I walked from my truck and thought about punching him.
“What are you doing here?” he asked me.
“Visiting my mother. Are you drunk?”
“No,” John said. “Just got back from the club. Hit a few buckets. Talked to friends. Wait, why are you questioning me at my own house?”
“Your son was killed because he was drunk and you’re driving…”
“Give it up, Trev,” John said. He waved a hand. “You’re always going to be second best to him. Even when he’s dead he’s still doing more than you. You know, all of his friends brought me a banner. They’d all signed it. Heard a rumor that you were there. That was the thing you left to go to during dinner. Yet I didn’t see your name on it.”
“No, I didn’t sign it.”
“Why?”
“I got kicked out of the party.”
“For what?” John asked.
“For telling the truth.”
John’s lip curled. “What’s the truth?”
“That Heath got behind the wheel of the car. Fought me to do so. I tried my best and even almost got into a fight with him. I’m talking punches.”
“Shut up, Trev,” John said.
“He insisted on it… he wanted to drive…”
John lunged at me. I side stepped and he toppled to the ground.
“You fucking prick,” he growled. “It should have been you. You fucking ruined your life. Fucked up your mother’s head. And you get to survive that accident?”
I slowly nodded, staring down at him. “Good to see you, John.”
“Your father never loved you,” he said. “Neither did I. No wonder he left and started a new family without you. I would have done the same.”
I looked across the yard as John struggled to get to his feet. Then I saw the curtains move in the living room window. Mom was watching us. As much as I wanted to walk over to John and kick him in the ribs and break every single one like a twig, I held back.
I got into my truck and drove away.
Becca texted me again.
But I wished it were Sera.
* * *
“What took you so long?” Becca asked.
“Family issues,” I said.
“Great. I have lots of those too. You coming in?”
“We should talk about this,” I said. “All this shit.”
“Seriously? You’re still wanting to talk about all of this?”
I swallowed hard. I replayed the night with Sera in my mind again. That included her leaving. Staring up at me as I watched her leave. Not even so much as a fucking wave. Or even a text or a call since then.
No wonder he left and started a new family without you. I would have done the same.
“Trev?” Becca asked.
I snapped out of my trance and curled my lip.
Becca looked like she had just spent hours crying. Which she probably had. Because that’s all she did. She cried and then called me.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
I stepped forward, into the apartment.
She didn’t back away.
We were inches apart.
I shut the door… and instantly felt guilty.
Chapter 19
Serafina
I came home to find Hailey sitting on the floor with a blanket over her legs. There was a wine glass on the table, but she had the bottle of wine in her hand. I didn’t say a word to her. Instead, I dropped my bag, threw my apron across the room, and walked over to her. I plopped down next to her and grabbed the bottle for a drink.
I’d barely slept the last two nights. I spent hours staring at my phone, wondering what to do about Trev. Part of me expected him to call me. To text me. To track me down. Like he did when he showed up outside the restaurant, waiting for me. But his lack of response told me I’d hurt him. Which wasn’t a shock, I guess. I sort of figured maybe guys would like that. Or at least that’s what I was used to. With Max, I had an unspoken thirty minute rule. When we were done, I had half an hour to get out of his house. What I didn’t expect was to find Trev watching me from the window. So my sneaky antics hadn’t paid off. And I hadn’t contacted him. And he hadn’t contacted me.
Worse yet, Max texted me an hour before my shift started. Which meant that I hurried to visit him and then went to work. For the first time since being with Max, it was numbing. It was nothing but a flood of guilt, regret and not an ounce of passion. Merely just lying there in his bed, counting the seconds, hoping it would end. And not just that moment, but forever.
Max finished and got out of his bed and went right to the bathroom for a shower. I wasted no time in hurrying to get out of his house. I ran to my car, tears in my eyes, and pulled up Trev’s number. I had every intention of dumping it all on him. The truth about Max. The truth about my best friend.
But I didn’t do it.
Instead, I went to work.
The numb feeling didn’t go away. Neither did the guilt.
I started to drink the wine and knew that it was my last chance.
“What happened?” I asked Hailey.
“Shit day,” she whispered. “You?”
“Shit day,” I said.
“You’ve been weird lately,” she said. “This secret boyfriend thing… what is it?”
“Hard to explain,” I said. “That’s what it is.”
“I just fuck everything up,” Hailey said.
“Meaning?”
“I liked two guys. They found out about each other. So now I’m a whore.”
“You’re not a whore.”
“I feel like it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“So tell me about yours. Please.” she looked ready to cry.
“I don’t know what to say about mine,” I said. “There’s a guy that wants one thing from me… it used to be fun, but now it’s not. It has no chance of ever being serious, which was the attraction. Then I met someone else who is maybe, exactly what I need right now. But that scares me. Because I don’t even know what that means.”
“Letting fear control you is a really stupid thing,” Hailey said.
“Yeah, I know that. There are lots of things that I do that are really stupid.”
