‘Why does everyone keep asking me if I’m OK?’ I say, but it comes out wrong. I sound irritable.
‘Because they’re worried about you?’
‘I’m fine.’
‘You’re not fine. Ever since …’ She pauses.
‘Ever since what?’ But I know what she’s going to say.
‘Ever since you’ve been going out with Jem, you’ve not been yourself.’ It comes out in a rush.
Why did I think I could talk to her? She doesn’t like Jem. I stare at her balefully.
‘Don’t be ridiculous. Who have I been then?’
‘I don’t know! Someone different. Someone I don’t recognize,’ she says wildly.
‘What do you mean?’
‘You’re always at his beck and call, Anna. He’s for ever ringing you, checking up on you, keeping tabs on what you’re doing.’
‘He’s not ringing me now, is he?’ I say triumphantly. Got her! ‘Anyway, he is my boyfriend. That’s what people do when they’re going out together. Look what you were like with Max.’
‘I know. That’s the point. I was besotted with him. I couldn’t see what a loser he was …’
‘Jem’s not a loser!’
‘I never said he was! But you’ve changed, Anna, admit it. It’s like he’s taken you over; all you ever think about is him. You’re not getting your work done, you’re knackered all the time …’
‘Who are you, my mother? And she really likes him, by the way.’
‘Yeah, but she doesn’t know what you’re up to with him, night after night, does she?’
‘What we get up to is our business!’
‘I’m not talking sex, Anna!’ she says, her cheeks aflame.
I stare at her, horrified. Zoe knows. She knows that we’re JAWS.
She tries again, voice gentler now, her hand on my arm.
‘Anna, I care about you …’
I shake it off, leaping to my feet.
‘No you don’t, you’re jealous.’
‘Jealous?’
‘Yeah! Because I’ve got someone and you haven’t.’
She stares at me, the colour draining from her face. She’d had sex, once, with Max, and then he’d left her. She’d felt used, abandoned. I was the only one who knew.
‘That’s not fair …’
‘You’re not fair, interfering in my life. Mind your own business. Leave us alone.’
What was the matter with me? I never knew I could be so cruel.
‘Piss off!’ she says.
‘I’m going, don’t worry.’ I stumble to my feet, sending the Best Friend mug flying against the grate. There’s a loud crack as it breaks in two. I grab my bag and coat and head for the door.
Outside a mist has come in but I hardly notice it as I run down the street, sobbing. Just who does she think she is?
At the end of the road I turn into a street of large semi-detached houses, set back from the pavement in gardens hidden by high, thick hedges. I come to a halt, my chest heaving, and scrub my wet face with my sleeve. Then I take a deep breath and swing my bag up on to my shoulder. Time to go home.
I set off down the long street, my heeled shoes echoing loudly in the silence. There is no one about and it’s as black as pitch. A solitary car comes slowly towards me, its dipped lights bouncing back from the impenetrable murk. A cat streaks out of a garden and brings me to a halt with a squeal of fright.
I carry on walking again, my heart thudding. I don’t feel safe in this dark, empty street with its high hedges and open gates where anyone could be lurking, waiting to pull you into their clutches. A tall bush looms in the driveway of a house. For a second I think it’s a man and I freak out.
The road is longer than I thought, the end of it shrouded in fog. I feel disorientated and stop abruptly, wondering if I’m going the wrong way. I turn around to get my bearings, and out of the corner of my eye I think I can see a shadowy figure, but I blink and it’s gone.
I peer into the gloom, rigid with fear. Don’t be silly, there is no one there, it’s your imagination playing tricks on you. But my heart is beating so fast it feels as if it is going to burst right through my chest. I turn around again and continue walking down the road, faster this time, my heels ringing out a desolate tune in the darkness.
And then I hear it. Quiet, but unmistakable. A soft, insidious undertone beneath the regular rhythm of my loud, clacky heels.
I stop and it stops.
I start and it starts too.
I quicken my pace and it speeds up.
Someone is following me.
