She laughed, thinking he'd been joking, and then as if nothing had happened she went back to fishing and he went back to the kitchen. All the while Ram stood in the forest feeling a little useless and more than a little envious. Quickly he gathered an armload of the boughs and went down to the pond.
"That's a lot of fish," he said. It was all he could think to say.
"I gotta get two more in order to free Chedrick. That's the fish all by himself in that bucket."
Ram glanced in at the one. It was a forlorn looking bass, puffing his narrow cheeks in and out. "Chedrick? Is that even a name?"
Jillybean snorted. "That's what Ipes asked and he got in trouble. I think everything should have a name. Mister Neil said I could name a fish anything. He said they don't care what it is as long as they get one because they are only born with numbers. Is that true? Is this like, bass number fifty-six?"
"It's probably true if Neil said it," Ram replied.
"Can I tell you a secret?" she asked. When he shrugged and nodded at once, she let out a long sad sigh and said, "I used to not like fish. No, not at all. It was blechy. I like to catch 'em. That's really fun, but I don't like to eat them. And now Mister Neil is all 'cited about making them for me. I don't want to hurt his feelings."
The aforementioned Neil was suddenly there, bent at the waist so that he was smiling directly in Jillybean's face. "You won't hurt my feelings." He had come creeping up in his rubber Crocs—he claimed they were the most comfortable pair of shoes he had ever owned. They were certainly the silliest he had ever owned, as he would also admit. "I think you will like these fish more than you think. You like tuna and that's a fish."
"It is?" she asked, skeptically. "It says chicken right on the can."
The two men laughed. "I assure you, it's a fish," Neil said. "They call it Chicken of the Sea because tuna is so abundant." When her head tilted quizzically, he added, "That means there are lots and lots of them."
This explanation helped, but what really did the trick was the fish itself: lightly fried and breaded. Jillybean ate an entire fish all by herself. She sat at the table in a perfect state of happiness. Not only was the baby right next to her, Sadie sat across the table. Jillybean was infatuated by the older girl.
"Did you lose all your clothes?" Jillybean asked, running her eyes all over Sadie's black pants and shirt. "I know where we can get you a new dress." Not only was Jillybean wearing the white dress, Ram had found for her, she was also truly clean for the first time in months. Neil had hauled in rain water from a barrel and had heated it with rounded river stones he had set in a pan above the fire. To Jillybean's fear and delight, they hissed like angry snakes as he dipped each into the tub.
After her bath, Sarah had toweled her dry and had weaved an intricate braid through her hair. They had to pull her from the mirror to get her to go down to dinner. Ram had napped during all of this.
"I never wear dresses," Sadie told her, after taking a bite of fish. "But thanks. You look real pretty in yours."
"Ipes says I'm showing off, but he's only jealous. Why don't you wear dresses? That doesn't make sense because you're a girl. I like dresses a lot because my mommy wore dresses and she was real pretty too. Thanks for calling me pretty. Why is your hair like that? All poking up everywhere? Ipes says you look like a Tufted Titmouse. That's a bird, not a mouse at all. It has feathers that make it look like it just got out of bed...that's what Ipes says at least."
"I wear what I wear because that's my style," Sadie explained. "Just like being a princess is your style, and sweater vests are Neil's style and scowling is Ram's style. What's wrong, Ram?"
Ram jumped a little. "What? Was I scowling? I guess I'm just worried a little about the future."
"Yeah, me too," Sarah said. "The CDC is contaminated. We have crazies to the south. To the east is ocean and to the west is a big continent filled with zombies."
"There's Fort Riley," Sadie ventured. "As far as we know it's still around."
"I heard a rumor that it isn't," Mark said. He had only picked at his food and hadn't said much of anything since Sadie had been rescued as far as Ram knew.
"We can't live our lives on rumors," Sadie replied sharply.
"It's just really far," Mark said as way of apology.
Neil cleared his throat before saying, "Distance shouldn't be a factor. Something near can be just as dangerous as something far. Ok we have one suggestion: Fort Riley, Kansas. Anywhere else? Ram?"
