All You Could Ask For

by Angeline Fortin

  “God, no,” she snarled at him, to mask her aching heart as it cried out, Yes! Yes!

  That was exactly what she wanted from him. Perhaps not immediately, but she hoped that maybe someday. But this was Jack Merrill she was talking about, her mind argued. He didn’t take women seriously. That was why she offered to be his lover to begin with. She wanted to experience something meaningful that she might tuck away in her heart to cherish when he moved on to his next lover. Her heart clamored to tell him the truth and face his rejection now before she spun even more absurd fantasies about him.

  “Why would I want you to do that?” Her heart clenched in her chest.

  “Then what on earth do ye want from me?”

  “What I want, Jack Merrill,” she growled at him, “is for you to twist your damn wrists around, all right?”

  “What?” Haddington moved his wrists experimentally and was amazed when the ropes loosened just enough for him to slip his hands out easily. “How did you do that?”

  “Shush! He’s coming back.”

  * * *

  Jack slipped over the wall of the stall, leaving her to face Hayes alone when her ex-husband returned. Freddie glanced in amazement around the small space, finding himself short one captive. “Where’s Haddington?”

  “Haddington?” Kitty repeated innocently, as if she had no idea whom he was referring to. “Oh, yes, big man? Grey jacket? He’s not here.”

  “Where did he go? You tied him up right there.”

  “Did I? I don’t remember.”

  “Don’t play with me.”

  “Wouldn’t dream of it,” this with deadpan sarcasm he missed.

  “Of course not. You know who’s in charge here.”

  “Naturally, I do. He is.”

  She nodded her head past Hayes, and he whipped around to face a grinning Jack.

  “Hello,” he drawled, before knocking Hayes out with a hefty right to the jaw.

  Finally feeling some satisfaction, Jack bent to retrieve the pistol Hayes dropped then nudged him with his toe until the man moaned. With the other two thugs still presumably lurking nearby, there was no time to bring Hayes along. The best they could hope for was to bind him and trust he was still here when they sent the authorities back for him. He shot Kitty an inquiring look as he bound Hayes’ hands with the ropes.

  “So I’m in charge now?”

  “Not at all.” She shrugged innocently as Jack returned to untie her bindings. “I had to tell him something, you know.”

  “Come, let’s get out of here.”

  “You’re not just going to leave him there?”

  “I would like to kill him for touching you, but I don’t think you’d care to have me do it right in front of you.” Jack raised a brow. “Or would you?”

  She tilted her head, considering, even as Hayes roused himself and caught her eye.

  “You’re truly a sorry woman, aren’t you?” the injured man moaned.

  “Come on! We need to leave,” Jack reminded Kitty, but Hayes continued as if he hadn’t spoken.

  “At least I was honest with you. I wanted you for yourself, loved you for yourself yet you throw yourself at this one like a common whore.” His eyes were bright with obsessive jealousy. “He’ll never love you like I do. He only wants your money.”

  “And you didn’t?” She sneered scornfully.

  “She’s with me now,” Jack cut in.

  “You think you can steal my wife? I have put years into her. You think I’m going to give it all up now?” Hayes flashed a hateful look at Jack before turning back to Kitty. “And you, I would take you without a penny, even now, after you whored yourself to this man. I always wanted you. Ever since we were children. I would do anything to have you. When you disappeared, I was out of my mind with worry. I was crazy to have you back.”

  “I’ll say,” Jack muttered, earning a frown from both of the others.

  “I was trying to be patient, waiting for you to come back, but you took too long. Much too long. But I knew,” Hayes ranted on, “I knew when I couldn’t find you, when the detectives I hired couldn’t find you fast enough, there was one thing you would come back for.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I knew if your father died, you would come home,” the bound man continued his raving. “No matter where you were, I knew you’d come back, and quickly—faster than I could ever find you. And I was right, you came right back home, didn’t you?”

  A thousand thoughts spun through her mind and Kitty gaped at her former husband with wide eyes.

  “Freddie?” she whispered in horror. “What are you saying?”

  She turned to Jack with dawning comprehension, hesitant to know if he heard the same thing. His golden eyes were filled with pity and she swallowed painfully.

