But at least while surfing, I would get his touch and the opportunity to touch him. I might even fall off a few times on purpose, just so he would fish me out of the water and slide his protective hands over me.
“Ready?” Diesel raked his gaze over me as I stood there staring at him, probably with too much of all I wanted burning in my eyes.
“Sure.” I glanced down. I was more than ready.
“Gonna surf in your dress?”
“Oops. Just give me a sec. Easy fix.”
I untwisted the tuck between my breasts and heard his sudden intake of air and a low curse as I opened the dress as if it were a curtain to reveal me and the new strapless swimsuit I wore underneath.
“You thought I wasn’t wearing a top?” I put my hand on my hip.
“The one you have on barely qualifies.” He stepped closer, the flames in his eyes licking fire over my skin as he swept his gaze over me.
Beneath the stretchy one-piece with all the strategic crisscrossed laces, my breasts grew heavy, the nipples fine points that ached for him to pinch and pull like he had so expertly done so many times before.
“Get in the water so I can get my hands on you.” His voice was low and gravelly, scraping more awareness into already aware nerve endings.
I didn’t need any further instruction. I moved toward the ocean, my need throbbing between my legs with each step I took in the sand.
Behind me, a cell rang. My cell. The ringtone was jarringly familiar.
“Your phone’s ringing,” Tam called out from his chair. “Would you like me to answer it for you?”
“No, that’s all right.” I shook my head, wishing I’d turned the ringer off.
Diesel put his hand on my upper arm, holding his surfboard in the other.
“Your text notifications are going off too.” Tam held up my phone. “Pinging like crazy.”
I heard them, unfortunately. The phone call had been Olivia. The texts were probably from her too. She didn’t like being put off any more than the man at my side did.
“Do you need to get that?” Diesel asked from where we’d stopped, my toes near the water’s edge.
“It’s my agent.” I bit my lip and cringed as it rang again.
It’s doubtful there was a true emergency. I was off the grid. The world of entertainment had gone on without me. Surely nothing had cropped up in my absence that would change one way or another if I delayed answering her.
“Olivia Avalon. I remember her.” Diesel frowned, and his fingers tightened on my arm as my cell kept ringing. “She’s persistent.”
“Maybe I’d better just go ahead and get it.”
“Okay.” He released my arm. “I’ll go back out for a few. Raise your hand when you’re finished, and I’ll come back and get you.”
I gave him a nod and trudged back up the sand. Taking my cell from Tam’s hand, I felt his gaze on me as I answered it. “Hello?”
“What took you so long?” Olivia asked.
“I’m at the beach. I was getting ready to go surfing.”
“You what?” she screeched.
“A board you put in the water. It floats. You stand on it and ride waves.”
“I know what surfing is. I just never in a million years imagined you doing it.”
“I’m trying new things.”
“Do you think that’s wise in your condition?” she asked, and I glanced over at Tam. He had resumed drawing. It didn’t seem like he’d heard her.
But I moved a few steps farther away, just in case. I was going to tell Diesel everything later in private. I couldn’t put it off anymore. It wasn’t going to go over well; I’d known that from the beginning. But it would go over better, I hoped, coming from me and not someone else.
“You know I came out here to get my head together.”
“And you think surfing’s doing that?”
Was it? I stared out at the ocean and at Diesel, replaying Tam’s advice in my head.
“I think it is.” Or at least the surfing was part of it.
“Good. You sound better.”
I didn’t confirm or deny. My mental state was much improved, but I knew there was a gathering storm rolling in with the potential to wash all I’d gained away.
“Is that why you called, and texted, and called?” I asked her. “To check up on me?”
“Partly. But also to give you a reminder.”
“A reminder for what?” My brows drew together.
“The Valentine premiere.”
“It’s days and days away.”
“Yes, but the strategizing needs to be done well in advance. You know how these things work.”
I did. It was just that I’d slid all the way into island-side living. It was as jarring as her ringtone to be reminded of my life on the other side of the Pacific, miles, thousands of miles, away from here.
My gaze stalled on Diesel as he popped up again and took on another wave. How quickly would he move on once I was gone?
“Can we talk about this tomorrow?” My chest cinched tight. After I made my confession, I would likely be on a return flight to LA.
“Sure, only I wanted to give you a heads-up that the Valentine people want you and Flynn to appear to be an item.”
“Okay,” I replied dully, ever the dutiful client.
“Oh, and it wasn’t me that texted. I would check your messages. It’s probably Ernie. He keeps going on and on about the gown he wants to design for the premiere. He texted me several options. I’ll forward them. It’ll be your choice, of course. But we still need to get together with Flynn’s people to coordinate.”
“All right.”
“And, Hollie, you do realize you’ll likely be showing by then. Right?”
I glanced down, my hand automatically sliding into a protective position.
“We’re going to have to decide soon how you want to handle the pregnancy in the media.”
I closed my eyes, pressure building behind them.
Cold drops of rain spattered on my skin, and I glanced up. A tropical shower had blown in, and I knew another one, the emotional storm I’d been avoiding, wasn’t just on the way.
