The familiar route passed by in a blur, down the stairs, over the sandstone path, under the pier. But my mind wasn’t on my surroundings. It was on him.
“You’re wrong. I haven’t forgotten. I can’t forget any of it.”
“…the real reason my life has been hell is because I’ve had to live it without you.”
“You have my heart. You took it with you when you left all those years ago.”
Though beautiful, both he and his words, the same conundrum existed between us that had always been there. What place did he really have in my life or I in his after all the years and heartbreak?
“Hey, Simone.” Vassel greeted from the back of Tasha’s Outback, the scene familiar but not comforting to me today. None of my routine was. Something was off. Something was missing. Someone, my heart practically shouted in order to be heard over the din of my fears.
Vassel stuffed his mouth with his last bite of English muffin, chewing and swallowing while watching me closely. “I heard you were finally coming to hear us play.”
“Oh.” I had forgotten about that. “I don’t know,” I hedged. “Maybe. I’m not sure. My car isn’t working.” I glanced around. “Where’s Patrick and the others?”
“Tasha and Dylan are finalizing things for our gig.” He hooked a thumb over his shoulder. “Pat’s out in the surf already. He and a new guy are hitting some beautiful sets right now but they exchanged some heated words involving you before they went out.”
It couldn’t be. Could it?
I moved quickly across the parking lot shielding my eyes from the glare when I reached the sand. The tension inside my stomach instantly ratcheted tighter. I recognized Lincoln right away. Even in his wet suit the way he moved across the surface of the ocean on his board was as unique as he was.
Under the curtain unleashing his fins.
Maxing out of the tube.
Finding steep wall and going nearly vertical.
Those were the maneuvers I knew, the others I didn’t but that didn’t make them any less awe inspiring.
Linc took one wave, rode it, dry docked it halfway in, then immediately paddled out to catch another. Patrick sort of held his own for a couple of rounds then gave out, wading out of the surf with his lime colored board under his arm, collapsing in the wet sand on his back.
Chulo squeaked happily and bounded over to lick his face then went back to dashing back and forth along the beach demanding attention from everyone who had gathered to watch the two accomplished surfers compete.
Why was Lincoln doing this?
What was he trying to prove?
“I was wrong.”
I stopped twisting my hands together and glanced down at Patrick. He was still breathing hard.
“About what?” I asked.
“The guy’s crazy about you. Totally insane. He bought out the entire apartment complex where I live. He’s repurposing it as a studio. Repurposing his whole life he told me just to be near you, Simone.”
“I know.” I nodded absently, heart in my throat as I watched Linc enter the barrel of a huge wave. It collapsed on him and my breath caught. When he didn’t immediately pop back up I’d had enough. I wasn’t going to lose him again. No way in hell.
I kicked out of my flip flops and ran into the water ignoring Patrick’s call to come back. I swam when wading was no longer an option and was halfway to where Linc had gone down when he resurfaced.
But instead of paddling back in like a sane person, he hopped right back onto his board again and paddled back out toward the big waves.
“Damn you, Lincoln!” I shouted but there was no way he heard me over the roar of the surf. He probably couldn’t see me over the height of the crashing waves. I swam harder trying to reach him but got caught in the current. Even though I was a strong swimmer, without a board, without a wet suit, my limbs started to get cold and I started to get into trouble.
I went under and came back up sputtering salt water. Remembering that awful day with Linc, when he disappeared then reemerged with all of that blood on his board I panicked in the here and now. There was a reason I hadn’t been back in the ocean since that day. I still admired the beauty of the waves and the men who attempted to tame them but not for myself, not after I’d seen what they had done to my champion.
My eyes burning with fearful tears, muscles cramped on one side, I started to sink beneath the surface when I was suddenly snatched up and out of the water to the safety of Lincoln’s board.
“Dammit, Simone! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He looked furious.
I clung tighter to the turquoise and orange hibiscus striped surfboard but didn’t answer. It took me a couple of breaths before I could even attempt one. “Coming out to tell you to get the hell back to shore,” I finally croaked my voice raspy from all the salt water I’d swallowed.
