Scowling at the covers, she tossed them back, then stumbled to the kitchen in the dark. The small light over the sink shattered the gloominess of the dark house. Kaylan groped for a glass, filled it with water, and drank, her eyes squinting in the light. She groaned. He couldn’t control his schedule, but sometimes military life was so frustrating, so inconvenient. She set her cup on the counter and stumbled back to her room, crawled into bed, and pulled the pillow over her head. Stupid dream.
Kaylan knew she never should have let Nick leave like that, never should have let him walk away. She thought back to the moment she’d seen him leaning against a truck the morning of her graduation. He’d done so many little things to let her know he was there for her—showing up in the dance studio after Pap’s hospitalization and giving her a box of letters he’d written to her on his deployment, even when they weren’t a couple anymore.
She remembered his face in Haiti glowing like an angel come to rescue her from the darkest night, the strength of his arms as he carried her wilted body away from the rubble. He’d pulled her from the water, chased after her when a trafficker kidnapped her and Megan.
Nick pursued relentlessly. Yet, this time, he’d walked away.
And he hadn’t looked back.
A faint knock sounded on the door, and Kaylan tensed. She inched the pillow off her face to stare in the direction of the tapping.
“Kayles?”
Breath left her in a whoosh. “Come in, Meg.”
Megan opened the door and shuffled into the room. Kaylan could only see her outline, swaddled in flannel pajamas. “I heard you get up. Are you okay?”
“Just a nightmare.”
Megan curled up on the end of her bed, reminding Kaylan of so many nights with Sarah Beth. Her heart felt a familiar ache, and she longed for that kind of friendship again. She patted the pillow next to her.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. It’s late, or early. I don’t want to get up yet, and you’re making me tired just sitting there like that.”
“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Megan crawled to the head of the bed and burrowed under the covers. Kaylan liked seeing her like this with her walls down.
“Tell me about the dream.”
“It’s nothing.”
“Kayles, you sleep like a rock unless you have a bad dream. Now spit it out.”
“It’s not really about the dream. More about the fact that I let Nick leave while we were both angry. I let him walk away, and I didn’t go after him.”
She remembered sitting bundled in the blanket, watching him hustle to the car. She noted the tension in his shoulders, the resolve in his step, the confidence in his life calling. He gave her a choice. He’d always given her a choice. Sometimes she just handled it better than other times.
“Megan, how do you handle this military life? Does it ever get any easier?”
Megan froze. Her life as a military brat always touched a painful chord. “It’s always hard, Kayles. It’s hard on families. It’s hard on marriages. If you aren’t committed come hell or high water, you’ll do exactly what my mom did and bail.” She molded the pillow into a ball under her head.
“I love Nick, so it doesn’t make sense. Why am I having such a hard time with this?”
“Maybe”—her alto voice held a hint of warning—“because outside of Haiti, you never had to deal with heartbreak, or major change, or long-distance relationships. You lived in a bubble, and you were happy and safe there.”
Kaylan flinched, her hackles rising. But she bit back her response, chewing on Megan’s words, thinking back to her childhood. Back to her relationships and life in Alabama. Her parents, brothers, and grandparents had always been a constant. She’d never spent more than two weeks away from Sarah Beth. She’d gone to college close by.
Megan was right. With the exception of the Haiti earthquake and her near-death experience at the hands of a psycho a few months earlier, she’d never had to deal with loss, extreme hardship, change, or distance.
“Kayles?”
“So basically this fight was my fault.”
“I’m not sure what your fight was about, Kayles, but I’m sure it wasn’t all your fault.”
Kaylan rolled on her back and stared at the ceiling. Moonlight drifted in from the curtains, casting weird shadows on the wall. “I asked him to stay. I got angry with him.”
“Why did you ask him to stay?”
A tear slipped past her lashes. “I wanted him here to make last minute decisions with me, to be part of these last few weeks until the wedding. I just didn’t want him to go. Then I accused him of wanting to leave me.”
