"Sounds lovely," she said. She took his hand and ascended the stairs with him. She felt as if her cheeks were prickling. She rubbed them, but the feeling didn’t go away. She rubbed her lower lip and looked around. At the top of the other set of stairs was Michael Abbot.
She stopped in her tracks. Alex looked in the same direction. Michael waved to the both of them, and now Miranda noticed that he was with a pretty, full-figured blonde.
"I guess Detective Teague was thorough," Alex said quietly. "We don’t have to stay."
Miranda wiped her hands on her dress. "I really want to see this play," she said as she resumed her climb.
Miranda’s eyes met his when they landed. "Hello, Michael," she said simply. "I had no idea you liked musicals."
He looked her up and down as if he were sipping her from a straw. "I guess I’ve expanded my musical tastes in the last few months."
"Hello Michael," Alex said. "And I had no idea you were back in town."
Michael smiled. "Getting careless in your old age?"
Miranda turned to Michael’s date and stuck out her hand. "I’m sorry, I’m Miranda Harel. And you are?"
"Where are my manners?" Michael asked as the two women shook hands. "This is Hayley Barr. She’s studying at BU."
Miranda smiled. "Oh, how nice. And what are you studying?"
"History," the young woman said.
"I was a history major, too."
"Oh really? When did you graduate?"
Miranda smiled ruefully. "I’m afraid I didn’t quite get around to that."
"Hayley, I think Miranda’s done you a disservice," Michael said, not taking his eyes off of Miranda. "It’s Miranda Harel Abbot. We used to be married."
"Oh," Hayley said uncomfortably. "I’m sorry—I had no idea."
"Don’t be sorry," Miranda said. She looked at Michael. "It was an amicable separation."
"If you say so," Michael said.
"And this is Alex Sheldon." The two shook hands. Miranda turned to Michael. "Good to see you, but I’m afraid we need to get to our seats now." She turned to his date. "And it was nice to meet you too, Hayley."
Miranda walked away. Alex caught up to her. "I had no idea he would be here," he said apologetically. Miranda’s cheeks burned. She knew Michael was still looking at her.
They went to their box seats and chatted about the play bill. Alex went to get Miranda a drink. When he returned, he sighed. "Are you sure you still want to stay?"
"Yes," she said sipping her drink. "Why do you ask?"
"Because he’s sitting right across from us." Miranda looked up. Michael, smiling, waved to her from across the theater. Miranda weakly raised her glass, then turned away.
"Yes, I’m sure I want to stay."
A few minutes later, the theater lights went down. Alex took Miranda’s hand. "Thank you again for coming with me."
Miranda squeezed back. "Thank you for bringing me."
The music swelled. The lights came back on. Miranda smiled. This was one of her favorite plays of all. There was Arthur, known as Wart, pulling Excalibur out of the stone. She closed her eyes, never so happy to see him prevail.
Then Arthur and Guinevere, separately questioning marriage. She forced herself not to look at Alex or Michael. She chuckled a bit at the idyllic world Arthur described for his would-be bride. If only.
But then there was Merlin. Just once. And there was the beautiful Nimue, luring Merlin from reality. She closed her eyes, remembering lying in Michael’s bed, Michael’s arms that first week. Then in New York City. The day they got their rings, the day he filled the living room with flowers. Kissing him then, yesterday, forever. Tears streamed down her face, even when handsome Lancelot arrived.
She looked at Michael. He was gripping the side of his seat as he stared at her. She forced herself to watch the rest of Act One and not move at all.
The lights came on after Lancelot left for adventure in foreign lands. Alex took Miranda’s hand again. "Is everything alright?"
"Of course," she said, kissing him on the cheek. "But you’ll excuse me for a moment."
There was already a line when she got out. Ten minutes later, she was in her stall. She wept just a little bit more, then came out and fixed her makeup.
Michael was waiting outside when she came out. Her chest heaved. He wet his lips. She wished he wouldn’t do that. "I didn’t see Hayley in there," she said matter-of-factly.