“I will.” His jaw tightened. “After a while.”
“When?” I pressed. “You’ve got to be exhausted. It’s dangerous to be out here without any reserve, without an extra set of eyes to watch your back.”
“You’re absolutely right. My point exactly.” His blazing eyes narrowed. “But that’s what we’ve both been doing for the past fifteen years. Drifting alone. Barely staying afloat.”
He was right that was exactly what I’d been doing. I’d gotten stalled out inside my own life without the man who was as vital as the ocean to me, the one who helped me believe in limitless possibilities.
“I’m not doing it anymore,” he continued. “I came back for you and I’m staying.”
“Out here in the water?” I grumbled finding my sass and brandishing it as I pulled myself up onto his board. The ocean suddenly didn’t seem so ominous anymore. Not with him there to protect me.
Had he been out in the surf all this time waiting for me so he could show me that he could take care of himself and me, too?
“No.” He gave me a half-smile with that damned dimple. “Although it’s a great place to get your mind straight. Your buddy Patrick and I had a long interesting chat out here. I think we understand each other now. I told him we were together and that he needed to stand down.” He studied me a moment and his expression softened. “Why don’t you come out here anymore, Mona?”
“How did you know that?”
“Patrick mentioned it. Is it because of my accident?” he guessed.
I looked down and gripped the rails tighter.
“Because if that’s the reason, it’s a shame.” He covered my hands with his own and squeezed. “Shame to give up something you loved so much, something that brought you so much joy and gave you so much peace just because you’re afraid.” I got the distinct impression that he was talking about more than just the ocean.
“Not so afraid,” I lifted my chin casting my gaze to the gently rolling surface of the Pacific around us to make my point.
“No, I guess you’re not,” he decided after studying me with that unnerving intensity of his. “Good.” He nodded his approval then leaned forward and the line of his jaw tightened once more. “I didn’t like the note you left me, Mona. In fact it pissed me the hell off. Didn’t believe a word of it by the way. I had plans for the morning. Plans for you and me in the plunge pool with my surfboard. You kinda ruined them though and I expect you to make it up to me later.” He leaned even closer, so close I could see the flecks of gold within his mostly clear blue eyes. “Everything I’ve told you since I came back is the truth. I failed at being your hero in the past, but I’ve learned from my mistakes and I promise you I won’t fail you in the future. Whatever the conditions, whatever comes our way, we can take it.” He stroked my cheek and I nuzzled into his touch. “All I ever really wanted was this. You on my board. You in my life. Us together. What we started last night I plan to repeat and repeat and repeat.” His gaze positively smoldered. “I’ve got a lot of stamina for an older guy and a lot of years with you to make up for. It’s time for you to take that first step and start believing me. For us both to star
t living life again. Together.”
“I have. I mean I just did,” I grumbled, flinging wet hair from my eyes and starting to wring the water out of the ends. “It wasn’t a step by the way. It was more of a dive and a near drowning. But I’m here now. On your board. With you.” My solace in the storm. Always him. Forever him. I pulled in a breath and took the plunge that I wanted to, that I needed to, the one that was vital to me. “You’re right, Linc. I do care. I never stopped caring.” It wasn’t that I didn’t believe in love anymore. It was just that I didn’t believe in it for me with anyone but him. “I love you. I’m sorry I got scared this morning. But I’m ready now, ready to begin again with you.” I peered up at him through my wet lashes staring into eyes as crystalline blue as the ocean and saw my reflection, the reflection of the woman I was with him. His goddess. Far from perfect but perfect for him. “If you’re gonna be out in the deep water then I am, too,” I stated firmly then lightened my tone. “So…since you’re sticking around for a while…why don’t you teach me how to do that vertical maneuver?”
