I saw how my older colleague attempted to lead the family into these historical accounts, pointing to certain factors concerning the case of their two sons, also the struggle for everyone as it yet continued. When the father did not engage my older colleague looked to the mother but she also, not answering, not taking part in this, looking only to the children, grandchildren, yes, but children also may learn. If people understand this. Children will learn. Allow it. Many colleagues are young, younger, they have learned. Adults spoke to them, did not hide things. If the younger son of this family, how he became our colleague. Has he learned of the world. What of the death of his two brothers. Are things so to be kept secret from children. I also have a child whose mother is somewhere nowhere, she is disappeared. What we may say. What I am to say to her, my daughter, nothing.
If we must lie to our children I do not think so. I now spoke of this to the family and neighbours.
I spoke further, of how these older ways of working brought greater failures to our “campaigning formation”, bringing little satisfaction, only notice from foreign sources, helpful sources, yes, but what change this did have in our own country, nothing, there was no change, nothing, authoritys did nothing, only laughed at us, employing more securitys into our towns and cities, now more, all military personnel. All here knew it. Were we to stand back and allow this. The lawyer listened closely, he was not smoking, I saw it, he always was smoking, not now.
The son of the family returned, was by the doorway listening, hearing all that was said.
I told how on this visit home colleagues were with the lawyer six days, many meetings had been arranged, talking to many people, informal formal. This morning had been one meeting in a township and many of the community attended. Military had known of it, stationing themselves outside the building, provocatively, intimidatory, calling to men and women from here, wishing to trap some for fighting, the excuse for them. These in that township were known, would shoot to kill. It was where only one month before they had shot dead men and boys from a football match. This meeting was very difficult and we still were waiting for information. We did not wait for food but left thereafter, driving this one hundred miles, but easily, safely. The military knew our movements in travelling but did not harass, only monitoring. It was sensitive for them, they would not touch this guest, foreign journalists and individuals also monitored this situation. Tonight was one informal meeting, community leaders and local colleagues coming to one house, later we would leave to go to there. Tomorrow very early we would drive many more miles, to one large meeting at a town, larger, very many people, more. Military would be there, of course securitys. We knew it, received warnings, as this night also.
I explained a little how there were many tensions among colleagues on this discussions-journey. All things were happening to us, person contacts did not arrive, failings, failures, what as scheduled nothing as scheduled and all other major factors minor factors all petty detail, I cannot list. People do not think of time. We may travel one hundred miles and people think of it we have come from one street around that corner. Come in ten minutes to us.
But we are one hundred miles from you.
Okay if fifteen minutes may be necessary, we shall wait.
Yes!
I saw the lawyer watching me, smiling. Our older colleague now continued speaking. I was glad.
Much of arrangements and organisation was specialty involvement for myself, but if an arrangement was not organised easily, easily for everyone, the lawyer would apologise as for everyone. He and the older colleague travelled in the same vehicle, also with them was one other colleague who was a vehicle genius, more, if for his greater abilities, if he had not been present, yes, all would have been lost, I can say it.
To all such matters, greater tensions, the lawyer said to us, What can be done, not everything can be controlled, do not worry. He sighed often but said not much, if sometimes also his eyes would be upon us, seeing how we did respond, and to us also how did the military respond, if colleagues were there, if they looked to us, if we so were intimidated, if the military were so from colleagues. Other times he did not look, his eyes open, but inside his own head, Often he yawned, if he might apologise, not always. I think he did not notice. I may say that I watched the lawyer. I wondered if he listened to people.
And if events might be awkward, more, for turning dangerous. How would he then act? I had no doubts we had no doubts, his actions would be accordingly, appropriately. Yes, I knew it. All colleagues respected him, I also. He had disks with him for a computer and sought access always to a computer but for this week so far he had not received the access. He had brought one with him but something had happened to it and he did not have it now but having secured these disks to work in preparation for such troubles and copies were with other colleagues. But computers were not available in this territory. When he asked of the younger son if a computer was in his family the younger son said there was not and thought there was not one in the town but did not know, and left us to assist in other preparations. Later a typewriter was brought for the lawyer but only he looked at it. He was a man with a bigger stomach and was heavy, wearing clothes such as white shirt and a tie with designs on it. Some might look to his clothes. The family had given him a better chair and it was near to the fireside. I saw that he was not comfortable, too warm and also with food, biscuits on a plate on his lap, of which he had not eaten, nothing. Younger children watched him, hoping for biscuits. Family members and neighbours present also watched him. Our older colleague yet was talking. If he would stop soon. He could speak for periods of time, longer periods. Many were now in the house. One might be anxious. Who knew all who crowded here, we so were relying on the younger son to the family, he would know identities.
