by Lisa Lace
“What about her?” I suddenly felt suspicious of everyone.
“Avren, we’ve known you since you were a baby. I’ve never seen you as relaxed and happy as you’ve been since you started working with Vanessa.” He glanced at my brothers for confirmation, and they nodded.
“Where are you going with this?”
Allex started speaking quickly, unable to hold back. “Where are things headed with her? Are you going to get married?”
Anders flashed him an annoyed look but turned to me to see my response.
“I don’t think so. It’s none of your business, but we’re sleeping together. That’s it. She doesn’t want to be with me for the long-term or anything.”
Anders raised his eyebrows. “Do you think she’s using you?”
I stiffened. “The idea of being friends with benefits was hers, not mine. She doesn’t want a relationship.”
Ayrie frowned and shook his head. “You have a lot to learn about women. They all want relationships, Avren. You’re missing part of the picture. There’s something Vanessa is trying to avoid.”
“What do you mean?”
“At the beginning of our marriage, Elle pushed me away, too.” His eyes grew sad as he reminisced. “It took me a long time to figure out she was afraid I would hurt her. Learn from my mistakes. Could Vanessa be scared of something?”
“That’s easy. Vanessa thinks I’m going to leave her, just like all the other guys in her life.” I recalled our conversation on Susohn.
The guys all nodded as if they had expected as much. They loved their women fiercely and had a soft spot for their sisters-in-law.
“What’s your point?” I wanted the conversation to end. It was making me uncomfortable.
Allex ran a hand over his face. “If you prove to her that you won’t leave, you’ll address her fears. Maybe she’ll drop her guard.”
“I’m not sure how I can prove anything.”
Anders laughed. “We can’t do your thinking for you. You’re going to have to figure it out for yourself. Make sure you’re honest.”
“By the way, have you told her how you feel yet?” Arnon frowned when I shook my head. “Then you have a place to start. At this point, she’s making wild guesses about your intentions.”
My head was starting to spin from their suggestions. My brothers meant well, but their advice could be overwhelming at times.
Arnon stood up. “Let’s keep things simple. Do you love her?”
“Yes.” I put my hands over my face. My voice came out muffled. “I love her so much that I can’t think straight.”
Arnon nodded his head. “Then you have to go all out, Avren. Don’t hold anything back.”
I nodded at my big brother. “Okay. Where do I start?”
Allex shrugged. “If you know you love Vanessa, you should offer her a marriage band. It’s a clear symbol of your love, and it will send her a clear message. She’ll know you want to be with her for the rest of your lives.”
“I’d like to ask her to marry me. I’m ready now. But where am I going to get a band?” My voice trailed off when Anders grinned and pulled out an engagement band from his pocket.
All Auxem bands looked the same. It was made from platinum, and once a woman put it around her left bicep, it bonded with her skin and could only be removed through surgery.
“Do you walk around with one of those in case someone is going to make an emergency proposal?” I felt stunned as he set it gently in my outstretched palm.
“Nope. I picked it up in the capital.” Anders had a shit-eating grin on his face.
“You bought it before you came here? How did you know I would need it?”
“All I had to do was watch the two of you on the way over here. Gwen and I could hardly stand the anticipation. I assumed you would have convinced her to take a chance on you by now.”
I stared at him, not knowing what to say.
“You can count on me, little brother.” Anders started laughing.
Arnon put his hands on my shoulders. “Just say thank you.” I felt like I was a little boy and Arnon had to remind me how to behave.
“Okay. Thank you.” I was still shocked. “There’s another problem, though.”
“Of course there is.” Ayrie leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees.
“Vanessa’s been thinking about taking a new job. She’s wanted it for as long as I’ve known her, and she has an offer now. I can’t stand in her way. I have to let her go.”
Anders hit me on the back of the head. “That doesn’t mean she has to leave you. Go with her.”
“But I’d have to leave all of you.” It sounded stupid when I said it out loud. We’d relied on each other most of my life. The notion of not seeing my brothers on a regular basis seemed inconceivable.
I could tell they understood by the looks on their faces.
“I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. We all knew it would happen eventually.” Arnon looked tired. “I kept us together for as long as I could.”
“You did a good job.” Ayrie clapped Arnon on the shoulder. “It’s time for one of us to leave the nest. Avren’s going to be useless without Vanessa.”
My jaw tightened. I had to tell them everything. “There’s one more thing, too.”
The stared at me, surprised by the tone of my voice.
“I injected myself with the altered gene serum. I’m already the first test subject.”
Allex couldn’t believe it. He was a doctor, and we had discussed my research several times. He fully understood the implications. “Are you kidding me?” He looked around at the others. “He’s in the most danger from the experiment.” A bunch of blank faces stared at him. “Avren is likely to die.”
“We’re ninety-nine percent sure it’s safe.” I scrambled to defend myself. “It was my chance to save Vanessa. We were having problems finding volunteers to be the first test subject. I trust myself.”
Everyone looked horrified.
“Avren, we’re not stupid. You’re making up those numbers. You’re the first one. You don’t know what’s going to happen.” Ayrie stood up and shook his head.