"She’s in our box," he said quietly. He moved closer. She felt like his eyes were reaching out and touching her. "I’m glad you like the play. I hoped you would."
She blinked. "Oh God," she said, shaking her head. "I really am as much of an idiot as everyone thinks. It was you."
"Excuse me?"
"You sent me the flyer."
"It wasn’t actually me, but I told them where to find you." He came even closer. She felt his heartbeat. "I just wanted to make sure you knew it was here."
She felt played with. She felt angry. She wanted to hold onto that. "Just one more gotcha, hmm? Sorry I spoiled your grand reveal," she said with a little bitterness. "What were you planning?"
"Alex wasn’t supposed to be here, for one thing," he snapped.
Her lip trembled. "Well, you seem to have made up for that."
"Hayley? Yeah, last minute thing."
"You’re so resourceful," she whispered, realizing she was coming closer. "Well, she seems very nice."
"Pretty hot, too," he said, shrugging. "I can always make good use of that."
"You just do what you have to do, right? Even if you have to close your eyes and suffer a little bit?"
Michael frowned. "Is that the strategy you employ when you’re with Alex? Tell me, does it feel like your soul dies when he touches you?"
He was cruel, but she was going to spare him. Because not doing so would be much crueler. "My soul...a little piece of it died not too long ago, and it’s not coming back. Thank you for the reminder."
She walked away. The lights were down. She hoped Alex didn’t notice her face. She kissed him on the cheek. "Sorry." She was going to be fine.
But then Lancelot was on stage with Guinevere, telling her he would never leave again, no matter the season. It took Miranda a moment to realize that she was sobbing. She covered her face in her hands, but she couldn’t stop. She knew people were looking at her. She knew Michael was looking at her. She wanted to run out into the lobby, but then he’d follow her.
"Miranda, darling," Alex whispered. She put her head on his shoulder and cried. He rubbed her back.
She was able to sit up by the time the knights were plotting against Arthur. She wiped her face and fixed her hair. Then she sighed at the end, when Camelot was no more. The ending you knew you were destined for from the beginning but dreaded all the same. It was so unfair.
The lights came back. She kept her head down until everyone else was out of the box.
"Darling," Alex said, stroking her cheek. "I’m so sorry."
"It’s alright." She took a deep breath and smiled. "But I think I’m ready to go home now."
He traced her neck and shoulder. "You don’t have to."
"Alex, I should. It wouldn’t be fair to you—"
"I’d like to be the judge of that."
"Then you should know everything," she said bravely. She looked him in the eye. "I went to see Michael yesterday. I...I didn’t make love to him, technically. But I wanted to. And after this..." She blushed. "It wouldn’t be fair to you."
Alex kissed her softly. "Thank you for telling me. Thank you for trusting me enough; especially after everything. And I don’t just mean tonight or this week. I mean everything. It means so much to me that you’re here with me tonight. I’m sorry you’re heartbroken. I wish you weren’t. And that’s my fault, if you really think about it. Out of everything I’ve ever done, every awful, horrible thing, that’s the one I regret the most. I could have protected you from this. I had my chance with you many times. I had good reasons not to take them, bu
t they don’t seem so good right now." He took her hand. "Please, let me make it up to you tonight."
~~~
Hayley had gone into the powder room. Michael watched them from across the theater. He saw her tears, he saw Alex stroke her and kiss her. He saw Alex’s mouth move, and then he saw Alex take her hand. Michael knew exactly what was said. He saw them get up and leave. He got up too.
Alex was helping Miranda with her shawl when Michael caught up to them. Miranda’s cheeks turned scarlet. He felt all the color leave his face.
Hayley caught up to Michael before he could say anything. Miranda smiled and put out her hand again. "Hayley, it was very nice to meet you," she said sincerely. Then she looked at Michael. "And it was good to see you too. It always is." Then she turned to the door. She missed the smile Alex flashed Michael before he turned as well.
"She’s very nice," Hayley said as she put on her coat.
Michael unclenched his fists. "Come on, I’ll take you home."
