She didn’t live there alone.
A sneer pulled at the corners of his mouth.
“I found you.”
The temptation to storm in there tonight and pull her out by her hair was almost too much. But after searching for her for this long…
Well, he had every intention of making her pay, first.
He wrote the address down and went in search of a hotel before his car was recognized.
Chapter Sixteen
Ever since leaving Anastasia at the park and coming home, Joel had been completely distracted. Now he was in the kitchen, pulling the full trash can out from under the sink and taking the bag to the dumpster in the alley behind the house. While his hands worked, his mind was busy imagining what might have happened to her in Utah.
What was bad enough that she didn’t feel comfortable telling him about it? Different options went through his mind but none of them seemed realistic. Others left a bad taste in his mouth.
There were two things Joel was certain of.
One was that, while he held her in his arms, everything about it felt right. As if she belonged there. And when they’d kissed… It was going to be a long, long time before her sweetness faded.
But he also believed he had to leave all of this in God’s hands. He’d pray for Anastasia. He’d pray for what might be a beginning to a relationship between them. But he couldn’t — and wouldn’t — push her to reveal more about herself than she was comfortable with.
Joel had to work to get the bag into the dumpster. He brushed his hands off on his pants and headed back to the house.
Anastasia needed a friend. She needed people in her life that cared. And he planned to be one of those people.
Whatever happened in her past, and however long it took for her to tell him, it would be worth the wait. Anastasia would be worth it.
When he got back inside, Chess was waiting for him. “I thought you’d gotten lost out there for a minute.”
Joel shot him a withering glare. “I was a little preoccupied.”
“How’d your date with Anna go?”
Joel was half surprised at the question then realized it was Chess’s way of guessing what — or who — he was actually preoccupied with. “It was good.” He must not have been convincing because Chess raised an eyebrow at him. “When I think I’m getting closer to her, she pulls away a little. She’s afraid if I know what happened to her in the past, it’ll change what I think about her now.”
“Isn’t that true for all of us, though?” Chess leaned against a wall. “We all have events in our past that threaten to choke out our future if we let them. The further away we get from those memories, the easier it is. It’ll be that way for Anna, too.”
Joel sighed. “I know you’re right. But it’s hard to stand by and watch her struggle when I’d much rather help.” He shrugged. “But what can I do?”
“Not a thing.”
Joel looked at Chess. “What have you been up to today?”
“Brooke called earlier and invited us over for dinner and a movie tonight. I wanted to get something for her. A housewarming kind of gift.” Chess swallowed and shrugged. “I don’t like losing people.”
“You’re not losing her, Chess. Neither of us are.” But Joel knew it felt like that for Chess because Brooke wasn’t here where Chess could keep her safe. “Things change, whether we want them to or not. What did you get?”
“A rose bush. I thought I’d plant it for her in the front yard somewhere. She’s always liked roses.”
Joel smiled. Brooke would be touched by the gesture. “I’m sure she’ll love it. What time are we supposed to be over there?”
“Five.”
Joel went about putting in a new trash can liner, his thoughts still lingering on Anastasia.
~
“Are you sure you don’t mind that I invited the guys over tonight?” It was the second time Brooke had voiced the question.
Anna had already assured her that it was okay. But apparently she hadn’t been convincing. At this point, though, it was ten minutes until five and a little too late to change their minds. “It’s fine. We didn’t get to thank Joel and Chess for their help. This will be a good way to do that. Besides, they’re your family. Of course they’re welcome here anytime.”
Brooke leaned against the kitchen counter. “I should’ve waited until after your date with Joel before doing so, though.” Her eyes were full of concern.
“I’m fine. Joel and I are fine.” Mostly. “Seriously, dinner and the movie will be fun.”
Her roommate finally smiled. “I’m glad you suggested these cookies. They smell amazing. I never did have anyone to teach me how to bake. I had to teach myself how to cook for the most part.”
“Joel mentioned you grew up in foster care.”
“From the time I was seven. The first few years were pretty rough. But I ended up with the Zieglers. And you couldn’t ask for a much better placement than that short of adoption. I was able to stay there until I aged out of the system.”
“I’m glad you found them. Joel speaks highly of them as well.”
“Yes. I’d been there for several years when Joel came in. He’d been bounced around quite a bit. I remember he wouldn’t speak to anyone. It took me a while to get him to talk to me. But I’m a bit persuasive.” Brooke winked.
There was no denying that. Anna laughed. “What happened after that?”
“The two of us stuck together. I aged out of the system first by eight months. Our foster parents were actually nice folks and let me stay until Joel aged out, too. Then we set out on our own.” She took on a faraway expression. “It was hard until we met Chess. He made our rag-tag group into a family.” Brooke smiled. “We still exchange Christmas cards with the Zieglers. They have a houseful of teenagers now.” She paused. “Joel mentioned you’d been on your own for a while. I know what that’s like. If it weren’t for the guys… Well, let’s say I’m glad God created a family for me. We all need someone else we can count on.” She eyed Anna. “Joel’s a great guy, you know.”
