by Kendall Ryan
I smiled. “Well, everything looks wonderful.”
Everyone murmured their agreement before we passed trays around, all serving ourselves until our plates were laden with food. Or, in Cooper’s case, swimming in gravy.
Together, we dug into dinner, talking as we did. The conversation was stiff and forced at first, but something about the scents of succulent chicken and tender roasted carrots set you at ease. Soon, we were bantering back and forth easily, chatting about work, the library, and current events.
“Did you catch the news last night?” Cooper asked no one in particular, scooping another forkful of gravy-smothered chicken into his mouth. “Talk about a shit show.” He shook his head in amusement. “I don’t know what’s more entertaining, listening to the newscasters fumble through the current events, or scanning the headlines for typos. I’m telling you, the local Boston news is really falling apart.”
Gavin took a long sip of his drink and raised a quizzical eyebrow. “You’re just pissed because that weather girl turned you down last year when you invited her to the trustees’ dinner,” he quipped, cocking his head to the side.
Quinn smiled, and I struggled to suppress a snort.
Cooper shot me a goofy grin before nodding in Gavin’s direction. “And he’s just pissed because the guys on their morning news team are some of our mouthiest clients. Mr. Serenity over here almost popped one of them in the mouth—at their own studio, no less.”
“That fucker was threatening us with bad press,” Gavin growled. “Whatever he almost got, he fucking deserved.”
Quinn rolled his eyes. “Children, please, watch your language. We’re at the dinner table. Let’s talk about something more stimulating than one of Gavin’s unsuccessful attempts to control his temper.”
Gavin opened his mouth to protest, but quickly closed it when I placed a hand on his knee. He laid his hand over mine and gave it a gentle squeeze before letting go to take another bite and tell his brothers about the restoration I was doing on my brownstone.
We continued chatting with relative ease, the jazz playlist Quinn put on providing us with the perfect backdrop.
Occasionally, Cooper and Gavin would bicker in jest until Quinn broke them up and made them call a truce, but there was no venom behind it, for which I was grateful. It truly was like a family dinner, and I smiled to myself, wondering what I’d been so nervous about to begin with.
When dinner was over and the plates were cleared away for dessert, I excused myself to head to the powder room only to come back out and find Quinn waiting for me in the darkened hallway. I startled, pressing a hand to my chest, and he held out a hand to steady me.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you,” he said, his expression solemn. “I just wanted to talk with you, alone.”
I nodded. “Okay, what about?”
“I need a favor,” he said simply.
“I’ll certainly help you in any way I can,” I replied sincerely. He was Gavin’s brother, after all. And a good man by all accounts. If there was something I could do to help him, I was in.
“My brothers are both in love with you,” he said, his tone matter of fact, as if he hadn’t just dropped a bomb on me. My heart clutched in my chest, and I drew a deep, steadying breath. “I need you to choose one of them and let the other one down easy. It’s the only way we can all stay together as a family. I know this isn’t your fault and none of this was your idea, but . . . well, I’ve protected them for as long as I can remember, and I would do anything to keep us all together. I’m sure you can understand that.”
I nodded, swallowing hard to dislodge the knot of panic in my throat. “Y-you got it.” I placed my hand on his muscled forearm, hoping to apologize, to say, well, something, but Quinn took a step back as though my touch had burned him.
Without another word, he turned and headed back to join his brothers, calling out to end yet another argument between them.
For a moment, I stood in the hallway, listening to all of them laugh together, my guilt and shock overwhelming me. I’d never meant to make two men fall in love with me, let alone two brothers.
Could Quinn be right? I knew they both had feelings . . . but love?
I straightened my shoulders and took another steadying breath. I’d unpack the huge weight of this later. For now, all that mattered was that Quinn had asked me for something that I could definitely handle. And if this was what it took to keep this family together?
I would do it.
Because, strangely, I was starting to feel like part of this family too.
On shaky legs, I rejoined the guys for coffee cake and half listened to their conversation while I toyed with my food. My brain was churning, and I found myself both mentally and physically exhausted.
At last, things seemed to come to a lull. Quinn sighed, placing his hands on either side of his plate. “Well, it looks like it’s time to clear up.”
“I’m going to get us all some brandy in the library.” Cooper strode off while Quinn started bustling around in the kitchen behind us.
“Let’s get some fresh air first, huh?” Gavin asked.
I took his hand, letting him lead me through the sunken living room and out onto the wrought-iron terrace overlooking the city. I wanted to help Quinn clean up, wanted to impress him, but knew the way to do that would be to follow through on the favor he’d asked of me.
From up here, the cool breeze whipped around us, blowing my hair in my face as I smiled at the honking, beeping, and buzzing that was the city on a Thursday night.
“Are you having a good time?” Gavin asked, brushing my hair back from my face.
I nodded. “Very nice. I have to wonder, though.” I took a breath and rolled my tongue over my bottom lip, trying to figure out the best way to ask my question. “Is there something going on between you and Cooper? It’s not my business, but things seem tense, and I just want to make sure I’m not the cause of it. I know everything has been stressful since the story broke, but—”
Gavin held up a hand to stop me, then stroked my cheek. “Everything is fine, Emma.”
