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by Kelman, James


  But this one who had been marked and did see us, perhaps wishing for other worlds. Securitys also are human beings. Some seek that we allow such distinction, one from another, each from his colleagues. This one wished that I might recognise him who is himself, I should understand how that he differed to all other securitys, yes, a human being, I so was to cry out, You are a human being. I recognise this, now am acknowledging this, you are not like these others.

  Perhaps it was to have been celebrated. We are to celebrate he is himself and not another.

  Human beings may wish for celebration. Securitys wish that we also might celebrate them, as they so celebrate themselves. I might say it to him. You are a human being. Now leave us.

  Some metres off I saw the woman who helped with children, also now nursing, lifting the baby to her breast. This baby had difficult breathing, its lungs hurting and would die. How might it not, rescued by angel people flying with wings of medicine. Of course I gave thought to mine, child, as we would have, all that were there in that section, we fathers, mothers. What I am to say. If this is sensible, it may not be so. Ravings, influence of one older woman, elderly woman, whose spirit now was with me.

  There was also an old man, he died, I saw his spirit flee from his brain, blue light was there then extinguished, I saw his mouth open yet there was darkness, a moment, that moment, moment of his death.

  Across there by the exit wall the other securitys talked in low voices. What of this one of theirs, did they wonder of him.

  People come to know of the actions of cowards. Who are cowards.

  What actions are the sign of the barbarian, bullying in the use of power.

  Cowards.

  It was a stench coming from him, excrement, dead blood, there is blood, dead blood.

  He was talking. If he had stopped, it is possible, now continuing to speak.

  He could see nothing, and for him there was nothing. I lay in that same position, it was stillness, beneath the covering, if the turmoil only in my intestines, and he said of himself how he was content in this that he did, had done, if indeed these people he killed were like others but that they were not, they never are, these people who are like himself and never are others, and so if they are not then why should he feel so, that he does not have health, so health is there in him, health at himself but not for all time, when this has finished and it is he who is the old man, for it is true that he should so become. People will not speak to me, he said, we are punished, why is that, those who will not speak to me.

  No. Why is that that they will not? Nothing may signify I only can be such and not other, securitys are human beings. If it is so said then what of fathers, fathers may be bullies, I had a father as you have had a father as all have had fathers, having fathers, who are bullies, of course, fathers are bullies, if not are they fathers, I do not think so, but what we might be who will know it, if there is cowardice.

  And he put his hand to my shoulder, continuing to speak.

  If I am it is asking, asking of me, what it is, about women asking, children, infant girls, boys, I say no, do not ask about these things and if you do it returns, will return to me. Things do return to me. It is my brains, filling my brains thus must I say it I must say it, yes about the female sex, women, girls, I have a friend, there is friendship between us. This friendship that is between us, male female, one to one, I say it is sentimental, that is that relationship, only that, and what do you say of the woman? You with your lover, she was your lover, companion, your partner? This woman who was removed. She was with you, and beneath your covering, she lay with you, I saw it. You, you will not speak to me but I who spoke to your colleague-companion, woman with you, yes, I who spoke with her, I am speaking to you. As she with me, you know that, how she was speaking with me? You know that I did walk with her, yes, by the perimeter, we walked, she saw the mountains, she saw them. I was a human being so too as she was. So she said to me. She said how the very air had altered.

  Why do you not speak? You do lie here. Your eyes are open and you do see. You are not deaf, not dumb, your mind is strong. You may bestow unto me, it is verbal, blessings not blessings, I am religious, a good man, I pray also and for the good. You also, I see it, I feel it, so feeling it in you.

  There was the old woman, elderly woman, you did know her, visited her, yes, I think that you did. Your companion also might speak to her and not to yourself, woman to woman, yet also she spoke to me, you do not think so, yet she did, she to myself.

  If the elderly woman had wisdom, no, I do not think so, neither your companion. Yet I see wisdom in yourself. I know it. You can speak, yourself myself, speak in answer to myself, what with the woman? what part I had? I had no part. She was removed from here, she is not dead, why do you think that? you think we are animals from one foreign planet, we are not human beings? We are human beings. You do not speak, why do you not speak, so lying as stone, no living thing. Do not think cowardice for cowardice is yours and not mine, not of mine. You are beneath this covering now alone and no one, yourself now, only, as you are, as are we.

  Where she now is, there may be a knowledge. If there is a knowledge, who has it, if it is known, by whom, someone. These people are not killed. You think so, they are not. Children and babies, family, friends, old women old men, our grandparents, no, these only may disappear. What are disturbances and upheavals, so when people may disappear, who is surprised by it, who only does not know, who only can be surprised.

