‘Are you sure you’re not mad at me?’
‘I said no, didn’t I?’
‘Are you mad at Jem?’
‘Now, why would I be mad at Jem?’
‘I don’t know. But you’ve gone all moody since you tried to ring him.’
‘Don’t be daft,’ I say. ‘You’re imagining it.’
But she isn’t.
He had to be more careful. He couldn’t afford to get caught.
Next time he might not be so lucky.
The last thing he wanted was for them to find out what he was really up to.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Unbelievably, when we get home at last, Mum is still out. She arrives back half an hour later, by which time Livi is safely tucked up in bed and I’m in front of the computer once more, trying to get back into my Sociology essay. But my heart’s not in it.
‘Sorry I’ve been so long,’ she says as she lets herself in. ‘Poor old Karen, she’s in a bit of a tizz. How’s the work going?’
‘All right,’ I say grimly as she comes over to hug me. Her breath stinks of wine. I’m trying not to panic at the thought of how much I’ve still got to get through.
‘Did Livi have a good time?’
‘Think so. She’s fast asleep. I’m going up too.’
Upstairs, I press Jem’s number again for the umpteenth time since I got home, but there’s still no reply. Miserably, I get into bed and pull the duvet over me. And eventually fall asleep.
I know it’s not right. What’s it doing here, in the car park?
Sharks live in the ocean. Sharks are not urban predators. They don’t lurk in multi-storeys, stalking people on their way home from a night out.
But this shark is special. It’s waiting for me.
A ringing noise. Save me, please …
I wake in the pitch darkness to the sound of my phone and fumble for it blindly. My heart is racing. It was a dream, that’s all. A weird dream.
‘Anna?’
‘Jem? Is that you?’
‘Anna. I’m sorry. I’ve just got your calls. My phone was turned off at work. Is anything wrong?’
He sounds anxious.
‘No. Well, yes. I missed you.’
‘I missed you too. Are you sure you’re all right? You sound upset.’
‘I was dreaming. A nightmare. You woke me up.’ ‘I’m sorry. It was manic tonight. We never stopped. I’ve only just finished.’
I glance at the clock. It’s gone two a.m.
‘It was a good little earner though. Means I can afford to take you out somewhere.’
‘That’s nice. I got some work done.’
‘Well done.’ He sounds like Jem again, now he knows I’m OK. My heartbeat returns to normal as his familiar voice calms me down. ‘I missed you,’ he repeats.
‘Me too. You’ll never guess what happened to Livi …’
I launch into a lengthy explanation and he listens carefully, expressing outrage on Livi’s behalf and describing in detail what he intends to do to Ferret when he gets hold of him.
‘You sound like her big brother!’ I say teasingly.
There’s silence for a moment, then he says, ‘Well, I suppose I am, in a way,’ and he sounds really pleased, like I’ve paid him a compliment. We carry on talking for a while, his voice comforting in the darkness, like a kiss.
‘See you tomorrow,’ he says at last. ‘Sleep well.’
‘See you tomorrow,’ I echo and click off, though not before I add automatically, ‘Love you,’ just like I do when I’m saying goodnight to Mum or Livi.
I suck in my breath, rigid with embarrassment as I realize what I’ve just said.
‘Anna,’ I groan. ‘You and your big mouth!’
My phone bleeps. A text from Jem.
Love you too.
I hug the message to myself in the darkness. It’s OK. He loves me too.
But then my smile fades and I begin to feel really, really bad.
I doubted him.
I can’t believe I did that.
It was just seeing that shark tattoo on that guy’s wrist tonight. The guy in the car park. It freaked me out. I mean, they’re not that common, are they, shark tattoos? I’ve never seen one before.
I thought it might be him. I thought my boyfriend was a car thief.
I turn my face into the pillow and groan. ‘Anna, you are an idiot!’
How could you? After all that Jem’s been through. All he wants is to be with you but instead he works an extra shift in a grotty hotel kitchen to make some money to take you out. He would do anything for you, for Livi.
