by Aven Ellis
“What do you mean, you don’t know if you can?” I ask.
Matt doesn’t say anything.
I turn on Matt’s street, easing Nate’s Bentley to a stop in the circular drive. I cut the engine and face Matt.
“What do you mean?” I ask again.
To my surprise, an anguished look flickers across his handsome face.
“Because that Matt can only exist for you, and I’ll never be able to be with you!” he blurts out.
“You’re not making sense,” I say, confusion overwhelming me. “This morning you were worried about messing things up with me. Now you’re saying you’ll never be with me. I don’t understand this!”
“Forget what I said earlier. It was a mistake admitting that to you. I did the right thing on New Year’s Eve, even if it’s not what I want.”
I gasp at his admission. “Matt, wh—”
“I have to go,” Matt says abruptly.
Then he gets out of the car and slams the door shut. I watch in shock as he storms up the sidewalk, enters his house, and closes the door behind him.
And I know, without a doubt, he’s shutting the door on us, too.
Chapter 10
I leap out of the car and run up the sidewalk. I throw open the door to his house and slam it shut behind me. Matt jumps in surprise at the force I use.
“You’re not running from me,” I say, surprising myself with my boldness. “Not now. I won’t let you.”
Matt grips his golden curls in frustration, pacing across the foyer in front of me.
He’s tortured, absolutely tortured, and I’m desperate to figure out why.
Matt stops dead in his tracks.
“What choice do I have?” he yells.
“Choice?” I ask, confused. “I don’t understand.”
“You really don’t get it, do you, Holly?” Matt blurts out. “It’s always been you. It’s been you since the day I walked into your house on Thanksgiving two years ago. You had glasses on and a Northwestern hoodie and jeans, and you were helping your mom in the kitchen. And when I saw you, your face lit up with that smile of yours. That smile that has haunted me for two years now. You talked to me like a normal person, not some hockey player. You didn’t care that I played. You wanted to know me. You asked me all kinds of questions about myself and my life, and you made sure I was comfortable. You had me put stuff on the kitchen table and bossed me around. You might not remember any of this, but I do.”
I can’t breathe as I realize what he’s saying.
For two years, he’s held the same thing in his heart that I have.
“I know I’m dropping a bomb on you, and I’m sorry,” Matt says, his voice shaking with emotion. “I was never going to act on this. Ever. But the more time I spent with you, the more I liked you. How smart you are. Your humor. You’re not afraid to follow your dreams, to be your own person. And you’re so beautiful. You’re exactly the kind of woman I can only dream about.”
“What?” I gasp. “Only dream about?”
Matt walks up to me and grips my arms. “Yes. Because you’re beautiful and smart and educated, and I’m garbage, Holly. You deserve better. I gave in to it New Year’s Eve and for a moment, I thought maybe this could work. But thank God Nate came in and reminded me of my place. And that’s never going to be with you. That’s why I sent you that bullshit text when I wanted you to stay. That’s why I got messed up last night. Because I can’t be the man in your life. I was stupid to let that thought come into my head on New Year’s Eve. And it came back to me in the car today, but that was me being a selfish jerk. I won’t drag you down with me.”
Anger takes hold of me, and I shove him away. Matt blinks in surprise.
“Holly, I j—”
“So I don’t get any say in this? You’re trash, Nate wouldn’t approve, the end? I’m sorry, but that’s bullshit. I do have a say in my own story, Matt. And I have waited two long years for what happened between us on New Year’s Eve. Two years! Because I liked you from that first Thanksgiving, too. Here you were, this gorgeous boy, and you were real. You were fun. Kind. Smart. You didn’t mind helping out. And the whole reason I asked you to help wasn’t so I could boss you around, but so I could keep talking to you.”
I see nothing but shock on Matt’s face.
“You mean . . . this whole time?”
“Yes,” I say, my voice shaking. “This whole time I liked you. And I’ve watched you with an endless parade of sexy women on social media, thinking that liking you was hopeless. Utterly hopeless, because you could do so much better than me. And you did.”
“Better?” Matt sputters. “Are you insane? None of those women could ever compare to you!”
I don’t say anything as I realize CiCi was right.
Matt wanted me all along.
“And what about you?” Matt asks, interrupting my thoughts. “I saw pictures of you with these Northwestern guys, ones who were super smart, studying things I can’t even begin to understand. I knew I wasn’t what you needed. I can’t talk to you like they can. Or be a normal guy.”
“I didn’t want that!” I cry. “And I didn’t want them. It was always you, but you were an impossible dream.”
We don’t say anything. The truth is finally out.
Matt puts his hand on my arm, but I angrily flick it away.
“No,” I say, taking a step back. “You’ve decided our future without even asking me. You won’t take a chance because you’re afraid you’re not what I need. Or because of what Nate will say. Which is crap. I have dreamed of what happened between us on New Year’s Eve for years, Matt. When we danced it was obvious we’re right together. And it killed me when you shoved me away.”