  But our parents also, you have not said of them. If you were removed I also, as boys we were taken.

  This is upsetting for yourself. Yes, I also. You do not know this? Who are securitys? My father your father? Who are so? In these villages brother to brother? Yes. You are listening, now listening. Brother to brother, you know this I know this. It is upsetting, yes, but it is so. If you are lying to yourself, I think so, revealing to me a sentimentality. It is not truth you have. You say to me cowardice. No, not cowardice. These are brothers we are brothers, brothers now as we then were. My voice is not loud yet is upsetting for you. Do you walk by the perimeter? You may walk by the perimeter. Some walk by there, they have women, have wives. You also can walk there. I am not mad. You think it but I am not. You listen to me. I am speaking, and you listen. What can you say to me? What can you say to me? Will you speak? There are these most evil incidents. You know of them. Others will know of them. Your companion also, now she does know. Thus you think it of myself.

  Most evil incidents, certainly they have occurred. We all know of them. You have marked myself, I know it. You think I do not? You think I am a fool.

  Yes there are fools in this section, if you are one such, you must know it, if I am the one you think and if I am only the one, if you think that, yes, you are a fool. The possibility is not serious, those who think such a thing possible are not serious.

  Continue, listen to the ravings of those destined to die. What happened to her, the courage of her, shame in her courage, shaming her courage, of her courage. Let us hear stories. What stories we may hear. What places are these, if we are to speak, say to me later, later.

  25

  “history must exist for colleagues”

  It is of how we may stand in this “campaigning formation” of which we all are committed as members, as volunteer workers we may say, for what else are colleagues. If there is criticism of individuals and colleagues of our group it is not from myself as will be ourself. Personal criticism of individuals is irrelevant, is misguided, indicating only ignorance of reality, the situation as material to ourselves.

  Colleagues have discussed ways forward. One proposal does not die. It is said that this proposal is new, it is not new. Our “campaigning formation” always has recognised overt methods, actions, political formalities are not meaningless and we so may recognise such again, for times are to come. Yet we have understood from past practice that if so doing we risked destruction before battles were won. We then endured much, we were foolish, enduring foolishness, ridicule,
entering dialogue with those known as cheats, liars and cowards, bullies yes, killers and murderers, rapists, rapists of children, murderers of children.

  It is what we found ourselves doing. It is a horror, it was so, and if absurd also, of course. If colleagues do not think it seek evidence, advise us, perhaps explanations so may be entered. But if we do not have a choice. If we are forced into it. Tell us, explain to us.

  We saw then political formalities, politics that were not politics. This was politics acceptable so to master authoritys, we called it “official politics”. We talked of people or groupings as radical who were not radical as now also we do so, talking of democrat people of foreign countries, religious people, parliamentary people who are in these countries as politician-employees, servants of these foreign governments, as European, African, Scandinavian, Asian, and onwards, all geographic formations, all politician-employees having financial rewards, in existence as for corporate international financier bodies and larger business bodies, insurers all of terrorism. Within “official politics” these people were there, we were to communicate with them. Yes, so must be done now if these new proposals from younger colleagues are unchallenged.

  If alliances are to be formed worthily, what worthily may be.

  But the history of our “campaigning formation”, if this is not known by colleagues. Older colleagues can say it. In earlier times meetings also were with authoritys of working-class groupings, socialist groupings, trades unions, religious organisations for charitable bodies, other charitables, all rights bodies, civil, democratic, human, also medical aid supporters, industrial/environmental peoples against horror diseases, horror deaths, pollutive poisonings from all such business industries, mining or energy industries, forced into our territories onto our people.

  Yes we could meet with other formations and individuals, experiences heard from older segmentations of the socialist movement, foreign peoples, international workers movements, philosophies from older “democracies”. Colleagues sought that alliances might be formed. Expertise lay within such groupings. We knew this. And these were within “official politics”.

  Colleagues listened to much discussion, arguments or matters then arising, if individuals allied or members of social democrat religious, liberal and nationalist, religio-fundimentio, all such formations, if these may be “more radical” than another, if one individual is “left-wing” may be “right-wing”. At larger meetings in foreign countries our colleagues listened to conversations and leading statements from such foolishness, if this one or that one who is of fascist calling is also moral or has scruples derived from religious or ethical code, if a security is a “kind security”, or state official is just and fine a person in his own house, saying fine anecdotes to people, if torturers make jokes, these are witty people sensitive people, we must understand them.