“Yikes. Kayles, call me stupid, but that man is crazy about you. I’m sure he wants to help with details, but in the grand scheme of things he could care less. Decide what you need to. He will only be looking at you at the wedding. Besides”—her voice grew shy—“I’m here to help you.”
Kaylan rolled onto her side, noticing how young Megan looked, how innocent and vulnerable without her black clothes and dark makeup. She hid behind it. Kaylan liked this version better.
“You’re not so tough.”
Megan yawned and smiled a sleepy smile. “Don’t take advantage of my mental state right now.”
“I think this unchecked mental state is a very good version of you. You should let her out more often.”
Megan’s eyes closed. “We’ll see.”
Kaylan closed her eyes, praying for sleep and wishing she could call Nick. She didn’t know when she would see him again or hear his voice. Her heart raced as different scenarios flashed through her mind. What if he got shot? What if he didn’t come back? What if their last words were said in anger? What if . . .
“Kayles?” Megan mumbled against her pillow.
“He got mad because you asked him to change who he is. Would you be okay if he asked you to do that?”
Kaylan’s heart sank at Megan’s words. “He’s never asked me to give up who I am or what I’m passionate about.”
“Then figure out how to not question him when duty calls. One thing I learned from my dad is that being in this kind of life is hard-wired into their very DNA. To ask them to change or do something different would destroy them. Just trust him, okay? And trust that God you keep telling me so much about. Nick will be,” she yawned, “back before you know it.” Her breathing deepened as sleep overtook her again.
But Kaylan was wide awake. What if he didn’t come back?
What if she lost another best friend?
Chapter Eight
The roar of the engine muffled Nick’s ears but did nothing to mute his thoughts. He’d left. Just left. Angry and hurt. That wasn’t his MO. Not now, not ever.
If any other person had challenged him to defy orders or find a replacement, he would have laughed it off and ignored them. But somehow in the last few months, he’d given Kaylan the keys to his heart and with that, the ability to wound him more than any other person could. He’d given her the ability to crawl under the armor he’d so carefully worn for years. Someone should have told him that a diamond ring created a weak spot.
He knew she’d spoken out of fear, but her words messed with his head. He couldn’t afford that on this op, and neither could she.
Micah sat to his right on the plane and leaned over to yell in his ear. “Did you get to see Kaylan before we left?”
“Briefly. Did you?”
He shook his head. “Called her right before you showed back up.”
Nick studied his best friend. “Did she say anything?”
“It’s what she didn’t say, Hawk. She didn’t say one word about you. What happened?”
Nick massaged his neck, the drone of the plane sounding louder all of a sudden, setting him more on edge. He searched his pocket for his favorite vice. He felt the crinkle of a wrapper in his pocket and pulled out the gum, his crutch when he needed and wanted to stay calm. He felt Micah’s big brother mode rising to the forefront.
“
Hawk, why is my sister upset?”
Nick popped the piece of Juicy Fruit in his mouth. The mindless motion and familiar flavor reminded him of nights at the ballpark and his dad cheering him on as he smacked the ball and ran the bases. It tasted like home.
“Hawk.”
Hawk leveled Micah with one look. “Kaylan and I are going to get married. I need you to let us work out our arguments. She’s a big girl, and she needs to learn how to deal with this.”
For a moment, it looked like Micah might snap, but with a small nod, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. “She’s just scared, you know.”
“Who’s scared?” Jay shouted. “Ain’t nobody got time for scared.”
“Says the little man,” Colt said, a lazy grin spreading across his face as he poked their resident tiger.
“Little? Who are you calling little? I am full of figure and tall enough to kick your butt all the way to Canada.”
“I just call it like I see it, brah. I forgot to mention big mouth, though. You have no trouble keeping up there.”
“Are you for real?” Jay looked like he was about to stand up and take Colt to the belly of the plane. Titus slapped a hand across his chest, pinning him in place.
“Man, why you gotta get him all riled up right before everyone tries to sleep?” Titus groaned at Colt. “You make my job a lot harder.”