“Holly, ple—”
“No. You’re going to listen. Nate doesn’t dictate what I do in my personal life. You’re not trash, Matt. You’re not. You’re a good person with so much potential. If only you would let yourself live that way. I see so much in you. There’s a reason why I’ve carried this feeling around for you for two years. It’s because nobody has come close to you. Nobody ever will.”
I turn away from him and reach for the front door knob.
“What are you doing?” Matt yells.
I whirl around and face him. “I’m not staying where I’m not wanted. You’ve obviously decided that you are going to use your reputation and Nate as excuses to keep me at arm’s length. And that’s your choice. But you can add that to your list of mistakes, Matt, because I think we would have been amazing together.”
Then I jerk open the door, angry tears swimming in my eyes. I storm down the front steps, but as I hit the sidewalk, I feel a strong hand grab my arm and whip me around.
“No!” Matt shouts. “I’m not letting you go!”
“You don’t have a choice,” I yell back.
“I do have a choice,” Matt says, his eyes flashing. “I have two choices. One is to do the right thing, which is to let you walk away. To let you find a man who is smart and polished and Nate will approve of. One who has a good reputation. Who is everything you deserve. That’s the right thing to do.”
“What’s the wrong choice?” I ask through my tears.
“The wrong choice is to keep you here with me. The wrong choice is to ask you to give me a chance. To prove to you I can be the man you see inside. To be that man all the time. To suck it up and deal with Nate being livid if things go the way I want them to. This is the wrong choice.”
I see nothing but longing in Matt’s vivid blue eyes.
“I’ve lived my whole life making nothing but wrong choices,” Matt says passionately. “But I’m about to make one more. My last one. But it’s the best wrong choice I’ve ever made. I choose you. I choose us.”
Then Matt quickly yanks me to him, pressing his lips again
st mine.
Chapter 11
My heart explodes the second Matt’s warm mouth is on mine. I begin to shake as he breathes a sexy kiss on my lips, his lips barely touching mine. My body cries out for him to take more. I want to taste him, feel his mouth, his tongue, everything.
He slowly inhales, his hands caressing my face as his mouth still remains on mine, lingering, not taking. He continues to stroke my skin and breathe me in. His lips are soft and full, and I’ve never had a kiss as sensual as this one.
One of his hands goes to the back of my neck, sliding up into my hair. Matt holds my long locks in his hand as his tongue gently glides across the seam of my lips. My body flares with heat the second I feel his tongue.
“Your lips are so soft,” he whispers against my mouth. The tip of his tongue gently traces over them again. “Perfect,” be breathes, delicately pressing his mouth against my upper lip in a move that incites desire I’ve never experienced before.
Matt parts my lips with his tongue, intertwining my lips with his in a slow kiss. Oh God. My fingers tangle in his silky curls as he continues to kiss me.
He lifts his head to look at me. Need fills every inch of me.
“I want to remember this,” he says, taking his finger and slowly outlining my lips in a sexy way.
“What?” I manage to whisper.
“The look in your eyes before we share our first real kiss,” Matt says, his blue eyes flashing with heat.
His fingertips glide up my neck, to my chin, and then his mouth is on mine. But this time, his tongue parts my lips and slips inside. Matt begins caressing my mouth with his. I taste him, my tongue seeking more from him, our kiss joining us as one in this moment.
I lose myself to him. His taste, his touch, his warmth, the sensual way he’s kissing me. I never dreamed kissing could make me feel like this.
Matt makes me feel like this.
I feel sensual and alive. As if the sexual woman in me has finally woken up, ready to explore a whole new side of myself.
And I only want to explore it with this man.
I want to kiss him forever. I continue to drink him in, my hands entwined in his hair. Finally, he breaks the kiss.
The second we stop, Matt’s hands are back on my face, framing it.
We’re both breathing hard, both stunned by what just happened between us.
“I’ve never kissed a woman like this,” Matt says, staring into my eyes. “Never. This is different, Holly. Us. We’re different.”
I gaze up into his eyes, and once again, I’m drowning in the deep end of a pool.
“I’ve never been kissed like that,” I admit as my face grows warm. “I didn’t want you to stop.”
Matt’s mouth curves up in that sexy smile I love. “Who says we have to?”
He bends down and gives me a sweet kiss on the lips.
I stroke his face with my hands, happiness filling every inch of my heart. I know I’m meant to be with Matt. I know with every fiber of my being that we’re meant to be together.
Matt lifts his head and stares seriously at me. “I dreamed of this moment for two years. It was worth waiting for. You were worth waiting for.”
He links his hand with mine. “You’re cold. Let’s go inside.”
Matt tries to lead me back up the steps, but I stop him.
“On one condition,” I say.
“Um, what would that be?”
I grin at him. “That you kiss me like that again once we’ve shut the door.”
“Oh, not only do I intend to kiss you like that, but many other ways, too,” Matt says, flashing me a wicked smile. “Now can I please bring you inside before my resolve weakens, and I have to kiss you again right here?”
I laugh, and he does too.
