by Hope White
“For what?”
“For failing you, for not being there when you needed me most.”
“But you were there for us at the barn, and you saved us so many times before that.”
“Jenna—”
“Hear me out, Matt. Facing off against Billings and my ex-husband on my own wouldn’t have been my first choice, yet it gave me such strength, strength I never knew I had.”
He shook his head and glanced down at the floor. “You never should have left me behind.”
“You mean at the hospital?”
“I understand why you did it—”
“Because you were bleeding to death.”
“Because you no longer felt safe around me.”
“Whoa, you’re going to have to explain that one.”
Eli ran up to her with a blue train. “Choo-choo!”
Without taking her eyes off Matt, she joined Eli on the floor and started playing trains with him. “Matt?” she prompted.
“The guy in the rental cabin—you saw me almost beat him to death.”
“Because he tried to kill me,” she stated. “Go on.”
“You saw what I’m capable of.”
“Didn’t you see what I am capable of? Anthony’s bloody nose and bloody shoulder? That was me. I may not have fired the bullet that killed him, but I shot him to protect Eli. That’s what we do for the people we love.”
Whoops.
He looked up, pinning her with intense blue eyes.
“I love Eli, don’t you?” she fumbled, correcting herself.
His gaze drifted to the little boy, then back to Jenna.
He was about to say something when someone tapped on the door and it cracked open. A man introduced himself to Jenna as Supervisory Special Agent Steve Pragge. “Glad to see you and the little guy are okay, ma’am.”
“Thanks to Agent Weller,” she said, to drive her point home.
Matt was no longer looking at her.
“He kept us safe,” Jenna added, concerned about how she’d craft her argument to Matt once they were alone. She couldn’t make him admit he was in love with her, nor should she have to.
“Bubba,” Eli said.
Jenna grabbed a replacement white bear and handed it to him. He frowned and turned back to his train.
“Weller certainly went off book on this one,” his boss said. “Defied a direct order to drop you off and go back to his post.”
She wondered if Matt’s job would be in jeopardy because he’d decided to protect her and Eli.
“But his instincts to stay with you helped us build this case,” Pragge said. “That’s what makes a good agent, putting the job first.”
Ah, the job—the perfect excuse for Matt to distance himself from Jenna and deny his feelings. He’d held her in his arms and made her feel safe, even loved. He’d probably argue those were the actions of a man just doing his job. Hogwash.
“The flash drive outlines everything,” Pragge continued. “It’s an indisputable link from the cartel to the money-laundering scheme to Billings. We’ve got Billings on video killing Chloe McFadden. He’d wiped the building’s feed, but apparently Gary had set up his own cameras to keep track of things at the foundation. Billings is turning state’s evidence in exchange for negotiating his prison location. As a cop, he wouldn’t survive long in the general population.”
“Well, I can make myself available to testify if you need me,” Jenna offered.
“I appreciate that.” Glancing at his phone, Pragge said, “I’ve gotta take this.”
He left Jenna and Matthew alone. Tension stretched between them.
“You sure you’d be up to testifying if they need you to?” Matthew asked.
“Matthew, I’m a strong woman and I’ll do what’s right by my friend.”
“I know you’re strong, Jenna. I’m just doing my job by—”
“Really, Matt?” She stood and squared off with him. “So your question has nothing to do with your feelings for me?”
He glanced down at the industrial carpeting. “I’m sorry if I led you to believe—”
“Stop, okay? Stop using your job as an excuse so you won’t have to admit the truth.” She didn’t know where this bold woman had come from, but she liked her, and it felt amazing to articulate her truth in such a raw and vulnerable way. “Hey, look at me.”
When he did, she thought she might lose her nerve. His expression was guarded, his eyes shuttered.
“You can say the danger of the past week drove us into each other’s arms, but it’s more than that and you know it,” she said. “God knows it.”
“There’s no room in my life for a relationship.”
“Why not?”
“If Sarah’s death proved anything, it’s that I’m not good husband material.”
“Sarah made a choice. She chose to drive recklessly. Now it’s your turn to choose. Are you going to embrace love or run away from it?” Jenna picked up Eli. “We’re going to the fountain for a drink.”
She was unable to stand there one minute longer arguing with him about what was so obvious to Jenna. As she reached the door, she hesitated. Maybe if he wouldn’t listen to her, he’d listen to God.
“Isn’t there a quote in the Bible about truth, about it setting you free?” she said. “I think you should find that scripture.”
She left the conference room and approached the fountain, knowing it would entertain Eli to slurp up the cold water. Besides, she needed to get away from Matt and his denial. For the first time in her life, she knew the truth in her heart—Matt loved her just as she loved him.
“Hey, Jenna.” Marcus approached her, alongside special agent Pragge.
She took a deep breath and forced a smile.
The time had come for her to say goodbye, not only to the man she loved, but to the little boy she loved as well.