  “No!” She moaned, closing her eyes against the realization as pain welled up within her.

  “You killed Lelan Preston?” Jack voiced the question she could not, staring down at the crazed man.

  “It was nothing really.” The man shrugged, as if he hadn’t just confessed to murder. “I went to his office to find out where you really were after he sent me on that goose chase to the Carolinas. Caught him napping at his desk. He was just tipped back in his chair, snoring and…”

  Kitty staggered around in a near faint before bending over and vomiting into the hay.

  “Oh, my God,” she moaned falling weakly to her knees. “It’s all my fault.”

  Hayes sneered a bit at that. “Of course, it was. If you hadn’t run off like that, I would never have even been there. You were out whoring yourself to this man while your father died, Katherine. He died because of you!”

  “Nay,” Jack ground out. “He died because you are an obsessive son of a bitch!” He picked the man up by his lapels and shook him like a rag doll. “You couldn’t understand she didn’t love you, didn’t want you, and you set off in a jealous rage. You are insane.”

  Haddington pulled back a big fist and threw it into the man’s nose, spurting blood. He drew back and hit him again, and yet again. When Hayes fell to the ground, Jack went with him, pounding his face repeatedly until the murderous villain was lying limp and bloody. Still he beat him.

  “Jack,” Kitty whispered hoarsely from behind him. “Jack, please!”

  He shot her a look over his shoulder, finding her leaning bonelessly against the stall wall now. Her face was ashen and tears streaked down her battered face, enraging him all the more. All this pain because of the pile of offal at his feet.

  “He deserves it. He killed your father. He deserves to die, as well.”

  “Not by your hand,” she rasped out. She came forward and took his bloodied hand in hers. “You are not that man, Jack. This is not a hand that deals death and pain. You are not him. Let him hang as he deserves.”

  “Kitty…” He traced the knuckles of his unbattered hand against her cheek.

  “Wot’s goin’ on here now?” a gruff voice interrupted, and they turned to find Jasper and Meany at the barn door, staring at their employer who was laid insensible at Jack’s feet.

  Jack retrieved the gun from his belt and pointed it at them. “Don’t think about it, fellows.”

  “Eh, and he ain’t even paid us yet,” Meany protested.

  “And he never will,” Haddington announced. “Admit defeat now, or I will shoot you without hesitation, I promise you.”

  “You threatenin’ us?” Jasper asked, with eyebrows to his hairline.

  “Good guess.”

  “There are two of us, you know?”

  The earl pulled his arm slightly to the left and fired a shot into Meany’s arm. The man flinched away, crying out and staring at Jack in amazement.

  “I have several more shots and a deadly aim. Now sit.”

  Handing the pistol into Kitty’s shaking hands and praying she wouldn’t accidently shoot him, Haddington bound the pair of accomplices hand and foot, and tied them at opposite sides of the stall.

  T
aking the gun from Kitty, he turned back to Hayes who still lay unconscious in the hay and thoughtfully pointed the pistol at his head.

  “It would be so easy.”

  “If anyone should do it, it should be me,” she sobbed. “He killed my father to lure me home. How can I live with that?”

  Lowering the gun, he wrapped his arms around her as she buried her face in his chest. “It’s none of your fault, my love. You must know that? He was insane, that much is very clear.”

  “Because of me!” She beat against his coat in frustration and tried to twist out of his arms, but he held her firmly. “Let me go.”

  “Nay,” he replied inflexibly. “You must realize this was not your fault, Kitty. One cannot predict the whims of a madman.”

  “He killed my Da!” She pounded his chest angrily.

  “Aye, he did. He did,” Jack emphasized, trying to pull her to him, to comfort her even while she continued to struggle.

  “Wouldn’t be blaming yerself fer anything Hayes done, mum,” Jasper offered, drawing the eyes of his captors. “He’s fair peculiar, that one. Be happy, I would, to tell the judge to what he confessed if ye’ll have ’em go easy on us. Just trying to make a bit of coin, ye know?”

  They looked from Jasper to Meany, who was currently shooting daggers at his cohort.

  “Would you now?” Haddington asked.

