I lean away and place my coffee on a side table, sighing, feeling exhausted. “I want to go back to bed.”
Shane swallows, a flash of pain running through his golden brown eyes. “Sure. I—I’m sorry, Moira. We just had no clue how to tell you.”
I smile. “It doesn’t help that you think I’m a fragile, naive Pollyanna that you have to protect from the world, does it?”
He opens his mouth several times but nothing comes out. Finally, he says, “I can go…”
“I don’t want you to go. I want you to understand that maybe I see people the same way you do, but just because I don’t write them off doesn’t mean I need protection against them. I mean, that sound ridiculous since I’m sporting a shiner your mom gave me. But what I’m trying to say is…I kind of knew who your mom was from the very beginning.
“We became friends through necessity. I had none, and she lost all of hers because people in this town have a weird aversion to divorcees, like we’re contagious and they’ll get a divorce just by talking to us. That, and I guess she was curious about me, so she wanted to know me better. And, yes, it’s painful to know that my husband’s mistress wanted to know me better because she was, er, is obsessed with him. But your mother also had these moments of love towards my kids, even me. She helped me workout, get stronger, although maybe we should have boxed more so I could have learned how to see her slap coming.”
He smiles sadly.
I grip his hand. “I see people, Shane. And maybe I do need to learn how to protect myself from them better. I’ll work on that. But that doesn’t mean I’m naive. It doesn’t mean I’m some weenie who needs you to protect me from the world.”
He nods. “I just…never want to see you hurt.”
“That would be wonderful. But we live in a world where I’m liable to get hurt one way or another.”
“You can’t blame me for wanting to protect you from that. Moira, that’s what people who love each other do. We try like hell to shelter each other from pain. You do that for your kids already. And I’m sure you try to do that for Joe, maybe even me.” He runs a hand through his hair yet again. “You are tougher than I give you credit for. You’re standing up to me pretty good.”
I smile, standing while holding his hand.
“Want me to go now?” He unfolds his long muscular body, straightening and towering over me.
I shake my head. “I’m tired, though. I didn’t quite get enough sleep.”
“I can go.”
“I want you to take a nap with me.” I walk around him, tugging his hand. He follows me, his eyes darkening.
“You want me in your bed?”
I nod, glancing over my shoulder.
He clears his throat. “I can handle that.”
I smile as I lead him to my bedroom.
32
We don’t talk but look at each other. He tugs off his cowboy boots, placing them neatly beside the bedroom door. I quietly walk to my side of the bed and slide under the sheet. It’s still too warm for blankets and comforters, but I love the thin cotton spread. I love the way just a sheet makes me think summer might be here for a tad longer.
“Can I take off my shirt?”
I nod, glancing at his worn blue t-shirt that has a tractor logo on the front.
While walking toward the other side of the bed, he fists the fabric behind his head and pulls it up and over his shoulders in a quick move. His golden skin glows and ripples with his movements. He has a line of very dark hair under his bellybutton, covered by his jeans. Just a tiny bit of his boxers can be seen at his waistline. I like seeing his underwear. I like it a lot.
He sits on the bed, taking off his white socks, his back to me. The ridges of his vertebrae stand out along the top of his back, but heavy muscles hide the rest. He’s wide and the muscles of his back flare out. I like his knees that seem so muscular too with bulges that my own don’t have. I love looking at him. But I try to hide my excitement as he turns and slides under the sheet.
“Can I hold you, Moira?”
I glide closer to him, his arms instantly opening. Placing my head between his chest and shoulder, I love it when he wraps his arms around me. He exhales a shaky breath. He’s trembling.
I might be too. Glancing up, I study his long whiskers. He hasn’t shaved for god knows how long. His dark beard, mixed with blond and even a few reds, is mesmerizing. Pushing his head into the pillow, he glances down at me.
“Comfortable?”
I smile. “No.”
He laughs. “What can I do?”
I wrap a leg around one of his, reaching up then kiss his cheek. “Tell me a story.” I nestle against him again, wrapping my arm around his waist.
He relaxes. It’s a tad more erotic than I thought it would be to feel his muscles loosen.
He caresses my hair, twirling a few strands between his fingers. “Once upon a time—”
“Goodie.”
He softly chuckles. “Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful queen who had a princess and prince of her own. She ruled her kingdom fairly and with great justice. Many thought her too kind and would try to take advantage. But she was so much stronger than anyone knew. So much stronger.”
I nuzzle my nose against his bare skin, loving his clean scent and his story.
“One day two knights looked upon her, and, lo, they were both smitten.”
I smile and try not to laugh at the medieval speech.
“The knights were brothers. One was very brave and gallant, while the other was awkward and could be as patronizing as fuck.”
“Is fuck a medieval word?”
“It’s a very old word, baby. Maybe not used in this context. But it’s very old. Spelled with an e, olde.”
I laugh. “Tell me more.”
“Both brother knights fell for the queen. And it was no surprise that the queen chose the brave and gallant knight. He was good, even deep in his heart he was good. But, alas, he knew his brother still loved the queen. Loved her so much.”
I glide my hand up to his chest and love the feel of his flesh against mine.