CHAPTER 25
Jessie came home at nine and found Richard in the living room, catching up on the day’s news on his laptop. She barely looked at him as she took off her bag and coat.
"Where were you?" Richard asked after a moment. "I was getting a little worried."
"Give me a break," Jessie barked. "This is earlier than I usually get home. You’d have noticed if you hadn’t been so hard at work—or whatever—the last few months." Her grey eyes flashed at him. "But don’t worry, Zainab was usually here."
Richard closed his laptop. "Okay."
"Okay what?"
"Okay, and go on. You have some things you need to say to me."
"I think I’ve said it all."
"And saying it didn’t help."
"Sorry, did you do something when I wasn’t looking to make up for being a liar and cheat?" He was silent. "Did you break it off with Sophie? Call Zainab to profess your undying love? I think those are the only words that are going to improve my opinion of you right now."
"I’m sorry I disappointed you."
"You make me sick," Jessie spat. "Dude, you are the worst kind of entitled there is. You had us all so fooled. Poor Richard, who's had it so hard. But you made that look good, because you were so good. No, you were better than all of us, because you lived through so much. But you weren’t and you aren’t. You just let yourself be as stupid and twisted as the rest of us. You just waited until you had the chance to be as much of an asshole as the rest of us. But you got to be much worse, because so many of us actually believed in you."
He was silent. That made her even angrier. "You are so noble even now. How do you not die of your own sacrifices? But it’s all bullshit and you know it. You didn’t lash out at me or Michael or Lucy. You hurt the one person who didn’t hurt you at all, ever. Did she?" She didn’t even want to throw anything at him. "You were afraid of a commitment? That’s so frickin’ convenient since you got all the benefits of one without having to give anything in return. Didn’t she graduate a year late so she could hold my hand when I had my breakdown? Do you think she did that just because we were friends?"
"Go on." It was all he could manage.
"Go on? Yeah, there you go again. How do you survive? You’re the twisted one here, okay? Not me, not Miranda, not even that pig Michael that you always protected. You. You’re the one that should be seeing a therapist right now. You’re a twisted liar. You lie to other people, and you lie to yourself. Thank you for watching me that day when I was little, but that doesn’t give you the right!" Jessie was crying now. Richard wanted to get up and comfort her, but he knew he wasn’t allowed. "And maybe my dad was also a total asshole, but that doesn’t give you the right to make stuff up about him."
"Make up...?" Richard put his laptop down and stood up. "Jessie, I’m not making up anything."
"How do you know he was hitting my mom? How do you know he hit me? Did you ever see him do any of that?"
"Of course not. He wasn’t that careless."
"Oh, right! Boy you have an answer for everything. Because if that’s true, well, then it makes it okay if my mom killed him." She bit her lip. Richard was afraid she was hyperventilating. "It doesn’t make sense unless you’re trying to tell me that both of my parents were awful!"
"Jess, I know you’re angry with me and I’m sorry, but I am not lying to you about what happened. And I—I don’t hold anything against your mother."
"Were you in love with my mother?" Jessie asked angrily.
Richard stepped back as if he’d been hit. "In love with...? Jessie, your mom was very pretty, and very sweet, but I was only twelve or thirteen—"
Jessie cut him off. "Fine, so you had a crush on her. Same difference. So you came up with some elaborate story that could make you her hero. Good practice, huh?"
Richard was stunned. "Is that what you really think?"
"Aunt Lucy couldn’t confirm or deny anything."
"As I said, he wasn’t sloppy. But didn’t you hear what Joanna said?"
"Why should I believe anything that woman said?" Jessie raged. "Isn’t she the one who set me up with that cop?"
"Alex corroborated it."
"Right—why don’t you rest your whole story on Alex Sheldon? Because he never lied or kept a secret or ruined anyone’s life."
"What would he have to gain by lying? Did you see the way Miranda looked at him?"
"He’s hated Aunt Lucy since before time began. Telling her that her brother was a pig would only hurt her."
