Think! Dive in? The fear he’d carried his entire life caved in on him. Instantly he was back at the beach as a kid being held under. No, he couldn’t save Logan that way, but he’d find another answer.
Logan was a good swimmer, hadn’t he said that? And his life jacket would keep him above the water, right? He just needed to get his bearings, and he could get to the back of the boat and climb on board. Then the sea in front of Parker lit up like God had flipped a switch on the sun. It was Fredricks’s spotlight, trained on the ocean exactly where it should be.
“Can you see him?” Fredricks’s voice cut through the storm.
“No! But keep—” Parker was cut off as a wave crashed into his back, thrust his stomach into the railing, and bent him over double. The blow almost knocked the wind out of him. He shook himself and scanned the surface of the water where he’d last seen Logan.
Finally Logan’s head broke the surface, but five feet farther away. His life jacket had been torn off of him and floated fifteen feet away. No! Logan’s mouth opened wide and gasped for air. His arms flailed and he went back under. An instant later he surfaced and jerked his head violently back and forth, searching for his life jacket. The spotlight had to be shining down in order to see the captain, but it seemed to be disorienting Logan.
“Logan. This way!”
Parker doubted his words would slice through the torrential rain and the roar of the black waves, but he couldn’t stop trying. He screamed louder. If there was even a slight possibility Logan could hear his cries and get his bearings, he’d torch his voice to do it.
A wave crested and again Logan vanished from Parker’s sight. No. This couldn’t happen. A second later relief flooded Parker. The wave sank, and Logan was still there—above the surface, trying to swim toward the boat in long, slow strokes. Yes! But his relief was short-lived as he realized the current was slowly pushing Logan farther away. And time would soon run out, because Logan’s core body temperature had to be dropping fast. How much longer before his arms and legs went numb? Two minutes? Less?
Logan went under for a third time. A line from grade school flashed through Parker’s mind. “The third time someone goes under means they’re about to drown.” Was it an old wives’ tale? It didn’t matter if it was three, or four, or five. Parker had to do something. Logan wasn’t going to make it on his own. Parker whipped his gaze up to the wheelhouse. Yes, that was it. Logan’s only chance was for Parker to switch places with Dawson so he could get into the water and rescue Logan.
“Dawson!” Parker screamed the name with all his strength, then took a faltering step toward the wheelhouse, but before he could take another, a wave crashed over the side and tossed him to the back of the boat. Dawson turned and riveted his gaze on Parker. The man didn’t have to say a word; Parker read it in the wiry man’s eyes. Even if Parker could make it up to the wheel, he’d never driven a boat like this one. His inexperience meant the boat would likely go over in minutes. More likely in seconds. Time seemed to stop as he accepted the truth. Switching places with Dawson would only get them all killed. He’d never worked a spotlight, so switching with Fredricks was probably a bad idea as well. Plus, it would take time that the captain didn’t have. Either he would go in after Logan, or no one would.
“Logan, hang on! Just a little longer.” A little longer? Yeah, right. Hang on for what? He was going to come up with a plan in the next ten seconds that would save the day?
He had to get to the life jackets. Stupid not to grab one when he first came out. Upper deck. Had to get there somehow. Fight the rocking of the ship, fight through the waves crashing over the side. Grab two jackets and fight his way back. Stop it!
The thoughts were only stall tactics, his fear tossing out reasons that would only delay his taking action. Parker scrambled to his feet and scanned the deck. There! He staggered over to a long, thick rope nestled next to the wheelhouse. Next to it was a life preserver. He snatched up the ring, slung the end of the rope through it, and tied a knot he prayed would hold. Parker lashed the other end of the rope to a cleat on deck and crawled up the railing. This had to work.
He whipped his head back toward the spot he’d last seen Logan. A second later Logan surfaced and relief flooded Parker. But it vanished just as quickly as it had come because the panic that had been in Logan’s eyes earlier had faded. A strange calm had settled on his face, almost as if he accepted he was going to drown. He spun in the water as if trying to spot the boat, maybe to say a last goodbye to his vessel.
