by E. L. Todd
She cupped my face and gave me a soft kiss. “I know. But if you do, you know I’m right here next to you.”
***
I walked into her classroom after the bell rang. The kids filed out, pushing past me in a hurry. It was snowing outside and my overcoat was caked with patches of white snow on the shoulders. I wiped them away before I approached her desk.
She looked cute sitting there, wearing a long-sleeve red dress with her hair in pretty curls. She was going over papers while sitting on her desk, her lips pressed tightly together as she tried to finish everything as quickly as possible, in a hurry to get home to me.
“Hey, baby.”
She looked up at the sound of my voice, and her mouth immediately melted into a smile. “What a nice surprise.”
I leaned over the table and gave her a PG kiss.
“What are you doing here?”
“I had a meeting with my dad about the SAT scores. The kids did well. He was impressed.”
“He shouldn’t be impressed. You’re amazing at what you do.”
“Why, thank you.” I leaned over again and gave her another kiss. “That deserves another kiss.”
Now her eyes smiled just as much as her lips. “You look really handsome today.”
“Oh no,” I said with a chuckle. “We’re on a bad road now.”
She grabbed my tie and wrapped it around her fingers, keeping me stationed over her. “How about I lock the door and we take our chances?”
“Sex in a classroom?” Doing something so illegal got me hard in my slacks. Forbidden and taboo things were my forte. But it was a serious crime since minors were around. If we got caught, there would be talk of jail time. “As enticing as that sounds, we shouldn’t.”
“Where’s my fearless man?”
“I’ll fuck you in an alley behind a dumpster. How about that?”
She chuckled. “Too dirty for me. And you know how dirty I am…”
“Then we’ll have to settle for some old-fashioned vanilla sex in our apartment.” I constantly referred to my place as our place. She was there all the time anyway, only going home to get more supplies. We lived together without officially living together.
Maybe we should make it official.
Instead of freaking me out, the idea actually pleased me. If she moved all her stuff over, then she would never have a reason to leave. She would always be right beside me.
And that sounded like heaven.
“What are you thinking?” She still held my tie in her fingers.
I held her gaze, my eyes concentrating on the deep blue of her eyes. Maybe I should invite her to move in with me right then and there. It was a big step, considering we hadn’t been formally dating very long, a few months tops. But this felt right. It felt right from the beginning, from the day I saw her on the sidewalk with a map of New York in her hands. “Move in with me.” It wasn’t a question because I wouldn’t accept any other answer than the one I wanted. I was telling her what to do, refusing to give her any options.
Her fingers immediately slackened around my tie, and her playful eyes turned to shock. That was the last thing she expected me to say. It took her a few seconds to recover from the bomb I dropped, and when she did, happiness slowly emerged. “You’re serious?”
“Do I look anything but serious?” Both of my hands were on the desk, leaning over her the same way I did when we were in bed together. “I want you there every day. I hate it when you leave. So how about you just stop leaving?”
“It’s a big step…”
“Not really.” The fact that I came up with the idea at all told me it wasn’t a big deal. It was something that would truly make me happy. She was my best friend, and even when I wasn’t taking her on my bed, I still wanted to be around her. I wanted to play video games with her, make dinner with her, and watch her favorite movies even though I thought they were annoying. Would anything change in a year? In two years?
“So, you’re sure you want this?”
“Goddammit, just say yes.”
She grinned. “I thought you weren’t asking me?”
Shit, she caught me there.
She placed her face against mine. “Yes.”
Happiness washed through me, and I felt like the luckiest guy in the world. After almost losing her, I realized how empty my life would have been. The more of Taylor I had, the better off I was. This was the right decision for both of us. “That was the right answer.”
Just before I kissed her, the door flew open. The guy I saw kissing her a while ago walked inside. He held a beaker in his hand and seemed to be returning it.
My nostrils flared like a bull and I stood upright, ready to charge this guy down and rip his insides out. He touched my girl without permission, pressed his nerdy lips against her mouth, and I wasn’t cool with that.
He flinched when he saw me, almost dropping the beaker. He put two and two together, and knew he was dead meat.
Taylor grabbed my wrist. “Volt.” She didn’t want me to maul her colleague.
But he should have thought of that before he kissed my lady.
He turned to the door and quickly ran out like a chicken shit. He almost dropped the beaker again on his way out, and when he was in the hallway, the sound of shattering glass was heard.
“Fucking piece of shit.”
“Volt, calm down.”
I eyed the door, hoping he would come back.
“He didn’t know I had a boyfriend. When I told him, he felt bad.”
“That doesn’t mean you can just kiss someone.”
“You did it to me,” she argued.
“That’s different.”
“How so?” she countered.
“Because you were mine. You’ve always been mine.” My words didn’t match my facial expression at all. I was still livid—and a little insane. “Maybe you should transfer to another school.”
“Please don’t tell me you’re threatened by him. He really is harmless.”
