Moira studied Vin miserably. What was wrong with him? Could he truly not see it? Feel it? How could he look at her and not know? She frowned intensely. “I’m not married, Vin.”
Satisfaction burst inside of him. Moira wasn’t married at all! It shouldn’t gladden him but it did. Then Vin stared into her wide brown eyes, seeing the intensity there, the message in them, but not understanding. She was trying to tell him something, he knew, but what? Feeling a sudden burst of remorse, he felt he finally understood. “Widowed then?”
Moira just shook her head wistfully, knowing beyond doubt—once again—that Vin would simply never see her as a woman who loved him. He would never read the love in her eyes as more than friendship. He would never see her spinster state as a sign that she had waited for him for all these years. All the low-cut gowns and physical seduction in the world were not going to change that. “I have never married, Vin.”
“I have been hoping to change her mind, however,” Harry added, slipping an arm around her waist and drawing her to his side. Moira only gazed up at him in a manner that somehow seemed…sad? Vin’s lips turned down in a frown. A frown that deepened when the marquis brushed a light kiss at her temple though the man’s eyes were dancing with challenge as they met Vin’s. The fellow shouldn’t be kissing her like that if they weren’t married.
“Moira has been living here with us these past nine months, Vin,” Eve explained, noting the scowl on her brother-in-law’s face and feeling encouraged by it. “I am planning on sponsoring her for a London Season in the spring.”
“You live here?” he echoed, wondering how he could have missed that in the many days he’d been back.
“Her room is a floor above your own,” Eve added, earning a warning look from Moira but she just shrugged innocently.
She was beginning to think if Vin were ever going to act on the attraction he clearly felt for Moira, he would need a little push and a big shove. Let him think about her sleeping there. Let him wonder.
Moira shoved away her annoyance with both Vin and Eve and turned to Harry pasting a cheerful smile on her lips. “Shall we then?”
“Isn’t it too cold for you to be riding?” he protested before he realized the thought had even formed.
The smile that she shot him was tight and false. “I’m a Highland lass, Vin, born and bred. A wee bit of cold merely livens the spirit.” She took Harry’s arm firmly and pulled him toward the door, ignoring the taunting smile her escort threw back at Vin before he came along more willingly.
It wasn’t until they were atop their horses and trotting down Prince’s Street from Carlton Terrace and toward the Queen’s Park where they might have a run that Moira directed her glare at him. “What was all that about, Harry Brudenall?”
“I’ve decided that I’m going to be the best friend I know how to be, Moira my darling,” he told her with a jaunty smile.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“I’m going to help you land your errant love.”
Moira drew up her horse so suddenly that it nearly reared up beneath her. Regaining quick control, she stared at her suitor in astonishment. “What are you talking about? I thought you were courting me? I thought you wanted to marry me?”
Harry’s handsome face sobered as he urged his horse into a walk once more, forcing Moira to follow. “Moira, darling girl, I want you to understand this very clearly. I need to marry and I’d like to marry you. Alas I also want to marry a woman who might love me one day and who I might love in return. And while the latter has definite possibilities, the former has presented cause for concern.”
“Harry,” she sniffed with exasperation. “I do love you.”
“You said as much already,” he agreed. “And again, while I believe your declaration holds some truth, it isn’t romantic love.” He held up a hand to halt her protest. “I’m not saying it couldn’t be someday. We are an excellent pair. We get on famously but I would have to say that for the moment our feelings for each other are more friendly than amorous. Don’t you agree?”
She stubbornly shook her head. “We’ve kissed.”
“Yes, we have. You’re a beautiful woman and if we are going to be honest with each other, then I will admit that I’d very much like to make love to you.” He waited with a wide smile while she fought down her flush of embarrassment.
“That is honest indeed.”
“Men are like that, Moira my love, we can want without the heart being involved. But my point is, with friendship and attraction and genuine liking as a basis, I could easily come to love you,” he told her.