"There's Philadelphia," he answered. "I'm pretty sure the Whites would take us in, but with Cassie fueling a race-war I wouldn't suggest it. There's also New York. Supposedly there's a settlement..."
"What?" Sarah cried. She had been feeding Eve, now, much to the infant's displeasure she pulled back with a spoonful of peaches only inches away.
"Ay do," Eve said, before propping her mouth open in a little circle. She was ignored by everyone but Jillybean who took over the feeding operations, happily.
"There are people still alive in New York?" Sarah asked. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Ram shrugged. "I heard it from a few people while I was in Philadelphia." He explained about the vaccine and the different ways to get a hold of it.
"A thousand cans of food?" Neil asked, blowing air out of his puffed cheeks. "That's going to be hard."
"Five years of hard labor would be worse," Sadie said. "I'd be old by the time I was done."
"I'm going," Sarah declared. For some reason she touched the wood of the table with the tips of her fingers, tapping lightly as if to reassure herself that it was real. "Yeah, I'm going, and you're going too Neil. We'll go tomorrow."
"Slow down, Honey," Neil said. "We barely have two-hundred cans. I wouldn't want to go with less than three-thousand."
Sarah blinked. "Three-thousand! Are you kidding me? That'll take months and months. My daughter may still be alive. Brittany was in New York when this all started."
"I know," Neil said. "But we have three girls right here. They need the vaccine."
Ram had listened to the conversation unfold around him. Now he laughed. It was barely more than a grunt of self-loathing. He hadn't had a single thought about getting a vaccine for Jillybean. Not one. He was sure he would have eventually, but as always Neil beat him to the punch.
Jillybean raised her hand and said, "Ipes doesn't think the girls should get any shots, especially me and Eve. He thinks it's smarter that the grode-up get the shots because they have to fight the monsters. They could get scratched or bitted...and I don't like shots neither."
Sadie laughed: a gut-busting snorty sound. "You're too precious."
"You're precious too," Jillybean shot right back. After a look to Ipes, who was sitting next to her plate, she added, "I mean thank you. Ipes says I should say thank you."
"I want the girls to get the vaccine," Sarah said. "But I don't want to wait to go. There's no more danger in going and checking things out first than there is hunting all around Georgia for months before going."
"Then I guess its settled," Neil said. "We're going to New York."
Mark cleared his throat. "I'm not going. It's too dangerous. And it doesn't make sense. What good would a vaccine have done for you, Sadie, when you were surrounded in that field?"
"It would've done a hell of lot more good than you," Sadie said in a dangerous tone. "Why didn't you come with Neil to save me?"
"I...I...that's not the point. My point is we could get eaten alive just trying to get a vaccine that'll save us from a scratch."
"Then what are you going to do?" Sadie demanded. "You think Fort Riley is too far, Philadelphia is too dangerous, and New York doesn't make sense. So what's your plan?"
Mark took a second to push around the fish bones on his plate before he said, "New Eden." This set the entire table into an uproar, except for Eve and Jillybean who watched with big eyes. "I don't think we gave it much of a chance," Mark explained. "It's safe, you have to give them credit for that. And there's food and light and everything."
"It's safe alright," Ram growled. "Right up until they begin human sacrifices to get it to rain or something."
"Abraham said they wouldn't do that," Mark said, defensively.
"He also said we wouldn't be hunted as deniers," Neil cried, thumping the table. "Mark, come on! What about the harmony crap they insist on? You'll need a female and no one here is going."
"I know," Mark replied. "I'm sure there are some women who had been at the CDC still nearby."
Sadie shook her head in angry wonder, while Neil shrugged; his way of giving up. Ram decided he would keep a close eye on Mark until they parted ways. He assumed that this would be at first light the following morning since Sarah was so anxious to go. However they were delayed when Neil refused to leave Mark high and dry. Everyone else was happy to take both vehicles, all the food and all but one of the guns. Especially Sadie, who positively smoldered in anger over the subject of Mark.