“Whatever you say.”
“After that afternoon, he’s been nothing but professional. I can tell it was an honest mistake.”
“He’s still a fucking asshole.”
She came around the desk and wrapped her arms around my neck, blocking my view of the door. “So, am I going to get my own dresser? Am I going to have half the closet or the whole thing?” She changed the course of my thoughts by mentioning something that made me happy.
My nostrils stopped flaring. “You can have your own dresser.”
“Perfect. What about the closet?”
“You can have the closet in the spare bedroom.”
“Excellent.” She leaned in and gave me a slow kiss, slowly massaging my mouth and giving me a little tongue.
When she did that, all other thoughts ceased. I wanted to bend her over the desk and take her right then and there. I didn’t care about getting caught. I didn’t care about the police.
I just cared about her.
***
“This is weird.” Derek stared at me from across the table, a beer sitting in front of him.
“What’s weird?” We were in a booth near the window. People passed on the sidewalk, huddled tightly in their thick clothing. It would be cold for a few months until spring saved us. Personally, I’d take the freezing cold over a hot summer day in New York. The humidity was a bitch.
“That it’s just you and me. You’re always with Taylor.”
“Are you saying I don’t spend enough time with you?”
“No. But maybe I’m lonely. Jared is busy with my sister now. I’m on my own.”
“So, this is a pity party for yourself?” I asked incredulously.
“It just sucks when my two best friends are tied down. No one wants to go out anymore. They just want to stay home and paint their nails and shit.”
“Okay, I’ve never done that before.”
“Wait for it.” He held up a hand. “Jared told me it happened to him. Haven’t been able to look at him
the same.”
I chuckled. “I may be a pussy, but I’m not that big of a pussy.”
“We’ll see.”
I didn’t realize how much I was neglecting my friend. I really did spend all my time with Taylor. I didn’t even notice. “Want to watch the game tomorrow at that pizza place?”
“Hell yeah,” he said excitedly. “No girlfriend, right?”
“No girlfriend.”
“Sweet.” He finally drank his beer, in a better mood.
“Sorry I’ve neglected you. I always told myself I wouldn’t be that friend. But obviously, it happened anyway.”
“Nah, it’s alright,” he said. “It happens. People grow up and move on with their lives. I’m just a little late.”
“You’ll find the right person. Just keep your eyes peeled.”
He shrugged.
“So…I asked Taylor to move in with me.”
“You did?” he asked in surprise. “Wow. Took you long enough.”
“What?” I asked with a laugh. “I thought you would say it’s too soon.”
“Not really. You’ve been together for over a year now.”
“Not officially.”
“You didn’t have a label but whatever. You were in love with each other so it counts.”
“I guess.”
“I’m glad you guys figured out your problems. I was worried for a minute.”
He was the one who suggested coming clean about Sara. And it ended up saving my relationship. “I told her what happened with Sara.”
His eyes didn’t blink as he stared at me, waiting for the explanation he so desperately craved. He’d asked me about it a million times over the years, but I never answered. Now I didn’t see the point in hiding it. “You remember the night I called you and said I got the ring?”
He nodded, too nervous to speak.
“And we were going to meet at Tito’s?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I got there first. And when I walked inside, I saw her making out with her ex.”
“Holy shit.”
“They were going at it like animals. It was clear it wasn’t just an innocent run-in. She’d been screwing him for a while.”
He ran his fingers through his hair, distressed. “Fuck. What did you do?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?” he asked.
“I turned around and walked out. I gave the ring to a bum on the sidewalk and told him to pawn it for cash.”
“Are you insane? Wasn’t that ring ridiculously expensive?”
“Yeah. But I would never want the money I spent on her. It was tainted. I’d rather give it away than let that cash sit in my bank account.”
“What a whore. What happened then?”
“I broke up with her.”
“What did you say?”
“That I didn’t want to be with her anymore. I didn’t really give an explanation. She kept asking what was wrong, and I kept saying I just didn’t care anymore. She didn’t do anything for me.”
“Burn…”
“I knew not telling her the truth would haunt her forever. She would never know why I left. She would never know what went wrong. She would grow paranoid and wonder if she’d been caught but she couldn’t ask me for fear of giving herself away. I thought that was a better punishment than confronting her.”
Derek hung on to my every word. “I guess. Never thought about it.”
“She kept calling me after we broke up, but I never took her calls. I went from being hopelessly in love with her to not giving a damn. That had to hurt.”
“Vicious.”
I shrugged, not feeling bad about it.
“Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“I was embarrassed. I called and said I got the ring…and then I found out she was sneaking around behind my back. I just felt stupid. Just ten minutes before that, I was buying a huge engagement ring, not having a clue she was sucking someone else’s dick.”
“That’s not embarrassing,” Derek argued. “You were the victim.”
“But I shouldn’t have let myself be the victim. That means I wasn’t enough for her. And not being enough for someone is humiliating.”
