by Hope White
Even if she’d been unable to save herself until it was too late.
She rushed to the woman, who was a teenager, she noticed as she got closer, one who was casting a worried glance over her shoulder.
“Come on, we’ve gotta go,” Jenna said.
“Don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me!” the girl cried, her eyes pinched shut.
“I’m here to help you.”
And that’s when she noticed the gun in her hand.
“Why do you have a gun?” Jenna automatically reached for it.
The teen scrambled away, clutching the gun with a deadly grip. She didn’t aim it at Jenna—not yet anyway.
“It’s okay,” Jenna said.
“I saw him—he’s here! He’s never going to let me go!”
“Who, honey? Who’s after you?”
“That’s why I fired the gun, to warn him to stay away.”
“Good, you did good,” she encouraged.
If this young woman had fired the weapon, it meant the immediate danger had nothing to do with Billings’s men who were after Jenna and Eli.
“I won’t go back, I won’t,” she said with a wild look in her eyes.
She seemed irrational, crazed. Jenna wondered if she’d had a traumatic nightmare that drove her out into the night. Jenna had experienced plenty of those.
“I’m Jenna. What’s your name?”
The young woman’s eyes darted from Jenna to the truck to the surrounding property.
“Please? What’s your name?” Jenna tried again.
“Emily.”
“I’d really like to help you, Emily.”
“No one can help me.”
“That’s what I used to think. I was married to a very bad man.”
Emily blinked her tear-filled eyes at Jenna.
“Come on, it’s cold out here, and you’re barefoot.” Jenna took a step toward her.
Emily scrambled to her feet and aimed the gun at Jenna.
Her heart pounding, Jenna put out her hand. “Please put down the gun. I suspect you had a nightmare that triggered bad memories.”
“It was so real!”
“I know. I’ve had them too.”
The wail of a child drifted from the open truck door. Eli had awakened, probably hungry with a wet diaper. Jenna strategized how to protect the child from a hysterical woman with a gun.
“That’s...that’s a baby,” Emily said, lowering the weapon.
“Yes, a little boy named Eli.”
“I had a baby,” Emily said.
“Babies are wonderful.”
Emily dropped the gun and fell to her knees. She buried her face in her hands. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean it,” she sobbed.
The sound of a car engine roared in the distance. Help was on the way.
Jenna couldn’t wait. She couldn’t risk Emily reaching for the gun again. She trudged through the snow, picked up the gun and tossed it out of reach. Emily didn’t even notice. She was rocking back and forth, apologizing. Jenna suspected Emily had lost her child, just as Jenna had lost baby Joey.
It was surreal to be caught between the traumatized, crying young woman that reminded Jenna so much of herself, and baby Eli crying from the truck.
Jenna crouched beside Emily. “You’re going to be okay.”
“It was so real.” Emily looked up, her face wet with tears. “I was so scared.”
“I know.” Jenna wrapped her arms around Emily. That’s the only thing that had worked for Jenna when she stayed with Patrice, the only thing that quelled the terror. “He’s not here now. And baby Eli needs us.”
A car door slammed, then a second door.
“Jenna?” Matt said in a strained voice.
She glanced up at his worried expression. An older gentleman stood next to him. She assumed it was Ed Miller.
“We’re okay,” Jenna said.
“Eli...?” Matt glanced at the truck.
“He’s fine. We’re all fine.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Emily whimpered.
“Let’s get back to the house,” Matt said.
He took a step toward Jenna and Emily. Emily cowered, still clinging to Jenna.
“I’ll ride back with Emily,” Jenna said.
Matt hesitated, as if he were going to argue with her.
“Can you take care of Eli?” Jenna asked.
“Of course.”
“She had a gun. I tossed it over there.” Jenna pointed toward the field.
“I’ll find it,” Matt said.
“I don’t understand what’s going on here,” Ed said.
“Please forgive me. I’m so sorry.” Emily’s muffled voice repeated the apology over and over.
“I’ll explain everything back at the house.” Jenna helped Emily stand. As they headed to Ed’s truck, Matthew stopped her by placing a gentle hand on Jenna’s shoulder. He didn’t speak, but she read the relief in his eyes.
“I know,” she said and offered a slight smile.
* * *
An hour later baby Eli was fast asleep in a downstairs guest room that he and Jenna shared. Matt had changed him, made him a bottle and soothed the child into a deep slumber, all while denying the intense emotions that ripped through him like a tornado over the Great Plains. It wasn’t only the fear of breaking his promise to protect Jenna that threw him into utter panic, but something else, something he didn’t want to consider.
He was developing feelings for Jenna North. Inappropriate feelings. What else could explain the tightness in his chest when he and Ed had pulled up behind his truck and he noticed the open door? For a second he thought Billings’s men had found her and violently ripped her from behind the wheel of the truck.
Thankfully, Ed saw movement in the snow about fifty feet away.
It was Jenna, on the ground, comforting someone. A young woman who’d apparently broken into Ed’s lockbox and taken a gun.
