Vincent had waited for her answer but Moira only stared at him, willing him to open his eyes and see what was right in front of him. But it wasn’t to be. “Are you waiting for the punch line?” he laughed instead and chucked her lightly on the chin.
With a sniff, Moira turned her shoulder to him and turned to gaze across the lawns. She knew he was puzzled by her action, but other than just telling him straight out that she loved him and no, not just as a friend, she didn’t know what to do. She knew he liked her, he had told her so. But it had always been closely followed by a comment on their friendship or about how important her letters were to him.
“I do not believe that I would have you say anything, Vin,” she said at length. “If he cannot see on his own, I do not believe that anyone could remove the blinders from his eyes.”
“So you will not tell him?”
“Tell him?”
“That you love him?”
Moira turned away and blinked rapidly against the rush of tears that came to her eyes. “What makes you think that I am in love?”
Vincent wrapped his arms around her middle and pulled her back snugly against his chest. He rested his chin comfortably on top of her head and swayed her slightly side to side. “What makes me think you are in love, dear Moira? Am I not closer to you than any other is? Are we not the closest of friends? I can see it in you, lovey!” he whispered. “It is on your face and in your eyes. Why do you not reveal it?”
Moira closed her eyes against the emotion that flooded her. For a moment, she savored his warm embrace then turned in his arms and looked up into his eyes for a long moment. All her hopes and, yes, love were in her eyes. Waiting in vain. She moved away from him with a careless shrug that was becoming a signature move with him to hide the despair inside. “No, Vin. I will not reveal it. Ever. You can only lead a horse to water, you can’t make him drink.”
* * *
Moira flung an arm over her eyes to erase the memory even as her heart tightened painfully and tears sprung to her eyes. That was the last time she had seen him before finding him in the room below. Funny, how easy it had been to forget those disheartening moments. How could she have forgotten a lifetime of disappointments? For years, she only remembered the love she had felt…still felt. She dismissed all the reminders that her love was utterly one-sided.
Now Vin had returned and all those memories flooded back as well. One after another. Perhaps it was just as well that he had never been aware of her affections. At least she could still face him without the shame and humiliation of an outright rejection between them. Vincent had been confounded that night when Moira had fled back into the ballroom but he hadn’t known. He had never known.
The thick-skulled dolt.
There was a quick knock on her door before it opened and Eve’s voice cut through her misery. “Moira, whatever are you doing lying there like that? You’re going to crush your gown!”
Moira peeked out from under her arm to find her friend glowering at her with her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face. “I don’t think I’ll come down for dinner tonight, Evie.”
“Nonsense!”
“Truly, everyone will want private time with Vin and…”
“Get up, Moira!” Eve commanded sternly, for she knew exactly what was going through her friend’s mind. Moira might think avoidance would solve all her problems but Eve knew better. The sooner Moira faced Vin, the sooner she could move on with the life she’d put on hold all those years ago. While Eve hoped it would be the life Moira longed for or not, hiding out from Vin wasn’t going to provide her the answers she needed. “If you think for one moment that I’m going to allow such cowardice from you, you’ve got another think coming! Now get up!”
“Evie, really!” Moira protested, even as Eve grabbed her hand and tried to haul her bodily to her feet. “Stop, please remember you just had a baby! You shouldn’t be lifting anything, especially me!”
“Then get up so I don’t have to!”
Moira pulled herself up in defeat but only sat on the edge of the bed. “Why, Evie? Why should I even bother?”
Eve sat down on the bed as well and slipped an arm around her friend. “Moira, I have known you for many, many years. You are the most stubborn, willful woman I have ever known and I mean that in the best possible way, but this is getting out of hand! You allowed yourself to be confined to the farthest reaches of the Highlands for years to avoid marriage to any man besides Vin MacKintosh. Oh, don’t try to deny it! You might say that your father or grandfather wouldn’t allow you a Season, but I know that you’ve had both of them wrapped around your finger since you were a baby. It’s only been this past year that you’ve realized you want more out of life and were willing to come out and find it.”