“Like what else?”
My eyes met Hailey’s. There was no way I could tell her about Max. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust her, but all it took was one small slip and things would explode. Plus, without fully understanding the whole story, it just made it look weird. Or wrong. Or knowing Hailey, she’d think it was hot.
Believe me, it wasn’t.
“Just dumb stuff,” I said. “All part of life.”
“Yeah,” she said. “Then again, this is nice. Just sitting here. Actually relaxing for once.”
“Do you ever think about the future?”
“What do you mean?”
“Once we’re done here?”
“Oh. That part of the future. I don’t know. I don’t know if a business degree means anything, but I’m hoping to add on some extra classes next year and see where I end up. I know my father wants me to go and work for my uncle. My one aunt is a realtor and offered me a job with her. Just keeping options open I guess.”
“Options,” I whispered.
“What about you?” Hailey asked. “You were all about economics and then it faded. Now you’re all about communications.”
“Whatever,” I said. “I’ll mix them together. Business and communications. I can work in advertising maybe. Make stuff up and get people to buy stuff.”
“Wow, that sounds so exciting,” Hailey said.
“Shut up.”
“Hey, you asked. I hate talking about the future.”
“What about the past?” I asked.
Hailey cocked her head to the side. “The past? What’s with you? What’s wrong with the present?”
I sipped more wine and frowned when I answered the question. “Everything.”
* * *
Hailey fell asleep with her head on my shoulder.
Whatever movie she was watching was almost finished, but I changed the channel before the cheesy romance ending happened. The happily-ever-after stuff with the music and the people walking around in the background, ignoring the fact that two people were just arguing but were now sucking face.
Cue eye rolling.
I put on some stupid prank TV show and looked at my phone.
I needed to talk to Trev again. Try and find a way to explain why I bolted on him the other night. When I closed my eyes, I saw him standing in the window, looking down at me. When I blinked, I saw his body. The steel cut muscles that rippled everywhere. That massive tattoo across his wide chest. The taste of his skin on my lips. The burning fantasy of using the tip of my tongue to trace the entire tribal design from shoulder to shoulder.
Being vulnerable was one thing, but being exposed… the secrets…
I took my hand away from the phone.
I put my head onto Hailey’s. She was breathing so deeply, enjoying sleep.
I shut my eyes and forced a smile. It was hard to think how it all came to this point. From picking out the cute boys in the ninth grade yearbook to this. Like it all happened in the blink of an eye, but so much was different now to then.
Sleep washed over me until I heard the beep of a text message on my phone.
I jumped up and looked at the clock.
It was an hour later.
My neck instantly started to hurt.
I moved my shoulder. “Hailey. Hey. We have to move. I can’t feel my butt here. My neck hurts.”
She groaned and I moved away, letting her slowly fall to the floor.
I grabbed my phone and got up on the couch.
I miss you
For a second I thought it was Max. But he wouldn’t text me that. No way.
The text message was from Trev.
I typed back to him.
Are you drunk?
I cringed when I sent it. Considering what happened to his stepbrother.
I waited for what felt like hours for a message to come back through.
Nothing did.
I put the blanket over Hailey and forced a pillow under her head. I locked the apartment door and walked to my room. I crawled into bed and kept looking at my phone.
I bit my lip and started typing another message.
Sorry for that text. I was just joking. Sorry about the other night. It’s hard to explain.
I sent it and rolled to my back to stare at the dark ceiling.
My phone beeped a few seconds later.
A reply from Trev.
I’m listening. I’ve been listening.
I didn’t know how to reply to that. Trev had been bothering me since the night I met him to talk. Instead of trying to get into my pants, he wanted to get into my mind. Which was different, and it sort of annoyed me because of how sexy he was. I actually preferred him in my pants over my mind.
In bed, alone, I was blushing.
Thinking about the power of his thrusts as he had me in his bed. But the best part… was when he looked at me.
I licked my lips and replied to Trev’s message.
You say that. I believe you. But what’s the point?
A fair question to ask. Why did he want to know so much about me? Why did it really matter? Just because I wouldn’t sign that banner for his stepbrother? I mean, sure, in some sense we both took our stand against what happened, but that didn’t mean that we were suddenly open books to one another.
But why not? Is that so wrong, Serafina?
I felt my throat squeeze a little. This was when I needed her. Not that Hailey wasn’t a good friend, but she wasn’t a best friend. My best friend died a long time ago. And my life had never been the same since.
I turned in bed with my phone next to me, under the covers, as though I were next to Trev. It was actually a little pathetic when you thought about it.
I waited, and my eyes grew heavy. I resisted sleep as much as I could. Just like before, I woke up to the sound of Trev texting me back.
Because I care. I need to see you again, Serafina. I won’t do what the others have done to you.
The words made me gush, but I was too tired to reply.
In my mind I had already written back to him.
