by E. L. Todd
“Okay.”
She left my side and walked into the kitchen where I couldn’t see her anymore. The second she was gone, I felt like shit. Being alone, even for a moment, was enough to rip me apart.
***
I agreed that going to the orphanage was a bad idea. At least right now it was. He was bound to hate it just the way he claimed, and seeing me would just unleash a flood of fury.
But I still wanted to see him.
I walked to Cunningham High School and stayed on the opposite side of the street. I wore jeans and a t-shirt with a Yankees baseball cap. I never wore hats unless I was at a game, but it was the best way to shield my face.
The bell rang, and the kids filed out of the building. They walked across the lawn in groups, talking to their friends as they decided what to do with their free time.
A moment later, Clay walked out alone. His old backpack hung from his shoulders, and he kept his head down like he didn’t want anyone to notice him. A group of kids walked by and one threw his empty soda can at Clay’s head. “Loser.”
It took all my strength not to cross the street.
I wanted to tell that kid off.
But since I wasn’t Clay’s father or a teacher, I was just a strange man that didn’t belong there. And that’s the kind of stuff you went to prison for.
Clay reached his bike and took it out of the rack, not fazed by what just happened. He didn’t seem to care at all, like it happened on a regular basis.
That hurt even more.
He walked his bike to the sidewalk then swung his leg over the side. From a distance, he looked exactly the same. He wore the same clothes and did his hair in the same way. But his eyes looked different. They were stripped of hope, just empty chasms of nothingness.
He pedaled the bike down the sidewalk and crossed the street, leaving my gaze once he disappeared behind a building. He was going the opposite way of his apartment.
Even though he was gone, I stayed there because I had nowhere else to go. I should be at work with Clay sitting across from me. But now I was back to my former life before Clay stepped out of that elevator.
I was back to being nothing.
Chapter Eight
Taylor
I hated seeing Volt like this.
He was heartbroken.
It was the only way to describe that look on his face. He lost someone he cared so much about, and now that Clay was gone, Volt wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He loved that kid more than he could put into words. While trying to do the right thing, he lost him.
I wished I could fix it.
Volt was unnaturally quiet, having nothing to say anytime we were together. He communicated with me by using his eyes, showing his overwhelming despair. He was drowning in his own sorrow and there wasn’t a life jacket in sight.
All I could do was be with him. Sit beside him. Hold his hand. Let him know he was never alone. That I would carry the burden with him—silently. I went to his place every day after work and made dinner and did his laundry. I slept beside him every night even though I never got any action.
I knew my presence comforted him.
He didn’t need to tell me.
After two weeks, his sadness didn’t change. He was still a shadow of what he was once before. His reactions were either slow or nonexistent. He hardly responded to the sound of his own name—and that was something he loved to hear.
There was nothing I could do to fix his pain. Only one person held that power.
And that was Clay.
***
I checked in at the front desk then proceeded to the game room. It’s where the kids hung out before dinnertime. Some of the younger kids were playing with their toys on the ground. The teenagers sat on couches listening to their headphones or scrolling through their phones. A lot of them looked at me with irritation, hating the fact that I walked into their personal zone.
Clay sat in the nook by the window, his head leaning against the cool glass. He played with a pocketknife in his hands, running his thumb along the blade. He looked just as lifeless as Volt.
I came to his side and watched him, waiting for him to acknowledge me.
He pretended I didn’t exist.
“Clay?”
“Hmm?” He looked out the window.
Did he even know it was me? “Hey. I just came by to check on you.”
He finally looked at me, and for a split second, he seemed happy to see a familiar face. Memories of our time together flashed across his eyes. But then it disappeared instantly, replaced by a steel wall of indifference. “I’m fine. You can go now.” He returned his gaze to the window.
I pulled up a chair and sat beside him, knowing I had to play by his rules if I wanted to accomplish anything. “Have you made any friends?”
“Just enemies.”
“How’s the food?”
“Tastes all the same to me.”
“Do you have someone to help you with your homework?”
“This place is understaffed and we’re oversaturated. Hell no, I don’t have any help in here.”
His pain hadn’t dwindled in the past two weeks, and his heart was just as hard as the day he walked out on Volt. “Volt really misses you.”
“I don’t care.”
“He thinks about you all the time.”
“Good for him.”
“He thinks you hate him.”
“I do,” he snapped. “I meant every word I said. He stabbed me in the back. I couldn’t care less about him.”
“I know you don’t mean that.”
“Then you don’t know me.”
“You know, in your heart, he did this to look after you.”
“Bullshit.”
“Clay, look at me.” I had to get through to him. I had to make this right for Volt. I couldn’t stand by and watch the man I loved fall apart.
“I’m good.”
“Please,” I whispered.
He finally turned to me, loathing in his eyes.
“You’re more lucky than you realize.”
“Yeah?” he asked sarcastically. “Because I’m not a starving kid in Africa? Yeah, I’ve heard that one before.”