“No! Fight it, Logan!”
As the words dropped into the sea, a thought flashed into Parker’s mind.
Save him. Jump in and save him.
“Arrghhhh!”
Terror crawled in at the stem of his brain and painted images of him drowning alongside Logan.
Save him. Now.
Then another voice in his head joined the first.
It’s suicide. You’ll panic the instant you hit the water. You’ll suck in water like you did as a kid and the darkness will take you. Joel can’t come to the rescue this time.
Parker clutched the railing and screamed, “Joel would jump!”
You’re not Joel. Besides, that’s the kind of thinking that got him killed. Why kill yourself too, trying to save a man who’s treated you like he has?
Then the other voice again, softer this time. Go. Save him.
What, you think saving this guy will impress your dad? Finally make him love you as much as he loved Joel? Not going to happen. So do you really want to die trying to save a man like him? This isn’t your story—it’s his.
He gripped the railing harder, leaned forward into the punishing wind. The truth? No, he didn’t want his life to end. Didn’t want to die for Logan. And no, saving Logan wouldn’t impress his dad enough. Nothing would ever be enough.
Yes, that’s it. Let it go. You can simply tell the others he went under and never surfaced again. Don’t be a fool.
But then that other voice sounded in his head like a cymbal. You only have seconds left to decide.
“Decide what?”
Who you are.
“What?”
Are you a man who decides his worth based on what others tell him he is, or are you a man who decides who he is based on what he knows to be true at the core of his being? As you look at those waters, it doesn’t matter what Joel would do or what would impress your father. It only matters what you would do. And whatever that action is, you must choose it now.
Parker’s breaths grew ragged. Only seconds left to choose. He crawled up onto the railing and froze. What would he do? Not anyone else. Just him. Would he jump or stay?
No more time to think. Only time to choose. “God, what do I do?”
An instant later the truth struck him like lightning. The answer wasn’t in him saving Logan or not saving Logan. It was in letting go of having to prove himself to anyone and stepping into who he truly was. And who was that? He knew. Parker Moore was a man who couldn’t let another drown without a fight.
Parker grabbed the rope, stood for a second on the railing. The fear of drowning pressed down on him like a block of granite. The images of being held under as a kid assaulted him again.
“I’m not ready to die,” Parker shouted at the waves.
But for the first time in his life, he knew who he was, so he clutched the rope tight and leaped out over the dark waters.
forty-seven
PARKER HIT THE WATER AND went under, and the icy cold bit into him like a thousand needles. A sense of panic sliced into his mind, but he fought it down as he sputtered to the surface and whipped his head in the direction he’d last seen the captain.
“Logan!”
Yes, there he was. Thank God for Fredricks, who had both of them lit up in his spotlight. “Hang on!”
Then Logan disappeared as a wave buried Parker, and the surging water tried to yank the preserver out of his hand. But he clutched the ring tighter. The water continued to stab at his skin, but he
ignored the sensation and swam hard toward Logan. He must have looked like a man flailing in the water at his first swimming lesson, but Parker felt like he was Michael Phelps digging through the waves.
Ten seconds later he reached the area where Logan should be. He spun in a circle and the rope tightened around him. He spun back the other way to untangle himself, all the time searching frantically for any sign of Logan. There! His hat, floating right beside Parker. But no Logan. “Come on, Logan. Fight!”
Finally the man surfaced ten feet away, gasping. He went under again. Then came back up. Then under. Surfaced again. Parker dug into the water and pulled with all his strength. Seven feet. Five. He was going to make it. He kicked hard, and as he did the rope went taut. No! So close. It couldn’t end like this.
“Logan! Here!”