“The awkward knight, he realized he couldn’t have the queen, so he decided to be her friend, instead. He watched her little princess and prince and grew to love them too. He wanted to push his feelings away, but he couldn’t. The more he became the queen’s friend, the more he loved her. It was the first time he loved a woman for exactly who she was. He even loved the things she called her flaws, because he adored everything about her.”
I caress his chest with my fingers again, but he catches my hand and holds it still.
“One day, the awkward knight—”
“You’re not awkward, by the way.”
“Shh, you’re ruining the story.”
I silently giggle.
“The awkward knight realized that the queen might love him too. But what to do about it? Dare he believe that the beautiful, fair, and just queen could love him? She was so good. Like the gallant knight, she was good deep in her heart. But she kept looking at the awkward knight’s lips, giving him hope she might want to kiss him.”
“I did?”
“Yeah, you were obvious.”
“I was not.”
“Shh, where was I?”
“The queen wanted to kiss the knight.”
“Oh, yeah. So the knight had much hope but knew he would never do anything that might hurt his brother. He never wanted to see his brother in pain. So he kept fighting his feelings. The queen—she might have fought her feelings too. She found the awkward knight in his lair and told him she too loved him. But there was nothing to be done about it. However, the good, brave, gallant knight overheard. Though he was the youngest knight, he was wise beyond his years. The wisest of them all. And he asked the awkward knight and queen to consider something different, something almost never done before. To share their love, to be open and honest. It sounded farfetched and crazy at first. But the awkward knight knew it could work. It might be better than any
thing he’d ever dreamt about.”
Shane’s quiet for a long time, making me ask, “What happened then?”
“Well, the queen said yes, silly, and they all lived happily ever after.” He hugs me tighter. “Now, go to sleep, beautiful queen.”
I close my eyes, probably the happiest I’ve been in a long time, even if I still don’t know what I’m doing, what’s right and wrong, and how to find that happily ever after in reality.
* * *
I wake hours later, almost on top of Shane. He’s sleeping soundly while more than half of my torso is on him, so I could sleep in the middle of his chest. He’s very warm though, and my cheek is burning. I have to push myself away from his heat.
That, of course, wakes him, and his hand clings to my hip while his lids are still closed but he’s smiling.
“I haven’t taken a nap in years.”
I sigh. “That was really good.”
He nods, his eyes still closed. “Feel well rested?”
“I don’t know.” I stretch against him. “I feel groggy. You?”
He opens his eyes and instantly I’m flooded with desire. My heart starts knocking hard against my ribs. My breasts feel full and needy. God, his eyes…they’re so dark yet golden, so filled with intensity.
He takes a slow, measured breath, gazing deeply into my eyes. “Not groggy.”
I nod.
“Moira?”
“Yes?”
“Do you think it’s going to take some time before you move in with me? Me and Joe?”
My breath catches from his question. I’m thinking about this body against mine, but he’s thinking about…a future. It’s incredibly sweet and manages to turn me on even more. All I can say is, “Move in…”
He nods. “If I were you, if I had your kids, if they were mine, it might take some time for me to make up my mind.”
I nod. Did I miss something? When had I been asked to move in with Joe and Shane? I guess that is a logical step that would happen eventually. If we all agreed to, as Shane put it in his story, be open and honest about our love.
But what does that mean?
“You and I haven’t really…dated yet.” Shane’s speech is stilted, slow. “And here I’m talking about you moving in.”
I lick my lips. “No, we haven’t really…dated yet.”
“I’m always jumping ahead.” His free arm reaches over his head, resting on the pillow. “I’m so fucking impatient. Probably making this awkward as fuck.”
I smile and inch up his body to look at him better. “This isn’t awkward as fuck.”
He catches my cheek, holding me in place, grinning with a smile I’ve never seen on his face. He’s carefree and so beautiful. This isn’t the worried man I met. This is Shane. He’s showing me the real him right now, which makes my heart beat even faster.
“It is, but you’re kind.” His golden gaze is ardent, almost making me want to shy away, but I fight through. “I’m talking about moving you into my house when we haven’t…I’m making this even more awkward by talking about sex.”
“Are we talking about sex?”
“With you, baby, I’m always talking about sex. Or, at least, thinking it.”
I smile. “You know…we’ve only kissed.”
“A couple times.”
“Yeah.”
“Maybe we should work on that.”
I nod. “I think we should.”
But he doesn’t do anything. He just grins at me.
“Do you want to again?”
He nods, only looking at my lips.
“What’s stopping you?”
He sighs. “Your tent of a nightshirt, for one.”
I laugh, glancing down at the pooled fabric between us. “Anything else?”
“I—I don’t know if you want it. I don’t know if you want—you’re my brother’s girl. And if I kiss you, right here, right now, then I’m going to make you mine. Do you want that?”
I really don’t know what I want. Well, actually I do know what I want. I want both him and Joe. I want that so fucking much. But is it what’s right? We live in such a judgmental society. Will my kids get teased for having three father figures in their lives? Will I be even more of a pariah? Will Shane and Joe? I just don’t know what to think.
