Esme
“What’s Tristan doing next?” Kalon asked as we went inside the house.
“He’s still looking for Valaine. Phantom and Morning are with him,” I said, settling on the sofa in the spacious living room. Floor-to-ceiling windows covered the entire eastern wall and gave us a full view of a moon rising over the island’s wavy contour.
Kalon placed an armful of logs in the fireplace and lit them. The amber flames swelled and crackled as they consumed the wood, warmth spreading through the room. He glanced my way, still crouched in front of the fire. “What about the Dieffen crew? Are they okay?”
“Yes. Well, they lost a lot of ghouls, but they’re headed back to Orvis. Ridan was the only one who got knocked down during the Dieffen mishap, but he’s coming to, so yes, they’re okay. For the most part, anyway.”
“And you?”
The question caught me off guard. Kalon stood and walked over to the sofa, kneeling on the floor in front of me. He placed his hands on my knees and watched me intently for the better part of a minute.
“And me, what?” I asked, my cheeks burning hotter than the glowing embers in the fireplace. We’d been so busy fighting and surviving and trying to figure out a way to defeat the Darklings that we hadn’t had a moment to ourselves. Not really. Not the absolute privacy we had right now.
“How are you feeling?” he replied, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
“Alive, I guess. Angry. Eager to go to the world’s end in order to obliterate those Darkling monsters,” I said. “Also, a little more energized than earlier this morning. I guess getting friendly with the Seniors has had an effect on my overall mood.”
“I see. Esme, there’s something I’ve wanted to talk to you about but never quite got the chance.” His hands moved up my thighs, then settled on my hips as he leaned closer. My heart thudded, his close proximity tampering with my senses. His scent alone was enough to make my head spin. “What… what do you think will happen to us, provided we defeat the Darklings and free Valaine?”
“To us? As in, us the… couple?” I could barely hear myself at this point.
He chuckled softly. “I’m glad you see us that way. Yes, us the couple.”
“I… I don’t know. I’m not sure, Kalon, but I do know I don’t want us to part ways. I’d like to try to be something together,” I murmured, my chest suddenly too small for my frantically beating heart. Kalon’s question demanded my honesty, and that meant stripping my own soul down to its purest form for him. It meant telling him everything I felt, even if it made me feel vulnerable. “I’ve never been in love before, and I’m still learning how to deal with it, so… maybe we can be together when it’s all over.”
“What if I’m left mortal?” Kalon asked.
“I could turn you. We talked about this.”
He nodded once. “You’re right. Yes, we talked about this. Would you live here with me, or would you want me to come with you?”
This one was much tougher to answer. It was a good question, but I wasn’t sure I had the right answer for him. We inched closer to one another—the movement so slight as to be almost imperceptible—until barely a breath remained between our lips.
“Anywhere would be home if I’m with you,” Kalon said before I could formulate a response. “If you want me to leave Visio, I will. With a family like mine, there isn’t much left for me here. I’ll go wherever you are.”
“We could always have a home here and one in The Shade, where I’m from,” I said quietly. “I’ve never really considered myself bound to one particular place, since I travel so much.”
His smile faded. “What if we lose? What if the Darklings win, and Valaine is stuck here under the seal? What will we do then?”
The thought was enough to send shivers down my spine. I wasn’t ready to accept the possibility of such a colossal failure. Not when we had so much riding on a potential victory. I couldn’t see myself walking away from Visio or leaving the Unending to suffer any longer. She had been stuck in this ten-millennia cycle for five million years, since she’d first arrived here. There was too much evil, too many things wrong with this place for me to just walk away, and I doubted GASP would even consider backing off now.
Had it not been for the Unending’s presence, perhaps we might’ve considered retreating and abandoning Visio, but the Spirit Bender had done so much harm to this world, and I couldn’t let the Darklings continue to inflict the same kind of damage. It would only end in greater tragedy.
“Let me ask you something else,” I said. “Unending has been here for five million years. How do you see Visio in another five million if the Darklings win and keep the Unending bound in her ten-thousand-year cycle?”
Kalon exhaled sharply and sat on the couch next to me. “Whoa, that’s a tough one. The Aeternae birth rate is low. The Black Fever claims more and more lives with every cycle. In another five million years, I think the empire will be gone. The Rimians and the Naloreans will eventually outnumber us, and that’ll be the end of Visio. I don’t think they’ll ever wipe us out, but we’ll be very lonely.”
“Do you think that’s the most likely outcome?”
“Yes. The Darklings won’t stop killing the Unending’s reincarnation. However, like I said, the Black Fever takes more lives as it returns. The balance between those who die and those who are born is broken. Eventually, there will probably be just a handful of Darklings left, struggling to live on an empty planet.”
“That’s a very sad future,” I managed, my eyes stinging as I considered the prospect.
What an empty world it would be. Its lands lonely and homes abandoned. Cities rising in solitude, covered by dust and wild greenery. An end to Visio meant the gradual death of too many innocent people. Whichever way we looked at it, those who didn’t deserve misery would suffer the most.