It was already here.
Chapter Forty-Nine
* * *
Diesel
“Let me go with you.” In the front doorway, Hollie shifted her weight from one foot to the other like Koa did when he was nervous.
I shook my head. “You were sick just now. I think you overdid it again today with the surfing and the sun. I want you to stay here at the house.”
I glanced over her head to the driveway where Koa and Tam waited for me inside the van.
“It was just a little indigestion.” She dropped her gaze, continuing to look pale and queasy.
Guilt roiled inside me. I’d kept at her too long, but she was making so much progress, paddling into her own waves and riding longer. Plus, I loved any excuse to put my hands on her.
“There’s no such thing as a little when you puke.” My eyes narrowed. She’d been acting different since I’d tried to pin her down about us. “Why not just say why you want to go with us so badly?”
She lifted her gaze, her expression clearly signaling that pushback was coming before she gave it to me. “Why didn’t you want me to get a rental while I was here?”
“Because I like you on the Ninja with me.”
“I like being on it with you.” She stamped her hand to her hip. “But is that the only reason?”
I shook my head. Hollie was putting me on the spot, giving like for like. So I gave it to her straight, the way I wanted her to always be with me.
“I’ll use any excuse I can get to put my hands on you, and to get yours on me. The Ninja was an excuse to strand you at the house with me. I wanted you to myself. I didn’t want you to potentially meet someone else.”
“I like those excuses. But we knew going in that we couldn’t hide from the world. Not for long, anyway. Real life intrudes, no matter how much we both might not want
it to.” Her brow creased, and her gaze clouded.
I didn’t know if she was thinking about her agent’s call, or if she was remembering something to do with the bodyguard. But whatever it was, it made her sad, and I didn’t like it.
I gave her a firm look. “Maybe the real world intruding won’t be as bad as you think.” Not if we got things straight between us.
“Maybe.” She sighed. “I wish I had a dad like yours.” Her eyes filled. “Or that I even knew who mine was. You realize how fortunate you are to have Tam, don’t you?”
“I do. I think it’s a mutual admiration society of two with you and him. But I’m still not going to let you go with us. Rest. Get your color back. Such as it is.” I tried to make light of it when we both knew we had a serious conversation coming.
I pulled Hollie into me and kissed the top of her head, breathing her in.
“All right.” Her hands on my chest, she lifted her head, and the sadness in her gaze pierced my heart. “I’ll be waiting for you to return.”
“C’mon, dude.” Koa honked the van’s horn. “I gotta get to work.”
“I have to go. But we’re talking when I return.” I’d let her have a reprieve earlier. No longer. I was afraid trepidation about us might be what was making her sick. It was definitely setting me on edge. “You’ll see my dad another day. With you having the rental, we can pick him up and bring him out again.”
“All right,” she said, but my concession didn’t seem to improve her mood. “Let me just give him a hug before you go.”
Removing her hands from me, she shifted to slip past me, but I stopped her. She glanced down at my grip around her upper arm, then looked up.
“What are you doing?” Her eyes were filled with tears, and her lips trembled.
“What’s really going on with you?” Unease churned in my gut.
“I’m just going to say good-bye.”
“Not looking that upset.” When she froze in my hold, I had a terrible thought. “You’re not thinking of leaving before we talk, are you?”
“I’ll be here when you get back.” Honesty shone in her gaze. “Can you let go of me, so I can see him?”
“All right.” I didn’t want to ever let go of Hollie. That was the problem.
But I released her, and my heart did some messed-up shit while I watched her. The gravel crunching beneath her flip-flops, she grasped the door and slid it open. My throat burned as she and my dad embraced. I don’t know what she told him, but he gave me a look over her shoulder that made my uneasiness grow.
“Hollie, hold up,” I said as she started to beeline it straight back toward the house. Possessiveness rolling through me, I grabbed her gently but firmly once more by her upper arms. “You step one foot off this property before I get back, and I promise you, I’ll come find you, and you won’t like the mood I’ll be in when I do.”
“Diesel, please don’t make a scene in front of your father.”
She tugged to try to free herself, and I gave in, knowing I was acting like a caveman. I felt like one with her. Impatience weighed on me heavily, like the burden of her secret seemed to weigh on her as she moved slowly back into the house.
My goal became startlingly simple. Keep her here whatever it took.
My arms swinging with that purpose, I yanked open the passenger door of the van and climbed inside. “Don’t say anything, either one of you.” I hit my dad and Koa with a warning look before I buckled in.
Tam’s worried frown made my stomach chop like the surf had earlier this morning.
“What’s wrong with Hollie?” he asked me.
“I don’t know exactly, but I plan to find out.” As Koa swiveled in his seat to back out of the driveway, I turned some of my ire on him. “And you need to stop lusting after her. She’s mine.”
“I get that. Jeez, bro, I saw the kiss, and I knew way before that how things are with you two.” Leaning his elbows on the steering wheel, he glanced both ways before pulling onto the main road. “You need to lighten up. Chicks don’t dig panicked vibes.”
“What could you possibly know about it?” I snapped.