One hour more until we must leave to the next meeting.
Now the older colleague was not talking. He looked to myself. I would not speak again. And so was silence, it was not comfortable. Some looked to the lawyer thinking to hear him with his own tales, hoping so. Since his return home newspapers told stories as to discredit him. Yet people enjoyed these stories and wondered of him, were such things true, rumours of famous people, beautiful actresses, did the lawyer see them, stars from movies, sex movies, also rock people. But the lawyer did not speak. I say colleagues also were disappointed, wishing to hear him speak, and he did not speak, having further questions of him, what struggles, how foreign people thought of us, if we were worthy. In one week he had spoken only a little bit, good morning, hullo how are you, good night, and was tired often, yawning often, did we bore him, of course.
Now was a longer silence. More looked to the lawyer but only he reached for his bag, took from it a new pack of cigarettes and gestured so if he might smoke, giving the pack to the younger son, waving his finger, so that the younger son offered cigarettes to family members, his father also, who took one. Colleagues might escort authoritys and foreign guests who had materials yet did not think to distribute them but the lawyer so had done for those days with us, all cigarettes, if he had brandy, yes. The younger son held the pack to others, not many took one. But a woman, older woman, she took one, looking to the lawyer, I noticed, it was staring, staring at him. She was older and her face was thin, what, ravaged, wrinkled wrinkled skin, all folding and inwards, her shoulders rounded, thin, and her back, seeming twisted. The younger son took matches from the lawyer and gave lights to smokers. He did not offer so to the older woman, instead looking to his mother who sat near to her. Now he gave cigarettes to myself and older colleague, one also to himself. I saw his father watching him and watching also myself. Now came the cigarette smoke in clouds. A daughter of the family went to a window, opened it.
Let me say of the older woman that she held the cigarette awkwardly and all over she so was awkward, did not know what, sitting upwards, then crossing her legs, now raising them onto her chair, sitting forwards onto them, holding her feet, ankles, head bowed, rocking, backwards, forwards, her upper body. I saw
her eyes close, spittle from her mouth as of a trance as people may do, I have seen it in tragedies where are traumas, people remaining so, in tranced. Her eyes opened. A child was nearby, little girl, the woman looked to her.
I have said how people were in silence. They remained so, but for this cigarette interlude. Now it was over and again was embarrassment and again my older colleague was speaking, looking to myself. He said, I am thinking of a fellow we escorted many weeks ago, more, two months three months. He is now gone safely from our country. Some here will know his name.
My colleague now mentioned this person’s name. The lawyer was interested, knowing the person very well. Other family members and neighbours had heard of him also and were interested. He was known widely and liked also by colleagues for whom he had become a great entertainer and imitator of people, this was a greater strength that he had. None had known of this until escorting him, coming to know him as now we were knowing the lawyer, and so my older colleague continued for some brief seconds, when the older woman began to speak, yes, suddenly, interrupting, looking only to the mother of the family. The older colleague stopped talking. The woman said, Who fights for us now there is none fights for us. She pointed to the lawyer. He is good man, what is good man, is he? He would fight for the sons of this family but not for my own. He did so, for punishments, those who killed two boys, they were punished. Your beautiful boys! she said to the mother of the family. They were punished who did so, evil men.
There was no punishment, said my older colleague.
Yes, said the woman.
No.
All knew their names, these evil men so were punished, their families, punishments. Who fights for us now, there is none fights for us.
The lawyer was smoking his cigarette.
People were uncomfortable. The younger son looked to his father.
None fights for my family, said the woman.
Our older colleague said, It is disrespectful what you say.
I may speak.
You may speak, yes, of course, but why should you disrespect people, I do not know why.
My family is missing, they are dead, I know it. Nothing is to be done, I am alone. It is not my family, I was of it, all are family, say it to me, you may say it to me.
My older colleague did not understand her.
Say it to me.
What, what I am to say, it is not only your family, it is all families.
The older woman looked to the lawyer. Say it to me, please. You are the famous man, good man, lawyer for all people, families as we are grieving, you are supporting us in our grief and fight for just behaviour and we may not know, if we cannot. What will you do for us, what is it? Do you tell our stories?
He only is one man, I said.
The woman did not hear me. What will you do for us?
I said to her, He will tell our stories, he will tell them to all people.
No, she said, stories for our people and stories for foreign people will differ. The stories will be of a different kind. There are the stories, yes, they can be the stories one will recount but some will not. Some cannot recount stories, these stories any stories.
