by KL Shandwick
My pussy clenched when he said that with so much passion, despite my anger and hurt. “What are you doing here? What are we doing? Why did you really come when I called? One minute you’re all over me the next you’re telling me to run. You’re the one in my bedroom. You’re the one giving me mixed messages.”
Flynn crawled up beside me and lay down snuggling up behind me before draping his arm over my hip. I was conscious my body stiffened again, but my heart responded one beat later by doubling its pace. My mind said for me to shove him away, but my heart felt excited so my doubts ebbed away and was replaced by contentment when he held me. I wanted him to make everything okay and my body ached for the closeness we’d shared earlier in the day.
“We’re doing what we wanted to years ago. We met too soon, Valerie, that’s all.”
“So we both felt what? Instant lust for each other? Is that what this is?”
I swallowed noisily, and another wave of emotion gripped my throat. If it hadn’t been for Martin, we wouldn’t have met at all. Sometimes I’d wondered what Martin and Adam’s lives had been for. Martin brought Flynn to me, and Adam had brought him closer when he played that football game. It had made me wonder whether the purpose of my brothers’ lives were to shape my destiny. I hated that thought, because if they had been born and died for my sake, that would have been harder to live with. I decided that it was an irrational thought brought on because I was feeling emotional.
“I don’t think it’s just lust, Valerie. And I don’t want to be with Iria. I want to be with you, babe. You have to know that by now. I thought I’d get past you, but I can’t. I’ve never been able to get you out of my head, and we hadn’t even done anything more intimate than that kiss.”
Hearing him say what I wanted to hear left me speechless. Butterflies took flight and attempted to soar out of me. I’d known what I felt, and I knew he wanted me in a sexual way because all I’d heard was about lust and longing, nothing about what he was actually going to do about it. Then again, he’d driven across states after all this time to be with me as soon as I’d called him.
“Listen, Valerie, you may as well know all of it. I’d probably have been back for you long before now if it wasn’t for Iria.”
My breath caught in my throat at that admission. I forced it out. I wasn’t sure what to believe anymore. The warnings from Martin, who knew him far better than I had, rang in my ears. I couldn’t reconcile everything I’d been told by him because Flynn had done nothing but be there for me when I needed him. A familiar helpless feeling washed over me again. My recovery from the death of my brothers had been a hard battle. I’d been determined to do that and worked hard to be strong and independent. Most of the time I coped well but sometimes it became overwhelming. That day was one of those times. Flynn was shaking my protective barriers I’d put in place since my brothers died.
If it wasn’t for Iria? An age old excuse for forbidden love. So what was he saying? Was I supposed to have the scraps of time he could spare when he wasn’t with her? He’s not with her, but she’s there? None of it was making sense. Flynn was a rock star with a life that had no stability, and I’d felt he was on the verge of dragging me into something I wasn’t sure I’d be able to live with.
“Want me to be completely honest? I hate my life. All I want is to play music, settle down after a while, but mostly I want to be happy,” he squeezed me closer to him and my body steeled again.
“My management team tells me I’m supposed to settle for one out of three, but I’m greedy, Valerie. I want it all, music, you and to live happily ever after.”
He was quiet in thought for a few seconds.
“In an ideal world, I’d sweep you off your feet and love you so hard you’d never doubt me. But I know that’s not possible. Not for the foreseeable future at least.”
My heart soared and immediately felt crushed during that statement. I was furious he’d said something like that and then disappoint me.
I turned to face him, “What the fuck are you talking about? Are you trying to mess with my head? You have a girlfriend, and you’re laying your cards on the table about wanting me? Lying here on my bed with me?”
I struggled to get up, but he pulled me tightly to him and breathed heavily disturbing my hair.
“Stop, Valerie. Don’t, babe. Listen. She’s ill, Valerie. Iria is sick. So I guess I’m stuck. That makes me sound really shitty right? She’s not well and I don’t want her. I don’t even know how I got here. Everything was okay until I tried to back off and she wouldn’t let me go. I know that makes me sound pathetic and weak, and I don’t expect you to understand, but my management and PR team aren’t the best. For almost two years, I’ve been in this hell. I can’t help that I don’t love her. It isn’t possible to love someone on purpose it just… happens. It happened to me with you.”