“Got a little prior experience.” Whatever experience it was made him frown. “Didn’t work out so great for me, but the point is, take some advice from a friend for a change instead of just dishing it out.”
I frowned at him.
“She’s into you.” Koa stopped the van at the intersection and gave me a glance to see if I’d argue. When I didn’t, he nodded and took the turn while throwing more unsolicited advice at me. “You got it made. She’s nesting in your digs. She’s fucking gorgeous and sweet. Count yourself fortunate. Don’t buy trouble.”
I didn’t feel fortunate right now, and I didn’t have to buy trouble. Trouble was here. Sure, Hollie wanted me. I could work with that. As a starting point. With time maybe, but I didn’t have any more of that left.
“Don’t park,” I told Koa as he turned into the drive for the facility. “Pull us up to the building, and I’ll get him into his room and come right back out.”
“Sure, man.” He met my dad’s gaze in the rearview mirror. “Cool to see you again, Mr. Le. Don’t be a stranger anymore, all right?”
“Thanks for the help today, my boy.” My dad reached forward and patted Koa on his shoulder.
“Even exchange. Enjoyed spending the day with you.”
I got out, went to the back of the van, grabbed the wheelchair, and brought it around. My dad sank into it without argument, surprising me. But him laying into me about Hollie before we were halfway up the walkway into the building was predictable.
“She’s going to leave soon.”
“That’s what she told me.” My fingers tightened on the leather-wrapped handles of his chair.
“Don’t try to strong-arm her into staying. She’s not one of your women. She’s the kind you get to keep, if you’re lucky, but she’s got a mind of her own. You’re going to have to be reasonable. Give a little to gain what you want.”
His expression reflected in the glass door told me as well as his tone how unlikely he thought me being able to be reasonable was.
“I hear what you’re saying.” I waved to the receptionist and steered his chair down his hall.
“It’s not a sign of weakness to give. She’s not like Lalana.”
“Noted, and I agree.”
“Can you note something else for me before you leave?” My dad took over the operation of his chair, spinning it around at his doorway and glancing up at me expectantly.
“Sure thing.”
“Speak your mind if you need to, but don’t forget to listen to your heart.”
My heart was practically useless, but I gave him a nod. “I’ll try.”
“Don’t stand on the sidelines anymore and watch your life pass you by. Take a chance. Before you’re an old man like me and all your chances are gone.”
I considered my dad’s advice as I strode back down the hall. Then my cell rang. I glanced at the caller ID and took the call.
“Yo, asshole,” Ash said. “I’m gonna apologize to you in advance for interfering in your shit, but my woman’s pretty worried. You gotta give me some reassurance to pass along to her that you’re having a care with Hollie, considering her condition.”
Chapter Fifty
* * *
Hollie
After Diesel left, I paced back and forth, straightening pillows, making the bed, occupying my hands while my mind whirled with worry. I knew what I had to say, but how was I going to say it? Did it even matter? He was going to be mad no matter what.
I knew. I’d known all along that I should have told him up front about the pregnancy, but I’d wanted him, and I was afraid the price of having what I wanted was going to be costlier than I could imagine.
My cell rang, and I jumped. The noise jangled nerves that were already on edge.
“Hey, Fanny.”
“You didn’t tell him you were pregnant?”
The instant her shoute
d question hit my ear, my cell slid from my grip.
“Why?” I heard her say from my phone on the floor. “What the hell were you thinking?”
I was thinking that Diesel had a heart that had always called to mine. That he was more handsome than any man had a right to be, and that the more he let me in, the less I wanted to ever get out. But I didn’t say any of that. I just picked up the phone and accepted the consequences.
“I made a mistake.”
“You think?”
“How did you find out?” I asked.
“Ash called him because I was worried about you.”
She should be worried. But this was on me.
The door to the house suddenly slammed open.
Looking at him, knowing he knew, and that knowing had cost me everything, I began to tremble. “Diesel is here,” I said into my phone. And he wasn’t just mad, he was furious. “I’ll have to call you back.”
“Hollie, don’t do anything foolish.”
But I already had. I disconnected the call, set my phone down, and moved toward him with my hands outstretched. “I’m sorry.”
“You are a sorry sack of shit.”
I stopped, the only time since the moment that I’d first met him that I didn’t feel compelled to move closer.
“I am. You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Just like Lalana, only worse.”
I staggered on that comparison, trying not to be sick as he continued to pummel me with words I deserved.
“With her, I always saw the shit coming.” Diesel shook his head, giving me a disgusted look. “How long were you going to keep it from me? Did you want me to think it might be mine? What the fuck was your end game?”
“I didn’t have one,” I said softly. “I just wanted to be with you.”
He seemed to consider that. Something worked behind the avalanche of darkness in his eyes.
“I tried to tell you.”
“You didn’t try very hard.”
His assessment was correct. Once I’d had him, it was too late. And now his expression was immovable. I’d grown so accustomed to his care and kindness that I wasn’t prepared to bear the brunt of losing them.
(Complete Rock Stars, Surf and Second Chances #1-5) Page 137