They reached the eastern end of the Queen’s Street Park leaving the road to make their way through the trees and onto the riding trail. The distraction gave Moira a chance to formulate a response. “I feel all those things for you as well,” she argued. “How is that any different?”
“This might extend over the bounds of propriety, Moira,” Harry said. “But I want you to imagine yourself in bed with me. Go on, do it.”
Moira shifted uncomfortably on her horse, fraught with embarrassment. It was one thing to imagine kisses and enjoy those kisses in reality but it was quite another to carry those imaginations further. Surely, she had always been outspoken on physical issues and had teased Eve mercilessly on the topic when she first acted on her attraction to Francis. She even had books that she had snuck from her father’s library depicting the act in hundreds of different ways and had studied them thoroughly, but Moira was still an innocent. Furthermore, any imaginings she’d ever had of that nature had always had but one man at their center.
Kicking her horse into a gallop, Moira denied the truth and sped down the path feeling the wind pulling at her hat and the cold January winds biting at her cheeks. She didn’t want to want Vin any longer. Despite Harry’s words, she felt certain that Vin did not see her romantically. She wasn’t certain he saw any woman romantically. Sexually, yes, but not tenderly. Not with love. Moira was well aware of the past. She’d heard enough stories about Glenrothes’ first marriage ~ and how Vanessa had tried to seduce Vin when he was barely a man himself ~ to understand how Vin viewed women. He’d not waver in that outlook no matter what anyone said.
“You see,” Harry said triumphantly when she finally slowed and they turned back up toward the east. “You haven’t yet come to that point with me and it is because you’ve held back from fully committing to me. I thought about this all night, Moira, and I know I’m right. It is because of Vincent MacKintosh. You love him.”
“No, Harry. I don’t want to any longer. He doesn’t think of me that way at all anyway. He wants a friend, right now he needs one and I want to be there for him…as a friend. But he doesn’t love me as I want to be loved, Harry. The way I think you could. The way we could be together,” she insisted desperate not to see her plan for the future washed away.
“And I think you’re running to me because you’re afraid of him,” Harry shot back, hitting the crux of the problem straight on. “I care for you, Moira, but I don’t want to be a second choice or a back-up plan. If you’re going to marry me, I want it to be on my merits alone, not for any other reason.”
“You have wonderfully attractive merits, Harry! Not the least of which is that you can actually imagine me in your bed. Vin sees me as nothing but a little girl, as a friend, not a lover.” That realization was still hard to accept and Moira bit her lips against the burn of tears at her eyes.
“You think he sees you the way I think you see me,” he said softly. “But you are wrong, Moira. He sees you as a woman. I think everyone in that room was aware of it but you and Vin. The countess sees it, I guarantee it. Ask her if you don’t believe me.”
“He doesn’t…”
“He does. I wish he didn’t but, if you’ll excuse the crudity, the man had you stripped bare with his eyes the moment you walked through the door,” Harry explained. “At the theater the other night, I believe he wanted to pummel me for every moment I touched you…at least those moments
when he wasn’t staring at you.”
Though her heart leapt at his words, Moira could only shake her head. “You’re wrong. Even if Vin…wants me, it’s only because he’s been in prison for the past five years. Any woman would appeal to him right now.”
“He didn’t look at the countess that way.”
“Only because his brother would kill him if he did,” came her quick retort.
Harry threw back his head and laughed aloud. “You’re a precious treasure, Moira, but extremely stubborn. I’ll make a bet with you then. I will wager that I can prod your Vin into a fit of jealousy within a fortnight if not sooner.”
“And when you lose?” she questioned, sure that Vin would never feel jealousy over her in two week’s time when he hadn’t managed it in a lifetime.
“If I lose and I know that you have truly let him go in your heart, then we will marry and live happily ever after,” he flashed her a roguish grin. “You see? I win either way. One way I see a good friend gain her heart’s desire and the other I will gain mine.”
“I wouldn’t want to see you hurt, Harry,” she said solemnly.