I’m on my way, Trev… please don’t hurt me… and please tell me about your letters…
* * *
I walked from my room to the kitchen. Hailey had already gone to a class and she’d left me a hot pink sticky note on the counter. The note, however, was on top of a white envelope.
Hailey’s sticky note read: This was waiting outside the door for you. No idea what it is. Have a good day! Sorry I fell asleep last night. Hope you’re not mad at me.
I peeled away the note and opened the unsealed envelope.
There was a piece of paper inside. A note. From Trev.
Dear Serafina,
You never replied to me tonight. You probably fell asleep. I couldn’t sleep. Lots of stuff going through my head. Had a confrontation with Heath’s father. Well, my stepfather. I never really looked at John like that though. It’s hard because my mother really loves him. And I believe he loves her. If I didn’t, I would step in and take care of it. I’ve just never understood his hatred toward me. I know he’s grieving. I talked to my mother about it and she made a good point. She’d feel the same if I was the one who died.
Hard to think about that though, you know? To think about dying. And I probably should have that night. I mean, when I opened my eyes, the car was already off the road. Bouncing and heading right for a tree. My reaction was slow from sleep and shock. I grabbed the wheel and screamed Heath’s name. But the thing is, sweetheart, there are times when I think about it and I swear that Heath opened his eyes. A split second before the car hit the tree and everything went to hell. There are other times when I think about it and he never opened his eyes. Which was maybe a better thing, right? He was asleep, dreaming of his fiancée, and he never woke up.
As for me, I grabbed the wheel, screamed his name, hoping he could hit the brakes or something. I don’t know. There was probably no hope by then anyway. I turned my head and there was the tree. I let the wheel go and started to jump back toward my seat. I think I was going to open the door and escape.
There was no time.
I don’t remember hitting the tree. I only remember waking up in the hospital. And it was a situation where people would see me, and it wasn’t good. You’d think that seeing someone survive an accident would be a happy thing. Right? It was always sadness. Because of Heath. Because of the reality of what happened. And when I had to talk about it… the story wasn’t exactly accepted the way I had hoped. Meaning that I was the enemy somehow in all of it. Which was true. I could have done more to get the keys from him. I could have hit him in the jaw and knocked him out. I could have stopped it.
But I didn’t.
I don’t know why I’m writing all this down. I don’t know why I’m going to fold it up and drive it to your place. I told you I care and I meant that. I don’t understand why you left the night you did, but I respect it. You felt that you had to leave. Funny part of it is… that should have made me happy. But it didn’t. So you wanted to talk to me about the night we met. Tell me that when I lifted my hoodie, my shirt went up. You couldn’t stop thinking about it.
You know what I can’t stop thinking about? The moment I saw you standing there. There wasn’t much light, but enough that I could see your eyes. Something about it just clicked, Sera. Raw honesty and deep emotion. I told myself to just walk the hell away from you. But then you started talking. You had no idea who I was. I don’t know what to tell you, Serafina. But you’re stuck in my mind. Whatever it is that made you run the other night, I hope it’s not hurting you as badly as I think. But if it is, just know that I know how it feels. And, no, it’s not about my stepbrother and my stepfather. That stuff is background noise at this point. There’s a whole other part of my life that I don’t talk about. But for you, I will.<
br />
I’ll catch you later,
Trev
I put the letter down and looked at the door.
Trev was here last night?
He wrote a letter to me and drove it over here.
I thought about texting him.
A better idea came to mind.
Chapter 20
Trev
I closed the hood on the car and pat it. Another job well done on an oil change and tire rotation. The guy that owned the shop - Jerry - got the place from his father. His brother - Paul - inherited half of the business, but had no interest in it. But he didn’t give up his half. He would show up every few months to harass everyone about how dirty things looked. At least with Jerry, he was reasonable. He knew that running a garage meant getting filthy and things would be dirty.
Jerry and Nick stood outside, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. I backed the car out of the garage and parked it along the edge of the gravel lot.
As I walked by them, Nick gave a whistle.
“Why don’t you breathe for a second?”
“Huh?”
“Breathe, man,” Nick said. “That’s the fourth car so far. You’re making me look bad.”
“I don’t think it takes much for that,” Jerry said.
“He’s got a point,” I said.
“So does Nick,” Jerry said. “Take a break, Trev. Grab a coffee or something to eat.”
“I’m good.”
“No,” Jerry said. He stuck his hand into his pocket. “Take some money and go and get food for everyone. Lunch is on me today.”
“Sorry, I’m not going to get lunch,” I said. “There are a few more I want to get done before the end of the day.”
“Trev…”
“Since when does the guy who owns the fucking place not want to make money?” I asked.
I laughed.
Both Nick and Jerry didn’t.
“Jesus,” Nick said.
“We’re good here,” Jerry said. “You seem wound up. Like you’re pissed off at something. Someone.”
“That’s my personal business,” I said. “I’m going to put these keys with the invoice and then get the next car.”
EVERYTHING WRONG WITH US_a novel by: Page 12