I whiz around, my heart in my mouth, and I spot him, some way behind me. He stops but it’s too late. I’ve seen him.
I shriek and now I am running as fast as I can down the pitch-dark street. He is chasing me. He’s not trying to be quiet now. He’s after me.
I can feel him gaining on me, closer and closer. I can hear his breathing, loud and rasping. I can sense him reaching for me, lunging forward … and I scream, as loud as I can, for the one person I know who would help me …
‘JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!’
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
‘Anna! It’s OK. Anna! I’ve got you. You’re all right.’
I peer up at him, afraid to look, and I can’t believe my eyes. It’s him. It’s really him.
How could I do this? How could I conjure Jem up like this just when I needed him?
My knees sag and I sink to the ground, weak with relief. Jem crouches beside me, holding me safe in his arms.
‘Someone was chasing me,’ I sob. ‘Where did he go? What happened to him?’
‘It was me,’ he says. ‘I was following you.’
‘What?’ I look up at him. ‘Why?’ My voice rises in a shriek and then I’m hitting him on the chest, pummelling him as hard as I can. ‘You scared me half to death, you stupid jerk. I thought you were after me!’
‘I was.’ He grabs my fists. ‘Shhh. It’s OK. I was trying to catch up with you.’
‘Why didn’t you say anything?’
‘I didn’t want to scare you. I’d been waiting for you for ages. But when you came out of Zoe’s, you ran straight off. So I followed you to check you were OK.’
‘What were you doing hanging outside in the dark?’
‘I had to see you. You wouldn’t answer your phone. You’re right, I am a stupid jerk.’ His voice breaks. ‘I love you, Anna. I couldn’t bear to lose you.’
He looks so contrite. I reach up to cup his cheek and he grabs my hand and presses it to his lips.
‘You’re not going to lose me,’ I say. ‘Ever.’
‘Promise?’
‘I promise. It was a row, that’s all. Our first one.’
‘And our last. I will never, ever let you get rid of me.’
We walk through the empty streets together, arms wrapped round each other. The night isn’t scary any more, just peaceful. When Jem is on your side, there is no reason to be frightened of the dark.
When we get to Wharfside, I press the code and the front door swings open. As the lift whisks us up to the top floor, I am aware of Jem like I have never been before. Outside Dad’s flat I hand him the key. When he opens the door, he carries me over the threshold and places me on the kingsize bed, the one my father shares with Jude. I can’t help it, I freeze.
‘No,’ I say. ‘Not here. It’s not right.’
Jem looks down at me with amusement.
‘I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do,’ he says and I relax. My hand reaches up to the back of his head and I draw him back down to me, feeling his body against mine. Jem pulls away groaning.
‘Shit, Anna, make your mind up. Don’t mess me about.’
‘It’s OK,’ I say. ‘Don’t stop.’ And I forget all about what’s right and wrong and lose myself in him.
When I wake up, Jem is sleeping, one arm flung up behind his head, the other curled around me. I feel incredibly peaceful. Until I turn my head, that is, and the c
lock radio tells me it is 00:09. I sit bolt upright with a gasp.
‘What is it?’ Jem struggles up on to his elbow.
‘It’s tomorrow!’
‘So? We’re staying here for the night, remember?’
‘But I haven’t told Mum! I forgot to go home first.’
‘Tell her now.’
‘You’re joking!’ I mean, I know my mum loves Jem, but even she’s not that open-minded. ‘She’ll be worried sick.’
‘She’d have rung you if she was bothered.’
‘I switched my phone off, remember!’ I grab it from my bag and switch it back on.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Ringing her. Telling her I’m on my way home.’
‘Don’t go.’ Jem’s hand comes over mine.
‘I’ve got to!’
‘No, listen. She thinks you’re at Zoe’s, right?’
‘Right.’
‘Then tell her you’re staying the night.’ His eyes are large, pleading. ‘Please, Anna? Stay with me.’
‘I’ll try. But she might have spoken to Zoe already …’
Mum’s not very happy when I get hold of her.
‘Anna? Where have you been? I’ve been trying to get hold of you! I was just about to ring Zoe to find out where you were.’
