Side note: In this chapter, we’re gonna talk about rejections from those we desire romantically. Of course, this will be done while keeping in place our foundational principle, Rejections are normal. We are going to be talking about how to find the right person, how to avoid dating the wrong people, and probably almost everything else relationship-related. Let’s see how we fare in this journey of ours. Here we go.
WHY DID THEY REJECT ME?
Now, after reading a little you may think, is this chapter just for guys? Nope. But it is very important to address specifically what teenage guys learn from rejections. Once that’s done with, it’s everybody we are talking about.
The first rejection from people you like tends to happen at a very young age, let’s say around ten. At that time, you might think a combination of a few things:
An inspection into self: I am poor, I am not cool, I am not good-looking, I am way cooler.
An inspection of the systems concerned: Dating is stupid, feelings are stupid, love is stupid.
An inspection of the sex involved: Girls are stupid, guys are stupid, guys are clueless, guys don’t know what they want, girls are complicated, what do girls want, I don’t understand them, nobody can understand them.
The point is, our observations at that age are simple and not very impactful.
But, as you grow older, rejections become more hurtful, which puts a greater emphasis on the question: Why did they reject me? Your brain answers: They want something I don’t have, which—although accurate—still does not answer, What is it that I don’t have? And this opens the gates to theories.
Straight teenage guys tend to receive information like: They want money, free transportation, expensive dates, gifts, excitement which comes from an expensive lifestyle, muscles, height, sex, perfect facial symmetry, popularity, rude behaviour, lies, jerks, rough sex, big dicks, fun, dumb guys, etc. This is what the mind of a teenager gets exposed to when trying to understand and find out why girls are not dating him! And the sources to this ‘knowledge’ are:
Dumb friends of the same age.
Older guys, with age being the only credibility behind their information.
Anecdotal evidence from guys who were cheated on and left for somebody better.
Guys with a sales pitch regarding why having sex and ditching girls is the best lifestyle because girls by nature are untrustworthy and confused creatures.
Watching some girls around them making choices to cheat and choose specifically richer or physically wholesome guys, and having random sexual escapades from time to time, and because such choices are so bold, they capture all the attention, muting the actions of girls who aren’t doing that.
People on the internet opportunistic enough to realise and capitalise on the insecurities, frustration and lack of knowledge of guys who got rejected or left by some girl. And because their business model runs on their customers feeling frustrated, they make sure it doesn’t go away. Therefore, they push you further towards victimhood, as you already feel a sense of having been wronged; instead of healing the wound, they deepen the hurt by making sure you don’t forget how you were wronged by a girl; and furthermore, they sell ideas or courses on how to become a man, a jerk, a bad boy who will from now on get any woman he wants. In short, what happened will never happen to you again. However, what they teach has no basis in understanding women or people in general from different perspectives; it is highly short-lived; and it takes you further away from the possibility of building fruitful relationships with women. After all, they care about their profit more than your personal growth.
And since most rejected, confused teenage boys hear and notice all this, the generalisations are convenient and easier to believe. Therefore, in cases where the why did they reject me is not clearly stated, one gravitates towards conclusions from the above to cope with the rejection. After all, blaming something is much easier than applying common sense.
YOU ARE STUPID AS FUCK IN YOUR TEENAGE YEARS
What you need to understand is:
In your teenage years, the brain is underdeveloped; basically, you are stupid as fuck.
Because you are stupid as fuck, you are gathering information about love, romance, and relationships from movies, television shows and the internet, all of which are selling what you want to see.
You don’t know you are stupid as fuck because you think you are an adult. You think that because, to you, your brain is functioning properly to the best of your knowledge, and also because, legally, an adult means somebody who is eighteen years old—which is absolute fucking nonsense. You remain considerably dumb until twenty-five to twenty-six. That’s when adulthood actually begins—adulthood meaning the development of sensibility.
Because you think of yourself as an adult, you fail to see the girls are as stupid as fuck too, which they are because they are teenagers or in their early twenties as well.
Because you fail to realise that these girls are not adult beings, your theories on girls become your views on women in general.
And because these views on women appear as core realities and ‘women psychology’ to you, the answers for why I get rejected drop a hydrogen bomb on your self-esteem. From all of this, rejection from women can cause you to conclude: To get girls, I will have to become a jerk, an asshole, a playboy, a fuckboi, or whatever the new term is, and that is the only reason why I am unable to get a girlfriend.
WE ARE MOSTLY SURROUNDED BY MORONS AS WELL
The truth is, you are confused, hurting from the rejection, and still can’t stop thinking about that person. What you ought to be looking for is perspectives on your situation. Now comes another huge problem: How to correctly seek help. To a lot of people, even though this is a matter of great personal importance, seeking help is seen as a weak option. Your ego doesn’t allow you to openly seek help regarding rejection out of a fear of exposing your vulnerabilities. Therefore, what you rely on is unsolicited advice.
What does that mean?