“No. You’re lucky you have someone in your life who’s willing to do anything to help you. You’re lucky Volt loves you so much that he did something he didn’t want to do. He knew you would hate him. He knew you would break his heart. But he put you in here anyway because he knew it would keep you safe. Now, that’s real love. Maybe one day you’ll see that.”
He shook his head. “He betrayed me.”
“He gave you one chance to stay there. If nothing had happened, you would still be there. But Volt’s message to your father wasn’t enough, and he settled into his old ways again. He gave your preference a chance before he went with the alternative. Clay, I know you’re smart. You can’t sit there and tell me you don’t understand his point of view.”
“I do,” he answered. “But he still should have stayed out of it. I may be sixteen but I know how to survive. He shouldn’t have stuck his nose where it didn’t belong. I stuck out my neck in need of help, and he did the one thing he promised not to do. I took a chance on him when I shouldn’t have.”
“It’s not that bad here, Clay.”
“Oh, really?” He nodded toward two older boys on the couch. “They’re the crimson twins. You know why they’re called that? It’s not because crimson is their last name.”
I shuddered at the thought. “If anyone in here gives you a hard time, just tell someone.”
“And then get a worse beating for being a snitch?” he asked incredulously. “When the lights go out and we’re in bed, shit goes down. Volt thinks I’m safe in here? I can’t run away. I can’t go anywhere. When things get tough, I have to stick around. He may think he helped me, but he just made my life a million times more difficult.”
Reconciliation seemed impossible at this point, but I couldn’t give up. Volt needed this to be fixed. He needed C
lay’s forgiveness—as well as Clay himself. “I know this is—”
Clay hopped off the nook. “I’m tired of this. Goodbye, Taylor.”
“Clay, wait.”
He walked down the hallway and entered a room. The door shut behind him, and he never came back.
I stayed in the chair and looked out the window, wondering if I made things better or if I made them worse.
***
I didn’t tell Volt about my visit with Clay. Since nothing good came of it, there was no reason to inform him. Besides, it would just make him more miserable anyway.
I made dinner like I did every night. He had two bites, and then I stored it in the fridge for the next day. Volt was hardly eating, and his muscle definition was beginning to soften. I didn’t care if his body changed, but I did care that he wasn’t healthy.
How did I fix this?
We went to bed that night, cuddled together under the soft sheets. I usually lulled him to sleep by caressing him, running my fingers through his hair or down his chest. It was the only way he would drift away. Otherwise, his regrets would consume him alive.
Tonight, I wanted things to be different. I wanted to bring him back to life, to pull him from the brink of death. He was fading fast and losing who he was. He was fading from vibrant to a dull gray.
I moved on top of him and straddled his hips, hoping he wouldn’t reject me.
He looked at me, his usual arousal absent.
I pulled my shirt off and tossed it on the floor. I wore nothing underneath, and my tits were on display for him to enjoy. I knew he loved my chest most of all. He played with my boobs every chance he got. They were proportionally big in comparison to my size, so they looked perkier than they really were.
I ran my hands up his chest, grinding against the area where his hard cock would be. I was just in my black thong, trying to entice him to take me. I leaned over him and sprinkled kisses against his five o’clock shadow. My nipples rubbed against his chest, pointed.
“Baby…”
I was getting to him, making him melt. He was coming back to me.
“I’m just not in the mood right now.” He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me back. “I’m sorry. It’s not you.”
I failed.
I was rejected.
I tried not to let the sting bother me because it wasn’t personal.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated.
“Volt.” I returned my hands to his chest. “You can’t stay like this forever. It’s been weeks now.”
“I know.”
“Come back to me.”
“It’s just hard for me to be excited about anything anymore. I keep thinking about what he said to me…that he hates me.”
I leaned over him and cupped his face with a single hand. “He’ll come back to you. I know he will.”
“I don’t know…”
“He will. I promise. But you need to give it time.”
“Time seems to be all I have.”
“Come on.” I grinded against him, trying to get him hard. I never dealt with this kind of rejection before and it stung. But I had to remind myself it wasn’t about me. His inability to get a boner stemmed from his depression.
“You really are beautiful.” His hands snaked up my thighs to my ass. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Just don’t think about it.” I leaned over him and gave him a slow kiss, easing him into it. I sucked his bottom lip before I dove my tongue into his mouth, dancing with his. I rubbed his chest at the same time, wanting him to understand how much I wanted him. This dry spell was killing me. Just doing this was about to make me come.
I breathed into his mouth as I kissed him. “I want your big cock inside me. I want my man to make love to me. I want him to fill me…”
His cock sprung to life and pressed against me.
I never thought I could pull off dirty talk, but with Volt, I could do anything. “You feel so good…” I rubbed my clit against him, feeling my body light on fire. Having this kind of intimacy hit me in the right spot. “Fuck, I’m so wet.”
He moaned into my mouth, getting into it. His fingers kneaded my ass, gripping my cheeks tightly and pulling them apart. Two fingers curved around my ass and felt my entrance. He rubbed the moisture onto his fingertips and moaned quietly, confirming what his dick wanted to know.
