by E. L. Todd
He didn’t want to talk. He made that clear.
But I didn’t want to be alone.
I walked inside and came around the desk, waiting for him to react to me.
He took a drink.
I stood beside him and turned my gaze to the burning lights of the city. You could see everything from up there. Central Park was lit up with street lamps but it was dark in comparison to the rest of the city.
He took another drink, silently dismissing me.
Whenever I had a problem, I ran to Volt. I told him everything, and he gave me advice. That was our relationship. But now I couldn’t run to him. And I couldn’t run to Sara either.
I moved onto his lap and straddled his hips, wanting to be close to him. My arms moved around his neck, and I pulled up my dress so it wouldn’t stretch over my ass.
He held the drink in one hand but the other rested on my ass. He didn’t make eye contact with me but he didn’t ask me to get off either.
I wanted to talk and have him make me feel better. But I didn’t know what to say and neither did he. The entire situation was terrible. The only thing we could do together was move.
I undid his jeans then pulled down his boxers underneath. His cock popped out but it was soft. I ran my hand up and down his length, and within seconds, it came to life.
He set his glass down, his breathing increasing.
I pulled my thong over and inserted him inside me. I should be repulsed that he slept with my best friend. I should be disgusted that he’d been inside her and now he was inside me. But I didn’t feel that way. I still loved him—madly.
This was the only comfort I could find. This was the only form of communication I knew how to use. I returned my arms around his neck and bounced up and down, taking his cock over and over.
His hands went to my ass and he breathed with me as we moved together. Quiet moans escaped our lips and our breathing grew heavier, full of lust and undeniable love.
It made me feel better, made me feel close to him again. We fell into our usual groove, moving together in just the right way. He made me moan more times than I could count. The chair rocked back and forth from our shifting weight, and my pussy soaked his shaft from tip to base.
We didn’t say a word to each other, expressing our love for one another as we moved. His lips brushed past mine before he gave me a soft kiss that defied how aggressively we took each other. I kissed him back, needing his mouth on mine to wash away the pain.
He gripped my ass and moved me down his length harder, stretching me farther apart as his dick became swollen with desperation. He lost himself in me, taking everything and giving it back for my own pleasure.
It went on forever, neither one of us coming because we didn’t want it to end. We just kept moving, not thinking about anything else but each other. We fell deeper into each other, our hearts beating in sync. I didn’t want this moment to end and neither did he.
So we kept going.
***
We didn’t speak to each other.
In fact, we didn’t say a single word.
Neither one of us was ready to talk about what happened that night. The conversation wouldn’t go anywhere we wanted. It was simply too painful, too heartbreaking.
He gave me a kiss before he went to work, and I kissed him back.
But we never said goodbye.
At work, I didn’t concentrate. My thoughts were constantly all over the place, replaying everything Sara said to me. How would this ever work between us? The three of us could never be friends. Not when they had such a deep history together. Eventually, I would have to choose. But whom would I pick?
When I came home, he was already there. He sat on the couch and watched TV but made no move to speak to me. He didn’t even look at me. The apartment was unnaturally quiet when we had nothing to say. It was like no one lived there at all.
I headed into the bedroom and removed my heels. They were killing my feet, and I longed for the isolation. It was hard to think when other people were constantly in your presence.
Volt walked through the door and came behind me. When he placed his hand on my hip, I knew why he was there. He wanted to be with me, but he didn’t want to talk. His mouth never opened as he lifted my dress over my head and snapped my bra off. He dragged my panties down then directed me onto the bed, my ass in the air.
Our sex life changed after that dinner. We had never been so aggressive and physical when we made love. But now, we fucked like animals, taking all our feelings out on each other. He didn’t want me to go so he possessed me harder, ramming his dick inside me so he would never forget I was his.
That I was always his.
***
After we showered, we went out to dinner. There were no groceries in the house, and we needed something otherwise we would starve. But we didn’t talk about having dinner. We just assumed the same thought at the same time.
We sat across from each other at the table and waited for our food to arrive. We still hadn’t spoken to one another. We entertained ourselves by looking at each other. He looked into my eyes like I wasn’t there. He stared all he wanted, enjoying the comfort he found.
I did the same thing, cherishing the strength of his shoulders and the way his powerful chest bulged against his t-shirt. His hair was a little messy since he didn’t bother styling it after showering. But his laziness was somehow sexy.
He sipped his wine before he swirled it, his eyes never leaving mine. He’d been drinking a lot more since that terrible night. In fact, it was rare to see him without a drink in his hand—unless he was fucking me.
Dinner finally arrived and we ate quietly together. To an outsider, we probably looked deaf, unable to hear each other so we just ate in silence. Or maybe we just looked pissed at each other.
After dinner, we went to the grocery store and picked out the things we needed so we wouldn’t starve in the apartment. He threw in a lot of whiskey and gin, along with a few beers.