It’s somebody giving you advice because they have heard you’re going through some shit. They have no actual data or details about your problem, just an idea. The problem with unsolicited advice is that it lacks the seriousness required to solve your problem. Firstly, in order to actually solve your problem, a person would have to have a helpful perspective. Secondly, they would require personal details about you to figure out an appropriate solution for you that addresses what you want, the reality of the world, and the bullshit you might be telling yourself.
A person giving you unsolicited help ignores almost all of this. They give you information that is based on what they think, what they want to do, and what they probably do. They are mostly interested in how their advice makes them look like in your eyes. Their focus is on the impression they are making, not the solution. They might actually not even care, because the gravity of the situation has not been communicated to them. So, unsolicited advice, more often than not, turns out to be useless.
Your loved ones, on the other hand, are even worse; chances are they might say, You are special, you will get a better girl/boy next time. And even if nobody says that to you, your own mind will lead you to it after a while. After all, we refuse to accept we don’t deserve the best for ourselves in the spirit of self-importance. Your friends might also slander the person who rejected you: They didn’t deserve you. I never liked them. I always had a bad feeling about them. To make you happy, they will denigrate the person who rejected you and raise you to sainthood. They bullshit, which is why these statements don’t really make sense to you on a personal level. The truth is, the reason why you liked that person is because they are special in your mind; and you remain hurt because they don’t like you back.
We don’t often get many insightful, helpful perspectives from people around us. Those who do are lucky. So, instead of only focusing on how to deal with rejections, we should look at the source of the problem: What are the influences that shape your ideas of the kind of person you want to date, and th
e kind of relationship you want? If we can sort out the sources of our expectations, then maybe we can save ourselves from this self-repeating cycle of bad relationships, falling for the wrong people, and getting hurt by rejections.
YOU ARE BEING BULLSHITTED EVERYDAY
In the absence of perspectives, a criteria and foundational principles, what you are learning comes from garbage sources only meant to appeal to your fantasies. These sources include endless streams of movies, TV shows, content creators who qualify as reality TV actors, traditional celebrities, models, vloggers, lifestyle bloggers, YouTubers, Instagram influencers, pop stars, and this star and that star on whichever fucking two-bit app you spend your time on. Their objective is not to teach you or talk about the harsh realities of life. Their objective is to provide entertainment, set unachievable standards and get you hooked on a lifestyle that you cannot afford nor sustain. And this is why you watch them and simultaneously compare your life to theirs: I wish my life was like that.
We are living in the age of modern advertising in which humans are the products. When you buy, you are buying who they are, how they live, who they date, who their friends are, what they wear and what they do. You want a relationship like the one you saw in a movie. You want a girlfriend like the guys you follow online have. You want friends like those people you watch on YouTube have. You want a lifestyle like the people you follow on social media. You want pictures like the couple you follow on Instagram. You want your boyfriend to do cute things like that YouTuber’s boyfriend does, because to you, they seem real. All of it seems real.
You want the truth? They know what you like. It is because they know what you like that they have millions and millions of followers, which earns them millions of dollars. You are one of the millions of followers they have. They don’t know you. Your reality is not a movie. Girlfriends from movies don’t fucking exist, which is why they are called fictional characters. Your friends are not going to be a group of extremely good-looking people who have funny things to say every five seconds. You cannot have that lifestyle because such lifestyles do not exist. What exists is the fact that you love watching fantasy. That lifestyle is as real as Lord of the Rings. Those gorgeous photographs have been Photoshopped, chosen over hundreds of frames of the same bullshit idea that they want to sell you.
Your boyfriend exists in reality, not for a manufactured reality in which your relationship is scripted, choreographed and edited for people to watch. You know nothing about their reality. Therefore, stop comparing yourself to people you have never met and have no real data about.
The most dominant idea in your mind after having been recruited to support these online products is that you deserve to have the kind of life they do. You think so because you are an emotional fool. Unless you can detach yourself from emotions or control your emotions, you will remain an emotional fool; it takes years to become emotionally intelligent. So, these people become your sources of acquiring knowledge about love, relationships, dating, socialising, lifestyle and self. And your demands are now assumptions of what will make you happy based on what you have been told makes others happy. For example, for guys, one such demand is the girls they see online, girls hanging around the internet celebrities you think are your bros, buddies and family. The catch is: they are unbelievably attractive in every single frame of the video. You are fascinated by how they dress, their makeup, their bodies. It is this nonsense that gives birth to the idea of the fantasy girlfriend or fantasy partner that you want to have in your life. You have been told, shown and convinced that it exists.
And this becomes your criteria for a future partner: that fantasy person. And just like that, you detach yourself from reality, realistic possibilities, realistic outcomes, your shot at stability, your shot at maximum personal development, and in many cases your shot at a great career, your shot at self-awareness, and your shot at evading and minimising traumatic experiences.
