by Sara Orwig
“B,” she said. “Buh, buh...”
His gaze was on her mouth, which was where it should be, yet the way he was looking at her mouth had nothing to do with learning to read.
His brown eyes were staring, memorizing, her mouth. Her voice faded and then her throat became dry Every thought fled her mind except one. She wanted his kisses.
She felt an urge that was compelling, crazy, to reach out and place her hands on his face, pull his head down and kiss him. He was still taking down her hair, his knuckles brushing her nape lightly, his fingers touching her throat, his hands making little tugs on her scalp. They were all slight touches, but searing nonetheless, building that chemistry and attraction that had flared to life the first moment they had looked into each other’s eyes.
Then he shifted closer. His knee touched her thigh. She could smell his aftershave. He was ruggedly handsome, incredibly appealing. Her heart pounded and a hundred arguments and cautions ran through her mind all at once. They were going up in smoke just as swiftly.
He slid his hand behind her head and drew her closer. His arm slid from the back of the chair to her waist, circling her waist. He shifted again, spreading his legs to get even closer.
She placed her hand on his warm chest that felt as solid as granite, his heart beating swiftly. Just to touch his wrist or arm had always sent shock waves through her. Now, touching his bare chest and feeling his heart racing, stirred a quake within her. The impulse to run her hand across his chest was impossible to resist and she let her fingers drift across him. He inhaled, the heated look in his eyes becoming more intense.
“Neither one of us wants this,” she whispered.
“Like hell we don’t.” He leaned forward, his lips brushing hers, and she closed her eyes, her pulse flying as heat flared in her.
“No,” she whispered against his mouth, but at the same time she slid her hands over him up to his shoulders, her fingers spreading as she discovered the feel of him. He wrapped his arms around her to pull her close against him. In one swift movement he lifted her to his lap and tightened his embrace as his mouth covered hers firmly, his tongue seeking, thrusting into her mouth in a quest while need and desire intermingled.
Everything inside her seemed to constrict and then unfold, heat and melt. Why was it so good to be in his arms? Was she starved for this? Or was it because this cowboy was very special?
She tightened her arm around his neck, feeling the ends of his thick, coarse hair fall over her arm and wrist. She ran her fingers on his nape, wanting to know the texture and feel of him, the strong column of his neck, the contour of his thick, broad shoulder.
She turned toward him, shifting slightly, feeling his erec tion hard against her thigh, his thighs beneath her bottom his arms holding her tightly. It was obvious he wanted her at the same time, she knew there could never be anything between them. Yet she kissed him back, her tongue playing over his, touching his as his went deep into her mouth. stroking her, stirring a wild need that she wouldn’t have thought possible.
His hand wound in her hair, and she heard his deep growl as if he couldn’t get enough. Amazed at the fires kindling between them, she kissed him. Desire burned white-hot when she had felt dead to men and desire for so very long. But with this man’s kisses and touches, she had come to life instantly. Her hips shifted and an ache began low inside her, a need that she wouldn’t have thought she could possibly have. Unwanted, desire raged even though common sense told her she was moving into dangerous territory. It was too soon after childbirth. But how right and good it was to be kissed and held by him! She kissed him as passionately as he was kissing her and she felt as if she had been headed for this moment in his arms since that first meeting.
His hand stroked her head; he ran his fingers through her hair, he stroked her nape lightly, slowly. His kisses were heady, too exciting, more dangerous than she had possibly imagined. More desirable.
He bent over her, tightening his arms, and his kisses deepened, became more intimate. His need was evident in each stroke of his tongue. Beyond the kisses, she could feel a bonding, a burgeoning unity with this man that she couldn’t afford to have. They already had a golden chain forged between them by childbirth. Now, with each second that passed, a new one was forming, more links locking around her heart.
She was melting, coming apart in his arms. She moaned, stroked his nape, wound her fingers in his hair while she kissed him as wildly as he kissed her. She had to stop, but she couldn’t.