“You won’t, my love,” he returned in kind. “I’m not a jealous man, nor a greedy one. Some would even say that I am too blithe to have a possessive heart. We would have a good life together, Moira. I’ve no doubt about it, but—how can I say this without being unkind?”
“I’m not the one and only person you could have a good life with,” she dully finished for him, feeling her spirits dip even farther with this further proof that her hopes were crumbling with every moment. “I wouldn’t break your heart because I don’t own it.”
“Yes,” the marquis frowned a bit. “I suppose that’s right. Though it doesn’t sound very good when you put it like that.”
“We’re friends, Harry,” said Moira. “That is why neither of us could ever break the other’s heart.”
“And Vin is more than a friend and that’s why he can,” he finished for her. “I will help you win him, Moira. I promise you.” They walked their horses back up Prince’s Street in silence while Moira mulled over his words and their conversation. It was difficult to grasp that while Harry cared for her, he did not love her. But it didn’t break her heart. It didn’t crush her the way one dismissive glance from Vin might, but Moira had always known those feelings were very diverse from each other. As much as she might hate it and wish it would just go away making life much simpler, she loved Vin…no matter how oblivious he might be to her feelings.
Chapter 15
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
~ Mark Twain
Moira spent the remainder of their ride trying to decide whether she should be more put out with Harry than she was and more upset over the fact that he did not truly love her than she was. While she was glad that her obvious affection for Vin hadn’t hurt Harry, it still saddened her to see her dreams for a happy contented future slip so easily away from her. But it would all work out, Moira reassured herself. Despite Harry’s assurance that he could bring Vin around, Moira had seen with her own eyes this morning how little Vin thought of her romantically. He had thought her married to Harry already! What more could the actual deed do?
They arrived at the Glenrothes mews and Harry jumped off his horse and came to her side to help her dismount. A little smile lit his eyes as he looked beyond her before he grinned up at her devilishly.
“Ah!” Harry said as he reached up to grasp her around the waist. “Here is the first moment to test my theory. Behold! Richard, Haddington and your oblivious knight approach.” He jerked his head slightly to the left. “No! Don’t look. Just allow me. Let’s give him something to look at, shall we?”
Moira sniffed. “I hardly think he’d notice.”
“It’s for nothing if there is not effort, my love.” He picked her up from the saddle and slowly lowered her to the ground before him with a waggle of his brows and a look so sickeningly adoring that Moira was hard-pressed not to laugh. Harry bent his head and pressed his lips against her ear. “He glares at me with murder in his eyes as I whisper sweet-nothings in your ear, Moira darling. If you cannot see that, I think you might be as blind as he.”
Harry stepped back and brushed a light kiss across her lips before deepening it, holding it for a moment. “Now you may look.”
Moira turned to find Richard and Jack leading their mounts into the mews, but Vin was still astride and, yes, glaring down at Harry. Blushing deeply, she tried to take a step away from Harry but he held her firmly by the hand.
“Ah, good day, gentlemen. How was your ride this fine morning? Good that the rain has stopped but still chilly, yes?”
Jack came over and held out his hand for Aylesbury to shake. “Aylesbury! Good to see you again!”
Richard smiled down at Moira as he, too, shook the marquis’ hand. “Join us for luncheon, won’t you? I think I’d be very interested to hear what you’ve been up to. I’m certain Eve won’t mind.”
“Indeed, I shall if Lady Moira wants me to. Do you, my love?” Harry raised a questioning brow.
“I’m sure you’ll do as you please, Harry.” Moira shook her head with a reluctant smile.
“Shall we?” he held out an arm.
“I shall follow,” Moira said. “You know that Evie likes to make sure that her Angel is well taken care of after a ride.”
“Shall I wait?”
“No, go ahead. I’ll need to change before luncheon anyway.” Moira waved them off and turned leading Eve’s massive black Frisian, Angel, into the stables, aware that Vin had dismounted and was following her. She could feel the heat of his eyes on her as if he were touching her and she wanted him to. Wanted to feel his kiss again as she had last night. This time, however, she wanted him to be aware of it as well.