As Matt shut the door to the downstairs guest room where little Eli slept, he reconsidered his decision to stay in the same house as the young woman. The Millers had convinced him it would be safe because they’d called a counselor and off-duty cop to keep watch over the girl during the night. They couldn’t move her from the house in the middle of the night, nor had they made the decision yet to do so.
Matt joined Jenna, Ed and Nancy, who had settled around the kitchen table to decompress. Nancy brewed tea and put out a tray of fresh fruit and banana bread.
“How about a moment of thanks that no one was hurt,” Nancy suggested.
Matt bowed his head.
“Lord, thank you for watching over us tonight,” Nancy began. “For protecting us from harm, and helping Emily find comfort in Jenna’s kindness. Amen.”
A unanimous amen filled the kitchen. Matt thought he heard Jenna whisper a soft response but couldn’t be sure.
“Well that was more excitement than I’m used to.” Nancy slid the plate of fruit and bread toward Jenna. “And we’ve had our share of challenges with the girls.”
“Why did she discharge the weapon?” Ed asked.
“It was a warning shot,” Jenna explained.
“Warning who?”
“The man she thought was after her.”
Ed shook his head.
“Those nightmares can seem very, very real,” Jenna defended.
Matt wondered what kind of new nightmares would plague Jenna thanks to tonight’s violence.
“Jenna,” he said, “how are you doin’?”
She tipped her chin as if considering her answer. “Good. I’m okay. A little cold from being outside in the snow, I guess.” She turned to Nancy. “Thanks again for letting us stay here tonight.”
“You may stay as long as necessary.” Nancy warmed Jenna’s tea.
&
nbsp; Jenna wrapped her hands around the teacup. “What will happen to Emily?”
“We’ll have a meeting and discuss the best option,” Ed said. “Our mission is to provide a safe environment for young women in trouble. What Emily did tonight, stealing one of my weapons...” He hesitated. “It goes against the principles of our farm. I’m not sure she can remain here.”
“That’s so sad,” Jenna said in a soft voice. “I mean, it’s her abuser’s fault she has nightmares.”
“It depends on the counselors’ evaluations,” Nancy offered.
“Counselors, plural?” Jenna said.
“Behavioral counselor and chemical dependency counselor,” Nancy said.
“Some girls have had their share of issues with drugs before coming to the farm,” Ed explained. “We understand that, but they must be on the road to getting clean, and we have our boundaries. It’s the best way to provide a safe environment.”
“How long do they usually stay?” Jenna asked.
As Ed and Nancy discussed the inspiration behind their safe haven, and its rules, with Jenna, Matt worried that the details might be too painful for her, sparking violent memories of her past.
Yet she’d sounded sincere, even confident, a moment ago when she’d said she was okay.
He leaned back in his chair and took a calming breath. Only now did his pulse seem to slow to a normal rate.
After the gunshot earlier, Matt had quickly let himself in the house and found Ed and Nancy coming down the stairs in a panic.
At first Ed thought it was a neighbor warning off a bear, but then they discovered Emily was gone, and the firearm lockbox in the pantry had been broken into.
“They know the rules when they come here,” Ed said. “Inappropriate behavior is not tolerated. And stealing one of my guns—”
“She was out of her mind and thought she needed to defend herself,” Jenna said.
“Be that as it may, it’s grand theft,” Ed said.
“When she came out of her trauma, she kept apologizing and asking for your forgiveness. Isn’t that what good Christians do? Forgive?”
“Jenna,” Matt warned, questioning her tone.
“We do practice forgiveness, Jenna,” Nancy interjected. “But we have to temper that with our goal of protecting our guests. If the counselors think her behavior is erratic to the point of being dangerous, we have to respect that evaluation and act accordingly.”
“You can forgive someone and let them go,” Matt said.
“How? How do you do that?” Jenna challenged.
“By realizing that all that anger and resentment you carry only serves to destroy you from the inside,” Matt said, recalling his own anger with the driver who’d hit Sarah’s car, causing it to slide into a tree, killing her upon impact.
Then again, if she hadn’t been going twenty miles over the speed limit, she might still be alive. And she might still be alive if she and Matt hadn’t argued, again, about his job being more important than their relationship. Maybe if he’d paid closer attention, maybe if...
No, he’d given up blaming himself and everyone else for her death.
“Forgiveness, well, it brings you out of the darkness,” he said.
“Amen to that,” Ed said.
Matt glanced at Jenna’s puzzled look. He suspected he’d be interrogated about this conversation in the future, although he wasn’t sure it was wise to share more details of his life, to cross even further over that line than he already had.
He was developing feelings for Jenna North. Time to put the brakes on before this thing between them spun out of control.
“We will certainly forgive Emily,” Nancy said. “The bigger question is, will she be able to forgive herself?”
* * *
Nancy’s words still haunted Jenna the next morning. Will she be able to forgive herself?
Jenna forced herself to stop thinking about self-forgiveness, frustrated by the resentment that particular thought conjured up. Instead, she focused on Eli. She’d thankfully awakened before the little boy, maybe because his sleep had been interrupted a few times last night, which caused him to sleep late.
She washed up and dressed in clothes Nancy set aside for her, chosen from the wardrobe they kept for guests. The older woman had explained that most of the time, the young women came with nothing other than the clothes they wore when rescued.