At sunrise, Mark and Neil left to find a new vehicle for him. Mark tried to claim that the Range Rover was his, but was ignored. Sadie had given all the argument necessary: "The registration says John Rosen, and that ain't you."
While they were gone Ram tried to engage Jillybean, however she was too busy playing with Eve, as well as snacking.
"I gotta fill my hump," she explained when Sadie had expressed amazement how much the little girl could put away.
Ram chuckled at this, and he sighed when she kept Eve from crying by blowing in her face, and he straight up laughed when Eve spat her pacifier out onto the floor and Jillybean cleaned it off by sticking it in her own mouth. And he knew it would be time to leave again soon when Neil returned carrying a doll nearly Jillybean's size. It was almost an exact replica of her as well, right down to the peculiar blue of her eyes and her brown, fly-away hair.
"I can't compete," Ram said under his breath. Without even trying, Neil was twice the father Ram would ever be. "I'm just not father material. At best I'm a mediocre uncle, and she deserves so much more than that."
She deserved not only a fantastic dad like Neil, but also a fierce mother like Sarah and a brave big sister like Sadie. Ram also realized that as long as he was around things would be messy.
He packed the truck for one, though no one noticed, as he hid the fact that the Ford's bed was empty by covering it with a blue tarp. The great majority of their worldly possessions was stacked neatly on the luggage rack of the Rover and tied down tight.
At about ten, they left Mark standing in the doorway to the little house. The man whined incessantly about how little they were leaving him to get by on. Sadie pointed out that they were leaving him with an entire pond full of fresh fish and all the zombie meat he could stomach. When Neil commented harshness of her statement, Sadie rounded on him quickly.
"He left me to die," she said. "One day he's telling me he loves me and the next he abandons me. And he did the same thing to you, Neil. He let you run out into that field all alone. And now he's abandoning all of us! He's lucky we even let him keep a gun."
"We don't know his heart and we don't know what he's been through," Neil said. "I won't judge him."
"Besides, his leaving may help you guys," Ram said. "It's one less person bidding up the price of the vaccines."
No one caught the fact that he hadn't said us.
All that day they wound through the maze of roads heading north through Georgia, the eastern shank of Tennessee and up into Kentucky. Ram drove the truck with only Sadie as a companion. Jillybean rode in the cargo area of the Rover, which Neil had turned into a combination crib/playpen. She, Ipes, and Eve spent the day playing, or napping, or just staring out the window.
That night they made camp east of Lexington in what Ram felt was an appropriate and nostalgic local: a big red barn. It was safe and warm and for Ram, sad. It would be the last night Jillybean ever slept curled up to him.
At first light they took to the fog-bound mountain roads of the Appalachians. Though there were a number of places where the roads were partially blocked with cars or fallen trees, they made better than average time since they weren't stopping every ten minutes to hunt for gas or food. They had plenty to get them to New York...or Philadelphia. Ram decided that he would have to begin his hunt for Cassie once more. She had to die and not just to satisfy vengeance, but also to save lives. Without her hate fueling the race war it would likely die out.
In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania Ram flashed his lights and pulled in behind the Range Rover.
"Was I speeding, Officer?" Neil joked as any real dad would.
Ram could barely muster even a polite smile, his insides were too torn up. "I just wanted to say good-bye."
Chapter 32
Neil
New York City
"You ok, Jillybean?" Neil asked in a gentle voice. There was a pause before Sadie glanced back to the cargo area at the mass of soft blankets and children's toys.
"She's 'sleeping', the poor thing," Sadie said, using air quotes.
"Damn it, Ram," Neil swore in an undertone. Sarah reached out and squeezed his hand, reassuring her husband. He could barely muster a curl to his lips as way of a smiling back.
Losing Mark had been more of a blessing than anything else. Despite all of Neil's propping, he was always going to be a chicken-shit.
Slowing the Rover to slalom around a jack-knifed semi-truck, Neil let out a snort of derisive laughter. Who would have ever thought that he, Neil Martin, the world's biggest wimp, would ever be in a position to call another man chicken?