Matt held her tightly as if never wanting to let her go. Like a raging wildfire his body burned with desire for her and her responses to his kisses were blazing him to cinders. She was responsive, sensual, kissing him back, her body curling into his, her hips moving slightly against him. She moaned softly, deep in her throat. She wanted their kisses as passionately as he did.
He leaned over her. He wanted to peel away the red skirt and blouse, yet, on an intellectual level, he didn’t want to rush her and have her stop him. On another more primal level, he never wanted to stop and he wanted so much more than kisses.
His roaring pulse drowned out all other noise. His thudding heart threatened to burst through his rib cage. He was hard, hot, shaking with desire. She was so incredibly soft, curvaceous, enticing in his arms. She was wildly responsive and that escalated desire beyond belief. And more than that. She was Vivian, someone already special to him.
He trailed his hand over her breast and heard her gasp, and then she caught his wrist firmly, her fingers locking around him as she pulled away. Her eyes came open languorously, desire burning in their crystal blue depths. Her lips were swollen, deep red now, her cheeks flushed. They looked at each other and he saw desire in her gaze and something more—was it surprise? She was gasping for breath as much as he was. He ran his index finger over the curve of her breast, down to the first button that was fastened. He twisted it free, his fingers brushing her full, soft breasts.
She caught his wrist again. “No. You have to stop.”
He looked into her eyes and wondered if she knew he didn’t want to stop. He wanted her in his arms, in his bed in a way he had never wanted a woman there before.
“I want you, Vivian,” he whispered, unable to tell her the extent of his feelings or that he had never told a woman even those words before. Yet he had lived his life with his feelings closed up inside him and he couldn’t release them now after a few kisses.
“Matt, I can’t get too involved,” she said slowly. “The past two years I’ve just been through all kinds of stress and trauma over a broken marriage and then divorce. I’m moving. You and I won’t see each other again. We can’t do something foolish. I can’t do much, anyway,” she said, her cheeks flushing. “I just had a baby.”
“It was only a few kisses, Vivian,” he said, but he knew it was more than that. Never had kisses turned him inside out like hers did. He trailed his fingers along her cheek. “I know we’re going to part, but those kisses didn’t hurt anyone.” She slid off his lap and straightened her blouse while he watched her intently. He stood in front of her and placed his hands on her shoulders because he couldn’t resist touching her again. She looked up and the minute they looked into each other’s eyes, he was lost.
“Let’s keep things the way they were,” she said breathlessly. He nodded and dropped his hands, turning from her.
“We’ll try the reading tomorrow. I’ll go over some of Mary Catherine’s books with you then,” she said, and left the room to hurry down the hall. Vivian was stunned by his kisses, amazed how much she wanted him. This was not the time, not the place and not the man for her to fall in love with.
“It was only kisses,” she whispered. She glanced into the open door of his room and saw his boots and T-shirt tossed casually inside. A pair of muddy jeans lay on the floor. Why was everything about him special and significant?
She hurried to the big bedroom she shared with the girls. One small lamp burned, shedding a dim yellow glow that threw the corners into dar
k shadows. Vivian stepped inside and closed the door and leaned against it and felt as if Matt was still close at hand. The whole room shouted his presence. Everywhere she looked there was something of his—his desk, his bed, his closet. It was all his and now every little thing in the room was more important than it had been yesterday.
Had their kisses moved them beyond a point of simple friendship—or had there ever been simple friendship?
She crossed the room to the big rectangular mirror that was above the chest of drawers and gazed at her own reflection, seeing Matt, remembering the past few minutes. She touched the corner of her mouth. Her mouth was red, her hair down, her blouse half-unbuttoned. She had unbuttoned part of it earlier when she was hot, then he had undone another button a few minutes ago. She looked disheveled, but the same reflection stared back that she usually saw, yet she didn’t feel the same.