He went quiet and I waited, listening to the wind whistle past us. After another long moment ticked by, he finally spoke again.
“Cooper still wants a chance with you.”
“I see,” I said carefully. “Did you tell him . . .” I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. Hell, I didn’t even know what words I might have said.
“I didn’t tell him anything.” Gavin looked me square in the eye, then released my cheek from his grasp. “Emma, I want you to be damn sure that I’m the one you want.”
“I am.” I breathed out the words, barely thinking, not needing to think because it was all so clear to me in that moment.
He shook his head. “No, you’re not. Don’t answer yet. Go into the library and let Cooper plead his case, okay? Hear him out, and then decide. Because if you choose me, there’s no going back.”
There was no point in arguing. I searched Gavin’s expression for a long moment, then nodded as I slid open the terrace door and made my way back into the warm living room. Silently, I stalked down the hall to the one room whose door was still open and I crept inside, the wood floorboards creaking underfoot as I closed the door behind me.
As soon as I entered, Cooper turned to look at me, a bemused smile on his face. He nodded to a glass of brandy on the sideboard behind two massive armchairs and I took it, clinking my glass against the one he held aloft.
“So,” I said.
Cooper eyed me thoughtfully. “So . . .”
“An eventful couple of days.” I let out a deep breath, then sank into one of the leather seats.
“Yes, indeed. But I think we’ve got a lot of it under control. Just one thing we still need to figure out.” His gaze rested on mine for a moment, and I looked away, guilty and uncomfortable.
“When you told me about Ashley, you didn’t mention the drugs.”
He shrugged. “Gavin has made it clear to me
I never should have told you about Ashley at all.”
“I’m glad you did,” I said quietly.
“I’m glad I did too.”
Another long moment stretched between us and I took a sip of the brandy, wincing at the sweet and smoky bite on my tongue.
“Brandy’s not for everyone,” Cooper said, apparently noticing my expression.
“I guess not.”
He let out a deep breath, glancing out the wide windows between the bookshelves before focusing on me again. “Can I ask you something?”
I nodded. “Of course you can.”
“It’s . . . personal.” He reached for the glass in my hands and set it on the table beside us. “What do you want in a relationship?”
“I’m sorry?” I asked, taken aback by his sudden shift of tone.
“What do you want? Because, the way I see it, I’m looking for someone to give me some of the love I never got. But my brother? He wants to punish women for the love he never had. Our mom fucked us up, and you need to know that you’re running into the arms of the most screwed-up one of us all.”
I blinked, unsure what to say to that. On one hand, I was outraged that he would speak about Gavin that way. But on the other?
I knew he was right, and I also knew that he would have said exactly the same thing if Gavin were in the room.
I finally settled on, “Cooper, I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you choose me. We both know I’m the better option for you, that I’m the one who can make you happy and give you the freedom you want and deserve. Do you really think you’re going to find that with Gavin?” Cooper’s eyes were pleading, even if his voice was not.
He leaned toward me and took my face in his hands. Pulling me up to stand with him and then moving closer still, he closed his lips over mine in a desperate, passionate kiss.
I tasted the brandy on his tongue, felt the rough scratch of the stubble on his jaw, the press of his fingertips at my lower back, and waited . . . waited to feel that spark. The electricity. The hunger.
But I felt nothing.
My blood didn’t race. My head didn’t swim. My heart didn’t pound. And my sex certainly didn’t ache.
It was only a kiss, and when it was over, I felt nothing but the lingering guilt of speaking up too late.
He must have seen it in my eyes, because when he backed away, I could already see the hurt. The understanding. The sadness.
“I’m so sorry, Cooper,” I whispered. In my heart, I prayed we could still be friends, but that was probably a long shot.
“I’m sorry too. Now, get out of here, princess. I’ve got a date with the rest of this bottle of brandy,” he murmured with a sad half smile.
Gathering my courage, I stepped out of the room, shaking from head to toe.
It was done. I’d made my choice.
Now all I had to do was live with the consequences.
Chapter Eight
Gavin
I took a deep breath, glancing one more time at the city streets below before stepping back inside the warm expanse of my brother’s apartment. Emma and Cooper were nowhere to be seen. Quinn was sitting on the couch, probably waiting for me, a steaming mug of coffee in his hands.
“Want some?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Don’t think so.”
“How do you think it’s going to go?” he asked, and though there was no judgment in his voice, I could tell my answer meant a lot to him.
Scrubbing my hand over my face, I shook my head. “Not well for one of us.”
“And you don’t know which one of you it will be?”
I glanced away, then met his searching gaze. My fists tensed at my sides, my knuckles turning white. Have faith, Gavin.
“Cooper will handle it better than I would have,” I finally admitted, voicing my hopes out loud for the first time to anyone but Emma.
“I think so too,” Quinn said, and I knew better than to be offended. He was merely speaking the truth. “The two of you will be discreet while he heals?”