Jenna could relate.
She headed for the kitchen to make Eli’s morning bottle. As she passed by the living room, she noticed Matt was gone from the couch, the blanket neatly folded and draped over the back. He said he’d sleep better on the sofa than in a bed, but she wondered if he was actually positioning himself as the first line of defense.
I will protect you. An appreciative smile tugged at the corner of her lips.
The smell of coffee drew her into the kitchen, where she poured herself a cup, then warmed Eli’s formula. There was enough for two, maybe three more bottles. They’d have to make a run to the store soon. As the bottle warmed, she leaned against the counter and noticed a high chair at the table. It seemed the Millers were prepared for anything.
The back door opened. Nancy came inside and kicked her boots on the mat. “Good morning.”
“Morning. The coffee’s amazing.”
“I’m glad you like it. Ed got the high chair out of storage.”
“I noticed. Thanks.”
Nancy hung her jacket on the coatrack and stepped out of her boots and into clogs. “Eggs and toast for breakfast?”
“I’m not much of a breakfast person.”
“Pancakes it is.” She winked.
“Where is Matthew?”
“He and Ed are out doing chores.”
Jenna was afraid to ask, but she had to know. “And Emily?”
“We’re still debating. I see I guessed right about your size.” Nancy scanned Jenna’s sweatpants, T-shirt and fleece.
“Thanks, it’s very comfortable.”
“When you and Matt go to the store today, you can pick up more clothes, and supplies for the baby. Is he still asleep?”
“Yes. I want to be ready,” Jenna said, shaking the warmed bottle.
“Smart girl.”
Jenna felt such comfort, such support from Nancy. It reminded her of the Guardians, how she’d felt safe every step of her journey. That gave her an idea.
“Nancy, if you decide that Emily is too much of a risk, I might have an alternative for her.”
Nancy glanced up from mixing the pancake batter.
“I know of a group that helps women get away from violent situations. They might consider working with Emily.”
“You have such a good heart, Jenna. So generous.”
Warmth flushed Jenna’s cheeks. She wasn’t used to being praised.
The cry of a baby echoed through the house. “That’s my cue,” Jenna said.
“Bring him into the kitchen. My grandchildren loved my blueberry pancakes when they were his age.”
“Sounds good.”
By the time Jenna got to the bedroom, Eli was standing in the crib, gripping the top rail, tears streaming down his face.
“Hey, buddy, no need to cry.” She noticed that he’d dropped his polar bear on the floor. “Look, it’s Bubba.” He rubbed it against his cheek and the cry turned into a whimper.
“Okay, hungry boy.” Jenna offered the bottle, which he took with a firm one-handed grip. She carried him to the dresser that doubled as a changing table, complete with a soft pad and four-inch lip around the edges so he wouldn’t roll off. Jenna absently started humming. Eli’s eyes rounded with fascination at the sound.
It was strange, how she naturally changed his diaper, how she always seemed to know what would calm him. Yet it made sense, because she’d spent months preparing for her own child’s arrival.
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Thank you, Joey. Because of you, I’m able to take care of Eli.
The thought sparked warmth in her chest that melted a little of the cold, hard grief.
Once dressed, she carried Eli toward the kitchen, glancing upstairs and wondering how Emily was doing today. Jenna would call Patrice to inquire about the Guardians helping the young woman, but she’d have to tell them everything, including that Emily’s trauma had resulted in a night terror that caused her to steal a gun.
“That might be a deal breaker,” Jenna whispered to herself.
She and Eli entered the kitchen just as Matthew and Ed came in through the back door.
“Good morning,” Jenna said, relieved to see him.
“Morning.” Matthew took off his jacket and hung it on the rack.
“Any word from Marcus?” Jenna asked.
“No,” Matthew answered.
“How’d the little dude sleep?” Ed reached out to squeeze Eli’s foot.
Eli buried his face against Jenna’s shoulder, still sucking on the bottle and clinging to his bear.
“Oh, he’s playing shy, is he?” Nancy teased.
“He’s certainly taken to you.” Ed nodded at Jenna.
“Yeah, I guess he has,” Jenna said, lightly kissing his head.
“Pancakes will be ready in a few minutes,” Nancy said.
Jenna shifted Eli into the high chair and adjusted the tray in place. She glanced up and caught Matthew watching her.
“What, am I doing it wrong?” she asked.
“No, ma’am, quite the contrary.”
She turned to Eli, wanting to avoid an awkward moment, another compliment that would make her blush bright pink.
“You two were out awhile,” Nancy said to the men. “Didn’t think picking stalls would take that long.”
“Had some catching up to do,” Ed said. “Although he couldn’t explain why Jenna threw my gun into the snow last night.”
Jenna shrugged. “Guns aren’t my thing.”
“Boo!” Eli dropped his polar bear. Matthew picked it up and put it back on his tray. Eli dropped it again.
“Ah, we’re playing that game, are we?” Matthew said with a smile.
It all felt so surreal, sitting in this bright yellow kitchen with a little boy in a high chair, surrounded by such lovely people.