Because he loves you.
And what do you do to repay him? Suspect him of breaking into cars.
Well, he broke into that boat, didn’t he? says the nagging little voice inside my head.
That was different, it belonged to a mate of his.
Jem hasn’t got any mates.
Stop it! Stop it! I hurl my pillow on to the floor and sit up, my head in a whirl. Then I take some slow, deep breaths, until the nagging voice subsides and finally shuts up.
Don’t do this! I tell myself firmly. You’ll spoil everything with your nasty, suspicious mind.
Jem is the best thing that ever happened to you.
Sugar and spice and all things nice – that’s what little girls are made of.
Not all of them are nice though.
He knew that better than anyone.
Look at these two. Good sister/bad sister.
Which one would get what was coming to her?
CHAPTER TWELVE
Jem and I are becoming closer and closer. We spend as much time together as we can, though it’s difficult sometimes with work and college. When I can’t see him, he texts me all the time to see what I’m up to. Zoe says it would do her head in to have a bloke on her tail like that all the time.
She’s jealous.
At college they tell us the UCAS forms are now ready online. It’s time to think about uni.
‘Newcastle?’ says Mum, knowing it’s always been my ultimate goal.
‘Hopefully.’
‘You are getting your work done, aren’t you?’ she asks, sounding concerned.
‘Of course I am!’ I say, and she believes me because I’ve always got my work done, I’ve always been conscientious.
But, the truth is, I’m falling behind.
It’s Jem’s fault. I can’t resist him.
Livi thinks he’s wonderful too.
One day after school, Ferret comes up and apologizes to her in front of everyone for the way he’s behaved. Nobody could believe what they were hearing, he’s such an arrogant little shit normally. It made Livi’s day. She came home beaming, her self-esteem restored.
It had to be Jem’s doing. She said she could swear she saw him outside her school talking to her ex just before Ferret came over and apologized. By the time she’d picked herself up off the floor with shock, Jem had disappeared.
He wouldn’t admit it though when he came round that night. He just grinned and said, ‘Nobody messes with my little sister,’ in a croaky Italian accent like that guy from The Godfather. From that moment he could do no wrong in Livi’s eyes.
It’s funny. For an easy-going guy, Jem can be quite persuasive.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Tonight Jem’s doing an extra shift in the hotel bar, which gives me time, at last, to catch up with Zoe. I’m looking forward to her coming round; it’s been ages since we got together outside college. But as soon as she arrives, she starts getting on my nerves. She keeps on and on about how Jem never lets me out of his sight, till in the end I just want her to go. I’ve got too much I should be getting on with to listen to crap like that.
‘What did you get for your Hamlet essay?’ she asks, changing the subject at last.
‘I haven’t handed it in yet.’
‘What?’ She looks at me in horror, like I’ve planted a bomb in the student common-room or something.
‘I haven’t had
time.’
‘It’s because you’re always with Jem,’ she says, returning to her well-worn theme. ‘Tell him you’ve got work to do.’
‘Jem doesn’t stop me from working!’ I snap, fed up with her now. She looks sceptical. ‘He doesn’t! He wants me to do well in my exams, if you must know. Then I can go to London and be with him.’
Zoe repeats my words slowly. ‘He wants you to go to London?’
‘Yes.’
‘To be with him?’
‘Yes.’ What is wrong with her? She’s making me uneasy.
‘This is more serious than I thought!’ Her face is a picture. ‘He wants you to move in with him?’
‘Yeah,’ I say slowly. ‘I guess so.’
Last night, when I was filling in my UCAS application Jem had said, ‘Newcastle?’ in surprise.
‘What’s wrong with Newcastle?’
‘Nothing!’
‘Jem?’ I say warningly. We’d just been talking about how important it was to be honest and open with each other and now here he was, clamming up on me.