“Yeah, I know.” He was one of the kindest, most thoughtful men she’d ever met. Just thinking about Joel made her heart flutter. If only she didn’t have to worry about Liam…
But Liam was in her past — her life — whether she wanted him to be or not.
The doorbell chimed, startling both of them. They laughed and walked to the front door. Brooke opened the door and ushered the guys inside.
Joel sniffed the air. “Something smells amazing.”
Brooke nudged Anna with her elbow. “We’re baking cookies. I’m planning on making popcorn before the movie, too.”
Chess cleared his throat. “Brooke, I brought something for you. Will you come out front for a minute?”
The timer on the oven went off.
Joel pointed towards the kitchen. “I’ll help Anastasia finish up the cookies. Go ahead.”
Brooke followed Chess outside.
Anna led the way back into the kitchen. She grabbed a pot holder and pulled the pan of hot cookies out of the oven before sliding another pan in.
Joel leaned in. “Double chocolate chip? Those look incredible.”
Anna bit back a grin. She used the spatula to move the hot cookies to the counter. When she scooped up the last cookie, she held it out to Joel. “Want to taste-test and let me know if they pass inspection?”
“It would be a crime to pass up a warm cookie right out of the oven.” He held his hand out and accepted the cookie. When he took a bite, his eyes closed. “Oh, these are amazing. But I’d better test more than one. It’s important to have a large enough sample size before I make my final decision.”
She planted her hands on her hips. “Tell you what. If you hand me that bowl of cookie dough, I’ll turn my head when you reach for another one.”
Joel’s face lit up. “It’s a deal.” He got the bowl for her and consumed a second cookie in two bites. He reached for the cookbook still resting on the counter
and carefully turned it over in his hands. The cover was scuffed and the book was filled to the brim with recipes. “Is this yours?”
Anna dropped the last of the cookie dough by rounded spoonfuls onto the cookie sheet and wiped her hands off on a towel. “It was Grandma’s.” She reached out and ran a finger down the spine. “She saved recipes her own grandmother shared with her. And they’re all in that book. It’s the only real thing I have from her. Other than the color of my eyes.”
Joel smiled warmly and handed the book back to Anna. “I assume she’s the one who taught you how to bake?”
“Yeah.” Anna thought back to when she was a child standing on a stool to reach the counter. Grandma helped her cut melon into cubes for a fruit salad. “My grandparents raised me since I was two. Most of my favorite memories of her revolve around the kitchen.”
“What about your grandfather?”
“He didn’t set a toenail in the kitchen. Left that to us. But he’d eat anything we made.” Anna laughed. The memories washed over her like warm sunlight. “These double chocolate chip cookies were his favorite.” She bit her lip in an attempt to keep her emotions under control. Moments like this made her realize how much she missed them.
Maybe, now that she had a kitchen, she could bake regularly again. Especially since it made her feel closer to her grandparents.
“It’s all worth it, you know.”
Joel’s words confused her.
“What do you mean?”
He took his pocket knife out and tapped it against his palm. “Losing the people we love is horrible. A nightmare. But of all the people I’ve lost, it was worth it. Because I wouldn’t trade the good memories for anything.”
Anna pictured her grandparents. They’d been amazing and incredibly patient with her. Heaven knew she had to have made things difficult for them at times. She even thought of Callie. They’d had a lot of fun together before everything changed at the end. “Yeah, it was. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy to let people in.”
She was so afraid that Liam was going to show up again that she kept pushing Joel away. What if, two years from now, Liam had never shown up and then Joel was gone, too? How would she deal with that? The emptiness inside answered the question for her.
I sure wish you’d give me a hint of what my future held, God. I’m stuck in limbo and I hate this.
She could hear Grandma’s voice in her mind as clearly as if the woman had been standing there with her.
“Give it to God, Anna. He’ll see you through.”
~
Anastasia’s shoulders sagged and she kept her arms crossed in front of her as she stared at an invisible point on the wall.
Joel resisted the need to gather her close. “I think all of us who grew up without a strong family setting experience the same thing. When you’re faced with a lot of loss, it’s hard not to worry that you’ll just encounter more of the same.”
Epic walked in, his nose in the air. He didn’t have to try to be at eye-level with the cookies. Anastasia wagged a finger in front of him. “Don’t even think about it.”
The timer went off. She pulled the pan of cookies out of the oven and slid the last one in.
Epic must’ve realized he wasn’t getting a treat. He turned to Joel and greeted him with a wagging tail. “Hey, big dog. It’s good to see you, too. I know, it’s been such a long time.” Joel scratched behind his ears. “You’d think he hadn’t seen me in days.”
“I’m sure it seems that way to him.” Her eyes followed Epic as he sniffed around the kitchen then collapsed in front of the refrigerator, his chin on the linoleum. “I envy him, you know,” she finally said, her gaze still on the dog. “I wish I could be that carefree. Go forward in life and not worry that the past was going to catch up with me, or that I was going to screw something up.” Her voice wavered and she cleared her throat.
“It would be nice.” Joel moved to stand next to her. “But when we dwell on the past, we let it crowd into the present. Fear gets control of our lives that way.” He shrugged. “I think everyone deals with that to a degree. But those of us who lived such traumatic childhoods have a harder time letting it go and moving forward.”