I nodded. “Of course. If it turns out to go my way.”
“Good. Then this should all work out fine.”
“Just do me a favor and get him rip-roaring drunk when we go,” I said, my heart still a little heavy in spite of what I hoped would be my victory.
I hadn’t wanted things to happen this way. I’d never wanted to see my brother hurt. After all, when it came to Emma, how could I blame him for loving her? The more I got to know her, the more amazed I was that every man who’d ever met her had managed not to fall head over heels.
“You got it.” Quinn took another sip of his coffee as a click sounded down the hall.
Light footsteps announced Emma’s arrival. She looked at me, her eyes shining with unshed tears, and I squared my jaw.
“Well?” I asked, not sure what else to say. I could be wrong. She could have chosen Cooper after all.
But the way she looked at me, even with tears in her eyes, wiped every trace of doubt away.
I crossed the room and pulled her to my chest. “Are you okay?”
She nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek. “I just feel so awful. I never wanted to hurt him.”
Brushing the tear away with my thumb, I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers just once. “It’ll be all right.”
I should have felt triumphant, but instead my heart was heavy for my brother’s loss.
Emma straightened, taking a step back from me, and turned her attention to Quinn. “I think I better head home. Quinn, thank you so much for having me. Dinner was delicious, and your home is lovely.”
“My pleasure.” Quinn nodded. “I think I’m going to head to the library for some brandy,” he added with a grim smile. He rose from the couch and gave me a reassuring pat on the shoulder before heading past us and down the hall.
I squeezed her shoulders and brought my mouth to hers again. Emma’s lush, full lips trembled at my approach.
“Let me get you home,” I said.
After I called Ben, we headed back to the elevators and onto the windy city street. All the while, she was silent, her hands clenched into little fists, and I knew better than to press her. Instead, I helped her into the car and held her hand, sitting quietly as the tears slid down her face. Silently, I offered her a tissue and she took it gratefully, dabbing at her eyes before taking a long, shaky breath.
“I hated that,” she said.
I nodded. “I know.”
“Cooper is a good man, a sweet man. I didn’t want to hurt him. I never wanted to—”
“I know you didn’t.” I slid a little closer and placed my arm around her shoulders. “Cooper is strong, though. He’ll work through this and find someone.”
“Yeah.” She sniffled. “I know that. I just wish . . .”
“What? That you didn’t have to choose?”
She shook her head. “I know I made the right choice. I would pick you a thousand times. I just wish I didn’t have to hurt anyone to do it.”
Her words buzzed through my body and I held her a little tighter, staring into her eyes as she pressed on.
“But we need to set up ground rules,” she told me. “You need to be emotionally honest with me. No more secrets.”
My lips tightened into a line, but I gave her a stiff nod. “No more secrets.”
“We need to have open, honest communication. At all times.”
“Maybe not at all times,” I joked, but Emma didn’t find it funny.
“Always.”
I nodded. “I’ll try. For you.”
I hesitated as she snuggled closer to me, wondering if now was the moment to bring up the one thing that had been on my mind since I’d first met her. The one thing I needed from her in return. I didn’t know if tonight was the time to press her, but the weight of this thing inside me demanded to be let out.
“Good. It’s settled then.” She smiled sadly up at me. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
I cupped her chin,
holding her gaze to mine. “While we’re making agreements, there’s something else we need to discuss.”
She pulled her chin from my grasp. “What?”
“I want to be completely open with you. I want to be myself with you. Which means . . .”
“Tell me, Gavin.”
“First is that I told you the absolute truth about Ashley.”
She nodded. “I know that. I know you had nothing to do with her death.”
Her faith was everything.
“Is there . . . something else?” she asked, looking at me quizzically.
The need to work through her abuse with her, to make sure she felt secure in our relationship, had been nagging at me—a deep, stirring feeling in my gut the past several weeks. I couldn’t put it off any longer, even though I hated to bring up anything that would hurt her.
“Take a deep breath for me,” I said.
Emma’s brows knitted even further, but she obeyed.
“I need you to know that your past—what he did to you—none of that was your fault.”
Surprised at our change in topic, Emma dropped her gaze to her lap. “I know that, Gavin.”
“Good, because I need to know that you feel safe with me. It’s not just your past I think about. I need to know that as a woman, you feel safe and comfortable with me and our relationship, and the ways I might push you outside your comfort zone.”
She looked up, her pretty gaze now dancing on mine. “What do you mean, push me?”
Total honesty, no more secrets.
I couldn’t repress my desires any longer. “I need more, pet.”
Her gaze stayed locked on mine as the car began to slow. As Ben pulled to a stop in front of her house, we both stilled. It was bad fucking timing. Why couldn’t he have circled the block or something?
I could tell that asking for more when she’d barely forgiven me for the Ashley situation was a ballsy move. But, fuck it, life was too short not to go after what you wanted. I’d told her everything there was to know about my past, and now it was up to her to decide whether she’d accept me, all of me. But she’d chosen me tonight, so that had to mean something.