“How about Evelyn? How is she holding up?”
“Emotionally probably better than I, but her morning sickness has been aggravated by the motion of the ship and she has been spending the better part of each day abed with that malady.”
“It’s hard to imagine MacKintosh a father,” he said absently as they wandered through the main salon.
“He’s been just wonderful with Laurie already. So patient and loving,” she insisted. “I think he will make a wonderful father. How about you, Jack? Don’t you want children?”
An image flashed through his mind, slipping away before he had a chance to grasp it fully. “Of course, I must have an heir one day.”
“Of course,” Kitty replied. “An heir.”
It was a shame his thoughts could only follow such a course, she thought. After seeing Jack with Hannah and Abby’s three children, she felt certain he would make a wonderful father too. She was sure it would be more a pleasure than a duty for him. He would be a father who did not simply dominate his children’s lives but also share them, as her own father had up until the moment he had arranged her marriage to Freddie.
Shaking off the unwanted turn in conversation, Jack steered back to a more casual topic. “There is a very nice library on board as well as a music room. There is music during and after supper every night. Are you sure you won’t come out tonight? The meal last night was very nice; turtle soup, Scotch salmon with hollandaise for the fish course, filets de boeuf a la Bordelaise, saddle of mutton with jelly. They make a custard with rhubarb that is manna from the gods.”
“Strange, that’s the exact supper the porter brought to my stateroom last night,” she teased. “What an incredible coincidence!”
“Indeed, but is it as delicious when experienced alone?”
“If that’s a not so subtle hint, I will give in gracefully and invite you to join me for dinner.”
“In your room?”
“Yes, I have a separate sitting area where we can dine.” She raised an inquiring brow. “Can I trust you to be a gentleman?”
“My word.”
Chapter 23
Friendship often ends in love;
but love in friendship—never.
~ Charles Caleb Colton
Still aboard the SS Teutonic
A few days later
Nearing the port of New York
“You know,” Jack murmured softly, “MacKintosh has told me again and again how good Eve is at this, but I never imagined you would be as well.”
“I’m quite talented.”
“More than I might have imagined.”
Kitty sighed and stretched, reading the focus and concentration as he contemplated her thoughtfully. “Your move. What are you going to do now?”
“How did you get so good, I wonder?”
“Practice, Jack. Lots and lots of practice.” She grinned at him, wondering what he would try next.
“As we’ll make the port of New York tomorrow, this is my last chance. Very well,” he muttered, and slid his piece to the left. “How’s that?”
She merely smiled and shook her head ruefully. “Not good at all.” She leaned forward. “Check mate.”
Jack sat back in his chair and stared at the ceiling, running both hands through his hair in consternation. “I cannot believe it. I have never seen a woman play chess as well as you.”
“Just a woman?” She reset the pieces on the board and toying with his king before tipping it on its side.
“I stand corrected.” He reached across the table and took both of her hands in his, pressing a kiss of worship to each palm. “I am defeated, master.”
Kitty couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped her. Jack had been incredibly supportive during the entire journey from Scotland, tolerating her moods with aplomb and standing ready to catch her if she began to sink deeply into her dark mourning again. In this last week of their two-week crossing, he’d spent his days listening to her stories of her father with patience, holding her when needed and otherwise respecting her grief and privacy as she and Eve mourned together. In the evenings, they would dine together, or with Francis and Eve in their stateroom. She didn’t know how she could have made it without him.
Each night before he left her alone in her room, he would kiss her goodnight to remind her of the nights that would be theirs someday. It had come as a bit of a surprise, that first evening he joined her for dinner, that passion could override her sadness and leave her restless through the night for reasons that had only to do with him. Though he would walk with her and keep her company through the day, he reserved those longing kisses for the evening. She had begun to wish the days away completely, so eager for the nights was she.
Their kisses and embraces became more passionate and intense with each passing night. Their intimacies grew more daring as she urged him on and tempted him farther and farther, relying on his strength to leave before they went too far.
She yearned for the day when they could finish what they started, when he could take her fully and show her the something she was sure she had been missing. The something that would put an end to the tension and frustration plaguing her.
Someday soon, when their love affair ended, he would continue on to other women and eventually, perhaps, a wife. She hoped by that point he would be back in Scotland, because Kitty wasn’t sure how she would bear watching him go to another. What she would do then, she had no idea, but she was determined to enjoy him as long as she could until that day came.
It would certainly come, she knew. Jack might have shown a side to her these past days he rarely revealed—the man of depth and caring, nurturing—but that would not change the essence of who he was, and Jack Merrill was a man who would never settle down to one woman. She knew it, had been lectured on that point again and again. Kitty might not like it, but she accepted it.
When the time came, her heart might ache with pain and loss, but it could not be broken when no promises had been made. No expectations shattered.
“It’s getting late.” Jack looked at the clock mounted on a table under the window. Kitty’s stateroom suite consisted of two small bedchambers connected by the small sitting room where they took their evening meals and entertainments afterward. She, of course, had one chamber. Hannah and her nursemaid occupied the other though, she confessed, her daughter shared her bed most nights.