‘OK. It’s just that it’s so far away. When will I get to see you?’ He looks like a little kid.
I feel guilty. ‘Oh, Jem, anywhere I go will be far away. But it’s only term-time. We can see each other in the holidays.’
‘The holidays,’ he repeats, but he still looks miserable.
‘And weekends. It’s the north-east of England, not Outer Mongolia.’
But it might as well be, from his face. Then suddenly he stands up and hugs me to him, wrapping his arms around me in a stranglehold, like he’ll never let me go.
‘Come to London.’ His voice in my ear is soft but compelling. ‘We can be together all the time then.’
It seemed like a good plan. I was flattered to be asked, flattered he wanted me to share his London life with him, flattered he was thinking of us long-term.
And it would be so good to be together properly. Basically we had nowhere to go here. Nowhere to be alone. And I want to be alone with him, I really do.
So, filled with euphoria, I’d put down a London uni as my first choice and Newcastle as my insurance instead.
But now, all of a sudden, I’m nervous. Am I doing the right thing? Jem and me – it’s brilliant. I’m so lucky I met him, I love him to bits. It’s just that everything is moving so fast. Going to London to be with him is a huge commitment. One I now realize I haven’t really thought through properly.
Zoe saying, ‘He wants you to move in with him?’ has panicked me. Because, when I agreed last night to go to London, I guess I still thought I’d be doing the whole uni experience I’d looked forward to for so long. Just not in Newcastle.
I’d thought there would still be:
A hall of residence.
A poky room with a desk and a single bed with my throw on it and my posters hiding the cracks in the walls.
Freshers’ week.
Pub crawls.
Clubs.
Parties.
Late nights spent drinking too much.
Late mornings, with hangovers.
New mates.
No Mum. No Dad.
Freedom.
Only, now it wasn’t going to be like that.
Because I’d be with Jem.
Zoe is still staring at me like I’ve grown two heads. I feel like saying to her, ‘Leave me alone! I was all right with this until you started!’
But she beats me to it. She starts grabbing her things together and saying that she’s got to go. Like we’ve had an argument. Like I’ve let her down or something.
Just who does she think she is?
I don’t tell Jem any of this, of course. Soon I’ve got things more in perspective. It’s not rocket science to work out I’m just a bit stressed out at the moment, what with the year I’ve had. Dad shacking up with Jude, me worrying all the time about Mum and what Livi’s up to, stacks of college work to keep up with, Zoe being an idiot … What did I expect? No wonder I’m looking forward to getting away from this place, letting my hair down and having FUN!
And it’s still going to happen. It is! Only it’s going to be with Jem by my side.
Jem is fun. I’m discovering all the time there’s loads more to him than meets the eye. He’s not just attentive and considerate and drop-dead gorgeous and, of course, besotted with me (which, let’s face it, is really what the problem with Zoe is – she’s green with envy). He makes me laugh too – things he does, things he says. He’s got a really quirky sense of humour once you get to know him. He’s had some wicked things to say about Zoe (ha, ha) and some of my other friends. He thinks they’re a bunch of losers, if the truth is known.
He’s probably right.
I do want to be with Jem, I really do.
Stuff Zoe.
It had been a good night. He’d been spotted at one point under the bridge, he was sure of it, but he’d frozen into the shadows and the couple had walked on past. Wise move.
No one wanted to mess with a figure lurking in the dark on a cold winter’s night. Goodness knows what he might be up to.
They’d find out soon enough.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Jem and I are lying on my bed, facing each other, alone in the house for once. Mum’s round Karen’s and Livi’s having a sleepover at a friend’s.
I’m watching his mouth. It’s a lovely mouth, full-lipped, clearly shaped. On one side the upper lip curls slightly. I trace the outline with my finger and he bites it gently.
‘Love me?’ he asks.
‘Yes.’
‘How much?’
‘This much.’ I kiss him and he kisses me back.
After a while I say, ‘Do you love me?’
