condescension of Lady Catherine de Bourgh, my magnificent benefactress.”
“My mother has been speaking with him, apparently, and told him that Jane… Well... ah… you know, Mr. Darcy, that my sister has deep feelings for your friend. It might be quite imprudent for me to mention it at this point. But my mother, though quite ridiculous at times, does care for her favourite daughters… Jane and Lydia. Since she knows, as well as I, that Jane’s heart is quite spoken for she apparently told Mr. Collins that Jane was spoken for. She then went on to tell him that I was not nearly as attractive as Jane, but as the second daughter in the family I would accept my family duty and honour his petition.”
“He said that in a marriage proposal? That is ridiculous!” Darcy exclaimed as looked over at her to gauge her reaction.
“Yes, quite. You are being most kind, sir. But certainly you do not want to hear all the disingenuous words that ridiculous toad of a man spoke in his rejected proposal!” Elizabeth exclaimed as she smiled a weak smile in his direction.
“Miss Elizabeth, believe me, this must be the most unusual situation in which I have ever found myself. I would imagine that the same could be said of you?” Darcy looked to her and she nodded her head.
“I believe that if we are able to look at peculiar, ironic levity of the position in which we find ourselves, it will allow us to find enough composure to have the conversation that was predestined for this ‘interview,’ as your father called it.” Darcy lightly chuckled and found that his comments had produced what he had hoped. Elizabeth lightly laughed as well, bringing a smile to her face.
She took a sip of her tea and said, “Yes, I believe you are right. Irony might be helpful. Perhaps Shakespeare said it best, *‘All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances,’ ” shared Elizabeth.
“Ah, yes, from As You Like it. You must admit Mr. Collins’ exit was something of that. It could have come right from one of Shakespeare’s comedies,” he chuckled and stretched out his leg a bit as he sat in the chair.
“Perhaps, Mr. Darcy, but your entrance was sheer poetry itself,” she said as she joined him in laughter.
“* ‘A little foolery that wise men have makes quite a show’, also from As You Like It and I believe that it has been quite a show so far today’,” Darcy laughed a bit louder.
“Yes, Mr. Darcy, *‘A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool’ therefore it is quite clear that Mr. Collins is a fool, while you are quite wise, think you not?” Elizabeth said as she continued to laugh.
Darcy laughed whole-heartedly then, and Elizabeth found herself joining him. They laughed harder as the laughter of the other infected their spirits. Occasionally, they would glance at each other, and it reignited their mirth. Darcy was holding his abdomen, as his stomach muscles were sore from his deep belly chortle. At some point, they did not remember why they laughed; but they laughed so hard they were both in tears. As their laughter came to an end, Darcy pulled out his handkerchief and moved to Elizabeth in order to wipe the tears that were sliding down her face. Then he wiped his own and placed it again into his pocket.
He then moved to his knees on the floor in front of her, and taking both of her hands in his, he smiled into her eyes. “Miss Elizabeth, I know that the events of the last day may have slightly rushed the timing of the words I say to you now. But they have been in my heart for so long, I have no problem whatsoever in voicing them. From the very beginning of our acquaintance, I have had a passionate regard for you. Your expressive, emerald green eyes caught me in their lure the first time you turned to me, which was unfortunately after I had made that comment we have discussed last evening,” he paused, and they both chuckled.
“The level of your love, kindness and care for your sister while you were both at Netherfield is something I have never seen before. Your quick mind, clever words and definitive opinions have captured my mind. Your beauty is unsurpassed, as you are by far, the most beautiful woman of my acquaintance. And, I have rarely heard anything that has brought me more joy than to hear you sing and play, other than perhaps the sound of your laughter."
"I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there will never be another woman with whom I wish to share my life. I love you with all my mind, body and soul. I also know at this moment, your feelings for me may not be what mine are for you; but alas, that worries me not. I know you have some passionate regard for me, as I have witnessed last evening,” he stopped and raised her hand to his lips and paused for just a few seconds and smiled.
“I have witnessed first hand your ability to love those you care about. I will commit to spending the rest of my life making myself worthy enough for you to care about me.”
“Elizabeth Bennett, will you consider allowing this imperfect; not always well articulated, passionate man, to make you his wife? Will you marry me?” Darcy stopped and continued to look into her eyes. His heart was beating faster than he ever remembered. This was the moment. He had lived the last six years, since his father’s death, not caring if he ever married. That is, until the spirit of Elizabeth Bennet had captured him. His breath caught as he prayed that she would accept him, as he did not know if he could live without her.