Francis and Eve had been assigned one of the largest suites available in first class, a benefit of the Glenrothes title, while Jack, under those same auspices, had been given a large single cabin with appointments better than his own home. Sung Li had insisted on taking a steerage berth initially, but Kitty rejected that summarily. He was below in second class, coming above frequently to assure himself that his mistress’s needs were being met.
When she said nothing further, Jack turned to discover she had been watching him through lazy eyes. Bedroom eyes, he thought, taking a deep, controlling breath. These last nights had been a test of that control. Kitty’s passionate kisses and responses to his roaming hands had put him on the edge of undeniable temptation. That she was clearly relying on him to bring a halt to their encounters made him feel unworthy of that trust. His control was waning. The enticement was growing. The unsatisfied lust eating at him. If she knew he wanted nothing more than to throw her down on the bed and ravish her for days on end, she might ban him from her cabin for the remainder of their journey.
“I should leave.” While I still can.
Still she only stared at him from across the table, silently assessing, until the tension stretched between them so unbearably, he actually jumped when the connecting door opened. Hannah’s nursemaid stuck her head in.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, mum, but Hannah woke and is calling for you to tuck her up.”
“Of course.” Kitty cast an unreadable glance at Jack as she stood.
Hannah appeared in the doorway, looking delightfully soft and rumpled as only a sleepy child could. She was rubbing her eyes with one hand
while the other kept a ragdoll tucked next to her. “No, I want Uncle Jack to do it.”
Kitty rolled her eyes when Jack’s brows shot up in surprise. “It’s your own fault.”
It was, he thought with a reluctant smile. Frequently, over the past days, he’d taken to playing for a bit with her daughter when he arrived to escort Kitty on deck, and just today had tucked her up for her nap before they left. Strangely, he didn’t mind at all. He held his arms open to the wee lass and she dashed into them, flinging her arms around his neck. Cuddling the toddler’s sleepy, warm body to his with a kiss to the top of her head, he caught Kitty’s intense, wide-eyed look. He certainly wasn’t sure what it meant.
They hadn’t talked about it at all, but now he wondered if she might be dismayed by her daughter’s new found attachment to him. Perhaps she feared that Hannah might miss him when he left one day, when Kitty decided their romance was done. Over the course of the past week, he’d begun to wonder if he would ever get enough of Kitty after he finally had her. Jack knew without a doubt that she would have to be the one to end their bargain, as he intended to keep her for as long as she allowed.
It was as if her own particular fantasy were playing itself right before her very eyes, Kitty thought as she watched Jack carry her daughter back to bed. A pang of yearning rang through her heart. He was the picture of a loving father, tossing his child into the air before he swung her down into the trundle bed that tucked up under the nurse’s during the day. A father figure much as her own loving Da, though she doubted he would appreciate the comparison.
When he rubbed his nose and cheek against Hannah’s, Kitty thought she might swoon.
Pressing a hand to her heart, she turned away, unable to bear the sight as her throat tightened and her eyes burned. Longing welled within her, stronger than any she had ever felt in her life.
She wanted him in her life so badly! She wanted to watch this scene take place a thousand times and revel in each one. She wanted Jack. Wanted him to be a father to her children. In that moment, she realized there was no chance to halt the downward slide she had been on for weeks. She loved him and wanted nothing more than to have that love returned. Their lives could be so very good together. She wished he could see it that way. His love could give her the family she always wanted. That magical unit she had seen in Eve’s home and in Abby’s.
“Mama, kisses,” Hannah demanded, and she swallowed back the welling emotion to move to the bed and press tender kisses to her daughter’s cheeks and forehead.
“Now, sleep, young miss,” she commanded sternly, though her voice was tight with feeling.
“Yes, Mama.” The child immediately rolled to her side, cuddling the doll under her chin.
With a nod to the nursemaid, Kitty withdrew to the parlor then to stare out the little window, as Jack offered her daughter sweet dreams before closing the door behind him.
Jack noted the stiff posture of Kitty’s shoulders as she looked out at the passing ocean. The lights of the ship bounced off the wake, creating a twinkling display. He was certain he knew her thoughts. He had overstepped his bounds with her daughter. How could he explain to her that he enjoyed the impish child and her unbound enthusiastic affection? Kitty and Hannah had given him a glimpse of something he had not been a part of since Abby’s mother, his stepmother, had died. She would think him a sentimental fool if he confessed to such claptrap!
With a sigh, he moved to the door, ready to leave this haven that tempted him with thoughts he shouldn’t have. With women who were not his to hold forever. But as he turned to reach for the knob, a pair of soft, feminine arms slid around his chest as Kitty embraced him. Turning in surprise, he allowed himself to be pushed back against the door, his arms encircling her as hers slid up and around his neck.
Without a word, she pressed her lips to his, parting them with a sigh. Any coherent thought fled his mind when she pressed her lush body against the length of his. His lips claimed hers roughly as his strong arms embraced her like steel bands. Turning his head, he devoured her lips again, his tongue gaining entrance to spar with hers. He rotated, pushing her back against the door, his hands coming up to her cheeks, then her neck, before urgently running down her arms, pulling the cap sleeves down as they went.