I lay my cheek back on his bare skin. It’s not logic that comes out of my mouth. It’s something else entirely. “I love you, Shane. I fell in love with you the first time you came over and insisted you watch my kids. No one has ever helped me before. By the time I had them, my mother wasn’t well, so everything I’d done…was alone. Even when Tony and I were married. But you—with my kids, making them happy and laugh so much—I fell pretty hard after that.”
He plays with my hair more, fisting some of it. “I love you, Moira. I’m sorry I was such a jackass to you when we first met.”
I silently chuckle. “Now that I know what that was about, I’m kind of flattered.”
“You don’t have to make a decision about you and the kids moving in any time soon. I just—Take all the time in the world.”
“Sometimes I think about moving out. I mean, Betty and Glen made me an offer for the grocery store, to buy it, but I don’t have that kind of money. So I already started thinking about it—to sell this house and buy the store.”
“You want the store?”
“Yes.”
“I wish I could give it to you.”
I smooth my hand against his sternum. “You’re so sweet to me.” I swallow, telling him even more. “And this house is where my marriage was, this is where Tony lived, and Joe thinks, and I agree, that the house is kind of haunted by that.”
He fists more of my long hair in his hand. “Then you’ll need even more time to think. This is where you built something. And although that didn’t last, it doesn’t mean the magic of what was built isn’t still here. Besides, it might work out best with a couple different houses. I don’t know.”
I smile. “You really want me to move in with you? Where would I sleep? And—and—”
“I don’t know. I just want you to be with me. All the fucking time. I want you to be mine.”
“Shane?”
“I love it when you say my name.”
“Will you—will you kiss me?”
“You really want me to? I mean—Look, Moira. I kissed you once because I didn’t know about Joe. And I sneaked in some kisses last night. But that was being cowardly—”
“I didn’t think that at all.”
“I—I’m trying to make a point.”
“Sorry.”
He softly chuckles. “God, I love you. I’m being a dick, trying to control the conversation. So I’m sorry. I—” he inhales then exhales for a long time. “Okay, for me, from this kiss forward it will be the point where we couldn’t take it back. I’m not going to steal kisses from you when I think my brother isn’t looking. This is…open, out there. This is…for real. Maybe I’m being a little too black and white about this. I don’t know. But that’s how I feel. This is the point of no return, Moira.”
He’s right. With my heart pounding so hard it’s vibrating through my body, I know I’m ready for this, even if I don’t have all the answers. But do we ever? At one point, you have to just make that leap of faith. I look up, hovering over him, and nod. “Shane, please kiss me.”
I’m already holding his face, and he gently, tentatively does the same as he takes a shaky breath. “Tell me to stop whenever you want me to.”
I nod again.
By the time he closes the distance between us, my body is aching for him, throbbing. I’m trembling, my breath spastic at best.
“Moira…” he whispers then carefully places his lips against mine.
I hum a happy noise, so content he’s finally touching me. He feathers his lips against mine, and I move with him. He pushes his tongue in my mouth, and I moan at the penetration. Holding onto my nape and my waist, he rolls us over. In one move, he’s hovering over me, between my legs,
kissing me. But his body is too far away now. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pull him closer and closer as we stroke each other’s tongues. The hand that’s been on my waist moves to my side and catches on the mattress. He’s bracing himself so he won’t be hauled on me, because, god help me, I am pulling with almost all my strength. Oh, how I want that contact—his chest to my breasts.
He leans away, taking a ragged breath. “God, this is better than I ever dreamed.”
“Then don’t stop.”
He moans and kisses me again. This time he’s not so tentative. He’s a tad rougher, faster. His tongue in my mouth is forceful. In the heat of the moment, I pull him, and he finally lets go, part of his chest touching me.
He kisses my cheek, my ear, my neck, his hands gliding up and down my waist to my hips. But the nightshirt I’m wearing makes large hills of fabric around me, making his physical inspection of my body bumpy. Still, I love his touch. I love his hands on me.
“Moira…”
“Shane…”
He kisses my lips again, and I pull him a little more. His stomach against mine, more weight on my aching breasts. Our lips are touching, dancing, our breath becomes one. We kiss for a long time like that. I tunnel my fingers through his hair. He fists mine. And we keep kissing. Maybe for hours. Days.
I didn’t think kissing him would feel this good, either. I tried my damnedest not to think about it. But it feels…right. Oh, but it does.
“Tell me to stop, baby.”
I shake my head as his hand slowly ascends up my body. “I don’t want you to.”
He cups one of my breasts, groaning and caressing. I arch up to meet his touch. He bends down and kisses where his hand was just a second ago. Through the nightshirt, he sucks in my nipple, making my hips rock up. But he’s still holding his pelvis too damned far away to touch.
“Jesus, this is the biggest nightie I’ve ever seen.”
I chuckle.
“I am touching you, right?”
“You’re doing so good. Right there.”
He suckles my nipple again and I roll my hips all the more. “Oh, Shane.”
He switches to my other breast and slowly lowers his hips into the cradle made by my own. When his hard cock caresses against my core, I whimper, needing him so much. He sucks in my nipple once more, but immediately stops. Bracing his arms on either side of me, he looks down.
Awake: Book 3 of the Wild Love Series Page 32