“Those whom your right hands possess” was a phrase found in multiple Quran verses. The three references David included were 4:24, 23:6, and 70:30, none of which made much sense at first blush.
4:24: “Forbidden for you are women already married, except such as your right hands possess. Allah has enjoined this on you.”
23:6: “(Successful indeed are those believers who guard their private parts) except from their wives or those whom their right hands possess.”
70:30: “(Worshipers guard their private parts) except from their wives and from those whom their right hands possess; such indeed, are not to blame.”
I took the verses to Ammi and asked what the phrase meant. She said it referred to the female servants that Muslim men had married, but that didn’t fit. In the verses, wives were clearly separate from those whom the right hands possessed. When I pushed back on her interpretation, she deferred to scholars in the jamaat. I left Ammi, agreeing to ask them when the next opportunity would arise.
In the meantime, I knew I had to research this on my own. The scholars had not been comprehensive before, and I had no reason to think they would be now.
Of course, David had given me his interpretation, but I knew it was wrong. It had to be wrong. He was arguing that “those whom the right hands possessed” were slave women, captured by Muslim conquerors. According to him, 23:6 and 70:30 meant Muslim men could have intercourse with slave women that had been captured as spoils of war. Not stopping there, he argued that 4:24 annulled the marriages of captive women so Muslims could have intercourse with them even if their husbands were still alive.
The mere suggestion was outrageous. He was implying that the Quran condoned rape. What else would it be? If a woman is captured in battle, her father, husband, brother, or son probably just died trying to protect her. Would such a woman willingly engage in intercourse with a warrior who had just slaughtered the men she loved?
That was not the Islam I knew, astaghfirullah! My Muhammad was a liberator of slaves and a commander of saints, not a conquering captor leading an army of rapists. Islam would not allow such an atrocity. It could not. Even though I had learned much over the previous few months that challenged everything I knew, this was in a different league entirely. David was accusing Muhammad of being a moral monster, insinuating that Islam was unconscionably cruel.
During the course of our conversations, I lashed out at David, rebuking him for trying to drag my prophet through the mud. This was lower than low. At first, he fought back, pointing to the Islamic traditions, but when he saw that each defense he provided galled me all the more, he pulled back. He left the issue alone, asking me to just consider why I was so offended and what the Quran was really teaching.
It was when I was alone, when I did not have to defend my faith or my prophet, that I was able to be honest with myself and look at the evidence anew.
Sahih Muslim gave the historical context for the revelation of 4:24. The hadith reads: “At the Battle of Hunain, Allah’s Messenger sent an army to Autas and fought with the enemy. Having overcome them and taken them captives, the Companions of Allah’s Messenger seemed to refrain from having intercourse with captive women because of their polytheist husbands. Then Allah Most High sent down the verse ‘(forbidden for you are) women already married, except those whom your right hands possess (Quran 4:24).’ ”108
I read and reread the hadith. There was no question that this hadith corroborated David’s argument. In fact, it appeared David had been gentle. The hadith says this verse not only allowed warriors to have intercourse with recently captured women, it emboldened the men to do so when they were hesitant.
I could not believe what I was reading. My world felt as if it was spinning beneath my feet. I immediately did what I had seen sheikhs and imams do: I concluded the hadith must be weak. A single hadith, even if in Sahih Muslim, is easy to dismiss.
But there it was again in Sunan Abu Daud, which actually provided even more detail. The Muslim warriors were hesitant to have sex with the women because their husbands were still alive and in their presence.109 One classical commentary explained that when 4:24 was revealed, the men proceeded to have sex with the women, despite their husbands’ presence.110
Sahih Bukhari contains a similar hadith. It also describes Muslim warriors who were hesitant to sexually engage their captive women but for a different reason: the warriors were worried about getting the women pregnant. Muhammad allayed their concerns, telling them that it was Allah’s choice whether the women get pregnant or not.111 Sahih Muslim adds to this hadith, saying that the Muslim warriors did not want to get the women pregnant because they planned on selling them.112
That was enough. Not only was David right about the meaning of “those whom their right hands possess” but the truth was inescapable. It was in the Quran, in Sahih Bukhari, in Sahih Muslim, in Sunan Abu Daud, in commentaries; it was everywhere.
How could it be possible? The Quran allowed men to have intercourse with women whose lives had just been destroyed, sometimes in the presence of their captive husbands? Allah and Muhammad both showed no concern for getting the women pregnant or later selling them into slavery? How could it be possible?
What if it were my people who had been conquered by Muslims? What if I fought to protect my family, only to see Abba killed? To see Baji and Ammi . . .
That was more than enough. I was done. I could not think about it any longer. It was revolting, and thinking about it would cause me to despise my prophet and my faith.
I would not allow myself to despise them, but I could find no way to excuse them either. So I was done. I was done fighting.
I was finally broken.
To read an expert contribution on the New Testament and the Quran by Dr. Keith Small, a Qur’anic Manuscript Consultant to the Bodleian Library at Oxford University and author of Textual Criticism and Qur’an Manuscripts, visit contributions.NabeelQureshi.com.