It was good riddance as far as Mark was concerned, but Ram was another story altogether. His leaving to hunt down Cassie was bravery to the point of foolishness. It was terrible timing as well, especially when Neil figured he would need a good dose of foolish bravery on his side.
New York scared him. Before the apocalypse, it had been the most densely populated city in America, a fact that would suggest that now it would hold the greatest number of zombies.
Cassie's not worth it, Neil had rationalized.
Let sleeping dogs lie, Sarah had suggested.
Kill the bitch, Sadie had said through gritted teeth.
Neil had pleaded with Ram, but his words were meaningless compared to what was left unspoken. Jillybean's wet, blue eyes had begged: Don't leave me!
"You know there's a bad person in Philadelphia I've got to deal with," Ram had told her, getting down to one knee to look her in the face. "If she's not stopped, more people will die. I can't let that happen, just like I can't leave you all alone. You'll have Mister Neil and Miss Sarah. They're the best parents in the whole world. And you'll have Sadie. You can trust her with your life."
"You need me," Jillybean stated baldly.
"I need you to be safe and cared for," Ram told her. "When I'm done with Cassie, I'll be back." At this, the little girl had fled to hide in the back of the Rover, where she refused to speak or even peek out of her blanket fort.
When Ram had finished kissing Sarah and Sadie goodbye, Neil pulled him aside. "What's going on for real?"
"Cassie is a danger...but it's also Jillybean," Ram admitted. "I'm not father material, remember?"
"I was wrong," Neil said. "I was going out of my head out of fear for Sadie when I said that."
Ram had blown out like a bull. "You weren't wrong. I'm not father material, but you are, Neil. Jillybean needs that. The problem is, she's too attached to me. I figure a clean break would help; just for a week or two. I'll take care of business and come back. By then you'll have stol...you'll have worked your magic, I mean. And there won't be an issue."
He had ended the conversation with an awkward hug for each of them. The only one going without was Jillybean. She had burrowed into the blankets so deeply only some of her wispy hair showed.
Since then she hadn't much budged so that Neil got the feeling she had slipped from fake sleep into actual sleep. They all drowsed as the sun dipped ever lower in the west.
It had been Neil's plan to drive for two hours before looking
for a place to hole up for the night. The roads changed the plan. With every mile closer to New York the obstructions became fewer. When his two hours had expired he was just west of Manhattan seeing the old familiar view of the city skyline. Had this been a family vacation in the year 2012, he would have woken Jillybean to let her see. Instead he let her sleep. The city looked dead and depressing, like an immense graveyard. It gave him a shiver.
They drove without interruption all the way to the George Washington Bridge and here Neil fully expected to find the way blocked. Instead the cars had been pushed aside forming a single lane that fed them directly into the city.
"Does anyone else feel like we're heading into a trap?" Sadie asked.
"A little," Neil said. "Though from a business point stand point it makes sense. You want customers to be able to come right to your door."
The lane did just that, though it wasn't exactly inviting.
New York was no longer a city of lights and garish neon, or of hustle and bustle. It was grey. The entire city from the buildings, to the streets, to the zombies was lifeless and grey. Everything but the deep shadows that pooled at the base of the buildings. These were black and cold. They stirred as though alive with the movement of the undead.
As Neil feared, there were plenty of zombies. They were like grey waves that washed around buildings and stalled out cars. They swept up to the fencing that penned off the lane and bowed it in. When this happened Neil stomped the gas, leaving them to struggle to catch up.
Sometimes they squeaked under the fence by accident. If they got in Neil's way he would grind them under the wheels of the Rover; if not they went ignored.
With their speed they crossed to east side of the island very quickly, finding themselves at a stretch of concrete.
"The FDR," Neil said, fondly. "I was in a taxicab that car-jacked on the FDR six years ago. Yeah, this guy just came up with a gun and kicked out the driver, but for some reason he wouldn't let me out. He drove me all the way to the Bronx. The messed up thing was that the cab company made me pay the entire fare, even the part up to the Bronx! Isn't that funny?"
The Undead World (Book 2): The Apocalypse Survivors Page 29