The shock of him professing his love made my heart flutter erratically. Blood rushed in my ears, and I waited for him to say ‘but we can’t do this’ or something. When I hadn’t responded, he shifted on the bed as if he was uncomfortable.
“Don’t you have anything to say to what I just told you?”
“Not really, apart from you already have a girl, so it’s not my place to make your relationship with Iria more… complicated by discussing how that makes me feel.”
“Jess, her friend told me she’s sick, tore me a new one when I’d tried to break up with Iria.”
When he mentioned Jess’s name, it made me pull out of his hold and I sat up quickly in the dark.
“Martin’s Jess?”
“Yeah, the day after I was caught with those girls by the pool she called me. I’d already told Iria we were through. Let’s see, it was a day or two before the accident I think. I don’t remember exactly. She was pissed with me about it, but I told her that I could never give my heart to her because I was pretty sure I’d already lost it to someone else.”
Did he mean me?
“The relationship between Iria and I has been a bone of contention for my band since before our first album was released. Everyone knew I didn’t want to be with her, but they felt that she’d given me my start with the band, and wanted me to stay with her.
Any bad press about dumping the person that made you famous was bad form when we were just starting out. I was thankful for what she did, but I just couldn’t make myself love her. I’d even spoken to Bernie, my manager, and the other guys in the band about walking away from her, but they and the PR guys told me I had to stick with it, at least until they could figure a way out. We were too new for any controversy.”
“I may have understood that in the beginning, but after all this time? Shitty PR guys you have, Flynn. Don’t they specialize in damage control? And where’s your self-respect in all of that? Is being famous more important than being happy?”
Flynn got up and flicked the light on. “You may as well know everything. Then you can make your mind up with all of the information instead of second guessing me.” He stared pointedly for a minute then started to pace again.
“Firstly, the band… for the first time since my Mom and brother died, I felt part of something. Iria had a miscarriage five weeks after we got together. I swear it wasn’t mine, she told me she was nine weeks. She was already pregnant when she met me. I supported her through that, but I saw through how manipulative she was with me, and I didn’t want to be with someone who could hide something that big to get what she wanted. I wasn’t in love with her, and I tried to back off then.”
“Flynn, you had no problem walking away from me, so why not her?”
“She started behaving like a loose cannon and fired warning shots about discrediting me before the band had even gotten off the ground. Bernie came down heavily on me and told me I had to keep her happy for the band’s sake. I know I should have stood up to the both of them, but I was thinking of all the guys in the band and the effort they’d all put into it.”
I understood how that could have affected them when they were ge
tting started, but that was well over two years ago.
“And then when Jess told me she’s sick… can you imagine what the press would do to me? Rough kid from the care system meets rich debutant, knocks her up then deserts her when she’s got a life-threatening disease?”
“What’s wrong with her?”
“Some chronic lung disorder or other. Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. It doesn’t get better.”
“So, what you’re saying is that you want to be with me, but we have to wait until she dies? Meanwhile, you live your life alongside her and what? Every once in a while, she gets a pity fuck to keep her quiet?”
“No. I haven’t slept with her since I told her we were quits. She just won’t go away, and I’m… stuck in this shitty situation.”
“You and your situations. You’re not in a situation, you’re dealing with a condition. That will never go away. You have to face it head on. If you really don’t love her, it’s not fair to drag it out. I know that sounds harsh, but I know better than anyone that life is short. If you are really serious, then you have to understand what’s happening here is emotional blackmail at its best. You’re a rock star, Flynn. Fuck your PR guys, your band, and your manager. You get one life. You may lose some fans but your true fans will think, so what, he’s a rock star what did we expect?”
He snickered and sat down to face me looking straight into my eyes. A small smile curved his mouth as he reached out and took my hands in his, “And what do you think?”