Part 9
FAITH IN DOUBT
I don’t know who You are anymore, but I know that You are all that matters.
Chapter Forty-Four
RATIONALITY AND REVELATION
FOR THREE YEARS, we had wrestled with one another intellectually, and what started in the first month of my freshman year finally came to a head the day before graduation. I was giving up.
But not on Islam. Not yet. I was giving up on reason.
We sat in the front seats of my car, having just returned from an award ceremony. Out of a graduating class of thousands, six students were selected to receive ODU’s highest recognition, Kaufman Honors, based on grades, leadership, and community service. David and I were two of the six. This award signified the culmination of my college career.
But it sat heedlessly tossed in the back seat.
I didn’t care about it. I couldn’t get myself to care about much of anything. I had lived my whole life with a vibrant confidence. Islam, my beliefs, my family, my words, and my actions, all converged into one point: me. I had been authentic and transparent, able to speak my mind and live my beliefs freely and fully.
But now? Now I was a shell, outwardly steadfast in Islam while inwardly a torrent of confusion. The honor-shame paradigm hindered me from sharing my inner turmoil, rendering me unable to speak to friends or family about my struggle without further destabilizing my life.
I did not know who God was, I did not know what the world was, I did not know who I was, and I had no idea what to do. I was in a maelstrom, flailing for something to hold on to. I made a final, desperate effort to lay hold of the life I had always lived.
“There’s no way I can accept the Christian message, David.”
I kept my eyes glued to the steering wheel while David stared at nothing in particular through the passenger window. He gave me space to speak.
“The Christian God demands that I proclaim a fact,” I continued. “He demands that I believe Jesus is Lord. But I wasn’t there, so I can’t know whether he claimed to be God. I’m Muslim; I’
ve always seen the world as a Muslim. My perception is colored in such a way that, even if Jesus were God, I probably wouldn’t be able to know it. How can God hold me eternally accountable for not grasping a finite fact, one which I have no access to in the first place?”
This was my last-ditch effort to maintain my Islamic faith: denying my ability to arrive at objective truth.
David continued staring into the distance, considering my words carefully. When he finally spoke, his words cut to the quick. “Nabeel, you know that’s not true. Your parents see dreams, and God has directed you with supernatural signs in the sky. You know full well that if you ask Him to reveal the truth to you, He will.”
As soon as David spoke, I knew he was right. It was as if his words resonated a raw nerve, one that had only just been aired. If I truly believed God existed, why did I not simply ask Him who He is? Could He not reveal that truth to me?
It was then that I realized the value of apologetics and what the arguments had done for me. All my life, barriers had been erected that kept me from humbly approaching God and asking Him to reveal Himself to me. The arguments and apologetics tore down those barriers, positioning me to make a decision to pursue God or not.
The work of my intellect was done. It had opened the way to His altar, but I had to decide whether I would approach it. If I did, and if I really wanted to know God, I had to cast myself upon His mercy and love, relying completely upon Him and His willingness to reveal Himself to me.
But at what cost?
Chapter Forty-Five
THE COST OF EMBRACING THE CROSS
THE COST FOR A MUSLIM to accept the gospel can be tremendous.
Of course, following Jesus meant that I would immediately be ostracized from my community. For all devout Muslims, it means sacrificing the friendships and social connections that they have built from childhood. It could mean being rejected by one’s parents, siblings, spouse, and children.
This becomes exponentially more difficult if the Muslim has no person to turn to after following Jesus, no Christian who has reached out. I know of many Muslim women who recognize their need for Jesus but have nowhere to turn if their husbands abandon them, or worse. They often do not have the financial means to survive the next day, let alone fight for their children in court. They would have to do all this while reeling from an emotionally violent expulsion from their extended families.
What many do not realize — what I did not realize when I was making these decisions — is that these costs are not considered consciously. They form part of the knee-jerk reaction against the gospel. I never said, “I choose to remain Muslim because it would cost my family if I were to follow Jesus.” Far from it, I subconsciously found ways and means to go on rejecting the gospel so I would not be faced with what I would have to pay.
But I was not the only one who would have to pay for my decision. If there were traits my family was known for in the Muslim community, they were my parents’ joyfulness, our close-knit relationships, and the honor we had garnered by faithfully following Islam. My choice to follow Jesus meant razing all three.
My decision would shame my family with incredible dishonor. Even if I were right about Jesus, could I do such a terrible thing to my family? After everything they had done for me?
It is this kind of familial dishonor that drives many in the Middle East to commit honor killings. Although there is no command in the Quran or hadith to carry out “honor killings,” there are commands in the Quran to kill mischief makers,113 as well as plenty of commands in the hadith to kill apostates.114
These kinds of killings are not limited to the Middle East. A few months after graduation, I received a phone call from Mike telling me about an entire family of Middle Eastern Christians who had just been slaughtered in New Jersey for bringing dishonor to Islam. He asked me if I thought I’d be safe were I to accept Jesus. I appreciated his concern, but I told him that was the least of my worries. My family would never do such a thing, and in reality, the killings are not as common as some fear. Besides, in my view, martyrdom would be an honor.