‘I’m sorry! We forgot the time. Been busy with revision, so I switched my phone off. Look, Mum, I might as well sleep over at Zoe’s tonight, yeah?’
Mum hesitates. ‘I suppose so.’
‘I’ll see you tomorrow after college.’
Mum sighs. ‘OK. But let me know a bit earlier next time. I was starting to get worried!’
‘Nah! You don’t have to worry about me. I’m the good girl, remember?’ But there’s silence on the other end so I add lamely, ‘Sleep well. Love you!’ and click off.
‘OK?’ asks Jem and reaches out an arm to me. I snuggle in beside him, my head on his chest.
‘Fine,’ I say, and he kisses the top of my head, and within minutes I can tell from his regular breathing, he’s fast asleep again. But even though I am spending the night wrapped in the arms of the man of my dreams, in a kingsize luxury bed, I lie there wide awake in the darkness, my head in a whirl.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Jem wakes me in the morning with breakfast on a tray complete with pink carnation in a vase. I peer at it in amazement. There’s cereal, bacon and eggs, toast and marmalade, and a glass of what looks like sparkling orange juice with a strawberry and a slice of orange in it. I take a sip.
‘Wow! This is gorgeous.’
‘It’s Buck’s Fizz. Champagne and orange juice.’
‘Champagne?’
‘You know, the fizzy stuff.’ His eyes are alight with laughter.
‘I know what it is, idiot. Where did you get it?’
‘I found a case of it in the cupboard. Don’t worry, he won’t miss one.’
‘Jem! Of course he will! You’ll have to replace it! And the bacon and eggs and stuff!’
‘I will. Now shut up and enjoy your breakfast.’
I sit back against the pillows and take another sip. ‘I could get used to this.’
‘You can. For the next few nights, anyway.’
‘You reckon?’ I poke my toast into the egg and take a bite. ‘Delicious. How did you know this is the way I like my eggs?’
‘Oh, I know everything about you.’ Jem grins and tops up my glass with more champagne. ‘Nothing escapes me.’
I grin at him happily as the yolk runs down my chin. ‘Do you know, I’m beginning to think you do!’
I’d love to stay in bed with Jem all day but, mindful of my meeting with Mrs Hopkins, I tear myself away and jump into the shower. She’s nice, Mrs H, she’s on my side. I’m kind of looking forward to a friendly chat with someone since my big-time falling-out with my best mate last night.
When I come out of the shower, he’s reading in bed.
‘What’s the book?’
He shows me the cover. It’s a diary. Jude’s.
‘That’s private!’
Jem grins. ‘That’s why it makes interesting reading! Wanna look?’
For a second I’m tempted. Then I say, ‘Nah, I’m late,’ and I busy myself getting dressed.
When I kiss him goodbye, he tries to pull me back into bed, but I resist.
‘When will you be back?’ he moans.
‘As soon as I can,’ I laugh, managing to wriggle out of his arms.
By the time I make it into college, I’ve missed first period, but I’m waiting for Mrs H outside her office when she bustles along at break-time. I could swear for a second she looks relieved when she catches sight of me, but she just gives me a tight little smile and ushers me inside with the words, ‘Take a seat. I’ll be with you in a second.’ Then she totally ignores me, clicking on her computer instead and staring at the screen, her face expressionless.
I might look composed but inside I’m a bundle of jangling nerves. I’ve left Jem in the apartment and, though I don’t like to admit it to myself, that worries me a bit. I’m not sure why – I trust him, don’t I? I mean, he’s hardly going to go through my father’s bank accounts or steal the family jewels, is he? And anyway, who am I to talk?
I’m sitting here in my tutor’s office wearing a pair of Jude’s knickers. A black, lacy thong! Jem’s choice. I had no clean underwear so he went through her drawers and found it for me. He doesn’t seem to get the privacy thing – he thinks it’s hilarious, but it really freaks me out. Plus, despite my sobering power-shower, I’m feeling slightly drunk after my champagne breakfast. It’s all kind of surreal.
