She shook and he wanted to embrace her again, but he was afraid she’d kill him if he tried.
“You told me you didn’t want to see me anymore.”
She squinted her eyes and her breathing increased to an alarming rate. “You left with another woman.”
He couldn’t deny that. He had. Mostly because he thought she’d been cheating with Jeremy Haskins, and he thought he’d make her feel as bad as he felt.
“The next day you wanted to act like nothing ever happened. But it had happened, and I couldn’t be with you after what he’d done to me.”
She hadn’t been with Jeremy, not willingly. Jeremy had bragged to him about getting with Ashley. It had made him crazy. That night at the Hot Spot should never have happened.
“Lying son-of-a-bitch,” he muttered under his breath. “If Jeremy wasn’t already dead, I’d kill him.”
“What?”
“Never mind.”
He pushed a tendril of hair off her wet cheek. “I was wrong. You were wrong. There were miscommunications and hurt feelings and an awful lot for us to get over.” He dared to hold his arms open. “But you said you wanted to start over.”
She stared at him as if he’d lost his last brain cell.
“I do.”
“Okay, then.”
She finally slipped into his arms once more. Having her near him felt good and it felt right, and he swore to all that was holy he’d never do anything ever again to make this woman lose faith in him.
“Before we can start over, there’s one thing we have to do.”
She sniffed. “Get rid of Terrance Phelps.”
He backed up from her. “Whoa! What are you talking about? We can’t just—”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“Good. You’ve had enough close encounters with people who beg to be murdered.”
“That’s not funny, Josh.”
She rubbed her face on the sleeve of his shirt. “I need to get him out of my life permanently.”
“You told him everything, didn’t you?”
She bit her lower lip and turned her head away.
“You said you couldn’t share your secret with anyone but Gray. That’s what you told me, Ashley. Do you remember telling me that?”
“I’m sorry, Josh. I didn’t want you to know that Terrance—”
“He’s blackmailing you, isn’t he? Is that how he…”
Josh stepped back from her and placed his hand on his mouth. The contents of his stomach threatened to surge up from his shaky stomach. Of course, that’s how Phelps had coerced her into his bed. Josh had been right. She hadn’t gone to Phelps willingly. It was like she had been raped all over again.
“I think he has a secret much bigger than mine. You know the door I was trapped behind? There’s a staircase in that room that goes down to the entrance to a tunnel that goes out to an underground room. I found a cage that looked like someone had been living there…locked up like a prisoner. I was already freaked out by that when…” She bit her lip as if she had said more than she intended.
“Something happened to you down there?”
“I think I was harassed by Jeremy’s ghost.”
Nothing she could have said could have surprised him more. He was about to ask her more questions when the sliding door into the kitchen opened again. When Gray stuck his head out, Josh wished that he had waited another hour or so to come check on them.
“Hey, Josh. I just found your messages about Cherish Duncan. Tell me what’s happened on the case so far.”
Chapter Fourteen
Gray finally left about three in the morning. They had agreed to meet later that day when Josh could bring him crime scene photos to study. Gray said he remembered the girl and the missing person case from his rookie year in the Department, but there wasn’t much else he could do except advise Josh on how he would proceed if he were the lead investigator. Unless Gray could get his hands on the autopsy report and the physical evidence, he told Josh he could only make guesses as to what Jackson was overlooking or ignoring.
It was strange to watch Gray leave his house and head somewhere else to spend the night. He wouldn’t tell Josh where he was going or where he’d been staying. When Josh had muttered something about trust issues, Gray had bitten back with a harsh retort that it was need-to-know only. So maybe it would take longer to mend their broken friendship than Josh had hoped.
Truth be told, Gray could have probably stayed at home. The phone hadn’t rung once since Josh had been there. Neither had anyone knocked on Gray’s front door. Josh would have thought by that time the local reporters would have discovered that Caroline was dead and Gray had found her body. Of course, Gray had left town because he didn’t want to have to face people. Any people.
Getting him to agree to meet with Laurel Standridge was nothing short of a triumph for Shaw Bennett. Gray rarely did what Gray didn’t want to do. That had to have been Tori’s doing. The woman obviously had quite a bit of influence with Gray. Josh would have to remember that.
As soon as Gray disappeared through the door, Josh twisted the lock to make sure they were bolted in for the night and then went in search of Ashley. In a little under four hours, his shift would begin and he would have to report for duty. The day would not be an easy day. He was still digging out from underneath the Crenshaw case. Just because Lucy Kimbrough had confessed to the murder didn’t mean his work was done. Tori and Gray had collected so much useless evidence, he was still sorting through the lot of it and trying to classify it before sending the relevant stuff to evidence retention and returning the remainder to Courtney, if he could ever locate her again. He doubted if she would return to the trailer or want any of her useless stuff, but legally he had to attempt to return her possessions to her.
Beyond his assigned duties, he was actively investigating the woman found on the Ashley Ridge trail behind the lead investigator’s back. Not a good place to be, especially if either Jackson or Halsey caught on that was what he was doing.