He was right. “Well, we’ll know if the altered gene is stable in three days.” I knew it sounded lame.
“Why would you do such a thing?” Arnon had his hands on his head.
Anders couldn’t look at me.
I wasn’t going to let them intimidate me. I couldn’t do anything, anyway. It was all in the past. “You all know what’s at stake here, right?” I felt stubborn. “Everyone’s life will be improved.”
“Yours won’t be better if you die.” Allex stared at me and looked like he was going to punch me in the face. “If you die, Avren, I’m going to feel guilty for the rest of my life.”
I felt deflated and sat down on the couch, not looking at anyone. “I didn’t have a choice. The research is too important to stop now. I did what I had to do.”
My family fell silent. “We forgive you, Avren.” Allex’s voice sounded rough. “But you better not die on us in three days. If you do, I’m going to kill you.”
“Avren?” Vanessa’s sleepy voice called to me from the bedroom. My brothers looked at each other and picked up their things to leave.
“I know someone who can perform a shotgun wedding.” Allex winked at me. “We can have him here tomorrow if you need him.”
I looked at him uncomprehendingly. I didn’t understand why he was in such a hurry.
“Trust me. If Vanessa says yes, you’re not going to want to wait before you bond with her.” He poked me in the ribs, making me grunt. “It’s worth the wait, but don’t take your time.”
He had a point.
“On second thought, I’ll have him flown in tonight.” Allex winked as he left the room. I wasn’t sure if he was kidding.
“Madellan?” Vanessa’s voice sounded uncertain.
“I’m coming.” I closed my eyes and gathered my courage. I had to tell her. It didn’t matter if she broke
me down and shattered me into a thousand pieces that could never be put together again. I needed to confess so I wouldn’t have any regrets.
VANESSA
I heard Avren come in and fought to stop myself from crying. I wanted to tell him everything in case he died on me, starting with an apology for keeping the news about Genetic Futures a secret.
I couldn’t forget the look in his eyes when he learned I hadn’t told him everything. Avren might never forgive me, but I had to do everything I could to make things right.
We had to stop living together. I was sure we could handle working together for the project’s sake, there was no way we could continue fooling around. My heart couldn’t take it.
What if the genetic alterations were fatal? What if he was on the verge of death?
We didn’t know when any of the problems might begin to manifest. After three days, Avren would try to take out his wings. If he didn’t suffer and was still alive, there was a chance our alterations had stabilized. Only a long-term longitudinal study could determine the precise effects of the genetic changes. If a ten-year study didn’t reveal any problems, we would start altering the genes of all the children born from the exchange with Earth — before the wings emerged.
With a little luck, they would never know their wings were supposed to hurt.
I dragged my thoughts away from science and back to the shambles of my life. We had three days. I was determined to make the most of them, in case I was going to lose him. I didn’t want to spoil the rest of our time together by thinking about him dying.
“Vanessa? How are you?”
I hated how much I loved the sound of my name on his lips.
I didn’t turn around or sit up. I knew I would start crying if I saw his face.
“I’m sorry, Avren.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry about.” He sounded confused and sat down on the bed next to me. He put his hand on my back, and in my fragile state, I lost control. I broke down, shedding more tears than I had the first time he left me.
“I should have told you about Genetic Futures.” I was sobbing. “I was going to take it, but it felt like I was betraying you. Sometimes being sorry isn’t good enough. I couldn’t stand seeing the look on your face.”
Avren lay down beside me and positioned his face a few inches away from me. He waited until my crying died down before he spoke.
“Vanessa, look at me. What do you see in my face?” He stared at me with gorgeous gray eyes I could get lost in forever.
I was afraid to name what I saw in his eyes. It didn’t look like a betrayal. “I’m not sure.”
“Do you want me to tell you?”
I shook my head.
He chuckled. “Okay, Vanessa, have it your way. Can I tell you something else? You don’t have to apologize to anyone for wanting to pursue a career, especially not me. In fact, I think you should still take it.”
“What?” I couldn’t believe my ears. “But what about our work together?”
“Well, I hope we’ll finish it first.”
“And then you think I should leave.” I swallowed hard and tried not to start crying again. He wanted me to be happy, right? It should be a good thing.
Why did I feel like he was rejecting me?
“I should apologize, too.” He looked away from me. “I injected myself when you didn’t want me to. But I felt like I didn’t have a choice.”
My eyes filled with tears. “It’s okay, Avren. I understand why you did it. You’re a hero.” I punched him in the shoulder. “A stupid, self-sacrificing hero.”
He smiled and reached out to touch my cheek gently. “Vanessa, can we sit up?” I blinked back the tears and tried to smile.
I didn’t understand his tone. “Sure. Why?”
“I want to ask you something, and I want to see your face when I do it.”
That sounded weird. Avren wasn’t talking to Vanessa the scientist right now, he was talking to me — Vanessa. The solemn expression on his face made me doubt he wanted to talk about research. What could he possibly have to ask me?
