by Beth Flynn
And now, she thought, looking at her friends incredulously, she was being told it was all Tommy’s idea?
Ginny bit her lip. “Tommy set up a romantic night on the beach for me and Grizz? Why would he do that?”
“Actually, Gin, he set it up for you and him,” Casey said softly. “To look like an after-prom party. Tommy had been there all day, waiting for you. Grizz showed up fifteen minutes before you did. Told Tommy he thought you would be disappointed if he wasn’t there. He didn’t want to let you down or hurt you. He told Tommy that he would take over.” She took Ginny’s hand and gave her a gentle look. “He sent Tommy, Sarah Jo, and the few friends that were there back home.”
**********
Moe’s Diary, 1978
Dear Elizabeth,
I know it was a mean thing to do, but I couldn’t help it. I did it before I could stop myself. I was just so jealous.
I’m his friend. It seems like he’s forgotten about me. Unless he needs something. Like help setting up a romantic date for someone else. For her.
I want to hate her, but I don’t. She’s nice to me. And besides, she’s with Grizz. I never see her act like she wants to be with Grunt. But, still. I couldn’t stand the thought of him holding her while they danced. The dress was so pretty. I used to wear pretty things like that. You remember, don’t you, Elizabeth?
Grizz was okay with letting them have their dance. But I had to ruin it. I had to write him a note telling him Kit would really be hurt and disappointed if he wasn’t there.
He gives Kit whatever she wants. He couldn’t stand how the thought of him not being there could hurt her. He hates stuff like that, dancing and dressing up, but he would do it for her. They all seem to do everything for her. Kit, Kit, Kit.
Sometimes, I wish she would just leave. Go back to wherever Monster found her.
Chapter Forty
2000
Behind Carter’s house, Ginny leaned against the deck railing and inhaled deeply. Did she smell orange blossoms or jasmine or both? Memories invaded her senses. For a moment, she felt dizzy.
Ginny couldn’t believe what her friends had told her. Why hadn’t Tommy and Sarah Jo ever mentioned it? More secrets. It was like her life had been built on one big lie. She didn’t know what to believe anymore. Or who to believe.
She looked around, trying to breathe, to center herself, and her eyes fell upon the garage. She hadn’t stepped foot in that garage in fifteen years. It was a large, three-car unit, separate from the house, with a small guest room on the second floor.
She slowly walked toward it, remembering the bad times along with the good. When she reached the side door under the guest stairs, she knelt and lifted a ceramic frog. The keys were still there. Just as Carter had promised, the garage had never been used. That was one of the only conditions Grizz had insisted on when Ginny told him that Carter would be living there. No one in the garage. Ever.
Ginny had a little trouble with the dead bolt. It obviously hadn’t been opened in years. She went inside and flicked on the light. She expected the air inside to smell bad, but she was surprised that it didn’t. It was just a little stale.
She stared at the two automobiles covered with big cloth tarps. She knew under each cover was a black vehicle—his and hers. Grizz bought a new black Corvette every year. He tried to buy her a new car, too, every year, but she wouldn’t let him. She loved her birthday Trans Am. She wondered if it would now be considered vintage.
She walked past to the three motorcycles lined up in a neat row. She noticed one with a blue bandana hanging on the handlebar. It had been Grizz’s favorite bike. The one he had taken her on for her first ride with him. She approached it now and took the bandana off the handlebar. Her hands shook slightly, but she paid them no mind. Holding the bandana gently, she sat on the hard garage floor, lifting the cloth to her face. Could she still smell him?
No, she couldn’t. It had been too long.
After a few minutes, she noticed the back wheel of her Trans Am peeking out beneath the cover. She frowned, remembering what it felt like to be inside the car, the smell of the seats and feel of the motor rumbling beneath her. She narrowed her eyes, inspecting the wheel cap. That wheel cap.
They’d been married for a couple of years. She didn’t remember why they were in her car. Maybe his was in the shop at the time. He was driving and she reminded him that she needed a part.