A mouthful of salt water gushed into his mouth as he cried out. Just like when he was a kid. The water would fill his lungs and he would . . . No! Parker hacked out the briny water and stretched out his arm for the sinking man. Inches. All he needed was twenty-four inches. But it might as well have been a football field. He could no longer see Logan.
For the second time Parker had to choose. Let go and dive down for Logan? Hope to reach him, pull him to the surface, and tow him back to the ring? If he let go of the life preserver, they both would drown. Still, there was only one choice. He sucked in a deep breath and got ready to let go.
But before he could, a thick hand latched onto his right wrist from under the water and yanked down hard. Logan. Still alive. With that movement, Parker’s grip on the life preserver came loose. Not good. Logan would pull them both under and drown both of them without realizing what he’d done.
But as Logan’s grip tightened, Parker snagged the rope around the life preserver with his forefinger and middle finger. Hang on! He had to hang on. But what good would it do either of them? He couldn’t hope to hold on to the rope for more than a few seconds, and then what?
The rope tore into his fingers. Pain ripped up from his fingers and into his hand, into his arm and shoulder, but he refused to let go. Logan surfaced, his eyes wild. He let go of Parker’s arm and grabbed for his neck and pulled hard. It forced Parker’s hand to slip down the rope, and both men started to go under. He had to make Logan let go! Parker formed a fist, reared back, and slugged Logan in the face as hard as he could. Logan’s head flopped back and his grip loosened. Parker took hold of the captain’s jacket and held on with everything he had.
Logan hacked out a series of coughs that sounded like they would split the man in two. But seconds later he grabbed Parker’s arm with both hands, and once again the weight of the bigger man pulled Parker under and he lost hold of the rope. He sucked in a mouthful of water, clawed his way to the surface, and pulled in half a breath before a wave drove him under the water again. An instant later the world went dark.
forty-eight
TWO WEEKS LATER, THE DAY Derrek returned from a trip, Allison found him alone in his office. She knocked lightly on his door. He didn’t look up. She stepped inside.
“Derrek.”
“Hello, Allison.” He glanced up, then back to a set of drawings. “How is everything with you?”
“Fine.”
“Good, good. What can I do for you?”
Dampness crept onto the palms of her hands. “I need to talk with you.”
“How long do you need?”
“Probably half an hour.”
Derrek looked at his watch. “I’m afraid I can’t do that right now.”
“I understand. I looked at your schedule in Google Drive and saw you have a full day, but you’re open at four thirty, so I’ll block off that time for us to chat.”
“What is this regarding?”
“That’s best left for the conversation.”
“Oh?” Derrek raised his chin and gave a few nods. “I see. Is there anything you can tell me to help me prepare?”
“I think it’s best if we wait.”
“Then I think it’s best if we schedule something a bit later in the week.”
“I think it’s best for both of us if we have this conversation sooner rather than later.” Allison stepped forward and placed her hands on his desk and leaned in. “There are a number of things I need to tell you. Truths I’ve learned about myself during my time here at Wright Architecture and truths about you that you need to hear.”
“Ah.” Derrek’s eyes flashed anger and worry, but only for an instant. Then he smiled and said, “In that case let’s plan on late this afternoon as you suggested, four thirty.”
“Half an hour.”
“I heard you, Allison.”
“Good to know. Thank you.”
He turned back to the drawings on his desk. “Anything else?”
“Yes. This meeting is for you and me only. No one else. And I’d like to finish all my thoughts before hearing yours.”
“If that’s what you like.” Derrek leaned back and pulled his arms across his chest. “Anything else?”
“Not as long as we’re clear on the parameters for the meeting.”
Derrek chuckled and held up his palms in mock surrender. “My, my. Aren’t we the little attorney today.”
Allison stood straight and clasped her hands behind her back. “I’ll see you at four thirty.”
She strode through Derrek’s office and spotted Linda standing at the lobby’s front desk, her jaw set tight. Little doubt she’d heard every word, but it didn’t matter. She’d locked down her time to speak with Derrek alone.