And as we go inside his house and shut the door behind us, I know we’ve opened the door to our future. Matt has a second chance with the Demons. We are going to take a chance on each other. We’ve waited two years to be together, and it’s finally happened.
And I fully intend to make up for those two years by kissing Matt all afternoon.
Matt is playing with my hair as we lay entwined together on his couch. We’ve spent hours kissing and laughing and talking today, getting to know each other on a more intimate level. Now the living room has grown dark, as the sun has set into the inky-purple winter sky.
I have my head resting on Matt’s chest, listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart underneath my ear. I love this. I’ve loved every moment of our time together today.
Matt has proven to me he is the man I knew he could be.
He was content to kiss and cuddle today, never asking for anything more. We learned all about each other, all our likes and dislikes and what drives us. I don’t ask for further details on what happened in Peter’s office today. Or what CiCi said to save him. I’ll hold that conversation for later. Right now, I simply want to continue to get to know Matt on a deeper level.
He tells me how he left home to play hockey in Canada at fifteen, bouncing from family to family in pursuit of his dream. And while it was the best decision to develop his skills, he never felt like he belonged anywhere.
Of course, my life was the opposite—born and raised in the same home in Minnesota with a tight family bond. Our life gravitated around taking Nate to all his games, and I began writing in the bleachers during tournaments as a preteen to kill time. I haven’t stopped writing since.
“When do I get to read your book?” Matt asks as he strokes my hair.
Gah! I can’t imagine anything worse than Matt reading my fantasy novel. Or the upcoming love scenes. I feel my face grow warm at the thought of it.
“After you read Harry Potter,” I say to redirect him.
“I can see the key to being with you is to give in and read Harry Potter.”
“You can listen to the audio book. It’s great for car or plane trips.”
“Or you can read it to me,” Matt suggests.
I laugh. “What, you don’t like to read books?”
“No, not really. But I’d read yours.”
I’m glad he can’t see the stupid smile I have on my face right now.
“Then why would you let me read Harry Potter to you?”
“Because it matters to you. And I’d get to hear your voice,” he murmurs, pausing to kiss the top of my head.
Butterflies dance in my stomach.
“Okay. We’ll do that,” I say. “So you don’t like reading. Are you more of a movie guy?”
“Definitely movies.”
“Favorite movie?”
“What genre?”
I laugh. “Oh, you’re serious about your movies.”
I don’t need to look up to know that sexy turned-up smile has appeared on his face.
“Miracle is my favorite hockey movie,” Matt says.
“Favorite popcorn flick?”
“Star Trek.”
“Ooh, mine too,” I say.
“Really? Which one?”
“Any that feature Chris Pine.”
“Oh, is that right?” Matt asks, laughing. “Should I be worried about Chris Pine?”
I laugh. “Not at all.”
“I’m not convinced.”
I roll over so I’m facing him, and Matt brushes my hair away from my face. “I like your blue eyes and blond curls better.”
“I’m your substitute Chris Pine,” Matt teases.
I lean forward and place a slow, lingering kiss on his lips.
“No substitute. You’re my Matt Rhinelander.”
His eyes shine back at me.
“I like that,” he says, kissing me back.
Bliss.
He breaks the kiss and caresses my fa
ce with his hand. “Do you know how hard it was to see pictures of you with other guys on Instagram?”
I furrow my brow. “You mean from Northwestern?”
Matt nods. “I always kept track of you. And when I’d see you with one of those fraternity boys . . .” His voice trails off for a moment. “They were everything you deserved.”
“I should hope you think I deserve more than beer pong and drunken groping in a fraternity bedroom.”
Matt cocks an eyebrow. “Maybe you haven’t played beer pong with the right people.”
I roll my eyes, and he laughs.
“But I did the same,” I say seriously. “I’d always see you with girls with amazing bodies and sexy outfits at these hip bars, and I would die inside. Knowing I’d never be that gorgeous or chic.”
Matt’s expression changes. “Why would you compare yourself to them? You’re beautiful.”
I stare into his blue eyes. “You really see me that way, don’t you?”
“Holly, you’re the girl who has haunted my dreams,” Matt says. “I couldn’t remember them a week later. But you were always there. Always.”
“I always ached a bit after looking at those pictures,” I admit softly, tracing circles on his chest with my index finger.
“Me too.”
“And this is a horrible thing for me to admit, but I was thrilled you spent holidays with us. I know it’s selfish. I should have wanted you to be with your own family. Or have a girlfriend to spend time with. But all I wanted was to see you again.”
Matt resumes looping his fingers through my hair, which has a drugging effect on me. I feel calm and content being here, in his arms like this.
“I didn’t want to go home,” Matt says quietly. Then he hesitates for a moment. “For multiple reasons.”
“What do you mean?”
“First, your family is tremendous. Your parents are good people, and Nate took me under his wing the second I landed in Minnesota. Your family is what a family should be, Holly. People who genuinely love and support each other. You guys enjoy being together. It’s rare. I never had that at home. Not even close. Logistically, it was easier to stay in town during the break, and that’s what I told my mom. She didn’t care, to be honest.