We both sat up and slid back over the silky satin sheets. In a moment, we were leaning against the headboard with our feet out in front of us.
“I’m right here. You don’t have to wait.” I had to know what he was going to say.
Avren took my hand, and I glanced at him, trying to suppress the urge to run away with him. He had already stated he wanted me to go. Why was he playing around and holding my hand?
He only had to say two words before I understood where he was going. “Vanessa Dwyer...” He couldn’t, could he? “I can’t tell you how much I admire you.”
Admiration was good. One admired from a distance.
“Your brain is the sexiest thing about you. And you’re so beautiful. Your strawberry-blonde hair, green eyes, and your lips...” He groaned. “I love your lips.”
I could handle sexy, too. Avren had complimented my looks before. He looked at me like he wanted to kiss me, but he didn’t even try. Instead, he interlaced his fingers with mine.
“I don’t know when I started to love you, Vanessa, but it was a long time ago.”
I gasped. I couldn’t help it. Avren had used the L-word.
He turned to face me. “I want you to know one thing. I’m never going to stop.”
I couldn’t look away from his gray eyes. I only saw earnestness in them.
“When we first met, you were all I could think about. When I saw you at your apartment for the first time in years, looking so sexy in blue underwear, I started falling again. You were more than I had remembered.” He took my hand and kissed the back of it. “And I loved spending time with you — in the lab, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, and in our bed.”
My lips formed the words “our bed,” but I didn’t make a sound.
“I pushed you away because I was afraid you would hurt me. I’m still afraid now, but I’m not going to let it stop me. Even if you crush me again, I’ll know I gave it a shot.”
He stopped speaking as if he had run out of words. I felt overwhelmed and didn’t want to say the wrong thing. Was Avren afraid of me hurting him? What about him hurting me?
Avren had just said he loved me and wanted to be with me forever. Still, they were only words. The men who had been with my mother had promised a lot of stuff too.
I risked looking up at Avren. He looked like my silence was worrying him. He rooted around in his pocket for something and pulled it out. He dusted the band off on his pants before holding it out to me.
I took it gingerly. “What is it?” I thought I already knew the answer to my question. I had seen the other women’s arm bands and asked Gwen about it.
“It’s an Auxem wedding band. It’s supposed to go on your left arm.”
It shone in the light. “Why am I holding it in my hand?”
“Because I’m too scared to ask you to marry me and have you say no.”
Chapter Fifteen
VANESSA
I couldn’t believe it. Avren wanted me to marry him.
My heart spilled over. Avren loved me. He had never talked marriage before.
I had always assumed he cared about me but didn’t really love me. People from Auxem could only marry and bond with someone they loved.
I had been wrong. All this time, I had been wrong.
“You’re afraid, but you want to ask me?”
He nodded slowly. “With all my heart. Do you think I should?” I could see the fear of rejection in his eyes.
I wanted him to love me and marry me more than life itself.
“Yes, please.”
Avren’s face looked startled for a moment. I knew he had been hoping for affirmation but hadn’t let himself get carried away. He took the band from me and held it up. “Vanessa Dwyer, will you marry me and be my bond mate?”
Bond mates lasted for life. He would never leave me. It wasn’t in his nature. A small platinum band had eradicated my biggest fear.
�
�I will, Avren. Of course, I will.” Tears spilled down my cheeks again. Avren took me into his arms and hugged me tightly. He sat back and began to slide the band onto my arm, but hesitated before it touched me.
“Once the band is on your upper arm, it will fuse to your skin. You won’t be able to remove it without surgery.”
“Are you trying to tell me it’s permanent?” The circlet would mark me as Avren’s forever. “Just like our marriage?”
“It lasts forever.”
“Good.” I held out my arm for him. “Mark me as yours, Madellan.”
We might not have forever, but we would have three days of perfection, at least.
I tapped my fingers nervously against the silk wedding dress as I waited for Avren to arrive.
I refused to let him take his wings out for the first time at the ceremony and possibly drop dead. If he were going to keel over, it would be in private with me by his side — right before the most important event of my life. He said we should get married first. But I wasn’t willing to grieve in front of everyone.
And if he died, it wouldn’t matter when we married. He would be dead either way.
The door opened, and he came in, without a shirt and slightly mussed hair. His gray eyes cut straight into me. Avren walked up and kissed me. Once he let me catch my breath, I put my hand to my chest, overwhelmed with emotion.
“I love you, Vanessa.” He took my hand.
“I love you, too.” I wanted to memorize everything about this moment. I wondered if it was the last time we would kiss. Everything he said might be the last words he would ever speak. He stepped back and gazed at me solemnly before giving me a nervous smile.
“Safe flight.” He deployed his wings without a moment’s hesitation.
I cringed and closed my eyes, afraid of what I might see. I listened for a moment and heard a gentle rustling. I opened my eyes. I had heard the sound of Avren’s wings. He was moving them gently and testing them. He had a look of wonder on his face.
“How does it feel?” My legs wouldn’t work.
“There wasn’t any pain.” He shook his head. “Unbelievable. How long do we have to wait?”