“It’s ok,” I replied. Only it wasn’t. Because I feared he didn’t expect me to show.
• • •
Ashland
“Stop pacing. She’ll be here. She loves you, dude. Stop trying to add it up in your head. Love doesn’t follow any set of rules. Definitely didn’t in my case. I got way better than I deserved.” He glanced at Simone. She sat perched on the edge of her chair at the small table directly in front of us, her cell at the ready to record our performance for Karen, who had to keep the shop open. “But then again, it’s not my job to worry about how I lucked out or why she chose me, is it? My responsibility is to return that love lavishly. To make sure she never regrets her decision.”
“That’s what I’m attempting to do with Fanny.” I gave Linc a glare. I might have growled. I was a little, ok a lot, on edge. Catching catnaps in my office hadn’t been working all that great for me. Neither was spending all the empty hours without her working to show her what she meant to me. Yeah, it kept me busy. Kept my support network close by without me having to verbalize that need to them per se. But the price was living every waking breathing minute with her on my mind.
Yeah, ok. Her being on my mind day and night was happening regardless. I had been reading Shakespeare and yoga. Namaste. Trying to meditate on it. Her parting words to me about the light and beauty she saw in me kept replaying prominently in my mind.
“Let’s go ahead and do the song, man.” Diesel stomped over to us, lifting his chin to the crowd that had gathered. “It’s the internet age. All those people are already taking pictures and shit and posting it all over social media. Once you sing it’s gonna be on YouTube in seconds.”
“Once she sees it, even if she doesn’t see it live, she’s gonna be yours. The song’s fucking awesome.” Ramon leaned in. Like Diesel he was riled up and ready to play.
“Not gonna make it easier by waiting.” Linc slapped me on the shoulder. My drumsticks were in his hand. Our roles in the band would be doing a one eighty for this number. “You sure you ok?” He searched my eyes.
“Yeah. It has to be me.”
“I get it. To demonstrate that you’re changing for her. A gesture of your faith. Only you sure your breakfast is gonna stay down?”
“One can hope.” It was only a protein shake. And the nausea that usually plagued me on stage in front of people was curiously absent. Yeah, I was nervous. Pent up energy pinballed around inside me. But something she had helped me realize was that being up here wasn’t as big a deal as I’d made it out to be. This wasn’t a sold-out stadium, for sure. But the size of the venue wasn’t relevant. What mattered was that I wasn’t alone. I had the people who meant the most in the world to me, minus her. But even though she wasn’t here, I found that I could sense her energy. Somehow she’d seen past all of my faults and hang ups and poor choices to discover the true essence of who I was. All those good things she saw in me? I knew now they were real. A woman with Fanny’s vision didn’t fall in love with a mirage.
Simple.
Yet profound.
And she was right about something else. There weren’t sharks out there.
Just a lot of people who wanted to hear us rock.
But I would be careful of the power cords.
If I did end up on YouTube I didn’t want to stumble. I wanted to look good, to be good—beauty, love truth, honor and light—for her.
• • •
Fanny
Doubts. I started having them as the delay stretched into an hour and a half and I was still stuck in the backseat as my Lyft ride inched along.
Why hadn’t Ash given me his cell number?
Was it because he didn’t want me to end things over the phone?
Surely he had more faith in us than that.
But what if I was wrong?
What if he had sent me away for a different reason than I had imagined?
What if it wasn’t that he didn’t expect me to show up, but that he didn’t want me to?
I was a lot of trouble. His life was undeniably simpler and quieter without me around.
Doubts.
Talk to me directly, Ash had admonished.
But how could I if I couldn’t reach him?
I also remembered the conversation with Simone.
If something happens, something that makes you doubt how much he cares for you, would you just come to me before you decide it won’t work out? Or come to any of us. Karen. Linc. Ramon. Second chances are hard to come by.
I didn’t have anyone’s personal number. But I could get the one for the surf shop. I googled it on my cell and called it. She answered on the first ring.
“Offshore. How can I help you?”
“Karen, it’s Fanny.”
“Fanny. Where are you?” She sounded upset.
“I’m stuck in traffic.”
“Oh.”
“I know I’m late. Is he…is he going to be at the coffeehouse when I arrive?”
“No, Fanny. He’s not.” My heart sunk. “He’s already been there and left.”
“Oh, no.” I exhaled a tense breath. Tears filled my eyes. “I left in plenty of time, but traffic is terrible. The main drag here in Manhattan Beach is just as congested as the freeway was. And he didn’t leave me his cell number. I didn’t even have yours.” My shoulders were so tight they were up at my ears. A sob escaped.
“Oh, honey. I don’t think you understand. He was at the Cosmic Cup. All the Dogs were. Simone, too. I would have been also, but I had to manage the shop. Because of your sister, business is brisk. Ash sang a song for you. It’s very romantic. Simone captured it and sent it to my cell. Give me your number.” I recited it to her quickly.
“Got it. I’ll forward the file to you. In the meantime, keep heading south all the way to Ocean Beach. I’ll tell Ash what happened and to expect you.” She hung up. My cell dinged with an incoming message, and I swiped trembling fingers across the screen.