Lunchtime came and went without her stomach sounding any desire for food. At two she went to the lunchroom and heated up a bowl of soup, but after two bites she had to stop. Work on a few projects? Impossible. The thoughts in her mind continued to flit around like a frantic butterfly, and she finally gave up. Time crawled past three, then four, but finally four twenty-nine arrived and she smiled at how quickly it now felt like it had appeared. With a deep breath, she stepped out of her office and marched down the hall.
forty-nine
PARKER WOKE WITH A HAIRY face hovering two feet above his.
“How you feeling, Rook?”
He opened his eyes just enough to spot Logan leaning over him, a huge grin splitting his face.
“I’m alive?” he rasped.
“Yep. So am I. Fun swim, huh? Good times had by all. Dawson says you wanted to go for at least one lap before the season ended, so I’m glad we could take care of that request for you. Can you sit up, Rook?”
Parker tried and found it easier than he’d expected. Dawson and Fredricks stood a few feet back from his bed. Abraham sat beside Parker’s bunk with a wad of thick white gauze wrapped around his head. The boat still rocked, but at a fraction of what it had done during the worst of the storm.
“Yeah, fun swim.” Parker’s lungs felt like they were on fire—memories of his childhood tide pool swim resurfacing—and breathing exacerbated the pain, but he was indeed alive.
Logan sat back in another chair inches from Parker’s bed. He pointed his finger at Parker and nodded as the tiniest hint of a smile played at the corners of his mouth. Logan didn’t speak. His eyes said more than enough—that he wouldn’t be alive if not for Parker, that he was grateful, and that whatever impenetrable steel wall had stood between them had been shattered.
“You’re okay, Abe?” Parker studied his friend.
Abraham nodded.
“How did we get back to the boat?”
Logan rested his arms on his lap, the big man’s eyes full of wonder. “Why did you do it, Rook? Risk yourself to save me?”
“I don’t know.” But he did know. There was never truly an option not to go. And in that moment he’d proven his worth. As he let the knowledge wash over him, peace flooded in.
Logan folded his arms. “Abraham always says there’s no greater deed than to lay down your life for a friend. So to lay down your life for an enemy, that is a truly astounding act.”
Parker stared into Logan�
��s eyes. As he did, he saw something deep in the man’s eyes that shocked him. Understanding. And dare he even think it? Friendship.
“You gonna tell me”—Logan cocked his head—“why you jumped in?”
“It wasn’t really about you. Something I had to do. For myself.”
Logan nodded. He couldn’t really know what Parker meant, but the look in the captain’s eyes said he did, and for a moment Parker believed it was true.
“Also . . .” Logan tapped his cheek, which was seriously bruised. “Nice shot.”
Parker grinned. “Thanks.”
“As soon as you feel up to it, join me out on deck. Share a cigar with the rest of us and a kick-butt bottle of scotch.”
Ten minutes later Parker did indeed join them, and Logan’s warmth intensified. Jokes and laughter and toasts filled the morning sky for more than two hours.
“A little bad news,” Logan said as the conversation finally lagged. He pointed at Parker and grinned. “Don’t think we’re going to be able to call you Rook any longer. Not after that stunt you pulled.”
Parker smiled. “I’ll learn to live without it.”
“Good man.” Logan stood and shuffled over to Parker. He motioned for Parker to stand, then slapped both hands on his shoulders and squeezed. “Anytime you want to come back, your spot is here.”
“I appreciate that.”
Logan nodded and strolled off. Dawson and Fredricks stood as well and both told Parker, “Well done,” before leaving him and Abraham alone on the deck.
Abe grinned at him, and when Dawson and Fredricks had pushed past the range of their voices, he said, “Almost impossible, winning Logan over to your side.”
Parker laughed and said, “My life is now complete.”
Abe threw his arm around Parker’s shoulders and shook him playfully. “What is true? What do you know now?”
“What are you talking about?”
The Pages of Her Life Page 27