Vin trailed after the long train of Moira’s riding habit like a hound puppy being trained to hunt by waving a rabbit before it. Swish. The skirts danced to the left and right as she walked and he followed like a hound on the scent. Why couldn’t he stop? Why did the sight of that rake Aylesbury kissing Moira set his very teeth on edge? Knowing now that he wasn’t Moira’s husband, he wanted to pound the fellow into the dirt for laying his hands on her. Vin told himself that he’d be doing what any friend might or that he was acting as her brother would if he were the one here.
The thought did not hold the ring of truth.
“Why haven’t you married yet, Moira?” he heard himself ask as he followed her into the barn. “Aylesbury is obviously game and you’re...what? Twenty-six years old now?”
After several minutes of feeling his hot gaze on her, this line of thought was the last thing Moira had expected to be questioned about. Why did she continue to hope? To listen to Eve and Harry? Because he gave her reason to, her mind argued. The look on his face when he’d seen her in Harry’s arms had seemed to hold some jealousy, hadn’t it? He hadn’t taken his eyes off her since then and it raised her optimism. By focusing so intently on her, Vin was showing his attraction.
Only to let her down again. “Twenty-seven,” she bit out through teeth set in disappointment.
“Twenty-seven then and you have truly not married yet?”
“This is all sounding strangely familiar. Have we not had this conversation before?”
“I believe we have and I am still curious why you have not wed. Do not tell me you have had no offers in all these years?” Latching on the distracting conversation, Vin wasn’t about to let it go so easily.
“There have been offers. I am, after all, now the sole heir to two of the most powerful men in Scotland,” she reminded. “I’ll be a Countess and a Marchioness in my own right one day, but I fail to see where that might concern you, Vin.”
“Come, Moira, are we not friends? Has it not always been so? There was a time when there was nothing you could not tell me.”
“There was a time.” Moira sighed in defeat as she handed Angel’s reins to a waiting stable boy and gave him instructions to his care. Walking pa
st Vin to leave the stables, Moira caught the look on his face. He looked so concerned, she thought. He did care, of course. He always had. Just as her brother had. Vin caught up with her on her way back to the Glenrothes townhouse. “If you must know, the right man has never asked me.”
“The right man?”
“The only man.”
“The same man you mentioned once before?” he asked in surprise, remembering the conversation from years past. “All these years you’ve been waiting on the same man? Have you never once told him how you feel? Aye, I ken you said you never would, but, Moira! Where is that bold outgoing lass I knew who spoke her mind and damned the consequences?”
“You do not simply tell a man you love him when his affections are not equally engaged, Vin.” Moira shrugged again, that careless little shrug of old that he was so familiar with. Vin knew from the past she only did that when she was uncomfortable and wondered why this one topic seemed to bother her so. “Besides,” she continued. “I had not seen him in some time until recently.”
“He is married then? I see.”
“No, he is not married.”
“Why not tell him then? Why not take the chance? You were once all about chances.” As a young lass, Moira had been the most daring person he’d ever known. She'd do anything; try anything just to have Jason look at her with pride. He’d never known her to back down from a challenge.
“I will not. It is not important any longer.” She shrugged and hurried ahead of him to the back door of the townhouse.
Though he had seen that gesture many times, Vin realized for the first time the pain it disguised. “You love him still?”
Moira turned at the door looked him square in the eye. “I have never stopped.”
Vincent’ chest clenched unpleasantly at the sincerity of her words. So surprised by it was he, he actually raised a hand to rub the offended area as though he could soothe away the hurt. Why did he feel so pained? Her words echoed in his mind. ‘I have never stopped.’ Moira was so in love with this unknown man that she had never married. Vincent couldn’t quite finger what it was about that upset him so and felt a fool for it.
All You Could Ask For Page 100