Josh had pulled his ace out of his pocket when he asked Gray to help him with the case. He’d appealed to Gray’s sense of professionalism. As in the past, that tactic worked every time. Gray was career law enforcement. Always would be. He might be taking a break, but he wouldn’t be off the job for long.
Gray had warned Josh to stay out of the middle of it, and then advised him on how to proceed should he choose to ignore Gray’s warning. With a sigh of frustration, Josh mentally prepared for the battle ahead. He was anxious to get the woman’s prints from Epps and confirm the victim’s identity. He’d have to jack up the old man to get what he needed to process biological evidence and send samples to Little Rock for DNA testing. Without the swabs, he could go no further in his official capacity as crime scene specialist.
A long day ahead of him deserved a good night’s sleep. He wasn’t going to get it. Not with Ashley near. Not with the promise of a renewed relationship growing between them.
He found her asleep on Gray’s bed. Her tousled hair spread around her face. She had turned part way onto her side with one leg crooked over the other. It seemed an awkward way to sleep. One hand lay on her belly, pulling up her t-shirt just a bit and exposing a patch of skin. Her soft breathing, in and out, revealed how deeply she had succumbed to slumber. The woman was exhausted, and as much as he wanted to wake her, she needed the rest. Just as he did.
He kicked off his shoes and lay down beside her. Dared to put one arm over her. She muttered something and snuggled in closer. He reached over and switched off the lamp.
His eyelids had just begun to droop when she whispered, “Are you all right, Josh?”
His heart fluttered a little at the sound of her sleepy voice. “Not really, but I’ll be okay eventually.”
“Are you hurting?”
He studied her question a moment. “I don’t need a drink, if that’s what you’re asking. Haven’t even thought about it. First time in a long time I haven’t craved it.”
Her head leaned against his shoulder. He dared to reach over and stroke the silky softness of her hair.
“Josh?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me, too.”
He paused a minute, allowing all the pain of their combined past to swell inside him—his, hers, theirs. He ached for all the precious time they had lost. “I was going to ask you to marry me that summer. I would have married you anyway, you know. No questions asked. I would have raised the child like it was mine.”
“No, I didn’t know, Josh. We were eight years younger and immature. I was a bundle of insecurities and jealousies. I didn’t trust you to be a good father, and I didn’t trust myself to be a good mother.”
“I’m still immature.”
Her breath warmed his shoulder. “Okay, yeah, you are.”
“You didn’t have to agree.” He waited just a moment. “You know, I’d still marry you if you’d let me. If you loved me.”
“You would?”
“Yes.” He held his breath.
“I’d only marry you if you loved me back.”
“Ashley, I never stopped.”
“After all I’ve told you? After you know what happened to me? When you know what is happening to me now, you’d still marry me?”
“Tomorrow.”
“How can you stand to be with me after what we’ve been through? I’m having a hard time being with you.”
That hurt, but he understood. “When I figured out that you still loved me and you were pushing me away anyway…that’s what hurt the most. So I decided if I ever got the chance to fix things with you, I would. If I ever figured out why you pushed me away, I was going to do everything I could to make it up to you for whatever it was you thought I’d done. So here I am. I’m leaving it up to you. What do you want, Ashley? This is it. You gotta decide. Are we in it forever, or are we going to break it off for good? If we’re never getting back together, then I’ve got to leave town. I can’t stand seeing you all the time and not being with you.”
She leaned back a little to stare him in the eye. “After eight years? Just like that? I have to decide right now?”
“Right now.”
“There’s a lot of hurt between us.”
She didn’t need to remind him.
“I am aware of that. Painfully aware. So what’s your point?”
“If we get together, we still have a lot of past hurts to work through.”
“How are we going to work through them if we aren’t together?”
She placed a trembling hand on his cheek. “Okay.”
He rested his hand on top of hers. “That’s it? Okay? That’s your answer?”
“That’s my answer. I want us to be together, even if it hurts like hell until we get all this crap worked out between us.”
He finally did what he’d wanted to do since he rescued her from Phelps’s cabin. He pulled her close until their bodies fit together, and then he pressed his lips to hers. Relief exploded inside him when she returned his kisses as sweetly and passionately as he gave them. He expected her to push him away after all the physical and psychological abuse she’d surely endured from Phelps. But she didn’t. Instead, she devoured his lips hungrily as if she couldn’t get enough.
When he finally leaned his head back from hers, she smiled and fell onto her back. Her eyes closed and a sweet smile crossed her lips, followed by a sigh of apparent contentment. Before he could kiss her again, she’d fallen asleep.
In that moment, he believed nothing could ever tear them apart again. He pulled her closer to him. Parts of his tired body were willing to take the moment further, but other parts of him cried out for rest. The exhaustion won. The last thing he thought about before he drifted off to sleep was how good it felt to be next to her again.
****
The next morning, Ashley awoke to find the space next to her empty. Fearful that she had been left alone in Gray’s house, she held her breath until the discordant strains of Josh’s singing assaulted her eardrums. She slipped her legs over the side of the bed and pushed into a seated position. Her head spun just a little before the fuzzy feeling went away. The allergy attack from being too near goldenrods had finally hit her, and her head was as heavy as a bowling ball.
