RULES and MAXIMS for promoting Matrimonial Happiness.
Addressed to all Widows, Wives, and Spinsters.
The likeliest way, either to obtain a good husband, or to keep one so, is to be good yourself.
Never use a lover ill whom you design to make your husband, lest he either upbraid you with it, or return it afterwards: and if you find, at any time, an inclination to play the tyrant, remember these two lines of truth and justice.
Gently shall those be ruled, who gently swayed;
abject shall those obey, who haughty were obeyed.
Avoid, both before and after marriage, all thoughts of managing your husband. Never endeavor to deceive or impose on his understanding: nor give him uneasiness (as some do very foolishly) to try his temper; but treat him always beforehand with sincerity, and afterwards with affection and respect.
Be not over sanguine before marriage, nor promise your self felicity without alloy, for that’s impossible to be attained in this present state of things. Consider beforehand, that the person you are going to spend your days with, is a man, and not an angel; and if, when you come together, you discover any thing in his humor or behavior that is not altogether so agreeable as you expected, pass it over as a humane frailty: smooth your brow; compose your temper; and try to amend it by cheerfulness and good-nature.
Remember always, that whatever misfortunes may happen to either, they are not to be charged to the account of matrimony, but to the accidents and infirmities of humane life, a burthen which each has engaged to assist the other in supporting, and to which both parties are equally exposed. Therefore, instead of murmurs, reflections, and disagreement, whereby the weight is rendered abundantly more grievous, readily put your shoulders to the yoke, and make it easier to both.
Resolve every morning to be good-natured and CHEERFUL that day: and if any accident should happen to break that resolution, suffer it not to put you out of temper with every thing besides, and especially with your husband.
Dispute not with him, be the occasion what it will; but much rather deny yourself the trivial satisfaction of having your own will, or gaining the better of an argument, than risk a quarrel or create an heart-burning, which it’s impossible to know the end of.
Be assured, a woman’s power, as well as happiness, has no other foundation but her husband’s esteem and love, which consequently it is her undoubted interest by all means possible to preserve and increase. Do you, therefore, study his temper, and command your own; enjoy his satisfaction with him, share and sooth his cares, and with the utmost diligence conceal his infirmities.
Read frequently with due attention the matrimonial service; and take care in doing so, not to overlook the word obey.
In your prayers be sure to add a clause for grace to make you a good wife; and at the same time, resolve to do your utmost endeavor towards it.
Always wear your wedding ring, for therein lies more virtue than usually is imagined. If you are ruffled unawares, assaulted with improper thoughts, or tempted in any kind against your duty, cast your eyes upon it, and call to mind, who gave it you, where it was received, and what passed at that solemn time.
Let the tenderness of your conjugal love be expressed with such decency, delicacy and prudence, as that it may appear plainly and thoroughly distinct from the designing fondness of an harlot.
Have you any concern for your own ease, or for your husband’s esteem? Then, have a due regard to his income and circumstances in all your expenses and desires: for if necessity should follow, you run the greatest hazard of being deprived of both.
Let not many days pass together without a serious examination how you have behaved as a wife, and if upon reflection you find your self guilty of any foibles or omissions, the best atonement is, to be exactly careful of your future conduct.
I am fully persuaded, that a strict adherence to the foregoing rules would equally advance the honor of matrimony, and the glory of the fair sex: and since the greatest part of them, with a very little alteration, are as proper for husbands as for wives to practice, I recommend them accordingly to their consideration, and hope, in a short time, to receive acknowledgments from married persons of both sexes for the benefit they receive thereby.
And now, in behalf of my unlearned readers, I beg leave of my learned ones, to conclude this discourse with Mr. Creech’s translation of that part of Horace which I have taken for the motto of this paper.
Thrice happy they, that free from strife,
maintain a love as long as life:
whose fixt and binding vows,
no intervening jealousy,
no fears and no debates untie;
and death alone can loose.
A Scolding Wife
Franklin’s affection for Deborah grew from his pride at her industry; many years later, when he was in London arguing before the House of Commons that unfair taxes would lead to boycotts of British manufacturers, he asserted that he had never been prouder than when he was a young tradesman and wore only clothes that had been made by the spinning wheel of his wife.
But Deborah was not merely a submissive or meek partner to the man she often addressed (as he did her) “my dear child” and whom she sometimes publicly called “Pappy.” She had a fierce temper, which Franklin invariably defended. “Don’t you know that all wives are in the right?” he asked a nephew who was having a dispute with Deborah. Soon after their marriage, he wrote a piece called “A Scolding Wife,” in which he defended assertive women by saying they tended to be “active in the business of the family, special good housewives, and very careful of their husband’s interests.”
THE PENNSYLVANIA GAZETTE, JULY 5, 1733
Sir,
’Tis an old saying and a true one, that there is no Conveniency without an Inconveniency: For aught I know, there might be a saying not less true, though more new, That there is no Inconveniency without a Conveniency.