“I just can’t see myself leaving Visio like this,” I said. “I will do whatever it takes to destroy the Darklings, at the very least. Maybe if they’re not around to torment the Unending through this senseless cycle, she might remember who she is, and the First Tenners will have an easier time setting her free. I mean, that’s the whole point of what we’re doing, after all.”
Kalon’s arm stretched around my shoulders. He pulled me close, and I was hypnotized by the smoldering look in his eyes. “You won’t leave Visio until you win,” he concluded. “That’s what you’re trying to tell me.”
“Failure just isn’t an option,” I said.
“But don’t you have a worst-case scenario? What if it all gets out of control, and your only option is to flee?”
“That’s a hard thing to even think about,” I replied.
“Think about it, though. I’d like to know what you would do in that situation.”
“Why, Kalon?”
He took a moment to look at me, his gaze softening. “Because I’d like to know if you’d be willing to leave me behind.”
His words almost demolished me. I had never considered this possibility. Now that he was asking me to do just that, I still couldn’t fathom that outcome. Cupping his face with both hands, I pressed my lips against his, putting all the love I had into the kiss.
“I could never leave you behind,” I whispered. “Kalon, I love you. I cannot, in good conscience, abandon you in whatever fresh hell awaits if we lose this fight against the Darklings.”
“That would essentially make me a refugee, wouldn’t it?”
“We always try to do right by people, no matter what. It’s our credo in GASP, and it’s what has made us so powerful and widespread,” I replied. His eyes searched my face, as if hoping to find something that might confirm everything I’d just said. Only then did I understand his underlying insecurity. He feared losing me more than anything. It made my heart sing a most profound and tear-inducing song.
Kalon had always come across as self-sufficient, perhaps even a little arrogant and overconfident. But now he was trying to tell me that he didn’t want us to ever b
e apart, no matter what came next. I felt the same way, so how could I tell him no?
“Esme, I love you. Perhaps more than I thought possible. I’ve done wrong by you. I’ve lied. I’ve kept secrets. But I love you, and I only want to make it all right. That being said, I’ve also been taught to be pragmatic and to consider failure… it’s why I’m asking you these things. I want to know that you’ll do everything you can so we can be together, because I know I will sure as hell be doing my damnedest—”
I kissed him. There were no words left in me to reassure him about how I felt and what I was willing to do in order for us to be a couple. But I could show him, so I surrendered myself to him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled myself up and straddled him on the couch, my knees sinking into the soft cushions. His lips parted, and he welcomed me fully.
Our tongues clashed, our hearts opened wide, and we fell in love with each other all over again. His hands traveled lazily up and down my back, tracing the dips along my spine. The white silk slipped off my shoulders, leaving only the fabric of my shirt and jeans that I wore underneath.
“You’re either going to be the beginning or the end of me,” Kalon said, his fangs grazing my lower lip. We were rapidly descending into something incredibly intense and arousing. I traced a faint line along the side of his neck, his skin smooth and perfect.
“Why not both?” I threw my head back as he kissed my throat, his tongue teasing its way onto my bare shoulder. I hadn’t even realized my shirt was already gone. My hands had been busy removing his white silk cover and unbuttoning his tunic.
Things escalated quickly as we abandoned ourselves to the night. He got up, and I moved with him, unwilling to let go. I helped remove his tunic, revealing his bare chest and marveling at his beautifully toned muscles. Every curve, every angle, every little shadow revealed the physique of an amazing Aeternae man who’d fallen in love with me, and who I loved more than I’d ever thought possible.
Our souls were dancing—gradually intertwining and melting—as he carried me upstairs where the sumptuous bedroom awaited us. Outside, strings were plucked. People danced. Some giggled while others cheered. Bonfire light danced across the ceiling as Kalon lay me on the bed and kissed me ravenously.
“Whatever you are, I’ll take it,” he muttered, gently nipping my shoulder before he moved down. I closed my eyes for a moment, allowing the sensations of his kisses to take over. There was only darkness and the feel of his mouth on my body.
He peeled off my jeans, and I heard the rest of our garments fall to the floor as the music was amplified beyond the bedroom window. I opened my eyes to find him on top of me, his weight pressing against me as we both dissolved into the mattress.
“I’ll take it all,” he said, and we kissed once more.
We made love, Kalon cherishing me and worshipping my body in ways that were entirely new to me. Tears leaked from my eyes as he held me tight, our hearts meeting somewhere at the center of the cosmos itself.
“I love you, Esme.” His voice echoed in my very soul.
I love you, too, I wanted to say. But the words never came. Only a gasp of pure pleasure left my throat. And as we came down from the clouds, once again feeling the delicate linen sheets against our skin, we understood…
Nothing would ever tear us apart. Nothing.
Tristan
We spent hours looking for Valaine. Nothing.
Only trees and deafening silence and creatures fleeing from our path. But we were on the right track. I could feel it in my bones. Morning and Phantom were able to follow the energy trails Valaine left behind. Despite the mounting search, she was nowhere in sight.
It made it easy for me to succumb to despair and anger. Constantly cursing under my breath, I never stopped looking around and paying attention to every shadow that dared move in our vicinity.
“She’s made it pretty far,” Morning said, her lips pressing into a thin, frustrated line.
