by Sarah Noffke
“He kept you company, you say? Did Jack flip through your play book?”
“Yes,” he said in a hoarse whisper. “But he often does.”
“Damn it,” Zuma said. “He’s really gone then. And he’s going to get himself killed.”
“What are we going to do?” Titus said, gripping his hair in his hands.
“I’m going after him,” Zuma said, forming a plan in her head.
“How?” Titus said in sudden worry and disbelief.
“Someone here still knows the address,” she said, and dreaded the words at the same time.
Titus nodded with understanding.
“Call a meeting and then the authorities. Maybe the forensic team will find something that you didn’t,” she said. She knew she probably sounded like Dave, bossing him around, but she didn’t care.
“I doubt it, Zuma. It looks like he had a heart attack.”
“Well, then also report Sebastian’s disappearance.”
Titus nodded.
Zuma was about to race out of the tent and paused. She reversed her direction and ran up to Titus and he folded her in his arms. His chest rose and fell several times as he battled to keep his tears inside.
Zuma pulled away. “You can do this, Titus. You have to. The show has to go on. I’ll bring Jack back, but you take care of Vagabond Circus, okay?”
He nodded as she turned and left.
Chapter Seventy-Five
The one person Zuma needed right then was the last person she wanted to ask for help. She wasn’t her usual stoic self in the wake of Dave’s death and Jack’s disappearance. Emotion was knocking on her chest, begging to come out. But she had to lock it away.
Zuma rapped on the trailer door. A few seconds later Finley pulled it back, his eyes regretful and confused. She tried not to allow her gaze to land on his, but immediately she was swept into a hazel green sky of him. She hiccupped on a rogue emotion that burst past her walls.
“Zuma?” Finley said in disbelief. He stood frozen, everything about him tortured as he studied her.
“Can I come in?” she said, her voice careful.
Finley nodded, stepping back. Everything about him had changed in the past twenty-four hours. He was trying, where before he didn’t. He was paying silent penance, whereas before he banished his guilt.
She turned to him when he closed the door. Zuma opened her mouth to ask her question but the way he looked at her, it ripped her fragile heart to pieces. He’d betrayed her and he knew it, and it strangely hurt her to see him with his remorse.
“Stop looking at me,” she said finally.
“Where would you like me to look?” he said, his voice raw with emotion.
“I don’t care. Away.”
Finley took in a strained breath and moved his gaze to the open window. “Why have you come here?” he said, his voice dead of his normal life.
“I need you to take me to Knight’s compound,” she said, trying to sound natural, entitled.
And he disobeyed her wishes at once, jerking his eyes to her. “What? No!”
It was Zuma’s turn to shift her eyes away. To the blank wall. Finley’s trailer was bare of personal effects and she realized that was because he had nothing. “Fine, then don’t take me, but you have to tell me where it is,” she said.
“I already told Titus,” Finley argued.
“And that information has disappeared,” she said at once.
“Then I’ll give him the information again.”
“No, give it to me,” Zuma urged.
Without looking at her it was so hard for Finley to see her true conviction, and yet he still felt it and it hurt him in ways he didn’t understand. “Why?”
“Because I’m going to Knight’s compound,” she said.
And Zuma knew he was moving for her before he did. She didn’t budge, didn’t pull her eyes from the window, although he moved until he was only inches away. From her peripheral she could see the urgent panic in his eyes. “No, Zuma. You can’t do that,” he said, his voice pulsating with fear.
“Jack took the address and left. He’s going to try and take Knight out himself,” she said, pulling the note from her pocket, and then, remembering Finley couldn’t read it, she tucked it back in her jeans.
Finley blew out a tight breath. “What is he thinking?! He’s doesn’t stand a chance in Knight’s compound.”
“He isn’t thinking,” Zuma said. “He’s stricken by grief. Grief that you’re responsible for.”
Finley reached over with his super speed and grabbed her jaw, but gently pulled it so she was facing him. “Look at me,” he commanded.
For a long few seconds he waited, but she didn’t bring her stubborn eyes to his, instead kept them angled away.
He dropped his hand, exasperated. “To hell with this all, Zuma, but I’m not responsible for Dave’s death. I came here to prevent it and I’m sorry I failed, but I’m not to blame.”
“If you would have told us though…” Zuma said.
“Don’t you see that I tried to stop this? I watched Dave every night. I stood guard outside his trailer so Sebastian couldn’t touch him in his sleep and kill him, or go into his trailer and put poison out for him. And so many times I broke into Dave’s trailer and wiped it down, endangering my life to keep him safe,” Finley said, almost breathless, but still he pushed out another sentence. “I failed, but don’t you see I tried?”
“But you don’t see that Sebastian found a way around all that?” Zuma said. “There was no way you could have saved Dave last night. The only way would have been to tell him the truth so he could have gotten rid of Sebastian. If only you’d told him…or me.”
“If I told you then you’d know where I was from. You’d look at me like you’re doing now, like I’m an uneducated thief.”