“Me? I think if you’re serious about me, you’d grow a bigger pair of balls and deal with her. And then… if you can show me that you really want me, I might be able to think about where we go from there. It’s the most I can tell you right now. I’d have to have time to think about it.”
Flynn chuckled, “I’m so glad I never crossed the line with you when you were younger. You have grown in so many ways, babe. I remember saying you weren’t ready for me. I think that may have been the other way around.”
“Flynn, I can’t guarantee we’d work. I have my work here, and you’d be on the road. And I think you know I’d never put up with anyone cheating on me. The insecurities of your job might make me walk away.”
“I’d never cheat on you, babe. That’s not who I am. What I did with those girls was a one-time thing… I was out of my face on drugs, and I’d already told Iria we were through. I’m more scared of you coping with my lifestyle.”
“Are you sure I’m not just forbidden fruit? Someone you crushed on because it wasn’t appropriate?”
“You’re fucking kidding, right? All that shit about love at first sight? Well, I have news for you, it isn’t total shit after all.” He squeezed my hands, “It’s real. It happened to me—with you. You are the love of my life. My heart knows that’s true. Know how I know that? Thousands of girls have come on to me in the past couple of years. I’ve had insane offers. A girl fell to her knees in an elevator once and begged me to let her blow me. I’m not saying this to upset you, what I’m saying is despite all of those women, you have never gone away. It’s been you since the day I met you.”
Closing the space between us I pressed a kiss to his lips. Flynn’s hands dropped mine, and they found my head on both sides. Pulling me forward he deepened the kiss. We poured every ounce of passion we had between us into it. When he pulled back he’d left me breathless. He reached for my tank top and yanked it over my head. My whole body was tight, buzzing with electrical currents that ran through every vein. Excitement and lust boiled up from my belly and his touch left me dizzy.
Flynn stood and yanked his boxers down then threw back the comforter and slid in beside me. His hand slipped down my naked front and into my pajama pants and panties until his warm palm cupped my wet pussy in a possessive hold.
“Take them off, babe,” he gently murmured as he started kissing my neck. He set me on fire with his mouth, and I squirmed with delight on the bed. I felt like my heart was going to explode in my chest with his constant stroking, his kisses and my anxiety over my inexperience.
Flynn’s need became more urgent, and he yanked at the waistband of my pajamas, “Come on, babe. Take these off.”
Nervously, I slipped them over my butt, and he was there helping me out of them. He dropped them to the floor and knelt back on his haunches on the bed. Hooking his fingers into the waistband of my panties at both hips, he glanced at the door.
“You did lock the door right?” he chuckled. I had.
When I nodded his fingers gained tension on the material. Leaning forward he placed a small kiss on my lower belly as he moved down my body.
“You are so fucking beautiful, Valerie.” His fingers tugged at the waistband and he pulled my panties down painfully slowly like he was unveiling me.
Flynn bunched the panties in his hands and brought them to his nose, inhaling deeply. I blushed, embarrassed about that.
“Fuck, babe. You smell incredible. I’m so fucking turned on by you.”
“A handcuff turns you on, Flynn,” I teased to cover my awkwardness.
“True,” he chuckled and cradled both my ankles in his hands.
He ran his palms slowly up both of my legs from my outer ankles to my hips. When he looked up, his studious expression softened as he flashed a sexy smile at me. I’d heard about the look of love, and that was definitely what I read on his face. Flynn Docherty wasn’t lying; he loved me.
Something shifted inside of me, and all my fears slid from my mind. My emotions were centered on the one thought I felt to be true. I was meant to be with him. As soon as I reconciled myself with that reality another thought immediately followed. Being in love with someone like him wasn’t going to be easy.
“What’s up? What are you thinking?”
“Am I making a decision that’s going to hurt me badly in the future?”
“Fuck no, babe. If you’re with me, that’s it. No matter what I do, or who I’m with, I’ll always come home to you at the end of the day.”