He looks down at me, his face so close to mine I can almost taste his sweet breath. ‘What do you think?’ he says and draws me into his arms.
I don’t care about Dad and Jude.
I don’t care about Zoe or exams or university or anything any more.
I just care about Jem.
An hour or so later, we are fast asleep in each other’s arms when the front doorbell rings.
‘Who’s that?’ I say, rising up on to my elbows.
‘Don’t worry about it,’ says Jem, trying to pull me back down to him but it rings again. Then the letterbox rattles and a voice calls. ‘Hello? Anyone at home?’
‘It’s my dad!’ I sit bolt upright. ‘Keep quiet. He should go away in a minute.’
But then there’s the sound of a key in the lock. I jump out of bed, horrified, scrabbling for my clothes.
‘Oh shit! He’ll go ballistic!’
‘Hello? Anyone there? Anna? Livi? Maggie?’
I thrust my legs into my jeans and chuck Jem his pants off the floor. ‘Quick! Get dressed!’
‘Anna? Is that you?’
‘Be down in a minute, Dad.’
I finish dressing, run my fingers through my hair and hiss, ‘Stay here till I get rid of him!’ before I run downstairs.
He’s in the kitchen, leaning against the worktop, arms folded.
‘What are you doing here?’ I say ungraciously. He looks at me strangely.
‘Thought I’d try and catch you on the hop,’ he says. ‘Looks like I did.’
My hand goes to my hair, smoothing it down. ‘What do you want?’
‘To see you. You’re hard to get hold of nowadays. Where’s Livi?’
‘At a sleepover.’
‘Your mother?’
‘Out. You should’ve called to let us know you were coming.’
He looks put out. ‘I used to live here,’ he reminds me.
‘Used to,’ I echo and busy myself making coffee. He follows me into the lounge where luckily my books are scattered all over the floor, where I’d left them when Jem came round.
‘Revision?’ he asks.
‘Not yet. Still loads of work to do.’
‘You’re not slacking, are you?’
‘No, I’m not slacking.’
‘Only Jude
said you were seeing someone.’
‘Did she now?’
‘James, is it?’
Huh? Oh yes, James who’s at Oxford. James who’s just been shagging your daughter and is now hiding upstairs in her bedroom. I’d forgotten all about that little mix-up. I don’t answer, mainly because I don’t know what to say. I can feel him staring at me, dying to hear all about this elusive James.
‘Still got your heart set on Newcastle?’ he says, giving up.
‘No. I’ve decided to go London now.’
‘Why London?’
‘Why not?’
He clicks his tongue, irritated. I’d never have got away with this level of rudeness if he was still living with us. But he’d forfeited any right to my respect when he’d left us to live with The Bitch in a Suit.
Though, it occurs to me, I still need him to pay my fees. And accommodation. And expenses. The whole lot, hopefully. So I add, ‘I just changed my mind, Dad. People do. You should know that.’
He ignores my little barb. ‘But that was the course you always wanted to do. You said it was the only one like it in the country. What do you want to go to London for? You won’t like it there, Anna love, I’m telling you.’
‘How do you know what I like and what I don’t like?’
He looks hurt and I have to steel myself against him.
‘I’m just concerned about you, that’s all. You’ve been so set on Newcastle all along. We drove all the way up to have a look at the place, remember?’
Of course I remember. Vividly. It was the last time we went anywhere together as a family. It all floods back to me, how I felt at the time. Excited, elated, exuberant. I couldn’t wait to get to Newcastle and live the student life.
‘I remember that a week later you told us you were leaving us to live with Jude.’
Now he looks like I’ve slapped him in the face.
Don’t do this to me, Dad. Don’t make me feel guilty.
He sighs heavily. ‘Well, it’s your life. As long as you know what you’re doing.’
‘Do you?’
There’s a cough at the lounge door. Jem is standing there. My heart sinks. What’s he up to? I told him to stay upstairs.
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