I didn’t say anything.
We went home and put everything away. Once that was done, there was nothing else for us to do. Unless we sat together and had a conversation, the night would be over.
But when I looked at him, I knew he wasn’t ready to talk.
Neither was I.
Volt scooped me up and laid me across the kitchen table. He quickly pulled down his jeans and boxers and lifted up my dress. My panties were gone in an instant, and he was inside me a second later.
I didn’t want it easy. I wanted it rough. I wanted him to fuck all my problems away. Instead of fighting, we chose to do this. It was just as aggressive and harsh, but it felt a lot better than screaming at one another.
He leaned over the table and gave me a slow kiss.
I wrapped my arms tightly around him and dug my fingers into his hair. What we had was so incredible, and I never wanted to lose it. I loved the way he looked at me. I loved the way he made love to me.
I loved everything.
***
A week went by and we still didn’t talk about the dark clouds looming over our heads. We spent our time together in comfortable silence or engaging in our preferred activity of fucking.
But it had gone on long enough, and we’d come to a fork in the road neither one of us could ignore. We had to talk about it, to discuss what happened that night and what we were going to do about it—if we were going to do anything.
I came home and spotted him on the couch.
When he heard me come inside, he set his whiskey down and stood up, undoing his tie and his shirt so he could get right down to the good stuff.
I almost let it go on. “Volt, we need to talk.”
He froze on the spot, letting his tie dangle around his neck.
“I don’t want to talk about it either, but we can’t do this forever.”
“I can do it forever.”
I set my things down then joined him on the couch. I wasn’t even sure what to say because I hadn’t rehearsed it. I’d n
ever been in a situation where I couldn’t work out the solution. But this problem simply wasn’t solvable.
He sighed and sat beside me, his body tensing in irritation. He darkened into a man I didn’t recognize. “What’s there to say?”
“Sara and I talked after you left.”
“Your point?” he said harshly. “We broke up two years ago. She’s practically a stranger to me now. What does it matter?”
“It matters because she and I are best friends.”
He rubbed his knuckles.
“This is a problem for us. And you know it is.”
“It’ll go away,” he said. “Just give it some time, and it will pass.”
“What will pass?”
“I don’t know…the tension?” He rubbed his chin, fidgeting in place because he couldn’t sit still.
“Volt, Sara has been my best friend since I can remember. The fact the two of you used to love each other presents a problem for us.”
“Not really,” he said. “It was a long time ago.”
“But not for her. How can we keep our friendship if you’ve been with both of us?”
He shrugged. “Just tell her to get over it.”
“Volt.” I warned him with my tone. “I don’t want to have this conversation any more than you do, but knock off the attitude.”
He ran his fingers through his hair, releasing an irritated sigh.
“I don’t know what to do.”
“I don’t know what that means,” he said quietly. “There’s nothing you can do. It’s in the past. It’s been done.”
“I mean what I should do now. Sara is my best friend.”
“Again, I don’t know what that means. It’s going to take some time to get used to, but if we’re all mature about it, we’ll be fine.”
Now I understood why he didn’t get what I was saying. “Volt, that’s not how it’s going to work. Only one of you can stay.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
How could I put it into terms he would understand? “If you started seeing a girl that Derek had already been in a relationship with, would you keep seeing her?”
“No.”
“Now do you understand?”
“If I just started seeing her, I wouldn’t have a problem dumping her. But if I’d been with her for a year and I was in love with her, it would be different. I would tell Derek to get over it.”
“But isn’t that breaking the friend code? Dating your friend’s ex?”
“Yeah. But you didn’t know I was her ex. It’s not the same thing at all.”
“She doesn’t see it that way.”
He froze on the spot, his hands flinching. The weight of the situation dawned on him. “Wait. She told you to stop seeing me?” He turned to me, the anger deep in his eyes.
“In so many words…”
He shook his head, clenching his jaw. “That fucking cunt.”
“Whoa.” I held up my hand. “That’s my friend you’re badmouthing.”
“She is a cunt, and I don’t feel bad for saying it. I can’t believe she said that to you.”
“She made valid points. How will the three of us ever hang out?”
“Why do we have to hang out at all?” he snapped. “Why can’t you two go spend time together, and I’ll just stay out of it? Don’t bring me up at all. We’ve been together for a year, and she didn’t even know.”
“What about when we get married someday?” I asked. “She’s not going to come to the wedding?”
“It’s one day. She’ll live.”
“And when we have kids?”
“She can spend time with them when it’s just you and her.”
He had an excuse for everything. “She can’t handle the idea of us being together. She can’t stand the thought of us moving in together and having a serious relationship. It hurts. I have to say, if the situation were reversed, I would feel the same way.”
“Well, that’s ludicrous. She really expects you to leave me for her?”
“It’s not like that,” I explained. “It’s just…how will this ever work? Our relationship will never be the same.”