He quickly rolled me over onto my back and dominated me with his large size. Now that his sexual need had awoken, he realized how much he desperately needed it. He hadn’t gotten laid in weeks, and his cock was starving. He pulled my underwear off and sank deep inside me. “Fuck.”
I gripped his shoulders and clawed into his back. “I’m already going to come.” I wasn’t embarrassed by how quickly it happened. I had to lie beside him every night for weeks without making a move. It was pure torture.
“Baby…” He thrust into me hard, giving me powerful strokes that stretched me wide. Not having me for weeks affected him the same way it affected me, even if he hadn’t realized it until now. He pinned me farther into the mattress, giving it to me harder and deeper.
“Volt, I’m going to come.”
He moaned as he thrust into me. “Me too.”
“I want your come inside me.” I grabbed his ass and pulled him deeper into me. I was on the precipice of a powerful orgasm, the kind that would ignite and consume me.
“Fuck, baby.”
I hit my trigger when I heard the nickname, and I spiraled out of control when it hit me. I bit my bottom lip and screamed at the same time, relieved I could be as loud as I wanted. “God, Volt.”
“Yes, I am your god.” He gave a final thrust before he released inside me, giving me more seed than he ever had before. He deposited everything he had, like I was a bank account. “Shit, that felt good.” He brushed his lips across my hairline before he looked me in the eye.
Volt was back. He returned to me, life coming back into his eyes. He stared at me like it was the first time he really looked at me. He rubbed his nose against mine before he kissed the corner of my mouth. “I love you.”
Those words made me melt into a puddle. I was sticky and wet, mushy for him. “I love you too.”
“I’m sorry I’ve been…not here.”
“It’s okay.” I grazed my fingers against his cheek. “You’re here now.”
“Thanks for bringing me back to you.”
“No problem. I know you’ll always do the same for me.”
***
Volt was never exactly who he used to be. But he was pretty close.
He took me out to dinner, made me laugh with his dirty jokes, and he gave me hot loving at night. Once in a while, his eyes would drift away in sadness, thinking about Clay and the last conversation they had. When that happened, I would say something to change the subject, something that made him laugh. Within minutes, he was back to normal.
The city was still frozen for winter, and the streets were caked with snow and frosty puddles. Steam erupted out of the sewer grates and spiraled high into the sky. People walked around with hot coffee in their hands, using the warm fuel to keep their legs moving.
Volt and I slowly returned to where we were before the breakup and the sad situation with Clay.
I was in the bar with Natalie as she talked about Jared. “He’s really sweet. The other day, he sent me flowers at work—for no reason at all.”
“Wow. Who knew he could be romantic?”
“And he’s pretty good in bed too. No complaints.”
“Thanks for the info but I never asked.”
“Like you didn’t tell me how good the sex was with Volt,” she argued.
“Because you asked,” I reminded her.
Natalie looked over my shoulder. “Here come the guys now. They see us, and Volt is checking out your ass so hard.”
“Good. Wait until he sees the front of my dress.” It was a sweetheart cut, and it showed my tits pressed tightly together. It wasn’t the kind of dress I would wear if I were out on
my own. I specifically wore it just for him.
“He’ll be pleased to see the girls.”
Volt reached my side, and the second he did, he wrapped his arm around me possessively, wanting there to be no mistake that I was his, and then he pulled me in for a kiss. His five o’clock shadow rubbed up against me, exciting me more than his lips did. “Hey.”
“Hey.” My legs already turned to jelly.
He looked down at my chest, noticing the special cut of the dress. His eyes were glued to my tits for nearly five seconds. “I like this…” He squeezed my waist.
“Why do you think I bought it?”
He pressed his lips to my ear. “So I would fuck you in the bathroom.”
“It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.”
He wore his black blazer and dark jeans, his chest looking ripped in the gray shirt underneath. He’d started eating and hitting the gym again, transforming back into the strong man I loved having on top of me. “Watch what you wish for. It might come true.”
“I’m down for some PDA.”
“That’s not PDA,” he said with a chuckle. “That’s straight-up obscenity. And I like it.”
Jared and Natalie were close together, whispering to each other as they shared kisses at the same time.
Derek arrived at our group, but he looked like he was about to throw up. “I need a girlfriend.”
Volt turned to him. “You want my help?”
“I just want someone to make out with so I don’t puke from watching all of you,” Derek said.
“Like you won’t beat off to this later,” Volt teased.
“I beat off a lot,” Derek said. “But never to you.”
“Sure,” Volt said. “Whatever you say.”
“Julia told me she really hit it off with Sage,” Derek said. “I guess they’re getting serious.”
“Wow,” I said. “We’re the perfect matchmakers.”
“At least we repaired the damage we caused,” Volt said. “We both wasted their time.”
“Julia is definitely an upgrade for Sage, so he should be thanking me,” I said.
Volt rolled his eyes. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”