The video image was a little shaky. Simone must have been excited as she was filming it. But there was Ash—holy shit at center mic! Flanked by Diesel and Ramon, with Linc behind him on drums, he looked gorgeous. Light blue tee molded to his chest. Board shorts snug in all the right places.
OB navy ball cap on backwards, he grabbed the mic, wrapped his finger around it and pulled it out of the stand. “This one’s for the woman I love. She doesn’t worry about sharks when I’m around, and I don’t worry about tripping over power cords, much less about being everything she needs.” I swayed even though I was seated. “It’s called, ‘The Real Me’. Fanny Bay this is for you.” He glanced over his shoulder, nodding to Linc. His cousin clacked his sticks together. I recognized the staccato beat of the song right away as the one Ash had been working on before Hollie and I had left.
Then I just watched him.
Being sexy.
Moving to the insistent beat.
His sculpted lips to the mic, his hand over his chiseled chest. An entreaty in his gaze and in the lyrics he sang, his words washed away the last remaining doubts inside of me.
Living the dream life
One dull day at a time
Trapped inside an image
With no reason or rhyme
They may think that they know me
What the hell do they know?
They see the shine of the spotlights
But they don’t reach my soul
But you came
And you saw things
Even I couldn’t see
You connected
And perfected
Showed me who I could be
You’re the only one
Who could see the real me
Always kept my true self hidden
Behind a door locked away
From a world who would judge me
And the things they would say
But you have this vision
To see past my disguise
And there’s nowhere to run
From the light in your eye
s
Cause you came
And you saw…
Chapter Forty-Seven
* * *
Ashland
I saw them on the beach. Linc and Simone. Karen and Ramon. Diesel. But I ignored them. Got back on my board and went out for another wave. I didn’t want to come in. Not yet. I wasn’t ready.
I exited a tube just before it collapsed, pumped the remnants part way in and dropped back into the water. Dipping my head into an incoming wave to get my hair out of the way, I was just about to go back out when I heard him calling.
“Yo, asshole.”
Diesel.
Fuck.
“Yeah?” Throwing my arms around my board, I lifted my gaze to him.
“She’ll be here soon.” His dark eyes sparkled with unexpected excitement. “If you don’t come in now you’ll miss her again.”
“Yeah, I know,” I admitted. “I just needed a little time out here to get my head right.”
Fanny had been on her way to the coffeehouse. She’d missed us because she had gotten stuck in traffic and because we’d had to leave shortly after performing the song due to city ordinances and the growing crowd of fans. We’d been in the Woodie Wagon halfway into a two-and-a-half-hour return trip to OB when Karen had called to relay the information.
I swung my board around turning the nose to the shore.
“Alright.” My thoughts continued to churn. She was coming. And I wasn’t planning on letting her leave ever again.
I turned to regard Diesel. He was kicking in beside me. The waves weren’t propelling us fast enough. “She’ll go to the penthouse first.” I was thinking out loud.
“Yeah, so.”
“So she’s everything, Diesel. I know you don’t believe in love. But she’s it for me. The real deal.”
“I believe in it. Theoretically. For other people.”
“Love is the most powerful compelling wave you’ve ever seen.” I needed to explain this to him in terms he could understand. “It’s knowing even as you take that wave that you’ll never completely master it. It’s using all the skill and life experience you have, but it’s also letting go because you know there’s no other choice for you and no better ride to bring you home to the perfect shore.”
He gave me a wide eyed blank look in response to my explanation.
I sighed, maybe there wasn’t ever going to be any hope for him. “Well, the coffeehouse thing got flubbed. I want this time to be right.” My feet hit the sand. I tucked my board under my arm and jogged to join the others to tell them what I had in mind. Karen got on the phone again to see how far away Fanny was, and how much time we had so I’d know if my new idea was feasible.
“She’s on the Five,” Karen informed us. “Turning off at the Seaworld exit. Thirty minutes tops before she’s here.”
“Ok, everyone. To the Deck Bar. We need to get all the battery-operated blinking candle things Doug has. Karen,” I pointed at my eyes then spun my two fingers around to direct them at hers. “You gotta stall for time while we set things up. Call her again. Tell her to go to the penthouse. Make sure she does. Make sure she gets up on the roof.”
She nodded her agreement, then we all sprang into motion.
• • •
Fanny
“Can’t you go any faster?” I asked the driver.
“I could, Miss, if there weren’t a bunch of cars in front of me.”
“Alright,” I puffed out an impatient breath and drummed on my legs.
Settle down, I told myself. Stop the drumming. I’d be there shortly. He knew I was coming. After that song, I knew how he felt. We would be together soon.
Shortly felt too long. And soon did not take into account how long I had been in the backseat of this car. From before noon to now with the sun on its way down.
I popped my door open the moment the driver parked. I thanked him and jumped over the curb onto the sidewalk. My yoga pants stretching well with my rapid strides, my Chloés were a purple blur of motion over the concrete. Luckily, there was plenty of light around the building, and I knew my way to the door.