Mrs Hopkins clicks her screen shut purposefully and swings around to face me.
‘Anna? Have you got anything you want to tell me?’
‘What?’ Her words wrong-foot me. What does she mean?
She takes a deep breath. ‘Where were you this morning?’
‘Pardon?’ I stare at her blankly. I’d nearly broken my neck getting here on time for this meeting. I didn’t have to do this. I could still be fast asleep in Jem’s arms. She was the one who wanted a cosy little chat, not me.
‘First lesson?’ she prompts.
‘I was here,’ I lie.
‘That’s strange. I didn’t see you in English.’
My blood runs cold. I’d forgotten it was English first thing. Her lesson.
‘I had a dental appointment.’
‘Really?’ She turns back to the computer and opens up the screen again, turning it towards me so I can see it too. It’s a record of my attendance. Or rather, of my absences. ‘And did you have a dental appointment last Friday, period two? Or Thursday afternoon? Or all day Wednesday? Or the week before when you missed double Sociology, three periods of Art and an important lecture by a guest speaker on Flaubert?’
Her voice is different this morning. Accusatory. ‘I’ve been doing a little research, Anna. I can see that recently you’ve been missing a large number of sessions. Can you explain why?’
‘I’ve been trying to catch up.’ I mumble.
‘The more lessons you miss, the more difficult it will be to catch up.’
‘I know that!’ I rub my brow, between my eyebrows where a headache is building up momentum. I can feel her gaze on me.
‘Did you go home last night?’
My head jerks up in surprise. ‘Yes!’ Only I can feel my face burning and I can tell she doesn’t believe me. How does she know, the witch?
‘You’re dressed in the same clothes as yesterday,’ she says, as if she’s read my mind. ‘In all the time I’ve known you, you’ve never done that before.’
‘Yeah, well, there’s always a first time!’ I say. Just who does she think she is? ‘I don’t comment on the clothes you wear!’ I add.
‘You’re not paid to keep an eye on me,’ she says crisply. ‘On the other hand, I am paid to look after your welfare here at college as well as teach you English. It’s my job. It’s important to me that you do well, Anna, that you
make the most out of your time here, get good grades …’
‘Yeah, you wouldn’t want me to fail my exams, would you? That would really mess up your league tables!’
She has the grace to look embarrassed. ‘Yes, it would,’ she admits. ‘It would look even worse if you dropped out altogether.’
Dropped out? Who said anything about dropping out? Suddenly I feel scared. She’s not going to give me the push, is she?
‘You’re a clever girl, Anna. One of the best I’ve ever taught. But you’ve got to put the work in if you’ve got your sights set on an English degree at a decent university.’
‘I’ve changed my mind. I think I’ll do Art instead.’
‘Really?’ She stares at me in surprise. ‘Mr Thomas tells me you rarely bother to turn up there, either.’
I stare at the floor.
‘Anna.’ Her voice is gentle now and, paradoxically, this makes me want to cry. ‘Don’t do this. Don’t throw away all your opportunities for some boy …’
Some boy? How does she know so much about me? I stare at her, open-mouthed while the penny drops. ‘Huh! I get it. You’ve been talking to Zoe, haven’t you?’
‘She was worried about you when you didn’t turn up at college this morning.’
‘Yeah, right!’ I burst out bitterly. ‘She chucked me out in the middle of the night!’
Slight exaggeration, but Mrs Hopkins nods understandingly. ‘Zoe explained that you’d had a row and had left her house, upset. She was very concerned when there was no sign of you in English, and confided in me. Nobody else knows, though I was just about to contact your mother to see if you’d got home safely.’
I swallow, grateful at least that my presence here this morning had scuppered that little idea. Mum, for all she liked him, would’ve had a fit if she’d known I’d lied to her and spent the night with Jem. Especially in Dad and Jude’s bed!
And I can’t even begin to think what they would say if they knew about it!
Suddenly it all feels a bit mucky. Tacky. Sordid. Though at least I’d got away with it and no one ever need know.
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