  Colleagues entered into such discussion if one fascist was “caring fascist”, one racist was “caring racist”, what one torturer may be, one rapist, murderer of children, yes, murderer of children is “caring murderer of children”. And if our colleagues said to them, But we know what securitys are, what are military operatives, what politicians of national government, lawyers, doctors, judiciary. Yes, we know them. We said it to them, We know it. If we are to speak, yes, what we are to say if we cannot say it? They said to us, No, you must listen. “Official politics” is “you must listen politics”, constitutional activity operating by rules and regulating principles embedded into stone by all gods and infallible creatures.

  Younger colleagues should know history. In that earlier time we also were orderly, knowing how to behave, we are a civilised people, speaking properly to such foreign politicians, introducing petitions and all matter material to our substance as people, also doing it, if under threats of excommunication, please do not excommunicate us, we shall suffer all punishments, oh it is so painful for us, horrible fate for us.

  Reports were supplied to these formations, individuals, official bodies, reports on the existence of our people, that we also are human beings as so determined who is to say different let them supply evidence, how then we are treated as animals.

  Within “official politics” such information and knowledge firstly is given to these politician-employees, also specialist experts, government servants, operatives from foreign office departments, agencies as overt covert. We supplied to them all latest evidence on behalf of all such arguments, research figures, all, if germane data, all. Colleagues procured fuller reports on the cases of individual victims of State-inspired terror, mutilation, atrocity, arbitrary death, murders, disappearance. What were these individual struggles of people, of punishments to people that must follow, all retributive practices.

  Colleagues knew how to exhibit general problems of particulars, but beginning from there. Younger colleagues then trained in these methods and were proficient. Some trained in foreign institutes, returning to our country younger older. Others remained in foreign institutes becoming meelionerrs, younger older, students of martian economics and martian sociologies, now living on other planets in advance of these studies, having palaces made of gold bullion and swimming pools of milk and all champagne from French countryside, what is caviar, yes, also.

  Colleagues were in close communication with higher authoritys for influence of “the course of natural justice”, if one material substance in these foreign countries as it is so, so if it is said. Higher authoritys, politician-employees, multibeelionerr sensitive creatures, rock and roll music and media figures of famous programs at HQ or branch district levels from other terrortories of the world, these were petitioned by ourselves. Also managers, strategists, directors, leaders, what was possible of corporate worldwide banking and finance operations, mining companies and beef steak industry, also oil and water for our piping systems, quicker routings from one sea to one sea passing over the more difficult terrain, over mountain peaks oh colleagues, we so did it in that earlier time and may do so again, only assist us brothers and younger sisters, younger brothers. I am not sarcastic.

  Meetings as with appropriate departments of state, societies of Law, of all religion, associations of medical doctors, mind doctors, aviation doctors and agricultural doctors, all such prosecutors, pathologists and coroners that we might resurrect all older generations of colleagues, colleague-grandparents, all dead people, families and friends, if so mister preseedente.

  Who may award support to us. If on single issues we can show you these. If we are committed to the struggle on behalf of victims of terrorist abuse, all State-inspired? We spoke to them. Who else. Colleagues so had to do.

  What discussions, questions. We may say meester presidente, of one fight for the testing of terror of all victims. Show to us such terror. Bring to us the more advanced technology, finer and finer scans for heads and scans for brains and for our spirit beings also bring scans, head doctor mind doctor religious doctor, from all so meeting places, temple, church, mosque, synagogue, bring to us everything.

  And for all peoples now at risk from state operatives and terror doctors, now at risk from the establishment of all gods’ finance houses here on Earth as it is on Planet Mars my colleagues. Bring to us a Hospice for terminally-ill victims of State-inspired terror, Resting Houses for grieving families and all relatives of disappeared persons. Please institute an institute for the funding and coordination of proper research on this subject, wholly independent, freedom from all propaganda bodies. Bring proper needles for biopsies on suspect victims of State-inspired terror [so-called], attempting to isolate these strata, our colleagues shall assist you, if to affix appropriate diagnostic criteria on prescribed horrors, extending the set of terror-related atrocities prescribed by the State Security Council in accordance with external guidelines and rules of behaviour, thus to include all trauma syndromes now established by caring humanities of all European, African, Scandinavian, Asian and onwards, all geographic formations, Amereecas also, who are granted financial reward by these overt covert agencies
operating for on behalf of greater business, corporate international, financier bodies of the world, all insurers of terror, those that do exist, not as so told to us as for official purposes, please, what is our prognosis, if I so am monitored, I so am being monitored.

  I can know this presently, what historically, if it so may be known.

  Younger colleagues will know history. If it is said some may have said it. I too am a younger colleague.

 

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