Richard was incredulous. "Jessie, my mother...she believed at least that he would force Joanna to..." He couldn’t finish the description. "My mother was the one who knew him best. She loved him, for better or worse. Why would she lie?"
Jessie face’s turned purple. "How should I know?!?" she shouted at the top of her lungs. "Maybe you get your lying streak from her." She threw her bag at him and stormed up the stairs.
Richard looked at the bag at his feet. He looked up when the door slammed. He hadn’t felt so helpless in two and a half years.
CHAPTER 26
Miranda didn’t say anything as Alex drove back to his house. She didn’t look at him as they walked up the short walkway to his door. She kept her eyes down once she heard the door close.
It was dark. She was glad. He stood in front of her. "Darling," he whispered. He stroked her shoulder again. She looked up, and he smiled. He closed his eyes and leaned in to kiss her. She closed her eyes and let him.
He knew what to start with and how long to make it last. She had to catch her breath. She smiled, then gently kissed him back.
"Let’s go upstairs." He took her hand and walked her up the familiar stairs she’d used since she was five.
He closed the door and pulled her to him. He changed, as he always did behind his bedroom door.
She felt as if she were witnessing his passion rather than participating in it. He was efficient, as he was in so many other things. He undressed her quickly and unbuttoned his shirt when she had trouble with the buttons.
She felt comforted by his ease and assurance while he made love to her. She remembered that she’d dreamed of this so many times as she was growing up. What it would have meant to her...before Michael. She closed her eyes, trying hard to be fair.
She heard herself moan, she felt her body react to Alex’s well-practiced touch. She let herself go, if only because she might, for a moment, forget.
Her satisfaction aroused him even more, and Miranda was nearly overwhelmed by his fierceness.
She was breathless when they were done. He watched her, even more satisfied than before. "Thank you," he whispered before he kissed her. She smiled, but she seemed reluctant now. "What is it?"
"I need to know."
"You need to know what?"
She rolled over onto her side. He put his hand on her thigh. "I need to know about Lucy, and Tom Bartolome, and Gerald Hendrickson and Joanna Hazlett. I need to know about Richard. No, that’s all wrong. I need to know about you. I need to
know how you could have done that."
"I’m not proud of what I did."
"Then why did you do it?"
"I didn’t realize the consequences." His eyes didn’t waver from her face. "If I could have known what I know now, of course...I deeply regret any pain this caused Richard, most of all."
"Was the money so important?"
Alex lay back. "It was never about the money. It was the opportunity of a lifetime."
Miranda shook her head. "You know that’s not true. There’s always something else."
"I didn’t want to be what I was anymore," Alex said. "At someone else’s mercy. I wanted to be the one in control."
"And you couldn’t do that without taking control of someone else?"
"Yes."
Miranda sat up and pulled the sheets around her. "Oh my God," she said at last. "Do you know what we call it these days? What Tom Bartolome did to Joanna?"
Alex closed his eyes. "The worst part is that I had a pretty good idea then too."
"How could you?" she asked. "You were playing with someone’s life." She shuddered. "That’s what it was about."
Her back was to him, but she knew by his silence that she was right. "Why Alex?"
"There was something I learned pretty quickly around all of these people. Teague got it right. Most people were completely insignificant to them. They would make decisions great and small, and they would never give a second thought to how it affected anyone else. I wasn’t someone that got stepped on most of the time, but that was because I was quick on my feet. Do you know how exhausting it is to always be on the lookout? I didn’t want that my whole life."
"Is that what Lucy did? What Jim Hendrickson did?"
Alex sighed. "Jim—no. He wasn’t like that. Lucy, though—she always looked down her nose at just about everyone. I didn’t feel any remorse for what I did to her."
Miranda turned around. "Do you now?"
He touched her back. "Yes, I do. I—I’ve lost things since then, and I knew then how Lucy must have felt. I’m not proud of what I did, but I don’t know how to make up for it." He sighed. "Just one reason I thought I should put some money into Richard’s company."
The China Doll Page 15