She felt as if something indefinable had changed. His kisses were more than heady or toe-curling—they transformed her world. Since the day before yesterday she had been as close to him as she could be to someone she was not intimate with. Now, with just kisses, she felt even closer.
She moaned softly and turned away, unbuttoning her blouse and pulling it out of her skirt while she began to change into her nightgown. She didn’t want to feel this way about him. He was special already, but she didn’t want him to become even more special. When she left here, she didn’t want to leave her heart behind.
She needed to pack and go, but she couldn’t until her car was fixed. As swiftly as that thought came, she looked at Mary Catherine and thought how she was opening up to Matt, trusting him, trusting Pete. That was important, maybe a turning point in Mary Catherine’s young life. Vivian knew she had to think of the good changes he was bringing about in her daughter’s life. Those two kind, patient men were wearing away Mary Catherine’s fears and that was more important than Vivian worrying about sparks flying between Matt and her.
Running her finger along the cool pane, Vivian remembered Matt’s confession about reading. She still found it difficult to believe, yet she had heard of people who owned their own businesses and still got by without others realizing they were functionally illiterate.
Vivian rubbed her neck. It should be so easy to help him learn some phonics so he could sound words out himself. “Yeah, Vivian,” she said aloud, throwing up her hands. Easy. Look what had happened the first five minutes tonight!
Vivian climbed into bed beside Mary Catherine and lay back against the pillows, remembering Matt tonight in the kitchen, his strong arms tightly around her, the look that he gave her that was passionate and made her feel special.
How was she going to keep on resisting him when he was so totally irresistible?
“Don’t think about it,” she said aloud to herself. She switched off the light, got out of bed to open some shutters. Now with the lights off in the bedroom, she could see the land spreading away from the house. What was Matt doing? she wondered. Sleeping blissfully down the hall in another big bed?
Chapter 8
Matt had watched Vivian rush out of the kitchen as if a demon were at her heels. It was a good thing she had gone. There was no way he could have stayed around her and not reached for her again.
“Damn,” he whispered, knotting his fists. He was on fire with wanting her. He went outside, striding through the darkness, knowing sleep was hopelessly lost.
He saw a light shining behind the barn and headed in that direction, finding Pete under the raised hood of a large flatbed truck Matt kept for hauling.
“That truck busted again?”
“Yep. I’m working on the carburetor,” Pete said, straightening and wiping grease off his hands on a rag. He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it, exhaling a stream of gray smoke. “You can’t sleep, either?”
“Nope. It’s a hot, sultry night,” Matt replied, thinking that was an understatement for what he was suffering.
“I hope that lightning on the horizon is heat lightning.”
“Thank heaven I got the wheat harvested before we started getting all the rain. I’m sorry for the people north of us who are getting it.”
They stood in silence for a time. “Little girls are cute,” Pete said. “Guess that’s changed your life. I told Lita about them, and she can’t wait to see the baby. She was sorry to miss work, but the workshop she went to was required attendance for everyone in her class.”
“That’s fine. She shouldn’t have been driving with all the roads under water. Vivian is going to ask Lita if she can work for her the days she doesn’t work for me during the week.”
“Lita will like that. She’s saving everything she makes now. Reggie called her last night. She wasn’t going to tell me, but I came into the room while they were talking.”
“Is he having second thoughts? Does he want to come back, get married?”
“Nope. No mention of marriage. I asked her. Asked her why he called. He misses her, but he doesn’t want to marry her. If I catch the bastard coming around her, I’ll whip him good. He knows it, too. Can’t understand life. I wanted my family and lost them. He can have a family and he throws it away.”
“That’s what Vivian’s husband did. Someone has been following her. Gonzales called me and said a man has been asking around town about her.”
“Ex-husband want her back?”
“From what she’s said, he wants her. He isn’t interested in the babies at all.”
“Another bastard. I’ll tell the guys and we’ll keep watch for any stranger,” Pete said, dropping the cigarette to stub it out with his toe. He went back to the truck, and Matt moved closer to look at the engine.