“Did you remember to ask Axel about my wheel cap?” she asked as they navigated the mall parking lot.
“He didn’t get it for you yet?” Grizz raised his eyebrows.
“No, it’s just a stupid little cap. I don’t know if it fell off or if someone stole it. I don’t know why someone would steal it, but my tire looks funny without it. Will you remind him?”
Grizz began to gaze out over the parking lot, like he was assessing the cars, driving slowly. He gassed it suddenly, then took a quick right that was so sharp she grabbed her door handle.
“What the—?”
“Looks like it might be the same year,” he said to himself as he jammed the car in park. He reached into the console and took out a screwdriver. Before she could say anything, he was out of the car and walking away.
She turned around in her seat and saw him approach a car that looked similar to hers, then disappear. Two minutes later, he reappeared and jumped into the driver’s seat. He tossed the screwdriver and newly acquired wheel cap into her lap and drove off.
Her mouth hung open as she looked over at him. He had a smug little smile on his face.
“Grizz!” She moved her sunglasses on top of her head so she could look him in the eye. “Did you just steal this wheel cap from someone else’s car?”
He glanced over at her. “Of course I did. Where do you think I got it from?”
“Why did you have to steal it?” Her temper flared. “Axel could’ve gotten me one. I can’t believe you just stole it!”
He rolled his eyes. “Kit, you were complaining that you needed one. I saw an opportunity to handle it and I did. Now you don’t have to remind Axel. What’s the big deal?”
“The big deal is that you stole it.” She crossed her arms. “I don’t know, Grizz. I don’t think I can drive my car knowing you stole the wheel cap. It would bother me.”
He looked at her then and she immediately knew what he was thinking. She could read his face like a book.
“Oh no, Grizz.” She shook her head. “No way. Don’t even tell me my car is stolen. Please don’t tell me that, Grizz.”
“Then I won’t tell you,” he answered her matter-of-factly.
She jutted her chin and stared out over the dashboard, refusing to look at him. Already her face was getting flushed. She was mad.
He’d confessed later how he loved when she got mad, even if it was at him. He told her the truth, how he would never let her drive around in a stolen car. He had made the purchase legitimately, but sometimes he liked riling her up. And right then she was exactly that: riled up.
“I just don’t know who you think you are taking things that don’t belong to you!” Her chest began to flush. “I mean, really, Grizz! I suppose you think that whatever’s out there is yours for the taking.”
He didn’t answer her.
“Answer me. You think you can just take whatever you want?”
He looked over at her and smiled. “I took you, Kitten.”
Sitting on the garage floor, she stared at the wheel cap now and struggled with the memory of how immature she had been. How enraged she had become over a stolen wheel cap yet she’d been willing to ignore the knowledge of the other awful things he did. Her love for Grizz made her compromise her values. Who had she been back then? Who was she now?
Clutching the blue bandana to her chest like a security blanket, she realized she was crying. Sniffling loudly, she used the bandana to wipe her tears. Get it together, Gin. Then she stared at the bandana.
The blue bandana. She had forgotten about the bandana.
C
hapter Forty-One
1985
“I can’t, Grizz! I can’t do it without you. I don’t want to!”
Kit had been visiting him in the county jail. She was about six months pregnant with Mimi and the counter behind the glass petition dividing them jutted uncomfortably against her ripe belly.
“Kitten, you can’t do what?” he’d asked her through the glass partition, his face a mask of concern. “What can’t you do without me?”
Damn, he wanted to touch her skin. Just one gentle caress of her cheek. He wanted to wipe away her tears.
“Anything, Grizz.” She was sobbing heavily now. “I don’t want to do anything without you. I don’t want to have our baby without you. I don’t want to fall asleep at night without you.” She stopped herself and took a deep breath. “I don’t feel safe without you, Grizz. I’m not used to you not being there.”
“You have Grunt, Kit. Grunt will be there for you. He would protect you with his life. You know that, don’t you?”