Elizabeth looked deeply into his eyes. Their warm, gentleness pierced her soul. His proposal was unlike anything she had ever dreamed, even when she HAD dreamed of a knight in shining armour sweeping her off of her feet, and asking for her hand in marriage. His words were the most beautiful she had ever heard. And while she did not know if she yet loved him, she KNEW that she was FAR from indifferent to him; she knew that she never wanted another to kiss her lips. The memory of their kiss was firmly in her thoughts as she voiced the words he longed to hear, “Yes, Fitzwilliam, I will be happy to marry you.”
Darcy took both of her hands
, kissing the back of one and then the other, over and over. He was grinning from ear to ear. Then he began to laugh again; a deep, rich, full laugh. He stood and lifted her to her feet. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her to him as she put her arms around his waist. He lifted her off the floor and spun her around and around. They both were laughing and smiling at each other. Finally, he stopped and placed her feet back on the floor.
He gazed at her eyes and then her lips, and dipped in to softly kiss her bottom lip. He suckled it as she slightly opened her mouth. And as they began to deepen their kiss, they heard a horrible screech.
Out in the hall they could hear, “Mr. Bennet, Mr. Bennet, you must come and make Lizzy marry Mr. Collins. Mr. Bennet, do you hear me! Lizzy must marry Mr. Collins or I will never speak to you or your Elizabeth again,” screeched Mrs. Bennet. Darcy and Elizabeth stopped their kiss. They looked at each other and began to laugh again.
*Quotes are from the works of William Shakespeare.
Chapter 4
1 December 1811, Just after Dawn, near Longbourn
Darcy slowly paced the front boundary of Longbourn. He had dressed and walked from Netherfield with eager anticipation of seeing Elizabeth. After returning from London two days ago, he had lunch with the entire Bennet clan yesterday. But he and Elizabeth had remained in the company of her family. They had briefly discussed what he accomplished in London, but they had not had any time alone.
Darcy had asked her if there was a possibility of spending time together this day. Stating that she had a habit of walking before breaking her fast each day they had agreed to walk together to Oakham Mount. He had been so anxious to see her that he arrived shortly after dawn.
As he paced back and forth he remembered, she looked so lovely yesterday. I do believe that she has never worn a dress in which her assets were so prominently displayed. When I complimented her on the dress, I could not but help but look at her lovely breasts, so voluptuously exposed by the décolleté neckline. When she caught my eyes looking, she blushed a lovely bright colour of pink.
He ran his hand through his hair and smiled. How I enjoy making her blush. She told me the gown was new, that her mother insisted she purchase it. I must thank Mrs. Bennet for her good taste! Luscious Lizzy, indeed. Good God, I have never had to retreat to so many windows in my life. Just the thought of her breasts and I find myself aroused. I do believe that I have been up more than down in the last five days. As he thought it, he began feeling the first stirrings of his arousal. He stopped walking a minute and took a couple deep breaths.
Elizabeth is a maiden and I doubt she is acquainted with such things. What would she think if she saw me? I must calm myself before she arrives. It will not do for me to be erect before we even begin our walk. I wonder if I have time to relieve myself. Oh God, how could I even think of such a thing out in full view of the road. Darcy began his slow pace again, but periodically ran his hand through his hair.
I will think of Aunt Catherine. She was horrible when she visited... something about Mr. Bennet… not believing that I would consider being a part of his family. Perhaps I will talk more with him. He did say that he was a friend of my father and uncle. Perhaps I can learn more when I go over the settlement papers with him. There, I am calmer. Ah… I see her now.
Darcy watched as she approached. She was wearing a lavender muslin gown with a much higher neckline than the one she had worn the day prior, but he still thought she was lovely. Her hair was pulled up, concealed under a lavender bonnet. The closer she got to him, the more he noticed that her body language did not appear open and inviting. She was plodding along in her steps, her arms crossed in front of her chest, and she was looking at the ground. As she got even closer, he realized that she was definitely not smiling; in fact it looked as if she had a scowl on her face. He knew he could lift her mood as he had done that the day he proposed, and he could certainly do it again.
“Good morning, my dear. You look quite lovely this morning,” he said with cheer.
Her response was not what he wanted. Not what he wanted at all as she whispered, eyes fixed to the ground, “Thank you, Mr. Darcy”.
Oh dear, I know I have done something wrong. But what is it? Is she angry with me? Did I do something yesterday that was insensitive? Why is she angry? Darcy’s thoughts were a jumble as he caught up with her stride. She had not even paused for him to join her, but continued walking.
With as much cheer as possible, he said, “Oh, are we back to Mr. Darcy? I thought you agreed to call me William when we were alone.” He offered her his arm but she did not take it.