Colt pulled a pen out of his pocket and twirled it between his fingers. “Remember when I told Logan I could show him how to kill a man with a pen?”
“Yeah, and he showed you up, if I remember correctly,” Micah challenged.
Colt studied the black ink pen. “Careful, Bulldog. Your mouth is almost as big as Jay’s.”
Micah’s lazy smile matched Colt’s beat for beat. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.”
“I never do.”
“Oh, man, this is about to get good.” Newbie Bates rubbed his hands together in anticipation.
Colt fixed his eyes on Bates. “Why don’t I demonstrate on Bates here?”
Bates’s eyes grew wide in his baby face. “Now wait a minute.”
Quick as lightning, the pen came to a halt at Bates’s jugular. He swallowed, the pen making a black blot as his Adam’s apple bobbed. Colt chuckled.
“Should have kept your mouth shut, Bates.” Nick grinned from his seat across the aisle. “It is never smart to mess with Colt. He always means business.”
“Noted.”
With a sly grin, Colt capped the pen and settled back in his seat. “Wet your pants there, Bates?”
“Guys, bring it on down.” Titus pulled out his headphones and plugged them into his phone.
“Ah, T-Brown, don’t tell me you are taking old man Logan’s job on this trip,” Jay groaned.
“Someone has to corral the kids.” He popped the buds in his ears and shut his eyes.
“How does he do that?” Micah asked.
“Must be some weird, get-in-the-zone thing that happens when you become team lead,” Nick answered.
“Do you want to do that someday, Hawk?”
Nick’s fight with Kaylan raced through his mind again. What would he do if she couldn’t fully accept his job and let him go when duty called? He knew she loved him. So what held her back? And how could he move forward in his career without her support? Short answer . . . he couldn’t. If she couldn’t get on board, something would have to give. But as surely as he knew he loved Kaylan, he knew he was called to be a United States Navy SEAL. He would have to trust the Lord to calm her heart.
“Someday, yeah, I would. I was born to be in the Teams, man. I didn’t even realize it until I finished BUD/S and it hit me that all the late nights, sore muscles, training, and yelling didn’t kill me. Someday something will. But I would rather it come from doing this than anything else.”
“And Kaylan? A family?”
“The Carpenters and tons of SEAL families do it. It’s what we both want.”
He would just have to trust the Lord to make it happen.
*
Their boots hit ground shortly after two in the afternoon in Afghanistan, and already the sun cast a sweltering glow. The country boasted desert landscape and harsh mountains, the difficult terrain a challenge for American military.
“Family chat in five, ladies. Lose your gear and hustle.”
“Bates, on me,” Nick shouted to the newbie. Talented in comms, the rookie exemplified the SEAL mantra of never quitting. After dropping out of BUD/S the first time due to an ankle injury, Bates hadn’t hesitated to dive back in to the next class. His dedication and loyalty earned him the respect of many in his class. But on his first Support Activity 1 assignment with these experienced operators, he looked young and green.
They dropped their gear by bunks stacked in a row in a simple, long building. The floor, ceilings, and walls were all bare wood and plywood, with a fine layer of dust from the Afghani desert. It made Nick feel like he lived in a box. A couple of moth-eaten couches sat on one end of the long room surrounding a television and an old Nintendo 64, compliments of one of the other teams. Nick doubted they would be playing much. He hoped they wouldn’t be here long, but he mentally buckled down for the duration. They wouldn’t leave, wouldn’t quit until the op was accomplished.
Nick snagged a top bunk and quickly pulled a photo of Kaylan out of his bag. He propped it against the windowsill next to his pillow. “You got a girl, Bates?” He turned to face the newbie who was eyeing Kaylan’s picture. A couple years younger than Nick and Micah, Bates’s eagerness and excitement for the job spoke volumes to the guys around him, but his large hazel eyes exuded a nervous energy that made Nick slightly uncomfortable. Nick wasn’t worried about Bates’s capability, but in certain moments, he worried about his immaturity. However, he knew SEAL training made men out of boys. Childhood got scrubbed out of you during long nights on the beach “getting sandy.”