I do not understand what you are saying.
The older woman turned to the lawyer. But think of yourself, she said, only who is famous and know so many people, important people famous people, famous famous VIP people.
What is famous? I said. Famous, replied the woman.
Yes, I said, I can say it, it is when the securitys think to execute someone but then think no, then again, should we, they cannot make up their mind.
We are not famous, said the woman, they kill us.
Yes, said the lawyer, but our colleague is correct, it is good to be famous, I do not deny it, people often are confused, thus at the airport my arrival caused greater consternation, authoritys so were shocked, what they did do? Nothing, only stamped my passport entry. I did not say greetings, I wished that I might, I did not, I am not so brave, merely I passed through the terminal building, so to my colleagues who waited for me, hoping for better luck.
The older woman listened closely, and others also, the mother of the family, father of the family. Some shivered. Colder air was into the room now from windows open. The lawyer continued speaking. What do we ask of our colleagues? We all are in struggle. Suffering, yes, everyone, what is wrong? I shall speak. If I may speak what I am to say, I shall say it, I shall say it here and I shall say it overseas. For now at this time it is plain to all that in this room are brave men and brave women, who endeavour only for honesty, for this only, who so have been fighting for that and so shall continue, will so to do.
I saw the younger son’s face, excitement was in his eyes. I saw his mother watching him, the father not so, only staring to the window, away.
We waited, if the lawyer might continue, or the older woman to speak. Other people also. Each held a story, stories. Moments passed. The lawyer had one new cigarette from his pack, lighting it from his former one, still burning. People watched this. Now the younger son again took matches, moving to the older woman, striking the match and saying to her, Auntie, here for your cigarette.
The older woman put the cigarette into her mouth and he gave the light to it. Thank you, she said, and saying his name, touching his hand.
More silence.
The lawyer said to our older colleague, What of the fellow you people escorted, who is now gone safely from our country, some here will know his name.
Yes, said our older colleague, gesturing with his hands, speaking to all in this room. This is the imitator of people whom he speaks. One greater strength that this fellow had. We had not known of it until we were his escorts. Let me say to you how he spoke in the voice of all people, women, yes, foreign people, whosoever, everyone. At night we could lie in darkness listening to him speak in voices that were funny to us, voices of higher authoritys, master authoritys, all personality people that we might know, yes, cartoons from television, what is it, Bugs Bunny, who else, Donald Duck, these voices also.
Our older colleague laughed, pointing to the children who were listening.
Yes, these voices familiar to yourselves, he would narrate stories to us in these voices also quack quack quack, I am Donald Duck quack quack quack. Then speaking as two people, man to woman, husband to wife, having conversations together, this also was quack quack quack and we thought it the more humorous of all interludes. If anything such had happened in the past, we never heard it, not anything like this. And let us remember also of this person that he was a very important person, personality person, VIP person of all rank and stature, of the more high international authority, higher authority, from Washington and London, Paris, Berlin and Moscow, Beijing, Stockholm also, here now arrived and with ourselves, living, sharing, sipping alcohol also for he took this, brandy from France, so he said was the better for all drinkers, brandy from France, one may take it with breakfast cereal.
Yes, the lawyer smiled, drawing smoke into his lungs, wiping water from the sides of his eyes. Yes, this is the fellow, he gets him.
My older colleague continued, of this personality international person coming from our people, offering lectures to all other peoples while in his other voices speaking many parts, people of our people, asking questions of international authoritys, historical questions, moral questions, intellectual questions, questions premised from all offerings, reconciliations, and of a more foolish nature these reconciliations, murdered and murderer, all things.
And when my older colleague paused in this, requiring more breath, I also could speak of the fellow, imitator of voices, and I said, Yes, as these, victim and perpetrator, violated and violator, inter as between yes, yes, you have murdered me, I forgive you quack quack quack, do not think badly of yourself only murderer, and to orphans of violated women, mutilated men, yes, I forgive you quack quack quack our rape and murder are nothing, cutting at my breasts and genitals, come to me that I may kiss your cheek quack quack quack, where is your religi
ous house, let me enter that I may know your most high of most high, that authority, he above all others that I might know to love him as he loves our mothers and fathers, your god, come.
Yes, said my older colleague, but remember also how it was said, if we were helpless in laughter, we all were so.
Yes.
And something further, perhaps you may say it as you have said to others concerning this same fellow.
What?
You have told it to us.
I do not know what it is.
Yes, said my older colleague to the lawyer, this is an important thing, we were talking after one discussion meeting.
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