“I just wanted to make a life for myself,” Moira insisted, hating the hesitancy and trepidation that were eating her alive. “I’ve been so…”
“Lonely?” Eve finished and Moira offered a hesitant nod. “Of course, you have, dear! You weren’t meant to be alone, even stubbornly alone. But you have a real chance here to change all that.”
“I’ve told you before, Vin doesn’t feel that way about me,” Moira argued.
“I saw enough today to make me think otherwise,” Eve told her. “And I can’t believe the Moira MacKenzie I know isn’t going to finally fight for what she wants!”
This sentiment so closely echoed what Harry said earlier that Moira finally lifted her head and considered her friend thoughtfully. It was true enough that her status in Vin’s mind was the one thing in her life that Moira had never taken proactive steps to change. Other than that day at Ascot when she’d been determined to confess all, she always just hoped, wished, and faithfully anticipated that he would one day feel the same.
Eve was right! This was so unlike her.
In truth, Vin had no idea how she truly felt about him. How she had felt all these years. She was his best friend’s little sister, after all. Perhaps Vin wouldn’t or couldn’t consider her romantically much in the way that Richard had denied what he felt for Abby for so long simply because she was Jack’s little sister.
However, there had been that time when she’d caught him looking down her neckline with some appreciation, her mind argued as it wandered back picking out those moments that had encouraged her. He saw her as a woman once, if ever so briefly.
But, the devil on her shoulder replied, perhaps he’d been embarrassed or ashamed of those thoughts. Vin had been very close to Jason for many years. He wouldn’t want to cause strife or strain to that friendship, so it followed that he wouldn’t flirt or toy with Jason’s sister. Especially when Jason had been a very protective brother. Was it possible Vin felt more than he let on? She asked the question of Eve.
“I think it’s very possible,” Eve assured her. “Recall when Richard told us that even when he realized that he was in love with Abby that he felt he shouldn’t act on those feelings lest he offend Jack? I’m not saying Vin has harbored romantic thoughts for you in the past, but perhaps he didn’t look on you in such a fashion because of who you were, namely his closest friend’s baby sister. That might not be the case now.”
“Do you think after all this time it might truly be possible for him to look on me as more than that?” Moira asked for more confirmation.
“Why wouldn’t it be possible?” was Eve’s firm rebuttal. “You are a beautiful, intelligent woman, Moira. Any number of men have seen that this past year. Aylesbury has seen it and if Vincent MacKintosh is such a fool that he can’t see you as a woman grown now, then he doesn’t deserve you anyway. You may go to Aylesbury with my blessing, but you must give Vin a chance, don’t you think? Don’t you both deserve one last chance?”
She wanted the chance, Moira admitted to herself. As much as one part of her wanted to flee Edinburgh at Aylesbury’s side in desperate avoidance, there was another part of her that still clung to the hope that Vin might love her one day. She was torn between the two. One safe. One risking heart
break and humiliation. Perhaps Eve was right. Just one more chance to see what might have been and what still might be.
“I will try, but I can’t just tell him, Evie,” Moira told her. “I could never humiliate myself like that.”
“No, but you can hint strongly.” Eve’s lips twitched mischievously. “And perhaps a hint of what he’s been missing might be in order as well.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning if you want him to think of you as a woman and not a child any longer perhaps you should show him.”
“Show him?” Moira parroted with a puzzled frown.
Eve drew Moira to her feet and surveyed the gown she wore, a conservative gown of apricot silk with a modest neckline. Shaking her head, Eve went to Moira’s dressing room and returned a few moments later carrying a peacock blue taffeta dinner gown. It was a new Worth gown from their trip to Paris. The taffeta was sparsely covered in black velvet floral cutouts and wide bands of inset black lace that trailed down from the tightly fitted bodice to the long sweeping skirts and train. The lines of the gown were long and simple in the newest fashion. There were delicate black lace sleeves and some lace around the neckline as well, but the bodice was very low. The gown would flatter Moira’s outrageous figure and coloring perfectly but Moira had never had the gumption to wear it so daring was the cut and neckline.