However, there is the Inconveniency (as ’tis commonly thought) of a Scolding Wife, which has conveniencies enough in it, to make it (when rightly considered) esteemed a happiness. For I speak from experience, (as well as a long course of observation) women of that character have generally sound and healthy constitutions, produce a vigorous offspring, are active in the business of the family, special good housewives, and very careful of their husband’s interest. As to the noise attending all this, ’tis but a trifle when a man is used to it, and observes that ’tis only a mere habit, an exercise, in which all is well meant, and ought to be well taken. For my own part, I sincerely declare, that the meek whining complaints of my first wife, and the silent affected discontent in the countenance of my second, gave me (either of them) ten times the uneasiness that the clamor of my present dear spouse is capable of giving. ’Tis my opinion, in short, that their freedom of speech springs from a sense they have, that they do their duty in every part towards their husbands, and that no man can say, black is (the white of) their eye….
A Witch Trial at Mount Holly
Among Franklin’s famous spoofs in a report on a purported witch trial, which was a delightful parody of Puritan mystical beliefs clashing with scientific experimentation. Cotton Mather, who had been lampooned in James Franklin’s paper but who later befriended Benjamin, had been involved in the Witch Trials of Salem.
THE PENNSYLVANIA GAZETTE, OCTOBER 22, 1730
Burlington, Oct. 12. Saturday last at Mount-Holly, about 8 miles from this place, near 300 people were gathered together to see an experiment or two tried on some persons accused of witchcraft. It seems the accused had been charged with making their neighbors’ sheep dance in an uncommon manner, and with causing hogs to speak, and sing psalms, &c. To the great terror and amazement of the king’s good and peaceable subjects in this province; and the accusers being very positive that if the accused were weighed in scales against a bible, the bible would prove too heavy for them; or that, if they were bound and put into the river, they would swim; the said accused desirous to make their innocence appear,
voluntarily offered to undergo the said trials, if 2 of the most violent of their accusers would be tried with them. Accordingly the time and place was agreed on, and advertised about the country; the accusers were 1 man and 1 woman; and the accused the same. The parties being met, and the people got together, a grand consultation was held, before they proceeded to trial; in which it was agreed to use the scales first; and a committee of men were appointed to search the men, and a committee of women to search the women, to see if they had any thing of weight about them, particularly pins. After the scrutiny was over, a huge great bible belonging to the justice of the place was provided, and a lane through the populace was made from the justice’s house to the scales, which were fixed on a gallows erected for that purpose opposite to the house, that the justice’s wife and the rest of the ladies might see the trial, without coming amongst the mob; and after the manner of Moorfields, a large ring was also made. Then came out of the house a grave tall man carrying the holy writ before the supposed wizard, &c. (as solemnly as the sword-bearer of London before the Lord Mayor) the wizard was first put in the scale, and over him was read a chapter out of the books of Moses, and then the bible was put in the other scale, (which being kept down before) was immediately let go; but to the great surprise of the spectators, flesh and bones came down plump, and outweighed that great good book by abundance. After the same manner, the others were served, and their lumps of mortality severally were too heavy for Moses and all the prophets and apostles. This being over, the accusers and the rest of the mob, not satisfied with this experiment, would have the trial by water; accordingly a most solemn procession was made to the millpond; where both accused and accusers being stripped (saving only to the women their shifts) were bound hand and foot, and severally placed in the water, lengthways, from the side of a barge or flat, having for security only a rope about the middle of each, which was held by some in the flat. The accuser man being thin and spare, with some difficulty began to sink at last; but the rest every one of them swam very light upon the water. A sailor in the flat jumped out upon the back of the man accused, thinking to drive him down to the bottom; but the person bound, without any help, came up some time before the other. The woman accuser, being told that she did not sink, would be ducked a second time; when she swam again as light as before. Upon which she declared, that she believed the accused had bewitched her to make her so light, and that she would be ducked again a hundred times, but she would duck the devil out of her. The accused man, being surprised at his own swimming, was not so confident of his innocence as before, but said, if I am a witch, it is more than I know. The more thinking part of the spectators were of opinion, that any person so bound and placed in the water (unless they were mere skin and bones) would swim till their breath was gone, and their lungs filled with water. But it being the general belief of the populace, that the women’s shifts, and the garters with which they were bound helped to support them; it is said they are to be tried again the next warm weather, naked.
A Printer’s Creed
Franklin had a lot of fun with his paper, but there was one belief he held deeply and sincerely: that of the value of a free press. When he was criticized for something he printed that was considered profane, he responded with what is the classic defense of journalistic freedom and opposition to censorship. Yet it is noteworthy that he also includes a section on how such freedom also carries with it a duty to act responsibly.
THE PENNSYLVANIA GAZETTE, JUNE10, 1731
Being frequently censured and condemned by different persons for printing things which they say ought not to be printed, I have sometimes thought it might be necessary to make a standing apology for my self, and publish it once a year, to be read upon all occasions of that nature. Much business has hitherto hindered the execution of this design; but having very lately given extraordinary offence by printing an advertisement with a certain N.B. At the end of it, I find an apology more particularly requisite at this juncture, though it happens when I have not yet leisure to write such a thing in the proper form, and can only in a loose manner throw those considerations together which should have been the substance of it.