The greatest concern for me, were I to accept Jesus as Lord, was that I might be wrong. What if Jesus is not God? I’d be worshiping a human. That would incur the wrath of Allah, and more than anything else, it would secure my abode in hell.
Shirk: The unforgivable sin in Islam; it is roughly equivalent to idolatry, placing something or someone in the position due to Allah
Of course, that is exactly what the Quran teaches. In Islam, there is only one unforgivable sin, shirk, the belief that someone other than Allah is God. Shirk is specifically discussed in the context of Jesus in 5:72. He who believes Jesus is God, “Allah has forbidden Heaven for him, and his abode will be the Hellfire.”
These are the costs Muslims must calculate when considering the gospel: losing the relationships they have built in this life, potentially losing this life itself, and if they are wrong, losing their afterlife in paradise. It is no understatement to say that Muslims often risk everything to embrace the cross.
But then again, it is the cross. There is a reason Jesus said, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it” (Mark 8:34 – 35).
Would it be worth it to pick up my cross and be crucified next to Jesus? If He is not God, then, no. Lose everything I love to worship a false God? A million times over, no!
But if He is God, then, yes. Being forever bonded to my Lord by suffering alongside Him? A million times over, yes!
Now more than ever, the stakes were clear, and I needed to know who He was. Everything hinged on His identity. I began begging Him to reveal Himself. Standing, walking, praying, lying in bed, I implored Him to show me His truth. Because He had supernaturally guided me before, I had full faith that He would guide me once again.
But the interim was agonizing. I traveled from mosque to mosque, asking imams and scholars to help me with my struggles. None came close to vindicating either Muhammad or the Quran, all of them selectively denying traditions that were problematic and cherry-picking traditions that fit their views. They did not help.
While waiting to speak with them, I read book after book from Muslim scholars on hadith methodology, sirah, and Quranic history until my eyes were scorched. Then my eyes would flood with tears during salaat, while I pleaded with God for His mercy.
Chapter Forty-Six
I AM NEAR, SEEK AND YOU SHALL FIND
I LAY PROSTRATE in a large Muslim prayer hall, broken before God. The edifice of my worldview, all I had ever known, had slowly been dismantled over the past few years. I lay in ruin, petitioning Allah. Tears blurred my sight. The ritual prayers had ended, and now it was time for my heart’s prayer.
“Please, God Almighty, tell me who You are! I beseech You and only You. Only You can rescue me. At Your feet, I lay down everything I have learned, and I give my entire life to You. Take away what You will, be it my joy, my friends, my family, or even my life. But let me have You, O God.
“Light the path that I must walk. I don’t care how many hurdles are in the way, how many pits I must jump over or climb out of, or how many thorns I must step through. Guide me on the right path. If it is Islam, show me how it is true. If it is Christianity, give me eyes to see. Just show me which path is Yours, dear God, so I can walk it.
“Dear God, I know You can hear me! I know You are there and my words are not falling on deaf ears. Do not withhold Yourself from me. You have guided me with visions before. You have revealed the future to my father in dreams. Please, show me Your truth. Give me a vision again; give me dreams so I can know who You are.”
I knew with utmost surety that God heard my cries and held the key to saving me. He would open the door to His truth at any moment. I knew that the case for Christianity was strong: it had been shown to me that the historical Jesus claimed to be God and then proved it by dyi
ng on the cross and rising from the dead. If Allah confirmed to me personally that He was actually the God of the Bible, I would accept Him, Jesus, as my Lord. In anguish, though, I hoped beyond hope that Allah would reveal Himself to be the God of Islam. The cost would be too much to bear otherwise.
Every day, in every prayer, I clung to two verses:
• Surah 2:186 — “When my servants ask about me, I am near. I answer their prayers when they pray to me. So let them hear my call and believe in me, that they may walk in the right way.”
• Matthew 7:7 – 8 — “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”
Because of these verses, I had full faith that God — whether Allah or Jesus, whether the God of the Quran or the God of the Bible — would answer the prayers of my heart. The question was when and whether I could brave the storm until then.
Five months later, He gave me my answer.
Chapter Forty-Seven
A FIELD OF CROSSES
ON DECEMBER 19, 2004, Abba and I were in Orlando, Florida. I had just finished my first semester of medical school, having once again chosen the school closest to home so I could be with my family. Ammi and Abba saw me diligently studying the whole semester and wanted to reward me, so when Abba needed to go to Florida for a conference during my winter break, he invited me to come with him. I gladly obliged, not only because it was my first opportunity to go to Florida but also because it would be the first time Abba and I would go on a trip by ourselves.
We had a fantastic time traveling to Orlando, cracking jokes and sharing stories. I recounted our antics in the anatomy lab, and he shared humorous accounts of his early years in the navy when he worked as a medic. Except for in the airport security line, when we were under the post – 9/11 microscope, we goofed off the whole way to Florida. We were forging a new aspect of our relationship: a father-son friendship.
Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus: A Devout Muslim Encounters Christianity Page 22