Moira’s eyes widened as she took in Eve’s knowing grin. “Do you think…?”
Eve nodded enthusiastically, adding, “And I have the most perfect sapphire necklace to go with it.”
“You mean the big one that sits right between…?” Moira pointed with a finger.
“That’s the one! Come let’s get you changed!”
Moira nodded. Yes, perhaps it was time she took matters into her own hands.
Chapter 8
I don't need a friend who changes when I change
and who nods when I nod;
my shadow does that much better.
~ Plutarch
“Vincent MacKintosh! What do you think you are doing?”
Lying back on his bed where he spent the last two hours staring at the ceiling, Vin turned to find a fiery angel scolding him from the doorway.
Good God, if he thought Moira looked beautiful that afternoon, it was nothing compared to the way she looked now! Her auburn locks were gathered loosely on top of her head with little spirals hanging down to tickle her white shoulders. Those soft, white shoulders were left bared by whimsical black lace sleeves that hung off their edges. The paleness of her skin contrasted with the brilliant blue gown she wore, which caught the light of the fire highlighting just how tightly it was wrapped about her.
It clung to her hourglass figure, gloriously full on top and sweeping in deeply before flaring out over her generous hips. Her breasts were nearly pushed up over the top of the gown where a large sapphire nestled between them drawing his eye to her cleavage.
My God, he thought again, time had changed her! He cursed himself for his baser thoughts before covering his eyes once again to block out the enthralling image. He was appalled by his reaction. Clearly, he had spent too much time in captivity and without a woman if one of his closest friends could inspire such a rush of lust.
“I repeat, what are you doing?” the vision repeated, moving farther into the room to glare down at him. “Your entire family has been waiting downstairs for almost an hour!”
“I can’t do it!” he mumbled into his arm.
“What do you mean you ‘can’t do it’?” Moira scolded, forgetting that she was supposed to be soft and alluring. “They are your family! Your brothers! Fiona! Think of how much this will mean to them!”
“Moira!” Vin peeked out again to find Moira leaning over him, her bountiful bosom closer now and just spilling over the edge of that gown. He groaned again, biting back the unwelcome arousal that sliced through him. Damn! How long had it been? His self-abasing chuckle won out over his fears and worries and he welcomed the distraction from the torment that had been plaguing his mind for the past two hours. Years. Many, many years since he’d had a woman and even longer since he’d seen true beauty. While the sheer loveliness of Eve and Kitty had numbed his mind, Moira’s glory staggered him. She was magnificent! And those breasts! When had she gotten those? Even when he’d first noticed her blossoming at sixteen; her bosom hadn’t been this tempting. He just wanted to reach out and cup them in his palms.
Damn, but he needed to get out soon and find a body to slake his lust on before he offended her! Vin hadn’t wanted sex since his return or perhaps for even years before that, but his body must be healing well as it was roaring back to life with a sudden vengeance.
“Come one, Vin! Get up!”
I am up, he thought but drew his thoughts back to his dilemma. “I can’t, lovey.”
“Why ever not?”
Vin heaved himself to sit on the edge of the bed, careful not to look too far up the brilliant gown lest he become distracted once again. This was Moira MacKenzie. He had told her so much in his letters that he never told another, things he couldn’t begin to talk about with another. Her letters had always been kind and compassionate and Vin long felt as if she understood him. That he could tell her anything. He wanted to tell her so many things but words were an extraordinary thing these days and difficult to compose.
“I’m not the same, Moira,” was all he said.