Good God, what have I done now? She must be angry with me. Should I ask her? Maybe we should just walk for a while as the walk may calm her spirits. Perhaps she did not sleep well.
“It is a lovely day, is it not? I watched the sunrise from my window at Netherfield, anxious to see you. I am glad you agreed to this walk as it has been so long since we have had time alone. Perhaps we can walk each morning until the wedding. It seems as soon as we break our fast each morning others take over our lives, and there is no time to spend together. Do you not agree?” Darcy said lightly.
Anticipating a pleasant retort, all she said was, “Yes, sir.”
Ah, it must be much worse than I even imagined. I am back to sir. Is she regretting her agreement to marry me? Oh Lord, what would I do if that were the case? I do not believe I can live without Elizabeth now. She is just so lovely, so precious to me.
Darcy continued to contemplate what could be wrong. “Elizabeth, have I offended you in some way? Are you angry with me for some reason?” he cautiously and pleadingly asked.
“No, sir,” was all she would say. She continued to walk and avoid his eyes.
I wonder if, maybe that is it. I know that Georgiana has a time each month where she is ill at ease, and often irritable, her monthly courses is what she calls it. Could that be it? I cannot ask her. I know that it happens monthly when a woman is not pregnant, but to be honest I do not even completely understand it myself. So I certainly cannot ask her if that is it, but at least that could be it.
They continued to walk, "Are you unwell, Elizabeth?" Darcy was truly trying to understand. But he felt like he was failing badly. They had reached Oakham Mount.
Elizabeth suddenly stopped and turned towards him, answering sharply, "No, I am not unwell. I fear I am poor company, as I am feeling quite taciturn and disagreeable. Perhaps you would find your own company preferable to mine, sir." As she ended her statement, she walked away.
Darcy caught up with her and quickly stated, "I am content to be in your company no matter your state, and am more than willing to remain silent if you prefer." With that, Darcy said not another word the entire way back.
His mind, however, was not quiet. I do not believe that I have ever heard her with such an edge to her voice, well, with me. There was her interaction with Mr. Collins. Ah, Elizabeth, please tell me what troubles you? If only thoughts could transcend a soul.
They continued to walk. Her pace slowed just a bit, and she allowed him to walk beside her; but no other direct communication was to be had.
Darcy continued to muse, Maybe I should show her the letter from my Uncle Edward. Receiving it was a quite a surprise yesterday. Uncle Edward said when he heard of my engagement that he laughed out loud, so strong and so long that my aunt, and even Richard, wondered what was wrong with him. I know that he knew Mr. Bennet, but I do not know anything of that history. They must have been close. There was a rough patch of ground and Darcy offered his arm to Elizabeth and she took it this time.
Oh, my Elizabeth, what troubles you so? They continued to walk. This encounter had not progressed as he had hoped. As much as Darcy had enjoyed their two past kisses, they were not enough for his impatient ardour. He had hoped to be able to have some intimate time with his fiancée today, but it was not to be. In fact, they seemed farther apart than ever before.
Elizabeth stumbled over a root in the ground, but before she could f
all Darcy caught her. She looked at him quite briefly and blushed. He brought her arm up and placed it around his and guided her on in their walk. They did not speak, but she did not pull away from him. They glanced at each other briefly from time to time. Only once or twice during the remainder of their return to Longbourn did they catch, even for a second, the other looking.
At least she has not turned me away and no angry words have passed through her lips--luscious, strawberry, ruby lips. Oh, stop it Darcy. You are not going to taste those lips today. Be grateful that she has not run from you completely
Minutes later they arrived back at the path to Longbourn.
They stopped walking and Darcy turned to her. “Elizabeth, I know you may have preferred to be on your own today, but thank you for walking with me. I believe that I will return to Netherfield as I have business that requires my attention. Accomplishing such tasks now will allow me to be able to spend uninterrupted time with you after our wedding. Please get some rest, and please tell me you will be willing to walk with me tomorrow morning. Even if you still do not wish to speak, just being in your presence gives me joy and calms my spirit. Shall I see you in the morning?” He smiled at her.
She chanced a brief look at Darcy and saw his smile and his dimples, “Yes William, I shall see you in the morning.” She did not smile. The look was short. But she called him William. For Darcy it was enough.
Darcy walked back to Netherfield and was greeted by Miss Bingley. “Ah, Mr. Darcy, where have you been so early in the morning?” Darcy had been doing everything possible to avoid Miss Bingley. She was bad before in her pandering, but since his engagement she was outrageously inappropriate. He was sure she desperately clung to the thought that she might change his mind. He was also much on his guard, because if there was a way she could disrupt this wedding, he had no doubt she would.
White Lies and Other Half Truths Page 3