“Hi, Marcus,” she said with forced charm. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
“You as well.” He reached out for Eli, but the little guy clung to Jenna.
“Eli, you remember Marcus?” she encouraged.
Be strong, Jenna, stronger than you’ve ever been in your life.
“Bubba.” Eli rubbed his eyes.
“I think he forgot something.” Matt joined them in the hallway, carrying the white bear. He offered it to Eli, but the child knew it wasn’t his real bear, which had been confiscated for evidence.
Eli started to whimper.
“It’s okay, buddy,” she said, stroking his back.
“Or this?” Matt offered the Binky.
She took it and placed it in Eli’s mouth. Eli sucked and leaned his head against her shoulder.
“You’re gonna have fun with your cousin Marcus, little one,” she said.
Please, God, help me do this without upsetting Eli.
She gripped him under the arms and peeled him off her, pain arcing through her chest. She smiled and kissed his cheek. “Love you, buddy.”
As she handed him to Marcus, Eli whimpered against his pacifier.
“He likes multigrain bars and apples for breakfast. Scrambled eggs would be good too. But no more bottles at mealtime.”
Marcus took the whimpering child.
Jenna turned and walked away. “Big boys use sippy cups.”
She purposefully walked down the hall to the ladies’ bathroom, rushed up to the mirror and took a deep breath. The tears broke free, and for the first time she was okay with that, accepting herself and even forgiving herself for crying. She finally understood that crying was not a sign of weakness, as Anthony had claimed, but a cleansing of emotions.
And she had plenty of those.
* * *
It took a good month before things settled down and Matt could return to Cedar River. He wanted to meet with Kyle, who’
d temporarily taken over as police chief. Matt owed his friend an explanation and an apology.
“I wish I could have told you what was going on,” Matt said to Kyle as they sat in the Bean & Brew Coffee Shop on Main Street. “Sorry about that.”
“Hey, I get it. You were doing your job.” Kyle sipped his coffee. “Where are you off to next? Another undercover assignment?”
“They’ve offered me a Supervisory Special Agent position.”
“That’s great news. Congratulations.” He reached out to shake Matt’s hand.
Matt stared into his mug.
“That is great news, right?” Kyle withdrew his hand.
A month ago a promotion like this would have been Matt’s ultimate goal, his brass ring. Today, well, today he felt like there had to be more to life than a demanding, all-consuming career.
Perhaps a life with a special, loving woman and even children?
The memory of Jenna’s smile flashed across his mind—her smile and Eli’s giggle.
“Have you seen her yet?” Kyle asked.
Matt snapped his attention to his friend. “Who?”
“Jenna North.”
“No, why would I... Wait, you mean she came back here?”
Kyle nodded.
Matt wouldn’t know her whereabouts because he’d intentionally avoided anything relating to Jenna, wanting to put it all behind him. He’d even tried to avoid thinking about her, although on most days he’d failed miserably.
“The little boy is with her,” Kyle added.
“Eli? I thought Marcus was his guardian.”
“Marcus came into the station and introduced himself. Nice guy. I got the feeling he can’t be a full-time parent because of his business, so he and Jenna have an arrangement.”
“What kind of arrangement?” Matt growled.
Kyle chuckled. “It’s not like that. They’re both committed to doing what’s best for the boy. Marcus bought property half an hour outside of town, and I’m guessing he bought the bungalow Jenna’s living in as well. It’s down the block from me, Garth and Willie.”
“She moved into a cop neighborhood?”
“Yep. The town has really rallied around her to offer support.”
“That’s great.”
“It’s one of the reasons I love this place. You kinda liked it too when you lived here, didn’t you?”
“I did. I liked it a lot.” It was the one time Matt had felt like he truly belonged and was accepted for who he was, not for his level of performance.
“So, you’re here, she’s here...why not stop by?”
“It’s complicated.”
“No, it really isn’t. You care about her, she cares about you—”
“Why do you say that? Did she say something?”
“No, and I won’t pass her a note from you in class either. Come on, Matt, it’s obvious.”
“What’s obvious is she needs a devoted man with integrity who makes her feel safe and is good with kids.”
“Not that you are even close to fitting that description,” Kyle teased. “My turn to share scripture. John chapter eight verse thirty-two.”
“You’re the second person to mention that particular scripture to me.”
“Yeah, well.” Kyle leaned back in his chair. “It’s a good one, my friend.”
* * *
There was nothing more beautiful than a sleeping child, Jenna thought as she stood over Eli’s crib. He made a sweet little squeaking sound as he exhaled, clutching his new Bubba tighter.
She was glad he’d finally embraced the new stuffed animal with as much vigor as he’d had for the original.
Eli somehow had been able to leave the past behind and move on. He didn’t cry too much for his parents, but then, she and friends in town had kept him fairly occupied.