“It’ll never be the same anyway,” he argued. “You’ve already slept with the same guy. You’ve already loved the same guy. The damage is done, Taylor. Breaking us up isn’t going to change anything.”
I dropped my hands in my lap and eyed my blue fingernail polish. This conversation was more difficult than I imagined. There was no way to fix it, no way to make it right. Even if I found a solution, it wasn’t ideal. “That’s why I have to end it with one of you.”
He turned to me, a crazed look in his eye. “I think Sara is a stupid bitch, alright? But I wouldn’t want you to stop being friends with her because of what happened between us. And she better not want to ruin your happiness with me just because of her problems with our old relationship. What kind of friend would she be to ask that of you?”
“It’s not about her asking me,” I explained. “It’s about knowing our friendship will never be the same. It’ll be strained and awkward, and we’ll eventually drift apart and stop talking altogether. I don’t want that.”
“And you can break up with me?” he asked incredulously.
“No.” I grabbed his thigh. “I don’t want that either.”
“Then back to my original point. The three of us can make this work. I’m not saying it’ll be easy or something I even want to do, but I’ll do it for you.”
I knew that wasn’t going to work. Sara made her feelings about the situation very clear. She wouldn’t be able to handle Volt and me being together, moving in together or getting married one day. “That’s not going to work…I told you that.”
“Then what?” he demanded.
“She’s my best friend. No one knows me better than she does. I can’t just cut her out of my life. I don’t want to be that person who chooses a boyfriend over a best friend. I don’t want to hurt her.”
“What are you saying?” he whispered.
“I don’t know…” I didn’t want to say it out loud. It was too painful.
He left the couch and rose to his full height, looking down at me in anger. “You’re actually thinking about ending this?” The hurt in his voice was mixed with the ferocity.
“Volt—”
“No. That’s not an option. You aren’t going to break up with me just because she has a problem with us. Tell her to go to hell.”
I came to my feet. “What if this was Derek? Would you be able to cut him out of your life?”
“No. But he wouldn’t force me to make a choice.”
“But if he did,” I pressed. “What would you do? Would you turn away from your friend who has been there for you through everything? Could you really do that to someone you love?”
“Could you end a relationship with the love of your life?” He threw his fist into his chest, making a loud thud. “Could you really end this when we both know it’s going to last forever? Can you really walk away from me?”
My eyes watered in frustration. I didn’t know what to do. Either way, I lost. “I’m just explaining that it’s a really difficult decision. I don’t know what to do.”
“Breaking up with me isn’t the solution, Taylor.”
“I know…but neither is ending my relationship with her.”
He put his hands on his hips and slowly started to pace. “I’m not letting you end this. That’s not an option. She goes, I don’t.”
I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t do that to my best friend. “She’s family, Volt.”
“What the fuck am I?” he hissed. “I’m living with you. I sleep with you every night. I’m going have children with you. I’m your damn family.” Spit flew out of his mouth he was so angry. His face tinted red and the vein in his forehead throbbed. “How could possibly pick her over me?”
“Would you pick me over Derek?”
“Don’t flip the conversation.”
“I’m not flipping it.” I stomped
my foot, unable to do anything else to express my anger. “I’m just making a point. I know how much Derek means to you. What if you had to choose him over me?”
“Would never happen.”
“But if it did. Who would you choose?”
He looked away, his eyes still angry.
“Exactly. It’s not an easy decision. It’s damn hard.”
“I would choose you, Taylor. If the situations were exactly the same, I would choose you.”
“Whatever,” I snapped. “It’s easy to say when you aren’t in the situation.”
“All I know is, I can’t live without you.” He dropped his hands to his sides. “Plain and simple.”
My eyes watered further, hating those sweet words at a time like this.
“I understand she’s your friend—”
“Best friend. Nat is just a friend. Sara is a lot more.”
“Whatever,” he said. “But friends come and go—”
“Boyfriends come and go.”
Threat entered his eyes. “I’m not a boyfriend, and we both know it. I wouldn’t have asked you to move in with me if I were just your boyfriend. I don’t have a name for it, but I’m a lot more important than that. So, don’t downplay this.”
“I’m not.”
“Don’t pick her.” He came closer to me, his body vibrating with rage. “I’m not going to let you pick her.”
“You have no idea how difficult this is…”
“I’m not letting you walk away from this. I’m not letting you turn your back on us. If you think I’m going to let you leave and marry some other guy, you’re sadly mistaken.” He turned around and threw the coffee table, making the glass top shatter. He grabbed his jacket on the way to the door then stormed out. When he slammed the door, the sound reverberated through the apartment.
I’m pretty sure his neighbors heard it.
Chapter Thirteen
Volt
“We’re closing, man.” He swiped my card for the drinks I bought and tossed it back to me.
“Isn’t it a little early to close?” I’d been sitting at the counter for a few hours. It wasn’t even midnight.