“We must be at least forty miles from Orvis,” Phantom replied, occasionally checking her scythe. The blade’s glow faded sometimes as she used it to track her long-lost sister. My heart ached, wondering what Valaine thought and felt in every moment that passed. Her grief had nearly cut me in half prior to her running away. I could only imagine how she was coping now, all by herself.
“Are we getting any closer?” I asked.
Phantom gave me an apologetic look. “I don’t think so.”
“Where the hell did she go?” I snapped, dangerously close to losing whatever self-control I had left. “Why can’t we find her?”
“She doesn’t want to be found. But don’t you feel it?” Morning replied. I glanced her way. She seemed to know more than she was saying.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“The pain. Don’t you feel it, Tristan?”
“I’m having some trouble distinguishing between mine and hers right now,” I retorted, in no mood for any of that cryptic talk.
She walked over and gripped my shoulders. We’d stopped in the middle of the forest, surrounded only by gnarly old trees and swollen bushes. Dried leaves covered the ground in shades of amber and ruby-brown. “Take a deep breath,” Morning said. “Clear your mind and focus on what you’re feeling. Stop worrying about her. Stop wondering where she is. Tell me how you feel.”
It took me a moment, but I was able to make out the searing pain that had settled in the pit of my stomach. I’d confused it for emotional discomfort until I realized it wasn’t all mine. Someone else’s suffering was echoing there too. Two similar emotions crammed into my one body.
“What is this?” I muttered, gawking at Morning.
“You two are bound on an emotional level, Tristan. She’s given you a part of herself without even realizing it,” she said. “What you’re feeling, what is actually guiding Phantom’s scythe is you. You’re our guide to the Unending.”
“She has feelings for you,” Phantom added. “She doesn’t even know that she has imprinted on you on such a deep level.”
“I’m feeling her pain?” I managed, my throat tightening. I would’ve given anything to make it all stop. What I felt was merely a fraction of what Valaine was going through.
“Yes. And the stronger it is, the closer we are,” Phantom replied.
“Which is why I need you to clear your head,” Morning said. “My sister’s scythe follows you, but your mind is a mess with all kinds of worries, and you’re not focusing properly. Release everything else and settle on the Unending’s pain inside you. It’ll speed things along. I promise.”
My gaze darted around as I tried to do as she’d asked. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even realize I was such a mess.”
“You couldn’t have. You love her, and you want her to be free and happy, which is exactly what she’s not, at this point,” Morning said. “I trust you, Tristan. It’s your love for her that will get us through this.”
I pushed myself into a place where nothing dwelled. A hidden part of me I’d saved for moments such as this, where I’d seek refuge from anything that was simply too much. I followed the thread inside my consciousness through a narrowing labyrinth until I reached a small, dark chamber. Closing my eyes, I could even see it.
There was no ceiling, and the walls seemed to rise forever. But it didn’t matter. It was quiet, and I could finally hear my thoughts subside. Identifying two different waves of pain, I tried to understand the difference between them. Mine was a red ribbon. I raised a hand, and Morning’s voice guided me forward.
“Can you feel your own pain?” she asked.
“Yes. It’s red. Bright. Shimmering.” What I was seeing now reminded me of how sentries like Harper and Serena had described the emotions they were reading off people. I wasn’t like them, but I could certainly see how we were all connected across the fabric of life and whatever lay beyond.
“What about the other?” Morning replied.
The second ribbon flowed in a bright golden shade, as though it had been woven from the f
inest organza thread. It captured the light and the darkness alike, and I felt it running through me like a solitary river. “That’s her,” I said. “The Unending. I can feel her.”
“Move, then. Don’t open your eyes. Just follow the pain.”
I felt the cold metal of a scythe pressed against my skin, though I couldn’t see anything other than the two ribbons. I walked through the room, and the walls pulled back, revealing an endless black. I hesitated, unsure where it might lead me. My crimson ribbon ended somewhere ahead. I could see it flailing in the nothingness.
But the gold ribbon kept going, so I reached out and touched it. My whole being vibrated, and every inch of me hurt. I didn’t let go, moving with it instead. Before I could register any significant change around me, all that was left was the gold ribbon. I followed its glimmering line, feeling Morning and Phantom close by my side.
Shapes emerged ahead. Trees surrounding some kind of clearing.
“Tristan, open your eyes,” Morning whispered. Oddly enough, the pain grew hotter inside me as I approached the tree silhouettes.
The real world waited. My eyes peeled open, and I found myself standing in the middle of an actual clearing. I hadn’t imagined it. The Nightmare Forest had pulled back in a small circle, only… something was off. All the trees were dead, their bark blackened and rotten. Black leaves crinkled on the ground. Life had left this place, and death was spreading in its wake like ink spilled on a blank sheet of paper, soaking in and expanding.
Valaine hovered on the southern edge. She was at least a couple of feet above the forest floor. That wasn’t even the worst part. Her eyes were wide open and black—empty and devoid of any emotion. Darkness glowed from within her, and she looked as though she’d been carved from raw obsidian.
A Shade of Vampire 83: A Bender of Spirit Page 18