Chapter Sixty-Five
* * *
Simone
“I’m coming. I’m coming,” I shouted while hopping on one shoe and cursing under my breath when I glanced and saw the time on my cell. The driver that was supposed to take me to the Dirt Dog’s concert was fifteen minutes early and I wasn’t ready yet.
Mostly that was my own fault since I had tried on a half dozen dresses before settling on a powder blue strapless Roxy with an asymmetrical mid-calf length hem. Classy yet casual. Not as expensive as the Lilly Pulitzer ones I liked to wear when performing but I thought more practical just in case Linc wanted to play rip the clothes off of each other again.
His mood had still been a little edgy when he had walked me home from the beach. I didn’t know if that was because of residual emotion or because of the impending Dirt Dog’s performance tonight.
I scooped Chulo under my arm and opened the door. My jaw immediately unhinged.
“Ash!” I exclaimed. “I can’t believe it.” Handsome as ever he filled out a long sleeve pewter silk shirt and black tropical blend wool pants. His clothes were as tasteful as the silver linked TAG Heuer sports watch around his wrist. “What are you doing here?”
A subtle smile on his tan face, his sapphire eyes sparkling, he tucked a straight strand of his platinum hair behind his ear. “Aren’t you gonna let me in, Mona?”
“Oh, yes. Yes of course. I just wasn’t expecting you.”
“I know but Linc is busy doing interviews. The drummer is always an afterthought in those kinds of things. He was just going to send the driver alone, but I came with. I thought it would be a good time for us to talk privately.” His gaze dipped to Chulo. “What kind of dog is that?”
“A Havanese from Havana,” I explained. “They’re the national breed of Cuba.”
“Oh. He’s cute.” He stroked Chulo’s fluffy head and Chulo squirmed in my arms. Spoiled baby that he was he had to be adored by his latest fan.
“Can I hold him?” Ash asked while giving me a head to toe scan. “You look beautiful, Cinderella, but you seem to be missing a shoe.”
“Very observant,” I quipped and thrust Chulo at him. “I need my bag, too, but I’ll grab my shoe and be right back.” I started to go then whirled back to throw my arms around him. Chulo got squished between us but he didn’t seem to mind. He liked group hugs. “I missed you, Ash. It’s been too long.”
“Since the funeral,” he mused. “I agree. It’s been far too long for all of us.” His eyes were penetratingly intense.
After I slipped on my other sandal, dressier than my usual flip flops because of the shiny glittery thong, I took Chulo back from Ash. Both seemed reluctant to be parted from each other even though they had just met. My fluff ball knew no strangers only new best friends.
I closed the door to his crate giving him a treat and warning him that I might not see him till much later. I was hoping maybe Linc still wanted me to make up for my mad panicked dash this morning. I was a big fan of his creativity.
When I grabbed my purse and returned to the living room, I noticed Ash had picked up the photo album I hadn’t moved since Linc had flipped through its pages. Ash extended it toward me pointing out the same picture that Linc had seemed to stall on, too.
“I remember that day,” he said lifting his gaze. “That was when you and Linc got back together. The day I gave you the camera.”
I nodded.
“You were so happy.”
I nodded again eyes filling as I recalled how beautifully Linc had made love to me on the beach.
“Are you happy now, Mona?” Ash put down the album and picked up my hand his eyes searching.
“Yes.” The edges of my mouth curved up softly as I studied him in return. “How about you, Ash? Lincoln said you told him everything.”
“I did. It was time. I think he already knew how I felt but I was glad I said the words out loud. I think we both were relieved to get it out in the open. About me not sleeping with you, too. Having honesty between us has allowed us to grow close again when we both really needed each other. We’ve got no secrets anymore.” He tucked a strand of platinum behind his other ear suddenly looking a little tired. “We don’t have much time. Traffic’s probably not going to cooperate. Let’s talk some more in the car.”
After I locked the front door I noticed the stretch limo waiting for us at the curb. A couple of the neighborhood kids on their bikes were gawking at it. It felt a little extravagant for just Ash and me but this was all part of their rock star world now.