I stared at his face and felt at that moment he meant every word, but words are easy. Living up to those words would take strength and commitment. I knew I had that, but with Flynn, I wasn’t so sure.
Chapter 25 ~ Taking a chance
Soft palms swept over my skin again as Flynn slid them up the insides of my legs. My body was alight, every cell positively charged and fizzing with sensation under his skillful caresses. Stopping short of my pussy he swept them out over the front of my thighs and rounded my hips to slide them under my butt. Lifting me off the bed he pulled my pussy to his mouth and kissed it gently before dropping me back to the bed.
I watched as his lust-darkened eyes explored my curves. The tactile scrutiny that followed his gaze charged the trail in its wake with a buzz of anticipation. I’d never been so exposed to anyone before and that somehow felt right.
Brushing his hands up my body, he cupped my breasts in both hands and squeezed them gently. “Fuck you’re beautiful,” he said in a husky voice as his eyes drew a line up from them to my face.
“You’re gorgeous, babe. I can’t believe we’re doing this after all this time.”
I flushed with pleasure and quietly looked back at him, and his smile made my heart squeeze with excitement to have him worship me slowly like that.
As he continued to touch me, he slid off the end of the bed onto his knees and pulled me down toward him and spread my legs widely. Watching the lust in his eyes when he looked between them made my hollow core clench tight with need. His fingers traced the outer lips, and my body began to hum with pleasure under his gentle touch.
Flynn licked his lips, and my butt shifted in his hands. Glancing up, he smirked in his sexy way again and squeezed my butt as his mouth edged downward while his eyes stared intensely into mine.
One long lick at my seam and I arched off the bed. The sensation was exquisite. He continued, and I relaxed into his rhythm until his hot tongue darted and pushed its way inside my seam. It lathed around, and as he tasted more, he hummed w
ith satisfaction. His lips and mouth covered my whole pussy, and he sucked me hard. More juice leaked from my core as he stirred heightened arousal from it.
Flynn’s tongue found and probed my entrance then licked its way up to my clit. Two soft strokes were following by rapid licks. His punishing pace made my shoulders sink in the mattress as I bowed up to meet his mouth. I moaned loudly in rapturous delight.
Drawing back to look up at me, Flynn whispered, “Shh, babe you’re going to have everyone banging on the door.”
A finger traced my pussy and circled my entrance as he slid it inside to the first knuckle. I tensed, and he pulled back again, “Fuck, babe you’re so tight in there. Did I hurt you? My cock is aching to be where my finger is, but I want to take my time with you.”
My mouth was dry as I was swept away with all the new feelings I was experiencing. I was a little scared about having sex, but it felt right with Flynn. I had no reservations about going all the way, I just didn’t want it to hurt. His finger probed deeper, and he swirled it around. “Jeez, babe, relax. You’re so closed and tense.”
I lay wondering what to say to him and how he’d respond. He’d once said to me he never wanted to be my first. I was so glad that he was. Once we were in the moment, I knew I’d never really wanted to do it with anyone else. Even although with Ziggy and Daryl there were times when I’d thought I had.
After a minute or two, I relaxed, and his finger felt good gliding in and out as his tongue continued to pleasure me. I moaned when he withdrew a finger and pushed another in and I yelped at the sudden stretch and burn. My fingers grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked it tightly. Flynn pulled back again, “Jeez, Valerie you are as tight as hell down here,” he said still with his fingers inside. He dipped forward and began sucking my clit again, and I felt more fluid ooze from my pussy. “Damn, you’re so wet but so tight. I’m scared to take you.”
I was scared as well and if that was my moment to tell him I’d never gone that far before I missed it. He pulled out his hand and kissed his way up my belly then lay on top of me. My hands instantly wrapped around his back and I traced my fingers over the muscular contours and hard lines there. Flynn’s mouth took mine, kissing me so passionately I moaned into it. When he broke the kiss, he buried his face in the curve of my neck, and I felt his lips flatten in smile against my skin. His body vibrated with need, and the wet tip of his hard cock settled once again at my entrance.