“I don’t care!” Her eyes flashed. “He’s not you, Grizz! Yes, he is wonderful, and I know his feelings are hurt because I’ve refused to move out of our home or let him live there with me. I’m just not ready to leave it, to be with him.” She shook her head, tried to make him understand. “There is too much of ‘us’ in that home, Grizz, and I just can’t leave it. Not yet. You may have moved on from me already, but I cannot imagine a day when I will be over you.”
“Oh fuck, honey. Is that what you think? That I’ve moved on from you?” He never once thought that she would see his insistence that she marry Grunt as rejection. He thought he was protecting her and he assumed she knew that. He’d never been good about expressing his feelings. Even with Kit. Not to mention he’d never been used to telling anyone his reasons for doing the things he did.
“What am I supposed to think?” She’d started to hiccup.
“Kit, is that the life you want? Packing up our baby and bringing it to visit its father in jail every weekend? Is that the life you want for you and our child?”
“If I knew you were going to get out of this place, yes! But you don’t even seem like you want to. You seem so resolved that you’re going to trial, that a jury will convict you, and I don’t know who this Carey Lewis is that Matthew recommended, but I’m sorry I ever suggested Matthew.” Her voice started rising again, and she willed herself to tamp down her emotions, to breathe.
Grizz leaned back in his chair and sighed. He felt bad that she thought he was still here because of her suggestion to use Matthew Rockman. And that Rockman had somehow failed them by suggesting Carey Lewis. He’d played dumb that day when he was arrested. He knew that she would suggest her old friend Matthew and he’d gone along with it to appease her. He’d never had any intention of letting Rockman represent him and had put a plan in place long before, in the event that it ever came to this.
He signaled for a guard and when the guard walked over, Grizz whispered something in his ear. The guard nodded.
She was blowing her nose when the guard let himself out of the holding area and approached her.
“Please come with me, miss,” the guard said quietly but firmly.
She looked at Grizz and he nodded at her. This? This was it? This was his way of saying goodbye? She couldn’t believe it. Emotions swirled as she allowed the guard to gently take her by the elbow, leading her out of the room.
She looked back at Grizz and couldn’t read his expression. She started sobbing uncontrollably then and didn’t even notice that she was brought into a room with no windows. A small table with two chairs was in it. The guard guided her to one of the chairs and left the room. He quickly returned with a box of tissues. She was blowing her nose when she heard him say on his way out, “Five minutes. Five minutes or I lose my job.”
She bolted upright. And saw Grizz coming into the room.
Suddenly she jumped up and threw herself into his arms. He held her tightly and walked her to the chair. He sat down and pulled her down onto his lap. Then, placing his hand on her stomach, he looked into her eyes.
“Kitten, listen to me.”
She started crying again and wrapped her arms around his neck like a child. He let her sit there like that as he breathed in her scent. Mentally kicking his own ass for letting it go this far. For not making a deal with them sooner.
But even if he’d made a deal, there would’ve been no guarantees. There still weren’t, but he was convinced he was doing what was best for her. For their child. When she seemed to calm down, he gently removed her arms from around his neck and pulled back so he could look straight at her.
He’d been beaten as a child. He’d been shot and stabbed. He’d had bones broken. He’d even been tortured. Nothing. Absolutely nothing compared to the pain he felt as he gazed into her chocolate eyes. He felt as if his heart had been ripped from his chest.
“Kitten, I don’t need to tell you the things I’ve done.” She started to interrupt him, but he held up a hand. “No, listen to me, Kit. I am getting what I deserve. Do you understand me? You don’t deserve it. You need to have the life you would’ve had, could’ve had, if I didn’t kidnap you. I was selfish. I took what I wanted.”
“What life would I have had?” She sniffled. “Being Delia and Vince’s housemaid?”
“Stop acting naïve. We both know you’re not. You’re smart. You would’ve gone to college on a scholarship and moved as far away as possible from them. Don’t act like I saved you.”