Derek shook his head. “That thought never would have crossed my mind—or anyone else’s. You’re being way too hard on yourself.”
“I wouldn’t say that. It was just embarrassing. I told my parents I was going to propose, and they were all excited. And then I had to tell them what happened and break their hearts. If I’d never told them about the ring, I could have just said Sara and I broke up. But since they knew how serious it was, I couldn’t make up a lie that would make sense. The whole thing just sucked.”
“Yeah, I get it. But I still don’t know why you couldn’t tell me.”
“It was nothing personal, man. I was just…it was too hard for me. As much as I hate to admit it, she really fucked me up. I was so heartbroken…I couldn’t think straight.”
He nodded, sympathizing with me. “Now I understand why you behaved the way you did. One moment you were in a relationship, and then the next moment, you were screwing everyone in the city.”
“I just snapped.”
“Yeah. I get it.”
“And then Taylor came out of nowhere and…fixed me.” It was a cheesy thing to say.
But Derek didn’t make fun of me. “She’s a good catch. You could do a lot worse.”
“I know. She’s perfect.” I looked down at my whiskey, thinking of her eyes as they stared into mine when we were making love.
“I think Taylor is the real deal. You aren’t going to have the same experience as you did with Sara.”
“I know.” I wasn’t worried about it. I loved Sara but she was never my best friend, not like Taylor was. When I looked back on our relationship, I wasn’t sure why I was so fascinated with her. She really didn’t have a lot to offer other than her looks. Taylor was a bombshell and the biggest sweetheart in the world. She was way out of my league and always would be. “That’s why I asked her to move in with me.”
“Girl roommate.” He winked. “Nice.”
I chuckled. “I like walking in on her when she’s in the shower. Because, you know, tits.”
He laughed. “Tits are nice.” He clinked his glass against mine. “I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks.”
“I’m going to be the best man at your wedding, right?”
“Absolutely,” I said with a smile.
“I’m surprised you didn’t just ask her to marry you.”
The thought had crossed my mind. It came up more often than I expected it to. Our relationship had progressed until it reached the sky. It didn’t seem like it could get any better. We were happy together, madly in love. Was there anything else to wait for? “I thought about it.”
“Why didn’t you go for it?”
“I don’t know. Do you think she’d say yes?”
He rolled his eyes. “She would have said yes the day you met.”
I took a drink of my whiskey to cover my thoughts.
“Dude, when you know, you just know.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You know you found the right person. I’m not trying to push you into something you aren’t ready for, but we both know this is going to last forever. We both know she’s your wife somewhere down the road. Why not now? Why later?”
My eyes narrowed. “When did you become a hopeless romantic?”
“I’m not,” he snapped. “But if I were in your situation, I know I wouldn’t wait. It’s obvious you guys are meant to be together. Okay…maybe that does make me sound like a romantic.”
“And a pussy.”
“But it’s true. You just know it’s going to last forever.”
The thought gave me a temporary high before I came crashing down. “I thought the same thing with Sara…”
“That was different, man.”
“How so?”
“You guys didn’t click t
he way you and Taylor do. She was your first relationship so you didn’t know any better. You cared more about the way Sara looked than her boring personality. But with Taylor, you know she has the full package.”
She did have the full package.
“Now you know, for sure, who you should be with.”
There was never a doubt that Taylor was the woman I was supposed to be with. I wanted her for the rest of my life. She would be honest and faithful. She would give me children and grow old with me, still laughing even when our bones and joints ached. She would make me so happy I would forget what it was like to be miserable.
He held up his hands. “Do what you want. I’m not pushing you in any specific direction. But don’t let your experience with Sara affect your decisions with Taylor. Because if that bullshit never happened, I know you would be proposing right now.”
I stared at the ice cubes in my glass and stirred them around with a jolt of my wrist. I knew he was right. I was letting the past affect my future—even now. I wasn’t afraid of commitment, but I was afraid of being reminded how shitty that evening felt when I spotted Sara with someone else.
Derek stared at me quietly, waiting for me to say something.
I kept thinking to myself, wondering what to do next.
“Earth to Volt.” He waved a hand in front of my face.
I looked up from my glass. “I’m going to ask her to marry me.”
He grinned from ear-to-ear, the kind of smile that reached his eyes and every other part of his body. “Fuck yeah. That’s what I’m talking about. And I’m your best man. Jared can be a loser groomsman.”
“Let’s not rush the wedding. I still have to ask.”
“She’ll say yes, and we both know it. Now let’s go get that ring.” He rubbed his palms together.
“Why are you so excited about this?” I asked. “Guys don’t care about this stuff.”
“You’re my best friend. And I want you to be happy. She makes you happy, ergo, you should marry her.”
It was a sweet thing to say, something more affectionate than he would normally say. “Well, thanks. You’ve always been a good friend to me, even when I wasn’t the best to you.”