“Vivian doesn’t think he’ll resort to violence. She said she thinks he just wants to know where she settles.”
Pete squinted at him. “She might be wrong about him. People surprise you.”
“I feel the same way about the guy that you do about Reggie. I’d like a few minutes with him.”
“Look here at this wire,” Pete said. Matt bent over the truck and in seconds both of them worked in silence.
It was an hour later when Matt straightened and shook his hair back from his face. “I’m turning in. It’s almost time to get up.”
“Yeah. Go on. I’ll shut things down here and come back to it later. These spark plugs need to be cleaned, too.”
“See you, Pete.” Matt walked back to the house and tried to enter quietly. His gaze swept the kitchen and he remembered only a little over an hour ago how he had sat here with Vivian on his lap.
With Vivian filling his thoughts, he pulled off his boots and carried them to his room, where he took a cold shower.
Icy water fell over his hot body and as he washed he still thought about holding Vivian. To kiss, she was all he had dreamed about and more. Her responses were intense, instant and fiery. He could never remember a time in his life he had wanted a woman as badly as he wanted her. What was the matter with him? Why was he so dazzled by her?
It couldn’t be the intimacy they had shared through childbirth. That shouldn’t kindle what he was feeling toward her. Most of the time she had been bundled up to her chin in her gown and robe or a blouse and skirt, so it wasn’t her body that was setting him on fire. Although that added to it, he had to admit. He had had enough glimpses to know she was a very good-looking woman.
Damn, he hated that he had hurt Mary Catherine tonight. He had seen the look in her eyes when he refused to read to her and he didn’t ever want to do that again if he had to make up the wildest story possible. How could he tell a little child that he didn’t know much more about reading than she did? She probably wouldn’t believe him because all the adults she knew could read.
Damn. It had been a long time now since his inability to read had caused trouble and he had almost stopped worrying about it.
He turned off the shower and began to dry himself. Stepping out of the shower, he moved to the window to gaze into the night, but in his mind he was seeing Vivian
, remembering holding her. Teach him to read—he guessed she’d learned her lesson there! That had been an invitation to kisses. How did she expect him to sit inches from her, concentrate on watching her mouth and keep his hands to himself? It had been impossible and it would be impossible if she ever wanted to try teaching him again. The lady was desirable, too sexy, too appealing.
Just thinking about her, he became hot, his body responding to erotic thoughts as he remembered in detail holding her in his arms on his lap. He imagined what he could do if she didn’t stop his lovemaking, yet whatever she allowed, he would have to remember to be gentle.
With a groan he secured the towel around his waist, hit the light switch, went into the bedroom and fell across the bed to stare into the darkness. Why was she so special? There were other good-looking women who didn’t have two children, an ex-husband trailing after them and a new life to start hundreds of miles away. The county was filled with pretty ladies who were fun to be with.
There was something unique about Vivian. She was self-possessed, sexy, beautiful. He groaned and put his hands behind his head. “It doesn’t matter if she’s the best-looking, sexiest woman I’ve ever known—we are worlds apart,” he said aloud.
We can’t be together five minutes before the differences between us show, he thought, mentally listing those differences. She was educated, classy, sophisticated, citified. He was none of those, just pure country. A dropout who couldn’t read well; actually, who could barely read at all. He remembered the brute that had been his blood father and the beatings and how terrified he had been of the man when he was small. The man didn’t last long in their family, although the next common-law husband was almost as bad. Matt was from a broken home, unable to know how to really love. He couldn’t give Vivian and the girls the love they deserved. Let her go.
He needed to drive into Dakani and see who was trying to find her. That was another reason for her to stay a little longer. Let the husband find her here and let them have their showdown here where Matt could protect Vivian. He grinned in the dark. The idea of someone protecting her would get her feathers up. The lady was as independent as a well-fed cat and she wouldn’t want anyone’s protection, thank you.