Bates tugged a picture from his pocket. A younger, prettier version of himself stared back at Nick. “I got a sister. She’s my main girl.”
“Good enough.” Nick’s mind roved to Natalie, the sister he’d never met. The sister he wondered if he ever would meet. He shook his head and moved to the door, hoping to leave all thoughts of home in the bunkroom.
Bates matched his stride. “Do you think we’re here for that Kahuna guy everyone keeps talking about?”
“Maybe.” Nick shrugged. “Looks like we are about to find out.”
They entered a stark room with scratched walls and floor. Maps hung on several surfaces, and his team had spread out around a couple of white folding tables in one corner of the room. White. He still couldn’t figure out why they tried to maintain the clean white in the desert. War made everything dirty, no matter how you dressed it up.
Several men shuffled, creating a clean path to the corner where a blonde woman with piercing, cold blue eyes took in the room. Eyes that immediately locked on Nick.
Nick swore.
Jake, Nick’s CIA buddy, stood next to her. He lounged against the wall as if he didn’t have a care in the world, but his alert gaze told a very different story.
“Relax, Hawk.” Micah appeared at his side, his hand like iron restraining Nick. Nick took a deep breath, summoning a calm developed from years of discipline. No battles were won in the absence of cool emotions.
“I’m relaxed.”
Nick didn’t have to look at his best friend to know he was smirking. “Relax more. Your muscles are wound so tight, I could beat someone to death with your arm.”
Nick took another deep breath, forcing every muscle in his body to release one by one. With each conscious choice to relax, tension fled, putting Nick firmly back in control. Micah removed his hand but stayed close.
Within seconds, Jake appeared at their side.
“A heads-up would have been nice,” Nick greeted his friend.
“From murderous to bored in two minutes flat. Quite impressive.”
“Don’t play games with me, Jake.”<
br />
The man’s gaze drifted to Janus, his usually coifed hair falling limp in the heat. His white t-shirt clung to his skin and his thick gray pants prepared him for hiking in the desert if the situation called for it. “She’s under strict orders not to speak with you.”
She was nothing. No one. Just another informant. Just another criminal providing information in exchange for money or a lighter sentence. In her case, maybe a new yacht.
Nick knew he’d better keep his emotions in check. Micah and Jake watched him. He didn’t need to look in X’s direction to know Senior Chief’s sharp eyes gauged every nuance. Nick knew how to get the job done. He knew how to engage an enemy without fear because he believed what he fought for carried more weight than fear. He could forget this woman.
His mother.
He would forget.
Nick nodded. “Let’s get this over with and send her packing.”
“Let’s get started,” X’s voice boomed above the noise. The room descended into a restless quiet that came when adrenaline and focus kicked into full gear.
Jake took his place at the front of the room with X. Nick and Micah settled in near Titus, Colt, and Jay. Nick found an odd comfort in knowing they were aware of the full story and still trusted his loyalty, his capability, completely. He relaxed even more, his mind hanging on every detail.
“All right, listen up, ladies. This is Jake. He’s going to share a bit of intel with us, then we’ll dive into op specifics.”
Jake clasped his hands behind his back, his alert gaze roaming over the group. “We recently received information that a known Russian businessman is selling weapons to our friends in the Taliban. As you know, they are always trying to reform and grow new cells. However, this time, we believe he may be about to make the biggest deal in years. Without his second in command”—Jake nodded to Janus—“he is vulnerable. We want to make him even more so. We have an informant that will tell us the location where the next meeting is to take place, but the informant will only speak with this woman. We call her Janus.” A few eyes floated to Nick before landing back on Jake. “We need to meet with the informant, learn the location of the meeting, and take out this cell before they have the chance to get any more weapons. We will weaken his trade options and draw him out of hiding.”
Surrendered (Heart of a Warrior Series Book 3) Page 6