YOU ARE CHASING AFTER A FANTASY PERSON
Since millions and millions of people are chasing a fantasy in the real world, what we have are millions of delusional people who are playing fantasy characters, which is taking them farther away from who they really are. Without any introspection or strong belief in their fantasy persona, they can’t wrap their heads around why they can’t meet that person they are meant to be with; why does every person they date end up being a jerk, cheater, liar, asshole, uncaring, boring, different, controlling, or manipulative at the end. I mean, what the fuck is wrong with people! Everything is wrong with you. You are a delusional fool who keeps deciding to date fantasy characters. And despite the rejections or bad relationships, that does not stop. There are only two outcomes from these fantasy relationships: after a course of time, either they are going to be assholes to you, or you are going to be that way to them, precisely because relationships are a thing of reality, not fantasy.
Since we are on the subject of the fantasy partner, let’s review your choices: from all your rejections, the messages you didn’t get replies to, the requests that weren’t accepted, the people you were instantly attracted to, was there ever a variety in these pursuits? Or did all these people fill the same condition of being that fantasy person? The conditions for fantasy girlfriend being:
She has a great dress sense and hairstyle.
She looks hot in her pictures.
She seems to be able to form full sentences with practically no grammatical errors, which is an indication that she is smart.
And, most importantly, how her body looks from different angles, seated or standing.
Your fantasy is equal parts porn, re-creations of movie scenes of dates and social activities, and of course the assumption that this person will never leave you.
The most common conditions for fantasy boyfriend are:
He looks presentable and is attractive.
He is doing something in his life that makes him appear competent.
He forms full sentences with practically no grammatical errors, which is an indication that he is smart.
He charmingly challenges you, which creates excitement, unpredictability and the desire to win his approval.
Your fantasy is equal parts clever male protagonists from movies, relationship dynamics from movies, and the assumption that you’re the special one for him—which he will convince you that you are, and then use that validation to make you compromise your principles for whatever ideas he has.
This happens commonly with both guys and girls who are playing fantasy characters and wanting to date fantasy characters—whatever your silly influences are. And when the same guys get dumped by these fantasy girls, they struggle to understand why. Well, she found a better fantasy character. What happened was that, over time, your relationship entered reality, which means, to her, you became boring, repetitive and real, just like her actual life. And none of that is movie-like at all.
PICK-UP ARTISTS ARE HUMAN GARBAGE
When rejections like this continue to happen, frustration, anger and hurt accrue in your mind, accompanied by doubt about your own self. At that moment, instead of asking yourself, What am I running after? You ask, Why am I unsuccessful at getting girls? Still no self-awareness, but plenty of motivation to keep going at it.
At this stage, enter dating gurus and pick-up artists. These are people who have suffered equal or more rejections than you, some of which impaled their egos so much that it forced them to make ‘getting girls’ a quest in their lives to prove to themselves they are ‘the man’. They usually like to refer to themselves as ‘alphas’ to massage their highly sensitive egos, which also acts as their G-spot during sex. What it means is that they climax immediately upon hearing a girl refer to them as alpha or its variations, such as master, daddy, which basically means they are their father. This is nothing but a crippling need to be validated by an impressionable girl with daddy issues living in a fantasy world. And these guys desperately require the reiteration of the terms alphas, master or daddy from girls to compensate for the reject
ions by girls in their past.
From that, you can naturally see how they never fully recovered from their past rejections, and now are teaching you how to recover from your rejections by becoming like them, which means as pathetically obsessed with girls as they are—because it’s somehow a competition now, and you need to win.
What they teach you is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the type of person you are choosing; on the contrary, you are right to do that. This becomes a reinforcement to choose the same type of girls that resemble your fantasy girlfriend. After learning this, instead of questioning your choices, you become more and more enthused to chase after the same type, because now, hope has arisen in you. The doubt which could have benefitted you by making you step towards a realistic analysis of your choices is now erased by the idea that you could be with those girls one day. After all, these type of girls are your fantasies, why wouldn’t you be biased towards believing you can have them! And that alone causes the delay in finding who you are, because you have now enrolled yourself into becoming somebody you are not.
REJECTIONS MEAN JACK-SHIT
How should you sensibly see rejections from those you desire?
The truth is, you don’t have real data on why you got rejected. In the absence of any data, you let your insecurities fill in all the reasons why you got rejected. What you’re supposed to do is, leave it at: you don’t have any real data. You don’t know why. Stop making it personal because you have nothing better to do. You don’t know the nature of their wants, why they want what they want, their influences, degree of intelligence, degree of experience, who they think they are, who they actually are, and if they know who they actually are. You don’t have any data. Therefore, rejection from people should mean jack-shit to you.
Have you ever rejected someone romantically? Even if it required as little effort as swiping your finger, think of how much thought and time went behind it. What were the parameters you were considering behind accepting or rejecting? How stupidly vague, impersonal, and shallow were those parameters? That’s how much thought goes behind rejecting someone. Not much. How can you take a rejection personally when it doesn’t take more than a few seconds to happen? Do you think your whole existence can be understood, judged and adequately summarised in a matter of seconds? Fuck, no!
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