  “Yea, didn’t know nothing ’bout no murder till he blabbed about it earlier,” Jasper insisted. “Thought the man just wanted his wife back.”

  “You’ll wait here, then, until the authorities arrive to take a statement?” Jack asked ridiculously, since both men were bound. “I’ll put in a word for you if you do.”

  “Certainly, sir.”

  “Very well.” Jack turned to Kitty, wrapping an arm around her to lead her away. “Come, let’s get you home. Your mother is worried sick for you.”

  “Oh, what will Mother and Eve say when they find out?”

  “We do not have to tell them if you choose.”

  “I don’t know…” Kitty shook her head. “No, I want Freddie punished. I want him to pay.”

  “He will. Come now.”

  “Tie his feet first,” she choked out. “I can’t let him get away.”

  With any of it.

  Chapter 34

  Nothing is more perplexing to a man

  than the mental process

  of a woman who reasons her emotions.

  ~ Edith Wharton

  She felt as if she had been run over by a freight train, both physically and emotionally, Kitty thought as she lay in bed late that night, alone by herself at last. She had been in the same state for all the hours since Jack carried her back home and into her mother’s arms. Maggie proceeded to coddle her within an inch of her life as her wounds were cared for, only to pass her off to Sung Li to do the same. Between the pair of them, her sister and the doctor, she’d had about all she could take, but add into that Jack Merrill who hovered in the doorway as if he truly cared when all his words indicated differently.

  As if his callous dismissal of their lovemaking hadn’t been enough, his words to Freddie regarding her skills had sent her over the edge, torn between anger and humiliation. It was enough to bring her to tears. Even if he hadn’t been pleased by her, why say so? Especially to her ex-husband. It was all enough to make a girl bury herself under the covers and hide away from the world.

  But that wasn’t all.

  There was the guilt as well.

  The discovery that her father had been murdered because of her was tearing at her soul. Despite Jack’s assurance that she wouldn’t have to say anything regarding Freddie’s involvement in her father’s death to her mother or sister, Kitty had not been able to keep the secret to herself.

  Oh, Mother and Evie had not cast their blame and accusing eyes upon her. Much to her surprise, there had been no blame, no fault leveled at her, only Freddie. Indeed, they had been all that was sympathetic to her plight. Kitty, however, had not been able to stop blaming herself, knowing that if she hadn’t run, her father would still be alive. It ate at her when she recalled Freddie’s rambling confession, his lack of remorse for what he had done and his conviction that he had done it because of her actions. No matter what anyone said, she felt as if she might as well have killed her beloved Da with her own hand.

  Sighing deeply as the tears leaked from her eyes, she tried to roll on her side, minding the tight bindings around her bruised ribs. She had been lucky Freddie’s vicious kick had not broken them, the doctor said, citing her steel-banded corset as the protective factor. Still, they throbbed terribly, as did her entire face. Cradling her swollen cheek, she wept into her pillow.

  A ray of light streaked across her bedroom floor as the door cracked open, and she turned her head to eye the intruder before laying her head back down with a groan. Kitty didn’t feel at all prepared for this. But of course, despite his uncaring words, Jack was nothing if not a gentleman. He would come here now and lie, say whatever he must to comfort her.

  “What do you want?”

  He winced. “Your mother would not let me see you earlier, so I am reduced to sneaking in like a thief. I had a hard time avoiding Sung Li in the hall. He paced for so long I thought he might never leave. How are you feeling?”

  “I’m fine. There, you can go now.” She sniffed. “You’ve done your duty.”

  Jack just shook his head. “Despite what you might think, it is no duty to be here. You must know I care for you, Kitty…” His words were left dangling, inviting a response, but she remained silent. “I’d like to lie with you if I might.”

  “Why?”

  “To offer comfort.”

  “I don’t need your comfort.”

  “I think you do.” He kicked off his slippers and shed his dressing gown, revealing his bared chest in the dim light. He wore only his linen smalls.

  She shuddered with unwilling desire as he climbed into the feather bed.

  “Go away.” She moved away from him. “I don’t want you to look at me. I look awful.”