With my Lakers cap, my knight’s favor, crowning my head, I punched in the code for the elevator Karen had provided. No security guard now to check in with, I was going straight up. When I reached the floor and got to the door, I stopped. I didn’t have a key. I knocked, tapping my foot impatiently.
“C’mon, Ash.” I couldn’t wait to see his face, to throw my arms around him. The door popped open just as I was about to draw my cell out of my pocket.
“Karen,” I said my disappointment evident. She looked windblown, stray strands of blonde snarled around her head. “You ok? Where’s Ash?”
“I’m fine. Just a little out of breath. I was outside. A little errand.”
I touched her arm. “Where is he? Wherever that is, that’s where I want to be.” She cast her gaze upward. “Is he up on the roof?”
“Well,” she hesitated. “Let me show you.”
“No, that’s ok. I know the way. Why don’t you get a drink of water? Sit down. Take it easy.”
“Sure.” She smiled. “I’ll do that.”
“Good.” I turned for the stairs.
“Good to have you back, Fanny.”
“Good to be back!” I yelled over my shoulder before taking the stairs two at a time. Up at the top, I shoved open the door and burst through the opening. A quick glance around left me confused. No one was there.
What’s going on? I wondered as my cell rang. I drew it from my pocket. It was a number I didn’t recognize.
Him?
I answered. “Hello.”
“Fanny.” His deep voice made my heart flutter.
“Ash,” I returned, suddenly breathless as if I’d sprinted the stairs all over again.
“You on the roof?” he queried.
“Yeah. Where are you? What’s going on?”
“Go to the half-wall, baby and look out.”
I did, and I saw. Lights floating on the water, surfers bobbing and holding them up in the air. The little flickering ones that had been all over his bedroom the night he had made love to me. On the shore they were arranged in a line, an arrow on the end. It pointed to a circle where he stood. “You called it, gypsy rose. You knew. The penthouse might be a sanctuary, but it’s a lonely place to be without someone to share it with. Come on down, let’s start living our life right now together.”
I did. I practically flew. The living room was empty on my return trip through it. The public parking lot was full. I skirted through the cars. I rushed down the steps to the beach. Karen and Ramon. Simone and Linc. They were all there. A little puff ball, too. Simone’s dog Chulo bounded around everyone on the sand. A blinking light was attached to his collar. They were my reception line at the shore. I received pats on the back as I slowed to walk to Ash. Inside the circle of light, the breeze tossed his platinum hair around his handsome face. His smile as I stepped into the circle with him nearly blinded me. He opened his arms, and I launched myself into them, knocking him back some with my momentum. His strong arms banding around me, he swung me around in a circle.
“Namaste,” he told me as I slid down his body, my curves conforming to his compelling strength. “Honor, light, love, truth, beauty and peace are within you, Fanny. I see them because they are also within me, and I share them with you. In sharing them I complete the circle the way you complete me. We are united. We are one.”
“Namaste,” I returned. “I missed you.” I brought my hands up to his face and framed it.
“You decided?” His eyes searched mine while his friends, our friends, watched us.
“It wasn’t a decision. You plus nothing else was all I ever needed.”
“I feel the same. You turned my regrets into peace, my missteps into certainties. You gave me a second chance, a new start when you filled my lonely tower with your light. And now that spark has spread to our friends. Look around. You’ve set the beach and the whole ocean on fire.”
/> “Where thou art, there is the world itself.” My gaze traveled over his beloved face. I smiled feeling like my mom was there giving us her blessing as I quoted Shakespeare. “You sure you won’t get bored with just me?”
“Impossible, gypsy rose. I have at least a million fantasies involving you to fulfill.”
“I have some with you, too,” I admitted.
“Right, so we’ll take turns fulfilling them to be fair. After we work our way through the back catalog we’ll start working on some new ones. I calculate that we’ll be through…right about ‘never’.” His expression reverent, his eyes were no longer dark anymore. They glittered with hope like the beach all around us. “It’s just you, Fanny.” He lowered his head. “I only want you.” Oceanside eyes of blue filled my vision. “I only love you.” I closed my eyes as his warm lips touched mine, and I received his perfect kiss again.
The first one he gave me made me his.
This one made him mine.
Epilogue
* * *
Fanny
I woke to the sound of the automatic blinds whirring as sunlight streamed into the room. I turned my head from the windows to look at him. Well, what I could actually see of him. His face was buried in the side of my neck beneath a ruby jumble of curls. He teased me about having my nose always pressed to his skin, but his obsession with my scent seemed to be just as intense.
My lips curved as his strong arms tightened around my waist. It was good to be back in our own bed. Not that there was anything wrong with sharing a bunk on the tour bus. Being on the road with the Dirt Dogs felt like taking an extended road trip with friends. Still we both preferred the privacy of our penthouse.
Home.
We’d had lots of room to play last night and we had taken full advantage of the space. Up to the roof for dinner then making love in front of the outdoor fireplace under the stars. Then downstairs and the shower. Then the bed twice.
(Complete Rock Stars, Surf and Second Chances #1-5) Page 87