“I’m not looking at you,” she said, her eyes pinned on the carpet.
He shook his head at this. “I really thought I could stop Sebastian. I made mistakes. I couldn’t stop him,” Finley said and sucked in a breath, trying to loosen the tension in his chest. “But, Zuma, you have to see that I didn’t do this.”
“But you could have told Dave!” Zuma screamed so loud, everything seeming to pour out of her at once.
“It wouldn’t mean he wouldn’t be dead,” he said at the fraction of the volume she’d just used.
And then they were silent, but not long.
“Finley, please help. Tell me where to find Knight.”
“No,” he said, his voice haunted.
“Then take me there.”
“Zuma, you don’t know what you’re asking me to do. I can’t go back there,” he said, pinning his head in his hands. Just then she allowed herself to look at him. She saw him for who he was, a survivor. If she represented the mystery of the circus then he was the power. He was strength, even in his weakest moment.
“Finley, if I don’t go then Jack won’t return, will he? They’ll kill him, won’t they? He’ll be caught. Am I right?”
He brought his head up, but kept his eyes off her; the pair were taking turns looking and not looking at each other. “Yes,” he said. “There is no way an outsider can get in and out of there alive. There’s so much security. So many traps.”
“Then you see why I need you,” Zuma pleaded.
A cold laugh fell out of his mouth. “Oh, is that why you need me?”
“Finley,” she said, half begging, half frustrated.
“I saw you kiss Jack last night,” he said, his voice dead.
“You what?” she said and turned, putting her back to him. “How dare you? You were spying on me.”
“I wasn’t spying,” he said in an almost whisper. “I was just passing by. I wish I hadn’t seen it, believe me.”
“I didn’t kiss Jack, for the record,” she said, her face hot all over suddenly, her ears on fire.
“That’s not what it looked like,” Finley said, and wasn’t even sure why. Zuma wasn’t his, never would be. It didn’t matter.
“He kissed me. And…”
“And what?” Finley said, desperate to know what came next in that sentence.
“The kiss, after all this time of waiting and wondering…it…”
“It what?” Finley thought he was going to explode. Zuma couldn’t speak fast enough for him. He needed to know it all. Good or bad or heartbreaking. He couldn’t not know.
“It…I…I didn’t feel anything,” she admitted out loud for the first time.
“Are you telling me that so I’ll help you rescue Jack?”
“God no,” she said so fast he wanted to believe her. “I just want him back safe. That’s all.”
“Then I’ll go. I’ll get Jack and bring him back,” Finley said, surrendering in that moment.
“No, I’m not letting you go alone. We would be better as a team.”
“Zuma, you have no idea about these people,” Finley said. “The things they’d do to you…I can’t allow it.”
“I get you see me as sheltered but—”
“No!” he barked, making her jump. “I see you as perfect and I don’t want anything to happen to you. Even if you’ll never be mine.”
“Finley,” she said and turned and looked at him. It did exactly what she feared. It made her feel that she was truly broken. How could she want someone and not allow him into her heart although he was willing? How as humans had they screwed up so much? She stared into his wanting eyes and felt cursed by them.
“I’ll help you,” he said, sounding defeated. “I’ll take you to Knight’s compound, but you have to listen to me.”
Zuma stayed silent, sensing there was more.
And just as the five senses operate naturally she felt the power of her telepathy opening up like Finley was pulling her into his thoughts.
One day you have to give me another chance, Zuma. You have to forgive me, she heard so plainly in his thoughts.
She dropped her eyes, unsure what to say. And she’d expected that Finley was just trying to relay one message to her and then he would close the door to his mind again. Bolt it shut. But he didn’t. He invited her in and allowed Zuma to sense his mind, to realize she was everywhere in his thoughts. And after only a few seconds of perusal she knew his mind was like him, so very enchanting to her.
With a great effort she pulled her focus out of Finley’s mind and shook his thoughts away from her. “Please don’t ask that of me, Finley. I won’t lie to you, I can’t ever forgive you for what you’ve done,” Zuma said.
He nodded, seeming to have expected this answer. “Fine, I’ll still take you,” he said.
And then his mouth closed but she heard his voice in her head again. I was foolish to ever think you’d love me anyway.
Zuma wanted to reach across the space and tie her arms around Finley. Not because he had scorned her with that exact thought. She did things because she wanted to and not out of persuasion. But Zuma always knew what true love’s kiss would feel like, and she was broken by the fact that she would never be with her true love, because she could never forgive him.
Keep Reading for the Next Installment in the Vagabond Circus Series!
Acknowledgements:
Thank you so much to my readers. It goes without saying, but I can’t do this without you. What you probably don’t know is that I read every email, every message, every single thing you send. Sometimes it’s hard to respond, since I can’t seem to stop writing, but I do love hearing from you. And in truth, now I write because of you. In the beginning, I did because I was driven to, and now I do it more and more because people read my books, send me encouraging letters, and leave lovely reviews. I’m not going to lie. If I published my first series and it tanked, I probably would have quit. But it didn’t and you all kept me going. It’s not that I’m a quitter, as much as a realist.