  “Aye, you do,” he said with brutal honesty. “I’d like to find Hayes and beat him some more for laying a finger upon you. But you are still beautiful to me.”

  “What a cool liar you are,” she scoffed, and pushed at him. “Go away. I don’t want you now.”

  “I don’t lie, and I just want to hold you, my love.” His words were so soft and caring that, for a moment, she could but look at him with doubt, wondering at his compassionate demeanor.

  But, no, his words, so contradictory of those previously spoken, could not be taken at face value now.

  “I don’t need you to hold me,” she insisted, shoving him away once more, unable to bear being in his arms any longer while knowing he didn’t feel as she did about their affair. “Leave me alone.”

  “Nay,” he countered again, pulling her firmly into his embrace. “Perhaps I want to be held. I feared for your life today, you know.”

  But Kitty continued to struggle against him, pushing her fists against his wounded shoulder, bringing a whoosh of pain to his lips and her own as well, when his arm wrapped around her bruised ribs.

  “Stop fighting me, would you? You’re just going hurt us both.”

  “Then just let go of me!”

  Jack’s arms tightened about her. “Nay, just calm down now. Stop it! I’m only trying to help.”

  “It’s that simple to you men, isn’t it?” Rage built up in Kitty and she suddenly felt as if she were about to explode. “Why is it that I must always be the one who gives in to you? What makes your wishes so much more important than mine? I hate to be the one to tell you this, but just because you are a man, you are not a god!”

  “What’s that supposed to mean? I’m just trying to comfort you.”

  “By forcing it on me? What if I don’t want your help?”

  “If I didn’t help, you’d still be tied up in that loft.” Jack released her so quickly she fell back against the mattress. Wh
en he reached out to steady her, she almost growled at him. “See?”

  “Just because I needed your help doesn’t give you reason to override my wishes. Just because I am a woman doesn’t mean that I don’t know what’s best for me. That I can’t do or have what I want! You’ve got everything you want now, including a body to warm your bed, and think that’s just how it should be because you’re the Earl of Haddington.” Kitty blathered on, tears blending with her anger until Jack didn’t know whether she was sad, mad or a raving lunatic. “I ask you, what have I gotten?”

  “I didn’t ask for your money, Kitty. I don’t even want it anymore,” he growled. “And I must remind you that you offered your body.”

  “And what was I thinking?” she threw out at him. “I thought that we would have a wonderful, affectionate, long-term love affair. I thought we were…” She gasped, cutting off her own train of thought. “But already you’re dissatisfied, aren’t you? Am I not enough for you? Am I not good enough to keep your attentions? Do I just not have enough experience to compare?”

  Kitty jerked away with a sob, ashamed she had voiced the hurt that had ravaged her over the past day. She thought their lovemaking had been beyond words, yet to have him voice his dissatisfaction so blandly. Apparently, he was ready to move on. It wounded her vanity to the core, to say nothing of her heart.

  “So, you’re done then, and ready to move on? Fine! Go! But know I will do what I want, when I want, from now on.”

  Where was all this coming from? He wanted only to comfort her. If she would only take a moment to think, she would realize he wasn’t trying to dominate her or dismiss her because of her gender. “What has got into you? You’re being irrational.”

  “Irrational,” she cried. “I don’t get irrational. Just ask anyone!”

  “Well, you’re being irrational now! If you just calm down…” Jack started to argue, but snapped his mouth shut when she poked a finger into his chest.

  “Stop telling me what to do! You are not my master!”

  “Christ Almighty, Kitty.”

  He reached out to her again, but she rolled away from him, slipping off the opposite side of the bed to face him. With her arms akimbo, hair tousled and eyes snapping with fury, Jack was momentarily distracted from their argument. By God, but she was a beautiful lass. A beautiful, infuriating, confusing lass. The woman had a temper! He would be willing to wager six weeks ago Kitty would never have dreamed of arguing with him or anyone else, fearing reprisal or punishment, and yet look at her now. Ready to stand her ground even if it seemed she was hanging on the edge of insanity. She had taken on Wallis without blinking an eye, berated him heartily at the theater, and now looked prepared to fight Jack to the death.