Gathering my skirt for modesty, I slid inside while the driver held the door and Ash followed sitting beside me on the bench seat that faced forward. The driver closed the door before making the long trek to the front. Once we were underway, Ash pressed a button letting the driver know he was putting up the privacy partition and not to disturb us. Then he shifted to face me and gathered my hands into his.
“Did Linc tell you tonight is the Dog’s final performance?”
I shook my head. “No, not tonight specifically.”
He nodded reflectively. “Well it is. With the current line up at least.” His eyes grew unfocused for a moment. “It was a dream for me at one time but we’re both really tired of it. It has taken on a life of its own and become more of a nightmare to tell you the truth.” His gaze refocused and settled on mine. I squeezed his fingers encouraging him to continue while shadows of hazy scenery passed us by in the heavily tinted windows. “Linc wasn’t the only one who struggled with the alcohol and drugs. One by one we all inevitably succumbed and it got worse after Patch. Except for the new guy. Diesel’s a bit of a self-disciplined zealot.” He stopped and pulled in a shaky breath.
“I know. I understand. Patch’s death hasn’t been easy for any of us to come to terms with.”
He nodded once. “Linc got clean before me. It’s only been a little over six months for me, and I was doing worse things than him. Shooting up.”
“I’m sorry, Ash. I didn’t know.”
“Yeah.” He snorted. “The media’s not as interested in the supporting cast of the band. Ramon didn’t care too much about me by the time I hit bottom. I’d burned too many bridges with him, borrowing money for dope, being strung out and wasted one to many times at one too many venues making us all look bad. But Linc stood by me through it all. Best cousin. Best friend a guy could ever have.”
I just nodded, my throat and lungs were too clogged with emotion to speak. Being a celebrity apparently wasn’t the dream it appeared to be to the rest of us on the outside looking in.
“These past several years have been hell for both of us.” His brow creased into a deep v. “He told you about his father?”
I nodded.
“That really hit him hard, but I think it’s also helped him in a lot of ways, too.”
I nodded remembering Linc’s words about how his father’s death made him see things more clearly.
; “It made him even more motivated to change and more open to my advice.” His fingers flexed in mine. “I’m the one who convinced him to return. He was never happy without you, Mona. Not a single day.”
My eyes filled. “Neither was I,” I admitted.
He nodded. “That’s as I suspected. Linc. Me. You. None of us were really happy after you left. We all learned too late that it’s better to have nothing and the right person to hold onto than anything else in the entire world. But sometimes the only way you can move forward is to come to terms with the past. In your case, with the three of us, I’m hoping we can merge the past and the present into a better future for all of us. Sweet, Mona.” He brushed my cheek softly with his knuckles. “It’s good timing then for the Dirt Dogs to hang it up. I’m planning on sticking around to make sure you two do right by each other. There are no two people in the world I care for more except for my parents. They’re the only other ones besides Linc and me who know the other reason we’re calling it quits.” He pulled in a breath gaze turning stormy sapphire. “I’m HIV positive, Mona.”
“No!” Eyes widening, I sucked in a shocked breath.
“Don’t know whether I got it from sharing a dirty needle when shooting up or from unprotected sex. Doesn’t really matter at this point.”
I unbuckled my seat belt belatedly realizing we had stopped. I threw my arms around his neck. I wasn’t prepared to lose someone else I loved. “I’m sorry, Ash. So sorry. Whatever I can, I’ll do. I’ll be here for you, too. Just like Linc. All the way. I love you.”
“I love you, too, baby. But hey,” he unpeeled my arms from around his neck and smiled softly, “it’s not a death sentence anymore. As long as I take the antiviral drugs, I can live a long time just like other people with a chronic illness.”
“On a happier note, Linc and I have a project together that we’re very excited about. One that involves you. You’re actually the first artist we’re signing.”
“The Blaine deal. I know. Linc mentioned they want to use our song.” The one about our feelings for Lincoln and the love for him we had in common.
(Complete Rock Stars, Surf and Second Chances #1-5) Page 28