Thank you to my fan group on Goodreads. Dominque and Maja are such great supporters. And your family too. Thank you to all the members. I love my Goodreads family. I’ve found the best people there. Thank you to Oak and the support of the people in the Book Trailers group. Another wonderful bunch of people. I’ve loved connecting with the readers and authors there.
Thank you to my editor Christine LePorte. I love working with you. You’re work makes mine salable. And your feedback keeps me sane. I plan to do this for a long time, and I hope you’re there to edit all the books. It’s such a blessing to have a long time editor who has worked on all my books. I think it makes my books better.
Thank you to Andrei Bat. Seriously, do you just wake up every morning and say, “I’m a freaking genius”? Because you probably should. This cover was having some dimension issues because, as I tend to do, I overcomplicated the idea. However, you swooped in with the perfect design. I was blown away.
Thank you to my beta readers, Colleen, Heidi, Melinda, Kimberly, Elizabeth. My editor does an incredible job, but you all serve such an important role in making my books great! Thank you!
Thank you to the awesome blogger whose support is crucial to my success. I really can’t express how much it blows me away that you all lead lives, have jobs, and also run fantastic blogs that support readers and authors. You’re incredible. Thank you!
Thank you to Carole. I hope you know how helpful all your advice is to me. I take it all, stuff it in my pockets and use it every step of the way. A lot of my recent success is because of you!
Thank you to my fans and readers. Seriously, you all amaze me with your support. Thank you to Kathy, Kelly, Heidi, Alicia, Sarah, Katy, Maria, Marie, Kit, Lesley, Nicole, Becca, Stephanie, Susi, Chelsea, Anna, Kariny, Katie, Kimberly, Karen, Michelle, Christina, and Jamie.
Thank you to BOD. I was reviewing marketing strategy and where most of my sales have come from. No big surprise. If it wasn’t for BOD readers then I wouldn’t be writing. My most faithful supporters come from that group. You know who you are and I know you rock!
Thank you to Linda. You have always supported me. Encouraged me. Believed in me when I thought I was just a loon. You’re such an incredible person and half the state of Oregon wouldn’t be as awesome as it is if it wasn’t for you.
Thank you to Dave. You were my first boss and you may not realize this, but you taught me so much in those first formative years. I constantly spout Davism. Can’t help it. Anyway, you’re the inspiration behind Dave Raydon. There you go. Now you know. Or you don’t. This is why people should read the Acknowledgment page. Anyway, you’re an incredible manager and I watched time and time again as you took people and pulled the raw talent out of them. Oh, and you’re just an inspiration for the character, so don’t worry about the whole killing off Dave thing. That’s not what I want for you. Or the plump part either. We all know you’re rugged and handsome.
Thank you to my family. Seriously, I know you all have to love me because it’s required, but I think you also do because you just plain love me. Thank you for everything. XOOXOXO
Thank you to my husband, Luke Noffke. Not only are you an amazing beta reader, a wonderful supporter and lend me a boatload of encouragement, but you’re also super smart, a great father and a loving husband. Thanks! If you weren’t who you were, I wouldn’t be who I am. And we’re kind of cool.
Thank you to my daughter. How do you get better every year? You stun me with your love and the sparkle in your eyes. And if it wasn’t for you this novel wouldn’t have happened. It was that trip to the circus with you that sparked the idea for this series. The best ideas really start with you.
Thank you all!
Love,
Sarah
One-Twenty-Six Press.
Paralyzed
Sarah Noffke
Copyright © 2016 by Sarah Noffke
All rights reserved
Copyeditor: Christine LePorte
Cover Design: Andrei Bat
All rights reserved. This was self-published by Sarah Noffke under One-Twenty-Six Press. No parts of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except
in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. If you are seeking permission send inquiry at
http: www.sarahnoffke.com
This is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, and dialogues are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Summary: Death defying acts aren’t the only things Vagabond Circus is known for. It’s also about to be known for defying the heart, logic, and gravity.
Published in the United States by One-Twenty-Six Press
ASIN: B01A52P51G
For Dominic.
You’re my inspiration for Benjamin.
Both of you have such a big heart.
PARALYZED
Chapter One
Summer had died along with Dr. Dave Raydon. Winds laced with hints of pine and an icy chill swept through Vagabond Circus. Soon the cool nights would turn the leaves on the trees in Medford, Oregon, to dazzling yellows, vibrant reds, and bright oranges. The people of Vagabond Circus would be gone before the change. That was Titus’s plan. He didn’t have many plans now that his circus partner was cold and rigor mortis was setting in, but he knew they’d stick to the schedule. In one week they’d pack up the big top and caravan down to Redding, California. That had been the schedule before Dave died and Titus was holding to it. The show must go on.