I request all who are angry with me on the account of printing things they don’t like, calmly to consider these following particulars.
1. That the opinions of men are almost as various as their faces; an observation general enough to become a common proverb, so many men so many minds.
2. That the business of printing has chiefly to do with men’s opinions; most things that are printed tending to promote some, or oppose others.
3. That hence arises the peculiar unhappiness of that business, which other callings are no way liable to; they who follow printing being scarce able to do any thing in their way of getting a living, which shall not probably give offence to some, and perhaps to many; whereas the smith, the shoemaker, the carpenter, or the man of any other trade, may work indifferently for people of all persuasions, without offending any of them: and the merchant may buy and sell with Jews, Turks, heretics, and infidels of all sorts, and get money by every one of them, without giving offence to the most orthodox, of any sort; or suffering the least censure or ill-will on the account from any man whatever.
4. That it is as unreasonable in any one man or set of men to expect to be pleased with every thing that is printed, as to think that nobody ought to be pleased but themselves.
5. Printers are educated in the belief, that when men differ in opinion, both sides ought equally to have the advantage of being heard by the public; and that when truth and error have fair play, the former is always an overmatch for the latter: hence they cheerfully serve all contending writers that pay them well, without regarding on which side they are of the question in dispute.
6. Being thus continually employed in serving all parties, printers naturally acquire a vast unconcernedness as to the right or wrong opinions contained in what they print; regarding it only as the matter of their daily labor: they print things full of spleen and animosity, with the utmost calmness and indifference, and without the least ill-will to the persons reflected on; who nevertheless unjustly think the printer as much their enemy as the author, and join both together in their resentment.
7. That it is unreasonable to imagine printers approve of every thing they print, and to censure them on any particular thing accordingly; since in the way of their business they print such great variety of things opposite and contradictory. It is likewise as unreasonable what some assert, that printers ought not to print any thing but what they approve; since if all of that business should make such a resolution, and abide by it, an end would thereby be put to free writing, and the world would afterwards have nothing to read but what happened to be the opinions of printers.
8. That if all printers were determined not to print any thing until they were sure it would offend no body, there would be very little printed.
9. That if they sometimes print vicious or silly things not worth reading, it may not be because they approve such things themselves, but because the people are so viciously and corruptly educated that good things are not encouraged. I have known a very numerous impression of Robin Hood’s Songs go off in this province at 2s. per book, in less than a twelvemonth; when a small quantity of David’s psalms (an excellent version) have lain upon my hands above twice the time.
10. That notwithstanding what might be urged in behalf of a man’s being allowed to do in the way of his business whatever he is paid for, yet printers do continually discourage the printing of great numbers of bad things, and stifle them in the birth. I my self have constantly refused to print any thing that might countenance vice, or promote immorality; though by complying in such cases with the corrupt taste of the majority, I might have got much money. I have also always refused to print such things as might do real injury to any person, how much soever I have been solicited, and tempted with offers of great pay; and how much soever I have by refusing got the ill-will of those who would have employed me. I have hereto
fore fallen under the resentment of large bodies of men, for refusing absolutely to print any of their party or personal reflections.
In this manner I have made my self many enemies, and the constant fatigue of denying is almost insupportable. But the public being unacquainted with all this, whenever the poor printer happens either through ignorance or much persuasion, to do any thing that is generally thought worthy of blame, he meets with no more friendship or favor on the above account, than if there were no merit in it at all. Thus, as Waller says,
Poets loose half the praise they would have got
Were it but known what they discreetly blot;
Yet are censured for every bad line found in their works with the utmost severity….
I take leave to conclude with an old fable, which some of my readers have heard before, and some have not.
A certain well-meaning man and his son, were traveling towards a market town, with an ass which they had to sell. The road was bad; and the old man therefore rid, but the son went a-foot. The first passenger they met, asked the father if he was not ashamed to ride by himself, and suffer the poor lad to wade along thro the mire; this induced him to take up his son behind him: he had not traveled far, when he met others, who said, they were two unmerciful lubbers to get both on the back of that poor ass, in such a deep road. Upon this the old man gets off, and let his son ride alone. The next they met called the lad a graceless, rascally young jackanapes, to ride in that manner thro the dirt, while his aged father trudged along on foot; and they said the old man was a fool, for suffering it. He then bid his son come down, and walk with him, and they traveled on leading the ass by the halter, till they met another company, who called them a couple of senseless blockheads, for going both on foot in such a dirty way, when they had an empty ass with them, which they might ride upon. The old man could bear no longer; my son, said he, it grieves me much that we cannot please all these people: let us throw the ass over the next bridge, and be no farther trebled with him.
A Benjamin Franklin Reader Page 7