“Yeah.” Her voice sounded thick with tears.
Joel’s heart ached for her. He’d faced many of his own demons several years ago and sometimes the memories he’d pushed back still crept into his dreams. Chess and Brooke had been a big part in the healing process. Who did Anastasia have? Lord, fill her heart with peace. I don’t know what’s happened to her in the past, but I pray you begin work in healing the wounds that continue to cause her pain. If there’s any way I can help, please use me.
Anastasia pushed hair back out of her face. “I’m learning to keep people at arm’s length. I haven’t always done that, you know. In a lot of ways, it’s made things easier.” She lifted her chin and peeked at him from beneath her lashes. “But it also scares me. I’m not sure where to draw the line. I don’t want to be one of those women who wakes up at fifty completely alone.” She shifted slightly and leaned against his side.
Joel gently tugged her to him, engulfing her in his arms. A sigh escaped her and he laid his cheek against her silky hair. “You aren’t alone. You don’t have to be.” She tilted her head back to glimpse his face. “You have all of us. You have me.” He touched her chin with his thumb and placed a whisper of a kiss to her forehead. “I understand that instinct to hold back and protect yourself. It’s only natural. But it’s not something you have to do with me. Or the rest of the gang.” They heard the front door open and Joel dropped his hand from her chin to her shoulder. “You okay?”
“Better.” Anastasia stepped away from him and took in a breath. “You seem to have that effect on me. You know, when you’re not making me mad.” Her watery eyes twinkled.
Chapter Seventeen
Liam held the binoculars to his eyes and watched as two men entered the house Anna appeared to be living in.
She’d found herself some kind of pack to take her in. Boy, she must’ve laid a real sob story at their feet. Pathetic.
She couldn’t have known these people for long.
Jealousy and anger coursed through Liam’s veins.
Once the front door closed again, he tossed the binoculars onto the passenger seat. They sank into the food wrappers and disappeared.
He was sorely tempted to break into the house tonight and solve his problems. Anna had his thumb drive somewhere and he had every intention of retrieving it.
But she’d made his life miserable the last few weeks. And he’d find a way to pay her back for that first.
Ideas lined themselves up in his mind.
Yes, he’d watch her for a day or two and then he’d make sure she regretted turning her back on him.
~
They ate pizza in the kitchen then moved to the living room for the movie.
Between the futon and the loveseat, there was plenty of room for everyone to sit. Brooke insisted that Anna and Joel take the smaller of the two pieces of furniture. Anna tossed her a warning glance and Brooke only winked.
As they settled in for the movie, Anna noticed Epic lying in the space between the kitchen and living room, eyeing everyone as they got settled. He discovered a new love for popcorn when Brooke was making it and now he was obsessed. Anna suppressed a chuckle.
Joel sat next to Anna. It was not lost on her that he grabbed a stack of four cookies and brought them out along with the popcorn. He liked her cookies. The thought made her happy.
The movie began to the sound of popcorn being munched all around the room. Anna had added extra butter to hers and didn’t regret it one bit. She usually tried to limit how much butter or salt she consumed. But popcorn was her one vice. If she was going to eat it, it might as well be greasy and salty. Otherwise, what was the point?
The first few times she reached for a kernel and popped it into her mouth, Epic’s head raised off the floor slightly. Five minutes later, he was snoozing. Apparent
ly he’d decided to give up.
Anna had been looking forward to this particular movie for a while. The plot had her attention from the beginning, yet it was also difficult to ignore Joel’s presence. She found herself aware of everything he did, and it was driving her crazy. From the slight brush of his knee against hers to incredibly tempting curls at the nape of his neck.
She kept her hands clasped or made sure she was holding something. The last thing she needed to do was embarrass herself because she couldn’t help but reach out and touch his hair. Good grief.
About halfway through the movie, Brooke paused it to give everyone a quick break. Popcorn bowls were returned to the kitchen, some people got something else to drink. Mostly everyone needed to stretch their legs.
Anna threw several pieces of popcorn to Epic, who caught them mid-air.
“I imagine that’s what a great white looks like when it’s jumping to swallow its prey.” Chess held up a piece. “May I?”
“Sure.” Anna watched with a giggle when the popcorn disappeared in Epic’s maw and Chess shook his head.
“I wouldn’t want to make that dog mad at me.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” Anna confirmed, giving her dog a scratch behind the ear.
“Is everyone ready to finish the movie?”
They all got situated again. Out of nowhere, Brooke produced boxes of licorice. She handed one to Anna and then threw another to Chess before sitting down again.
“How can you possibly be hungry?” Anna asked her.
Joel shook his head. “The woman’s never too full for candy.”
Brooke nailed him with a glare. “Oh hush.” She motioned around her as the sounds of the boxes being opened filled the air. “I don’t hear anyone complaining about the candy. Watch the movie, mister.”
Joel’s eyes twinkled with amusement. Anna giggled.
Anna hadn’t had red licorice in forever. She reached for a piece and took a bite. The candy was fresh and fell apart in her mouth. Even better than she remembered.
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