“And you think they won’t understand that?” she replied perceptively. When he nodded, Moira pulled her short train aside and sat next to him on the bed. After a moment’s hesitation, she took his hand between hers. His palm was rough against hers but she savored the feel as she studied his face. There was no humor there any longer. His once dancing eyes were serious. He had not yet smiled fully that she noticed. Vin almost looked incapable of such a thing so serious was his expression.
Yes, life had treated him badly and there was no doubt that he carried many more scars than those he bore on the outside, but he was alive. He needed to understand the importance of that. “You have changed, Vin. What you have gone through, what you’ve experienced has left you a different man than you once were.”
Vin released a breath and felt some tension loosen from his shoulders. He knew she would understand. Moira had always known him so well. Even as a child she’d been able to look right into him and see things no one else did. She knew when he’d done wrong, when he lied, when he was hiding something. In the years since Jason died, Vin had forgotten what it felt like to just be with someone who knew him. A friend. He had been dead in a sense for many years having no one to care for or have care for him. A welcome rush of feeling flooded him and Vin squeezed her fingers looking down at their entwined hands.
Her white hand looked ghostly pale and frail in his larger, darker one. It was silky soft where his was calloused. Cool, comforting in his. Not only had he forgotten what it was like to have someone who knew his mind, he had nearly forgotten what it was like to touch the flesh of another whether for comfort or affection. Vin had experienced it ever so briefly with Francis in London, but this gentle touch of a woman’s skin! How splendid it was to savor that feeling once more! Flesh against flesh. He closed his eyes, relishing the moment.
“Vin, look at me,” she commanded, recalling him to their conversation, and he raised his eyes to meet her warm brown gaze. He felt the force of it down to his soul. “You have changed, but so has everyone else. We all have. That is life. You take what life has dealt you, absorb it into yourself and it changes you for good or bad. But you can’t hide from it. I have hidden for years and now I regret it. I won’t let you do the same.”
“But to go down there and see them all.” The very thought of the chaos was enough to make Vin’s head ache, but it wasn’t just the noise he worried about, but rather that they would see the changes in him. That they would see and be disappointed.
“I’ll admit your family is a hard pill to swallow all at once,” Moira’s lip lifted slightly, “but your brothers, every single on
e of them are different men now because of what life has dealt them. Including what your death had dealt them. You might not even recognize who they are any more. You’ll have to get to know them again as they will you. No one expects you to be the same person, because no one remains unchanged by time.”
Vin digested her words, shaking his head in denial and saw the light change in her eyes. “You think they’ll be disappointed in you, don’t you?”
He couldn’t believe that she’d hit the nail right on the head so quickly but knew he shouldn’t be surprised. That was Moira. He’d often thought she must be able to see into his very mind, so perceptive were her letters.
“My God, Vin,” she uttered with a measure of disgust that surprised him, having expected her sympathy. “Do you honestly think that after discovering you are alive that any one of them will be disappointed in you? I know you are not that big of a fool!”
Vin was a little offended. He couldn’t deny it, but before he could say anything, she drew a suddenly shaky breath and continued in a voice that became slightly tremulous with emotion. “You’re frightened. So what? Think of how good it feels to have a life again! You sit up here for days avoiding life because you’re terrified. Well, you know what? Too bad! That’s right! Too bad! You think…” She swallowed, her voice quivering, “you think of my brother and how much he would have liked to have had a chance to live life again! Think on that and then tell me that you’re going to deny the same for yourself!”
Tears sprang to her eyes and Vin could feel the pain radiating in her chest as if it were his own. “You will go down there, Vin, not only because they deserve it but because you do, too. You’ve gotten a second chance at life. You are the lucky one! And I’m not going to let what you’ve experienced keep you from living once more. In fact, it’s even more reason to get out there and truly live. You owe it to Jace and you owe it to yourself. And, I swear to God, you’ll come down there and do it, Vin MacKintosh, if I have to drag you down every one of those bloody stairs myself!”
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