“But you did,” she whispered. “I was meant to be with you.”
He didn’t say anything and something in her expression changed. Her eyes narrowed, like she finally understood. She awkwardly got off his lap and stood in front of him. She rested her hands on her pregnant stomach. With swollen eyes and a red nose, she added, “And we both know how smart you are too, Grizz.”
He looked away from her.
“You’re too smart to get caught like this.” She took a ragged breath. “What is it you aren’t telling me? Oh, wait, your name? Yeah, that was the big secret forever.” Her voice dripped with sarcasm. “That cat’s been let out of the bag. I think I’ve earned your trust by now, don’t you? Don’t I deserve some truth about anything?”
He stood then, grabbed her and pulled her to him, and she let him. She wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. With a shuddering breath, he took her face in his hands and looked deep into her eyes.
“The only truth you ever need to know is that my love for you is real and will never go away. And everything I’ve done, no matter how it looks, is so you could be protected. I never wanted to be without you, but it’s not my choice now.”
Before she could respond, the door flew open and the guard reappeared. “Time’s up. Gotta go now.”
“Wait.” She grabbed both of his wrists and held his hands to her face.
“Kitten.” He gave her a serious look. “If you ever need anything. If you are ever in trouble. If you are ever scared—you know that Grunt will be there.”
She started to cry again. “But what if he’s not, Grizz? I married him, but what if I can never accept him? What if it’s just me and the baby? I’m so confused, I just don’t know what—”
“Kit, my bike,” Grizz whispered into her ear. “My favorite bike in our garage. I keep my blue bandana on it. You know the one, right?”
She nodded.
“If you ever need anything. I mean fucking anything, and Grunt can’t be there for you, you put your hair up in one of those high ponytails you like to wear and you wrap my bandana around it. You hear me? You wear my bandana, and it might take a day or two, but you’ll get whatever help you need. You understand me?”
She looked at him quizzically, tried to fathom how a blue bandana in the garage was going to help her if she ever needed him.
Before the guard escorted him out, Grizz called out, “Kitten, have you picked out any names yet? Do you know what you want to name the baby?”
“Jason if it’s a boy. Miriam
if it’s a girl.”
He raised a questioning eyebrow.
“It was Moe’s name.”
His expression softened and he gave a quick nod. “Ruth. What about Miriam Ruth?”
“You like the name Ruth? Is it from someone you know?” Her voice sounded hopeful, like she was desperate for one more nugget of truth from his past.
But he merely smiled. “No. I just like it. Better than Miriam Guinevere.”
Kit mulled the name and decided she liked it too. “Ruth is biblical. Miriam is, too, but Ruth was an amazing woman. Amazing enough to have her own book in the Bible. If it’s a girl, we’ll name her Miriam Ruth,” she promised.
He kissed her gently on the lips and was gone.
**********
Now, in the garage, she cried and cried as she held the bandana, remembering the way it had looked on him. She’d never had to wear the blue bandana over the years, but she remembered lying in bed late at night and finding comfort in knowing it was out there on his bike. Out there, just in case she ever needed it.
In the jail house visits that followed, her questions to him still went unanswered. And eventually, she mused, she did make the slow transition into a life with Tommy. A life she now cherished. As the old saying goes, life goes on. Time heals.
At least up until yesterday.
She cried harder now into the bandana. And when it couldn’t hold any more tears, she clutched it to her chest, laid down on the cold cement, and fell asleep.
Chapter Forty-Two
1950s, Fort Lauderdale, Florida
He’d turned the motel upside down looking for that bag of money. It’d been weeks since Red and his shitty friends had left and Ralph was convinced by now that there was no money. Whoever the guy was that Red was looking for never stopped here.
He had just come back to number four to have some lunch. Sitting down on the couch with a sandwich, he stared at the TV. It wasn’t on, but he stared hard, trying to think of some of the recent television shows he’d been watching. There were some clever ones about spies and crime-solving. Where would someone on one of those shows hide a bag of money?