As he nipped at her shoulders, then neck, licking and sucking a hot path to just behind her ear, Kitty clung to Jack’s shoulders, reveling in his power and strength. Her head tilted of its own will to allow him better access to her neck. His breath panted against her flesh, creating an answering urgency in her as she caught his earlobe lightly between her teeth.
Jack groaned and returned his lips to hers in a kiss that burned through them both. His groin throbbed painfully, insisting on release, on an end to the frustration. He caught her breasts in his hands as hers slid aggressively inside his dinner coat and pushed it from his shoulders. Through the thin cotton of his shirt, her hands were hot, as they kneaded his chest and shoulders before moving to the buttons on his waistcoat and shirtfront. When her hand met his bare chest and moved across his ribcage, Jack’s lust rocketed beyond any he had ever imagined.
The feel of his flaming skin thrilled Kitty as she caressed his chest and abdomen inside his open shirt. She wanted that naked flesh pressed against her own. As if hearing her plea, Jack loosened her bodice and pushed it down, allowing her to feel only briefly the delicious friction of his chest against hers before he ducked his head, capturing one nipple between his lips.
She clasped his head against her, thankful as he gathered up her skirts with his hands. She was able to wrap a leg around him, to feel that hard length of him pressed against her. When his hand came up to cup her bottom, she raised her other leg as well, wrapping them both around his hips as he supported her weight.
His lips followed a path back up to her lips as he carried her through the connecting door into her bedroom, kicking it shut as he passed. Holding her body flush against his, he lowered them down to the bed and pressed her down as she gloried in his weight, his engulfing power. His lips took hers fiercely again, dragging them both farther into the turbulent passion that enveloped them. She tilted her hips up as he ground himself against her.
When Kitty gasped audibly, he only chuckled low in his throat.
“Shh, my love.”
In the next minute, he froze, pulling himself up on his forearms to stare down at her. Sweat beaded his forehead; he was as breathless as she.
“Jack?” she moaned, still lost amidst the strength of their hunger. Unconsciously, she arched against him, wrenching a low groan from him. “What’s wrong?”
Resting his forehead against hers with a painful, he gave a depreciating chuckle. “You don’t want this.”
“Yes, I do.” She slid her arms around his chest and urging him to return to her as she caught his lips once more with her own.
Gathering all his inner strength and resolve, Jack levered himself up and sat up on the edge of the bed, cradling his head in his hands as he fought a battle with his own will. He was hard, ready, and wanted nothing more than to plunge himself into depths he knew would be hot and welcoming. Just the thought made his body shudder with want and lust.
He could take her now. He knew it. She lay still against the bed with her bodice open, her skirts raised. One knee bent up in open invitation. Her eyes eager, ravenous even. His body begged him to just roll back into her embrace and take what he wanted so badly.
Pulling at all his resolve, he stood and fastened his buttons with shaking hands, refusing to look back down at her until she pulled down her skirts and adjusted her bodice. “What’s wrong?” Her voice trembled. “Don’t you want to…?”
He could not stop the painful moan that escaped him. “Good God, Kitty! I do want you, can’t you tell?” He grabbed her hand and pressed it to his throbbing groin, even as the contact forced an animalistic growl from him.
He released her hand, but she lingered, caressing his length with some fascination.
“Stop,” he hear
d himself beg.
“Why? Why, Jack?” she whispered, her voice dark with desire.
“Because this is not what you want.” He held up a hand when she started to speak. “I know you say you do, but I know once you regain your senses, you will remember what you have said before. You wanted to wait.”
“I…”
“I have seen this coming for days. I should never have let it go this far.”
He buttoned his waistcoat and gave it a tug at the bottom. She tucked her legs under her skirts and blushed with embarrassment as Jack sat again next to her and reached out to caress her cheek.
“Don’t shy away, my love. It is only because I don’t wish to face your regrets in the morning that I have the strength to stop myself from taking you.”
His possessive tone deepened Kitty’s blush. Taking her. Little did he know how much she truly wanted to be taken. She longed to become one with him. She supposed she should be thankful he maintained his control, but a tiny part of her wished he would set aside his integrity. What a shameful woman she had become.
“We will arrive in New York tomorrow afternoon,” he reminded. “The next few days will be busy ones. Soon you will have a chance to speak with your father’s lawyer about the divorce proceedings. I will focus on that, my love, because when it is done, I will be able to finish what I started, and I will finish it, I promise you.”
He lifted her chin until her eyes met his. “I want to finish it. More than you can imagine. I want you.” He bent forward and kissed her tenderly. “Madly, wonderfully, painfully.” He punctuated each quality with a light kiss, eliciting a breathy huff of amusement with the last.
He rested his forehead against hers as they both regained steadier ground. Kitty savored the soft stroking of his thumb against her cheek. “Thank you, Jack.”
He sucked in a laugh. “Don’t thank me. If you knew half the thoughts in my mind…” He kissed her once again, wistfully. “Good night, my love.”
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