She sniffed and rose to her feet, padded to the bathroom, and turned on the tap. After a few more moments, she splashed hot water onto her face. In the mirror above the sink, her ragged reflection stared back at her. How in the world would Josh find her attractive when she looked like dog poo?
When she finally dared to saunter into the kitchen, she found Josh burning toast. Just as she passed through the doorway, he picked a piece of blackened bread out of the toaster and did the it’s-hot dance before dropping it onto a nearby plate. He licked his fingers, and she thought that was the sexiest thing she’d ever seen him do.
“Good morning, sunshine. It’s about time you woke up,” he said over his shoulder. “You want some breakfast.”
She yawned and stretched before parking her butt in a chair at the kitchen table. “Coffee. Black.”
“Coming up.”
He finally turned and smiled at her. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” He truly seemed puzzled by her apology.
“I fell asleep last night…you know, before anything could happen…”
His gaze seemed to eat her up and swallow her whole. Appreciation reflected in his eyes rather than disappointment.
A fresh fire blazed in her heart. Happiness radiated from her core and wound its way through her entire being. Yes, it would be rough but they would figure their relationship out somehow. Josh had told her that he still loved her. That’s all she needed to know. She loved him so much it hurt.
“I didn’t stay awake but about two seconds after you passed out. I don’t think either one of us were a very hot date last night. Maybe tonight…”
She smiled and nodded. Happy words couldn’t move past the lump of emotion lodged in her throat. He would be good for her. He would help her heal from the wounds inflicted on her first by Jeremy and then by Phelps. It might take awhile before she was truly comfortable being with Josh again, but she wanted that. Wanted that intimacy with him again. Wanted it desperately.
The three of them—Josh, Ashley, and Gray—had bonded in first grade. The only three kids in their class whose fathers were nowhere to be found. All three of them understood the fear of abandonment. All three of them had instinctively understood the importance of creating stable relationships outside their home. Their bond had been practically unbreakable until the unthinkable had happened.
Ashley studied Josh through her eyelashes as he fumbled around Gray’s kitchen. She’d always cared for Gray, but in the tenth grade it had been Josh that had won her heart.
He poured her a piping hot cup of coffee and set it in front of her before sliding a chair back and sitting across the table from her. His hand slid over the tabletop and captured hers. She smiled at him and he grinned.
She touched his cheek with her free hand. “The bruises are starting to fade.”
“Maybe I’ll quit looking like an alley cat that lost a fight.”
She removed her hand from his face and then smoothed the hair on the back of her head. “I must look like a bag lady.”
“Naw. You look fine.”
“You always were a bad liar. I look like something your alley cat hurled up.”
Josh laughed. “Now, you’re just being gross.”
Ashley glanced at her hand in his. Something was so priceless and precious about that one small act, that one little body-to-body connection. Simple. Undemanding. Yet so comforting. As much as she enjoyed last night’s kisses, a flurry of physicality that had held so much promise, she reveled in the simplicity of holding hands even more. To her, the action said I care rather than I want. Nothing was wrong with wanting. But she needed him to care.
“What are you doing today?” she finally dared to ask, because spending
the day with him, just to start catching up on all the Josh time she’d missed in the last eight years, would be the best balm for her wounded heart.
“I’m on duty.”
Her disappointment must have shown on her face because a glimmer of a tease danced in his eyes.
“If we stay here all day, we’ll get into trouble.”
“I don’t think the two of us can stay out of trouble. We attract it. No, we demand it.”
“I would love to get into trouble with you today, but I have a job to do. I need to push Epps to get me fingerprints and biological samples off that girl that was murdered so I can analyze them. He should have them ready by the time I get to the lab.”
She pouted a little for effect. “Sounds exciting.”
His smile broadened and transformed his battered face. She loved that million-dollar grin of his.
“Not nearly as exciting as holding your hand.”
“Careful, Josh. You might make me fall for you.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Oh, really?”
She let the thread of their conversation go, too scared to press any harder for confessions of his affection. He’d already given her more than she had hoped.
She pushed a finger along a worn groove in the tabletop. “Today’s my day at the clinic.”
He released her other hand and fell back in his chair. “You can’t go back there.”
“People are depending on me.”
“You’re not the only person who can treat sick people in this town.”
She pressed her lips together to keep from blurting something stupid. When she finally spoke, she chose her words with deliberation. “I made a commitment to the clinic.”
He rubbed the side of his face hard. “I don’t like it. That man is dangerous. I don’t think you should be around him.”
“What am I supposed to do? Quit my job?”
“If you need to.”
“I can’t do that.”
He folded his arms over his chest. “Then I’ll drop you off this morning and pick you up tonight.”
She shook her head. “Really, Josh? What’s he gonna do at the clinic in front of the rest of the staff? I’ll be fine.”
Ashley Ridge (Haunted Hearts Series Book 3) Page 16