Friends. She thought she’d only had one good friend, Chloe, but had been proven wrong this past month. Ladies from Bible study stopped by to help her unpack and offer parenting advice. The police officers in the neighborhood came by to make sure she felt safe and to share their cell numbers. One of the officer’s wives brought dinner and, knowing her husband was working the 3 to 11 p.m. shift, Jenna invited her to stay. The other officer’s wife took Eli for a few hours twice a week for a playdate with her toddler. The third police officer in the neighborhood was Kyle Armstrong, who wasn’t married and was Matthew’s friend.
Matthew.
She shook off the memory of a lovely kiss and sneaked quietly out of Eli’s room. Shutting the door, she scanned the living room littered with toy trucks, trains and even a small playpen filled with plastic balls. The people of Cedar River had been incredibly supportive and didn’t blame Jenna for the community center being shut down due to the investigation.
Jenna had been out of a job for only a few days when Marcus showed up with Eli. Marcus pleaded with Jenna to help him raise the little boy. She thought she was dreaming at first. She could hardly believe Eli was really there, reaching for her.
Marcus said parenting seemed to come so naturally to Jenna and she’d proven she could protect the child. They drew up guardianship paperwork, and Marcus encouraged Jenna to consider officially adopting Eli.
She didn’t hesitate to contact an attorney and get things started.
Marcus offered financial support for Jenna and the child, but then they got word that Gary’s will left everything to Eli in the form of a trust, and Jenna was the trustee. He’d revised the will only days before his own death. They’d have to wait for the case to be solved first, to make sure none of the money he’d left Eli was the result of criminal activity, but so far it looked like a separate account with legitimate money would be available, according to Agent Pragge.
She’d been in touch with either him or Agent Barnes, but not Matthew. It was as if he had no interest in what happened to Jenna.
Shaking off the thought, she kneeled on the living room floor and picked up blocks. Although exhausted from taking care of Eli, loving this little boy also energized her.
There was a soft tap at the front door. Marcus had insisted she get a video surveillance app on her phone that allowed her to see who was there.
Pulling the phone out of her pocket, she clicked on the app. And gasped at the sight of Matthew’s handsome face filling her screen.
She sprung up from the floor and automatically ran her hands through her hair, wishing she’d put on blush or mascara today, but there hadn’t been time.
“He’s probably here on business,” she muttered. That had to be it.
She took a deep breath. Opened the door.
He offered her a bouquet of daisies.
“Wow, thank you, Matthew. They’re beautiful.”
“I brought some stuff for the little guy too.” He nodded at a shopping bag beside him on the porch.
“Come in,” she said. “Is this about the case?”
“No, everything’s good there.”
Which meant...
Excitement fluttered in her belly. She led him toward the kitchen in the back of the house.
“Nice house,” he said.
“Thanks. It’s perfect for Eli and me. No stairs for me to worry about, and nice soft carpeting in case he takes a tumble.” She pulled a water pitcher down from the cabinet to use as a vase.
“Looks like they’ve done some good updates. I noticed new windows. That should keep the house warm in the winter.”
“It has so far.” She filled the pitcher with water.
“I suppose you’ve got an energy efficient furnace?”
“Is that why you’re here? To discuss my heating and cooling system?” she teased, turning to him.
“Sorry, no. I just...” He sighed and held her gaze. “John chapter eight verse thirty-two.”
“What?”
“‘Then
you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’ That’s the scripture you were referring to.”
“Oh.”
“You’re right, it did set me free once I admitted it to myself.”
“Admitted...?”
“I always thought the job was my first priority, that I wouldn’t give it up for anyone. The truth is, I hadn’t found the woman I wanted to give it up for.”
She was speechless at first, and then said, “Wait, you’re leaving the FBI?”
“Maybe, I don’t know. It depends.”
“On what?”
“On you.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Sure you do.” He smiled. “I’ve missed you.”
Her heart burst, and she went into his arms. As they clung to each other in the small kitchen, she thanked God for showing Matthew the way back to her.
Jenna leaned back and looked up into his smiling face. “What does this all mean, Matt?”
“It means I love you and we’ll figure out the rest as we go.”
“I have never felt so blessed in my life,” she said.
He brushed a soft kiss against her lips. “Amen to that.”
* * * * *
Keep reading for an excerpt from PLAIN JEOPARDY by Alison Stone.
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Dear Reader,
Our past experiences, including traumatic events, shape who we are as human beings. At the time we are going through challenging situations, we might lose hope and wonder if we’ll survive. Yet sometimes we come out of these situations as stronger people with new skills and insights into our lives and the lives of others.
Having survived an abusive marriage and the loss of her unborn child, Jenna North created a new identity and started a life away from the pain of her past. But when her friend’s child is suddenly in danger, Jenna must draw strength from her own personal tragedy and protect little Eli. Throughout the course of the story, Jenna realizes that running doesn’t put the pain behind her, and she can gain strength from facing the fear.